THE
TUTU DOCTRINE
THE
NEW WORLD ORDER
Translated from Danish
23rd Edition
2024
PUBLISHED BY 22's SOLFOND
Free Copyright
BEYOND
REASON
THE
BRIDGE
THE
SOFTENING
OF THE STONE HEART
THE
HOLY
GRAIL
Four
fairy
tales describing one Buddhist and three Hinduistic archetypes, and The
TuTu Doctrine describing the Holy Grail
THE
AVATAR
OF SYNTHESES
THE
FIFTH DIMENSION
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
BEYOND
REASON
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
FEMININE:
THE
EMOTIONAL
Contents part 1 Contents
part 2 Contents part 3
Contents part 4
Contents part 5
While gazing at the ocean, I remembered the Master.
How God brought the two of us together is something I marvel at.
He lived in the far East, I in the high North.
One day, I was a guest of one of his servants in the North.
This visit was a result of various currents in my life.
I grew up in an atheist family,
and when I wanted to attend Sunday school to get colored scraps like
some of the other children, my parents told me that the teachers of
Sunday school talked about God, but He did not exist in Reality.
I was further told that He was created by weak souls, who were not
able to face that death is a black hole, where you sleep forever when
life is over.
When I began public school, I was told that this wasn’t true; that God
existed and was a very old man, who had lived always and that He was
good and loving and loved all people.
His name was Yahweh and He was invisible, and he spoke in a way, which
common people could not hear, so they only became aware that He was
alive because some uncommon people existed, who were able to both see
and hear Him.
I got the impression back then that there were many, like my parents,
who believed that it was something the uncommon people invented
because they were out to cheat the common people, but there were also
many who believed in them, in particular, if they were able to perform
miracles, like Moses did.
The uncommon ones said that God lived in the Heavens and from there He
looked down on Earth and kept an eye to see if people complied with
the ten important rules He had made for them.
The good ones believed in God and complied with the rules but the evil
ones did not.
God invented various ways to torment the evil ones until they became
good.
Even if you shouldn’t think so, God loved the evil ones too and you
could know that because He grieved when He had to torment them.
God thought that some of the uncommon ones were particularly good,
because they complied so much with Him that they were willing to kill
their own children if He told them to.
In return, He would kill all their enemies, that is, if they otherwise
needed to have somebody killed.
He gave special rewards to those who were so good that they chose to
side with Him above everyone else.
They did not have to think about how they would have their wishes
fulfilled because He would see to that, and in addition, they were
allowed to be together with Him in Paradise, when they died
Furthermore, I was told that Paradise was a garden in Heaven, where
they felt so wonderful that they would rather be there than anywhere
else.
But at some point in time, nobody would obey Him anyway, and therefore
He decided to kill all the people in the World except Noah and the
animals, but this did not help much either; so He still had to torment
people at regular intervals.
For example, I was told that He once sent an angel to a city to find
out, who believed in Him in this city, but only one single person did.
The believer was told to take his wife with him out of the city, and
when he had left, God killed the rest of the people in the city by
burning them up with sulfur and fire.
The wife was told not to turn around to see what God did to the people
she knew, but since she did so anyway, God had to change her into a
pillar of salt.
I was told that God also had other means to torment those, who did not
comply with Him.
Once you died, He would meet you and tell you that He knew if you had
belonged to the good ones or the evil ones, when you were alive.
If you belonged to the evil ones, He sent you to hell, where the devil
lived.
Hell was a place below the ground, and it was awful to be there,
because people were burnt with sulfur and fire all the time, like the
people in that city, which God burnt down.
The advantage of being tormented by God, while you lived, was that you
risked becoming good from it, or else you could die from it; but the
devil you only came down to after you were dead so therefore he could
go on tormenting you forever.
The devil was easy to know from all others as he always had a trident
with him and was either black or red and very ugly, and besides, he
had a tail and horns on his brow like an animal, but he was so very
sly that he had learned to make himself invisible or hide in the
darkness, so he became difficult to discover.
He loved to torment and haunt as many as possible, and therefore he
would like many to be evil, so God would let him have them when they
died.
He tried to make people evil by making himself invisible and whisper
in their ear that they should do something evil, which they otherwise
never could have come up with themselves.
There were many, who did not discover that it was the work of the
devil until it was too late, so you should always be wary of what you
thought.
Those, who did not discover that it was he, who whispered in their
ear, he got more and more power over, and so they came to belong to
him when they died, and that problem God wouldn’t help them with
because it was their own fault that they had been so stupid.
That made me wonder; since God was the strongest of the two, He could
easily have taken those people from the devil and told him that they
had not meant any harm by doing the things they had done, but he did
not do it, because then it might happen that the devil would become so
cross, because God interfered in his whispering to people that he no
longer would help God; and then where was God to put all those He
needed to send to hell?
The good ones wept a lot because there were so many, who wouldn’t
believe in God, and the evil ones were so evil that they downright
laughed at those, who believed in God; so in the end God saw no other
way but sending his only Son out of the Heavens and down on Earth to
tell the evil ones that they had to believe in God now, because
otherwise it would become a serious matter.
His Son’s name was Jesus, and he had agreed to come down on Earth to
perform miracles to make it easier for people to believe in God.
He had also agreed to be tormented and killed in a horrifying way, and
therefore God loved him more than everybody else, because when people
saw that, they would surely understand that they should take pity on
God, because they had not believed in Him for such a long time that He
had to treat His only Son in this way.
While Jesus walked on Earth, he promised that he would come down from
Heaven again many years after he was tormented and killed, since he
could not die for real like other people, because he was God’s Son.
At that time, he would see if it had helped any that he and God had
done all this for people’s sake.
Those, who had not mended their ways, he would torment, and those, who
had regretted that they didn’t believe in God in the past would be
forgiven and be allowed to sit next to Jesus.
It was particularly fine to sit there, because he sat to the right
hand side of God, the Father, but there was nobody, who knew, who sat
to the left hand side of God, the Father.
I also felt sorry for God, because
people wouldn’t believe in Him.
I wouldn’t mind believing in Him and doing what He wanted me to.
I would even be so good so as to side with Him above everyone else and
was looking forward to have all my wishes fulfilled when I asked Him
or Jesus for something.
My parents wouldn’t agree to let me get a dog, and so I asked God for
a dog many times, but it didn’t help any because I did not get a dog
anyway.
Not even a guinea pig even though I had agreed to settle for a guinea
pig.
I thought that God might not be able to hear me, so I had better ask
Jesus for it, but that didn’t help any either.
I began getting a hunch that neither God nor Jesus liked me.
That, I thought, was mean, but I kept that a secret, because the worst
thing you could do was to think anything bad about God or Jesus.
I decided to go to church a lot to make God and Jesus like me.
One day, a priest threw me out of the church saying that it wasn’t a
place for children.
That convinced me that God and Jesus really didn’t like me, and now I
joined the evil ones, who thought that God didn’t exist, and who spoke
about Him in demeaning ways, if He was mentioned at all.
Even though I could not discern that God punished me for it, I began
fearing God’s revenge once I died and the time of reckoning came.
My fear of death slowly piled up into a feeling of hopelessness and
melancholy, to such an extent that I began longing for death to get it
over with and to get to know if God existed and wanted revenge, or if
death was a black hole like my parents thought.
As a young
person, I sought for a goal for my life.
I took a closer look at those people who were rich and powerful, by
reading about them in magazines, but I did not think they had anything
that I wanted.
I took a closer look at the beautiful and the famous too, but I did
not think they had anything that I wanted either.
I thought that I would like to have a husband whom I loved, and who
loved me too.
I would also like to have some wonderful children who held out their
little arms to me when I came home from work.
I got a husband and discovered that the love between us did not give
me the satisfaction I had imagined.
I got a child and I did not think that the love between us gave me the
satisfaction that I had hoped for.
I had had my wishes fulfilled, but they did not extinguish that
peculiar longing that I had within me, and which I no longer could put
a name to.
When II approached
twenty-five years of age, my marriage dissolved, and I drifted on in
life without coming across anything that could fulfill me.
It was part of the zeitgeist at that time to experiment with various
substances to achieve expansion of consciousness, and I began smoking
Indian hemp together with my sister and her husband.
Under the influence of the hemp, I achieved expanded states of
consciousness that made it possible for me to experience life from new
perspectives.
For some time, this gave me the satisfaction I had longed for.
I, my sister and her husband were excited about the World that opened up
to us by the help of the hemp, and in the end, we smoked daily.
In particular we used the expanded states of consciousness to listen to
music and talk about life.
My sister’s husband was spiritually inclined.
He was the first person I had met since my childhood’s showdown with God
who did not use the word God as a profanity.
He talked about God as if He existed, and I wondered how he could bear
to take God seriously.
He had written some poems about his relationship with God that he read
aloud at times when we had smoked together, and they made a deep
impression on me with their descriptions of a beautiful and painful love
relationship, which was beyond anything I had experienced.
He also made paintings of God that envisioned an exploding power, and my
perception of God as an old man with a long white beard began to
stagger.
At the same time, this information createdmanifested resistance and fear
in me because my childhood faith still sat so deep that, in spite of all
my endeavors, I had not managed to shake it off, and my childhood God
demanded that you only looked at Him as God.
If now I began to assume a new perspective, I probably chose an idol,
and then He would surely take revenge when I died.
My sister’s husband also introduced the concept of reincarnation,
rebirth in life after life, and I began hoping that my childhood
understanding of God, death and hell was not true.
He talked about coming closer to God through inner enlightenment and
about meditation as a means to achieve it, and again, I became
interested in finding out something about God and shook off my
resistance and my fear.
At some point the impact of the hemp began to change.
I remained in my normal state of mind in its most confused and
suspicious form instead of feeling uplifted to expanded, clear and
intuitive states of consciousness.
Inspired by my sister’s husband and the expanded states of consciousness
from the hemp, I began to investigate the contemporary methods as to how
to learn to meditate instead.
Now and then I got a glimpse of something that reminded me of the lost
effect of the hemp, but not sufficiently, so I continued my quest.
One day, I was to meet a woman who also meditated.
When we met, she told me about her Master’s work that consisted in
transmission of higher states of consciousness, which he and his
servants, who are called preceptors, transmitted into the heart of the
disciples, and she suggested that I received a transmission from her
to experience it.
We sat down opposite each other with eyes closed.
She began transmitting.
Immediately, I got a vision, where I saw
a beam of light that streamed from her third eye in my direction,
and I got the impression of moving with great speed towards
something that I did not know what was.
The feeling of speed slowed down.
The light divided into two beams and touched me directly in two
chakras on my upper chest, and here they createdmanifested a slight
pressure, before sliding in with a tingling sensation.
Then I felt
a sharp snap in my head and re-experienced an event from the past that
I had forgotten.
The memory disappeared, and a vision of delicate pastel shades that
mingled with each other emerged.
In the end, it felt as if a hand gently stroke down the backside of my
head.
Until then, I had only seen something with my inner eye when I dreamt
in the night or formed images of memory from a situation or of a
person I was thinking of.
It had never occurred to me that it was possible to see anything else,
and when my third eye caught the light from the preceptor’s third eye,
I opened my physical eyes to see if the sunlight from outside had come
into the room and was playing on my eyelids, but that was not the
case.
I did not know anything about the third
eye, purification of old mind-images or The White Light, which
actually had a tinge of gray in the same way as a foggy ray of sun
that radiates down through a gap in the layer of clouds on an
overcast day.
Although I had a splitting headache when I left, I was impressed.
Two days
later, I was seated in the home of the preceptor again and received
transmission.
Again, I saw The White Light.
This time, it streamed from all of her upper body and glided towards
me like a huge wave that absorbed me and filled me with happiness.
I thought that life was wonderful and I wished to remain in this
happiness-creating light forever.
In the end, I saw myself sitting in miniature at the bottom of a gray
flower.
I told
others about my experiences and expected that they would want to
investigate the Master’s transmission, but instead they doubted my
sanity.
That made me uncertain, and I began doubting it too.
I exerted myself to the utmost, to spot the insanity, but I could not
detect it, neither in myself nor in the other meditating people; so I
shook off my fears and continued to receive transmissions and other
guidance from the preceptor.
When she spoke about the Master, I became particularly attentive.
One day, she mentioned that he had ulcers.
I was shaken.
If it were really true that he was a Master, then why did he not heal
himself?
Again my childhood’s image of God emerged to the surface and made me think that if he had been Jesus, he would have healed himself.
Maybe he wasn’t a Master in Reality but one of the powers of darkness
who used the light to snare people, and only after they were trapped
would they become aware that, in Reality, all of it had been the
delusion of the devil.
It dawned on me that even if it turned out that this wasn’t the case,
innermost, I had hoped to get his help to escape from sufferings, but
how would he be able to help me with that when he himself was
suffering from an illness?
However, I did not feel like giving up the expanded states of
consciousness, so I decided that I had to wait and see how everything
developed, and I shook off my fear.
My desire to meet the Master in person grew, and finally came the day when I stood face to face with him for the first time.
We were a group of twelve
Europeans, who had traveled together to
I was going in the first batch, but three of the group members had
agreed to take a taxi from New Delhi to Shahjahanpur, and they had
left without telling the rest of us who had planned to take the train
the next morning.
When I discovered that, I persuaded the other two to take a taxi
together with me, but I was furious at those three who had left
without us.
We arrived in Shahjahanpur some time into the evening and asked people for directions, but it took a long time before we finally met a person who knew who the Master was.
I got disheartened by this, because if he was a great spiritual Master
like I had been told, it appeared strange to me that hardly anybody in
his own town knew who he was.
When we entered the courtyard, I spotted the other three standing on
the terrace, facing away from us.
I rushed over to them furiously and said to one of them: "Do you think you can stand by what you did?" but when he turned his face towards me, I came to a halt and stared at him, astonished.
At that moment, everybody turned their heads towards a corridor at the right side of the building complex.
The Master came walking out from there.
He was a delicately built, thin and bald man, 74 years of age.
Slightly stooped, he came towards us, and at that instant a thought
that I knew wasn’t my own arose in my mind: "Who disturbs the peace?"
In a breathless moment I realized
that telepathy exists.
The next moment, I realized that it was I who disturbed the peace.
First I felt ashamed, and then I felt angry.
It was unfair that I was attacked in this way.
It wasn’t I who had made a mistake but the others.
Inexplicably, I felt that the Master did not share my point of view
and got confused.
He passed by
us with a short greeting, by placing one palm of his hand against the
other in front of his chest and nodding lightly with his head.
This greeting is called Namaste or the God-greeting and it means: "I
greet God in you."
He sat down on a chair on the terrace, and I and the rest of the
European and Indian disciples sat down on chairs in a semicircle
around him.
Yet not a word had been spoken.
Now and then I looked investigatingly at him.
He had radiant, beautiful eyes, and his face was light from
refulgence.
His radiation was intense.
I got an urgent need to meditate and closed my eyes.
A huge image of Jesus on the cross rolled up before my inner eye and
disappeared.
Yet another question, which wasn’t my own, appeared in my mind: "Why
have you come?"
I answered in my mind too: "I have come to get proof of…. something."
I wringed my brain: "Now, why was it I had come?"
I rummaged my thoughts but did not find
an answer.
I realized that I did not know why I had come, but I tried to wring a
question out of my brain because I sensed that the Master’s attention
would be directed elsewhere if I didn’t have anything to ask, but all
my thoughts had ebbed out and left me in a state of silence and a
feeling of happiness.
After some time, I opened my eyes and looked impressed at the Master.
He looked straight ahead of himself, and I looked around a bit and
discovered that another disciple sat with eyes closed.
"He is truly a Master," I thought "never have I experienced anything
like this."
Little by little, we all had opened our eyes, and soon a lively
conversation went on between the Master and us.
When he bid us goodnight, I wanted to show him that now I considered
him to be my Master, my Guru.
I waited until the others had walked away a bit and therefore could
not hear me, made the God-greeting and said: "Good night. My Master."
Now it was said out loud.
The Master’s eldest son managed the farm and his wife, their two daughters, an old maid and an office worker helped out.
The next morning, we were woken up by one of the Master’s
grandchildren, a young woman, who said that breakfast was ready.
We went downstairs, and the Master already sat in a corner of the
courtyard in the early morning sun smoking his hookah.
His hookah sent out a pleasant spiced and
sweet fragrance, and later I found out what was in it.
At the bottom there was a layer of molasses, then tobacco, and on top
of the tobacco was glowing charcoal that kept the tobacco lit.
The Indian disciples sat in a semicircle around him on the ground, and
all of a sudden, I thought that I didn’t have time to eat my breakfast
and swallowed it in a hurry to join the group.
I wanted to
hear his answer to my most burning question and I asked: "What is
death?"
"Don’t you feel the peace of the morning?" he asked surprised.
"No, I have too many questions," I answered.
"Write them down, and I’ll answer them one by one," he said.
I went up to my room immediately but when I put the pen to the paper,
yet another question arose that wasn’t my own: "How would it help me
that he explained what death is?"
I realized that even if the Master were able to answer the question to
my satisfaction, my next question would be: "I wonder if what he says
is true."
I took up my next question, but in the same way, I realized that I
wouldn’t be able to use the answer for anything, and before I knew it,
I was purged of questions.
Marveling, I went down to the courtyard and sat down together with the
other disciples in front of the Master without asking him anything.
The Master
usually sat on his terrace and worked with the disciples, who sat in a
semicircle around him.
I noticed that one woman often sat on the chair right opposite him,
and I also wanted to sit at the center of his happiness-creating
attention.
I decided to sit down on that chair next time
we gathered around him, but hardly had I sat down before I felt that I
had behaved improper.
I got up, went out into the courtyard as randomly as possible and sat
down on another chair when I came back.
I wondered about the incident and decided to repeat the experiment,
but the result was the same.
The third time we went down there, I arrived as the last one.
The only chair vacant was the chair opposite the Master.
Beaming from joy I sat down.
I had heard sentences like: "Every single hair on our heads is accounted for" or "Not a sparrow falls to the ground without it being the will of God."
After my experiences with the chairs I began to wonder if that might
be true, because if it mattered which chair I sat down on, then that
might also be true.
One day, another disciple asked the Master about it, and laughingly he
answered: "Yes, but the opposite is also true.
God’s will does not move without the creaturesmanifestations
wanting it."
A session where the Master or his preceptors transmit The White Light to a group or a single person is called a sitting.
The spiritual work, which took
place when we were together with him, most often, consisted in him
giving us a sitting in the morning and in the evening.
Besides this, another part of the work took place automatically when
we sat together with him and were influenced by his radiation.
One evening, the Master led a group sitting that lasted unusually
long, and he breathed deeply like a person sleeping.
I had become sore from sitting for such a long time on the hard
clay floor and I tiptoed out of the room to go to the back
most courtyard to tell the young woman who was his grandchild that he
had fallen asleep and ask her what we should do.
She said that she would take the dog to the courtyard and make it
bark.
Then he would probably wake up.
I tiptoed back into the room, and just as I slid through the door, he
looked straight at me, and then his eyes were closed again.
A few minutes later the dog barked in the courtyard and the Master
stopped the sitting.
When I and the married couple I shared room with were about to sleep,
the wife said: "It was good indeed that you had the courage to do
something, otherwise we would be sitting there still."
By this thought we burst into laughter, and after we started laughing,
we couldn’t stop again.
We laughed for hours about
everything between Heaven and Earth, and I was happy and satisfied
with
myself when in the end we dropped off to sleep.
The next morning, the Master’s transmission had hardly begun before I
began to feel ashamed and I got confused because I did not understand
why.
It occurred to me that I had reasons to feel ashamed about my behavior
the previous evening.
Patiently, the others had waited the unfolding of events even if they
were sore from sitting on the floor too, but I had not been patient,
and on top of that, I was arrogant enough to think that I was above
them because of my action.
It had not occurred to me that the event could be seen from this
perspective, and my feeling of shame grew.
In the end, tears rolled down my cheeks.
Till this point, I had not thought of myself as arrogant or impatient,
but after the sitting I decided that I will not allow myself to be
like that anymore.
One afternoon, we were together with the Master on the terrace.
The conversation switched among many topics, but soon the voices
glided past my ear like a faint humming in the background.
I was absorbed in watching the Master’s facial expressions and hand
movements while he spoke, and at the same time, I sank deeper and
deeper into a feeling of bliss.
Gratefully I thought: "Oh Master. I love you."
At that moment, he stopped talking and leaned back in his chair, as if
he heard my thought, and it also felt as if a special connection arose
between us.
A moment later, he resumed the interrupted conversation.
I wanted to investigate if it was a coincidence, so the next day I
stood in a place where I could see him but he could not see me.
I concentrated, recreatedremanifested the emotion and repeated the
thought.
"I love you, too," it sounded soundlessly in my thoughts, and he also turned his face in my direction, and again I got this feeling that a special connection arose between us.
I became happy and thought that his love was a special boon for me
alone, but when I told it to one of the other disciples, she said that
she knew this experience too.
Later, I heard other disciples, both male and female, express similar
experiences and I understood that the Master’s love was universal.
In the Master’s suggestions for daily practice a short prayer was included but I was reluctant to prayer, so I hadn’t used it yet.
One evening, on the terrace, the Master made us all roar with laughter
again and again, and my mood became so light and bright that I decided
to use the prayer, and when we came up to our room, I asked the wife
if she would teach me.
I repeated it after her a couple of times, and then we lay down to
sleep.
I repeated the prayer a couple of times in my thoughts, and with a
rush I felt lifted to a feeling of great height, lying in blissful
darkness.
For some time I floated there, and then, before my inner eye, I saw
myself slide down through a long dark tunnel.
In the distance I could see the exit, and it was filled with The White
Light.
After this experience I let go of my reluctance towards prayer.
One morning, the wife was ill, and she said to her husband and me that we shouldn’t tell anybody because she was convinced that it would take its right course when she was with the Master.
Later that morning, a doctor came to her and inquired about her
health, and she asked us if we had told anybody, but that we had not.
She beamed like a sun and said: "No matter what happens to you, the
Master takes care of it. Just think, how did he know that I was ill?"
The doctor prescribed some homeopathic medicines which she should take three times a day, and turning towards me, he gave me the medicines and instructed me as to when she was to take what.
When he left, to my irritation, I became aware that it was expected
that I should give her the medicine.
I thought it was a restriction on my freedom that I had to keep an eye
on time so I could not just devote myself entirely to my experiences
with the Master.
Moreover, I had a feeling that the Master made me her servant, and it made me feel that he loved her more than me.
A biblical sentence went through my head: "Am I my brother’s keeper?"
I was unpleasantly affected when I remembered that it was Cain’s reply
to God when God asked where Abel was after Cain had killed him.
I considered giving the medicine to her husband but hesitated, because
if it was the Master’s wish that I should do it, he might punish me
somehow if I did not do it.
I did not feel like telling her that she had to take care of taking her medicines herself, because she sat gazing happily ahead of herself and repeated: “Just think, how did he know that I was ill? The Master certainly takes care of everything”.
Reluctantly, I took on the task, but was not very particular about
giving her the medicine on time.
The following afternoon, I saw the doctor together with her in the
courtyard and hurried over there.
He was dissatisfied with the effects of the medicine and was
prescribing something else, while he instructed another woman as to
what she was going to have and when.
I felt that my task was given to somebody else because I had been
irresponsible and I said a silent prayer asking for another chance.
At that very moment, the doctor turned towards me, took the medicine
from the other woman, gave it to me and instructed me.
I felt relieved, and after this I saw to it that she got her medicine
punctually until she was well again.
Sometimes, it also happened that some of the Indian disciples told me how to meditate, and I got irritated.
Why did they tell me that?
Did I look like a beginner?
How could they know?
I did not listen to what they said, but one afternoon on the terrace with the Master, he corrected my form of meditation.
His transmission started flowing towards me, and I closed my eyes.
Then, I felt how my consciousness was gently focused in my heart and
was rocking there, until the transmission stopped.
I had begun to believe that the Master knew everything
that happened to me because of our telepathic contact, and the events
with the doctor and the other disciples made me think that in some
mysterious way or other, he was also present in all the events I
participated in, so that he could steer my life and my development in
the right direction, now that he had become my Guru.
Thus I had begun to believe that he was omniscient and omnipotent, and
for the first time I had got the idea that God’s qualities could be
ascribed to a fellow human being, and that God’s influence on my life
had got something to do with my fellow human beings.
One afternoon on the terrace, the conversation changed onto healing herbs.
The Master told us that once he had been at the doctor’s, and then he
had known how the various medicines in the doctor’s bottles worked
merely by holding them in his hand.
The doctor had been amazed and had said that everything the Master said was correct.
After narrating this, he leaned back in his chair and looked around at
us like a happy child who was proud of what he had accomplished, and
now he expected that we came up with an appropriate reaction.
Nobody said anything, and I stared perplexed at him.
Didn’t he himself know that he was omniscient, so that thing should be
the very least of his tricks?
One night, I had an unusual dream.
I dreamt that I went into the bathroom at the Master’s farm to take a
shower.
When I came out there, the Master was lying in a new sunken bathtub, which had been built into the floor, together with a woman who was also his disciple, and who began meditating ahead of me.
I became a bit perplexed about the situation but thought that it was
probably all right when it concerned the Master and jumped into the
bathtub myself.
As soon as I lay there the other woman disappeared, and I was glad to
get an opportunity to be alone with him.
He put his arms around me.
Sexual feelings arose in me, but I hoped that he did not discover
that.
I was quiet as a mouse waiting to see what else would happen, but
nothing happened, and he got out of the bathtub.
While we stood there wiping ourselves, he also came in through the
door.
I looked in confusion from one to the other, but then the Master who
came in through the door took out a fire hose and washed down the
Master next to me with it.
His appearance melted away like wax on a doll, and a handsome young
man stood next to me instead of the Master.
I left the Master’s farm together with him.
For a long time we walked on an edge between the land and the ocean.
Towards the ocean was a deep fall.
He didn’t say anything, and I was waiting for something to happen.
At some point, we came to some kind of shop, which looked like a
cylinder with a pointed roof.
There was a hatch in the wall, and I put my head in and looked around.
There were all kinds of oddities in there.
The young man said that I could choose what I wanted from there.
For a moment, I was tempted by a mirror that I thought was magical.
I had a feeling that my choice was decisive, and therefore I did not want to take chances because of a mirror.
I pulled out my head again and said that there was nothing I wanted
from there.
The young man disappeared, and all of a sudden, I found myself inside
a white castle.
I had been taken there against my will, and when I arrived, a man in a
wheelchair came to inspect me.
He scared me for some reason or other and I recoiled, but he followed
me.
I made some hand movements, and he rolled his wheelchair backwards and
disappeared.
Then I was bathed by servants in a big sunken bathtub, which was built
in the middle of a beautiful room.
Then I was dressed up in transparent robes and lined up together with some other girls in similar transparent robes.
I was told that a bride for the prince would be selected from among
us.
The prince himself was only a child, and the chosen one had to marry
his substitute who was going to lead the realm until the prince
himself became adult enough to take over both the bride and the realm.
I felt that it was not appropriate for me to become the chosen one,
and wondered how I could make myself ugly.
At that moment, it was announced that the chosen one was found.
A lively talk arose, and I took the opportunity to slip out of the
hall.
On my way out, I tiptoed into the substitute’s room.
He was in deep sleep and was a handsome young man, with black curly
hair, finely drawn eyebrows and thick, black, long eyelashes, which
rested on his cheeks.
For a moment, I was sad that I wasn’t the chosen one.
I wondered if I should slip in and see the prince but gave it up,
because he was after all only a child yet.
Suddenly, I found myself in front of the gate leading into the Master’s farm.
My clothes were torn and dirty, and I had a pair of wet socks in my hand.
Tired, I dragged myself across the
courtyard.
The Master sat in a corner in the sunshine together with a group of
disciples and he did not react to my return.
I went upstairs to my room, took off my clothes and showered; dressed
in a long, clean, white cotton dress and went down and sat among the
other disciples in front of the Master.
As soon as I sat down, I felt the blessed feeling of the power of the
transmission streaming into me and filling me up.
Tired but satisfied, I closed my eyes and slipped into meditation.
When I woke
up, I felt intuitively that I had had a clairvoyant dream about the
future.
I was upset about it, because I believed that it said that at some
point in time I would leave the Master to be together with a young man
who looked like the Master but who wasn’t him.
Then, I would go through a series of hardships and, in the end, return
to the Master in a soiled condition with a pair of wet socks in my
hand as a sign of my mistakes.
I thought it was best to avoid the mistakes and pondered over how to
avoid the dream from coming true, but then realized that I couldn’t
figure out how to avoid something which I didn’t know what was.
Reluctantly, we realized that the last of our seven days with the Master had come.
The other group would arrive in the course of the evening, and I
looked forward to seeing them again.
I was in the dining room when I heard them arrive and hurried out to
say hello, but when I came out into the courtyard I stopped,
surprised, and I stood still observing them from far.
A quivering unrest streamed out from them and any desire to go meet
them left me.
Their luggage had just been unloaded from the rickshaws, and they
stood a little inside the gate looking tired and colorless.
The quivering unrest which surrounded them vibrated through the sublime peace that existed on the Master’s farm, and which I had become a part of.
First, when I experienced the contrast, I understood how the Master’s
radiation had affected my state of being.
When the group had been quartered, we went to the terrace.
I was curious to see which chair I would get, and when I reached
there, both the new and the old group were seated already.
The only chair available was the one opposite the Master.
Happily I sat down and looked at him.
I wanted to do something or the other to show him how grateful I was
because I had met him, but couldn’t think of anything.
Suddenly, he looked straight into my eyes.
I looked into his eyes, which opened to me in a very special way.
It appeared to me as if veil after veil lifted from them, and I looked
deeper and deeper.
I looked and I looked, but no matter how deep I looked, there were
still immeasurable depths to be seen.
It lasted maybe a few seconds, but I was overwhelmed.
It had been like looking into eternity!
Somebody whispered to me that our taxi had arrived.
I bent over and said it to the Master with a soft and subdued voice.
We got up to take leave and said goodbye one by one.
When we came back to
It was
strange to return to my usual surroundings, because they were the same
as they were ten days ago but I had changed.
I often experienced the same condition, which I had had together with
the Master.
When the condition was not there, I tried to bring it forth and
discovered that an efficient means to achieve it was to think of him.
Hence, I
made it a habit to think of how it had been to be together with him,
and about what transpired while I had been there.
I also began reading his books and in one of these it said that what I
was doing is called Constant Remembrance, and that this was one of his
suggestions for training one’s capacity to focus spiritually.
Gradually, as I spoke with other meditating people both from the
Master’s system of meditation and other systems, and at the same time,
my capacity to focus developed, I understood that a person usually
selects his/her spiritual guide for the purpose of achieving his/her
own conscious contact with God, but since it is difficult to focus
your attention on something as abstract as the emptiness in the focus
point, which is required to see, hear, feel or sense God, you can use
your chosen guide to create an inner focus point by directing your
thoughts towards this person throughout the day.
However, this is only an advantageous practice if the guide has a
capacity which makes it possible for the disciple to experience God’s
qualities in him/her.
Sometimes, I wondered what it actually was that I wanted from the Master.
At one point in time, I had imagined that experiences with
extrasensory phenomenon such as telepathy would satisfy my longing to
get an answer to something that I still did not know what could be,
but the extrasensory experiences that I
had together with the Master had not brought me any closer to my goal,
which I was not aware of what could be either.
Eventually, I decided to write to him that I was frequently seized by
doubts about who he was, what his qualities were, and what his purpose
was, and his answer to this letter was overwhelming, particularly
because he didn’t say or write one word.
At the same time, I became aware that I didn’t have to sit in front of
him in
A little more than a week after posting the letter, I got a fever and had to go to bed.
I intuitively felt that my fever-condition was due to the fact that
the Master had received my letter and transmitted to me so powerfully
that my physical system became heated, and therefore I decided to
meditate although I had been told that it was better not to do so
during illness.
I was lying
in bed meditating but, suddenly, I felt as if I was sitting up, and
that was the first time I experienced that my body sensation was in
another place as compared to where my physical body was placed.
This made me think that the Master wanted to show me that he had the
capacity to bring me into contact with my astral body.
In the evening, I heard light running steps on the stairs that led up to my bedroom.
I was alone in the house and I listened anxiously.
Suddenly, I sensed that my sister stood in the doorway, invisible to
my inner and outer eye.
She shook in a heart-breaking way and a complaint reached my inner
ear: "I'm freezing, and I am so lonely."
My stomach contracted from compassion.
Without words or thoughts I answered: "Then come and make yourself
warm here by me."
I lifted the cover and felt a light weight of an invisible being, half
my size, lay down next to me.
I wanted to say something but could no longer find out how one
communicated without thoughts or words.
Instead I thought: "Do you want me to come and visit you?"
I did not get an answer, and the feeling of the weight next to me had
disappeared too.
I hoped to attain clarity about the experience by comparing it with
her experience at the same point in time, and so I called her the
following day and asked her what she experienced around that time.
She slept.
In spite of the lack of confirmation from her side, I felt that the
Master had shown me that he had the capacity to establish my
communication with other beings in the inner World in a special way,
without the use of words or thoughts, and yet clearer and more direct
than when I expressed myself by the help of words or thoughts.
In the afternoon, again, I decided to meditate and had a vision of a strange cylindrical object that turned around its own axes while at the same time moving forward in space.
From its North and South Pole ran some kind of tubes with various
colors at the ends.
When it disappeared, my field of vision
was filled with a blue sky with oval openings.
I discovered that the colors of the oval openings imperceptibly
changed color to the tones of a celestial music the likes of which I
had never heard before or since.
"Oh, this must be the music of the spheres," I thought.
Much later, I realized it to be the sound of OM emanating from the Heavenly choir.
The
following day, I had a vision where the extended space was filled with
little tiny dots that moved forward in the sky in perfect formation.
At that time, I did not understand what the Master tried to show me with these two visions and sadly, I wrote in my spiritual journal: "What good does it do me that the Master shows me all of this when I don’t have the capacity to understand what he says to me".
Much later,
after my Spiritual Wedding with TuTu had taken place, I was led into
the consciousness of our Cosmic Egg by my groom, and seen from this
perspective, I understood that the Master had indeed answered my
questions as to who he was and what his purpose was by the help of
these experiences.
In the first vision, he had let me experience The Cosmic Eggs seen
from the outside, together with the sound-image which springs from
them.
In the second vision, he had shown me the archetypal formation of
The Cosmic Eggs.
At that point in time, I also understood that a spiritual aspirant can
experience The Cosmic Eggs from the outside, if he/she can penetrate
the seventh dimension consciously and from the inside if he/she can
penetrate the Absolute consciously.
His answer to my letter had thus been that he was a seventh dimension Master, and as such, he had the capacity to take me into this dimension and this was his purpose.
This conclusion, I felt, was confirmed by the Master himself when I
read in one of his books that his highest approach to the Absolute
consisted in seeing the shell of the Egg from the outside.
When he tried to come closer he felt a powerful jolt, which prevented
him from advancing any further.
For a long
time, there had been rumors that the Master would come to
My disappointment was so intense that I decided to go to
I took a closer look at my finances and found that it could be done
comparatively easily, and thereby, for the first time, I made the
discovery that many things I did not think possible proved to be so if
I began to act as if they were.
The second
time I was at the Master’s, I had many dreams and two of them stood
clear for several years thereafter.
In one dream, I was very weak and some people circled around me,
worried.
I didn’t think there was any cause for worry as my weakness was a kind
of an act that I put up, because I hoped it would make the Master
personally come and attend to me.
I had the idea that he would only come if I weren't able to do without
him, and therefore, I rejected help from those present who did not
understand my unspoken desire for his
presence.
I managed to become so weak that I could
let myself drop lifeless on the floor.
That createdmanifested commotion, and a couple of people tried to get me back on my feet but I made myself heavy and let myself drop on the floor again, and in the end they saw no other solution than to implore the Master to personally to come and see what could be done.
When he came, I had been lifeless for so long that I wasn’t able to get back on my feet even if I wanted to get up to show him my joy about his arrival.
However, with great effort, I managed to whisper: "It is because I love you so much."
My voice was barely audible and I was afraid that he had not heard it,
so with a superhuman effort, I managed to get on my feet and take one
staggering step towards him.
Then my legs carried me no further, and I fell into his arms.
Before I lost consciousness again, I managed to repeat barely audible
"It is because I love you so much."
Later, it would prove that the dream showed the state of confusion and
weakness I was in when TuTu came into my life, and that this was
actually the energy pattern or archetype of The Sleeping Beauty that I
experienced in this context.
In the second dream, I was on tour with the Master and a group of other disciples who were allowed to follow him on this tour.
He was young and handsome and looked like
one of those colored scraps of Jesus I had seen in my childhood.
His mere presence was a blessing to the places he visited, and it was
exciting to see that even if many people weren’t aware of who he was,
they were attracted to the love and compassion that radiated from him.
On our tour, we made a stop at a small village.
In this village, there was a kind of restaurant, which consisted of a
roughly carved wooden table with roughly carved benches on each side
of it.
Soon the interaction between the Master and the local inhabitants
began.
I was seized by jealousy when too much time passed by without him
giving me special attention.
Usually, he helped me instantly by sending me a loving glance or by
coming up with a cheerful remark.
When he had done that, I felt reassured and was able to observe his
interaction with the surroundings again.
Once, my
jealousy arose when he was deeply absorbed in a conversation, and he
continued with it without taking my feelings into consideration.
I was out of my mind of restlessness and pain, and I realized that I
had to find a way out of this feeling, but I could not get out of it
and became despondent.
At that moment, he turned his face towards me with a cheerful twinkle
in his eyes, while at the same time, he almost imperceptibly shook his
head as if he wanted to say: "You little fool. You do know that I love
you."
I became so happy to discover that he had been aware of what was
happening within me all along that my jealousy vanished and I was able
to rejoice in his interaction with the surroundings again.
Later, this proved to be a memory dream from a previous incarnation
that, at the same time, pointed out what was going to become my most
important problem in my relationship with TuTu.
It was a
common perception among disciples that the Master could say everything
about a person merely by looking at a photo of the person, and I had
brought a photo with me to
His wife and I had talked a lot about his suicide, and she wanted to
write a letter to the Master, to ask about his destiny after death.
We spoke about it one day when I had just come from a sitting with my
preceptor.
The preceptor had mentioned that one could get answers to spiritual
questions by channeling them up through a certain point on one’s head
and then going into deep meditation, forgetting about the question
asked.
I did not think that it was a coincidence that I had got this
information on this very day, and so I suggested to my friend’s wife
that I should try to get an answer for her.
She agreed, and I sat down, asked the question, went into deep
meditation and forgot about it.
During the meditation, I had a vision.
I saw a bright figure in front of a dark
house.
Everything
was in darkness, and the house wasn’t visible, but I knew that it was
there.
In the distance, far behind it, I saw a whitish gleam.
The bright figure rushed restlessly back and forth in front of the
house.
I could see the entrance of the house and did not understand why he
did not go through it so that he could reach the light in the
distance, but then I realized that he could not see the door.
I got an intense desire to help and thought: "There! There!" when he
passed by it.
When my inner eye caught the image, I looked at it with the same
detachment as I would look at a random passer-by in the street.
Then, I remembered my question and it gave a jerk in me.
"Yes, but that is my friend," I thought.
My next thought went to his wife.
"No, I can’t tell her that. She’ll go out of her mind from sorrow,
when she hears it… on the other hand, the purpose of this meditation
is, after all, to get an answer for her, so I have to tell her."
I opened my eyes and told her what I had seen.
To my surprise, she got relieved and said: "How good it was that I
didn’t get around to send a letter to the Master, because it is a
totally different question I want to ask; now that I hear the answer,
instead, I want to know what can be done to help him."
She wrote a letter to the Master and after some time she had a dream,
where her husband smiled at her and seemed to be feeling good, but she
wasn’t satisfied with this result, and we decided that I should take a
photo of him to the Master and ask if anything could be done for him.
The Master looked at the photo for a while and answered that I and his
wife could pray for him and so we did at times until the Master came
to
The wife approached him again and asked yet another time for help, and
he answered that she could pray for him.
She said that she had done that.
He became silent for a couple of minutes.
"I will do something," he then said.
Later that evening, I sat in his room
together with some other disciples when his most prominent Indian
preceptor entered.
Later on, he turned out to be the Master’s successor as a guide for
the disciples, and therefore, I have chosen to call him the Master’s
Crown Prince.
"I have got a suicide case and…" the Master said cheerfully and
reverted into Hindi while he eagerly
gesticulated and explained the case to the Crown Prince.
I was surprised by his cheerfulness because I thought that suicide was
a depressing topic, but he seemed to think that he had got an
interesting case, and now, he wanted to show the Crown Prince how you
could handle such a case.
The next day, he summoned my friend’s wife and said: "I found him in a
corner of the Universe. I simply took him and moved him from one shelf
to another. Now I have done something, and now he has peace."
After my
second visit to India, I was convinced that the only thing I really
wanted was Self-realization, about which I did not know anything, but
the Master often spoke about it as the highest good for the disciples,
and sometimes I reproached him in my thoughts that he did not uplift
me to this stage immediately as I believed he had the capacity to do
so.
I found it hard to believe when he wrote in his books that he was
always eager to give his associates, as he called the disciples, the
highest spiritual approach as soon as possible.
If that was so, then why didn’t he uplift me to the stage of
Self-realization right now?
One day, I
received a transmission from a preceptor and got a vision of the
Master’s face, which was transparent and covered my whole field of
vision.
The hollows of his eyes were empty, and I stood in miniature on the
rim of one eye.
An invisible hand was stretched out towards me and a soundless voice
offered me: “Self-realization NOW?!!”
I felt I had
to throw myself out from his eye into the empty void if I wanted to
attain it, but I was as if frozen in death fear.
"I first have to see what will happen between my boyfriend and me," I
thought.
In that fraction of a second, the vision disappeared.
I was surprised to discover that I was afraid of Self-realization.
After that day, I often tried to do away with my fear by recalling the
vision during contemplation and imagining that I jumped.
Even if I set my willpower up to do it I only succeeded in imagining
doing it once, but this fantasy did not bring about any change in my
state of consciousness.
On the other hand, I became aware that the difference between a
fantasy-induced spiritual experience and a genuine one
is that the genuine one brings forth a change in my state of
consciousness and the one produced by my fantasy gives me information
of a different kind about my mind.
While the Master was in Copenhagen, a desire emerged, to stake everything I’d got to come closer to him, and I decided to do a pilgrimage where I would spend a year together with him but various hindrances arose that restricted my stay in the East to three months, where I would spend one week in the beginning and one week in the end of the journey together with him.
Between the first and the last
week of traveling, I would go into the
My sister wanted to come.
We agreed to travel, five people in all - my sister, her boyfriend, her son, my son and I.
We left the
Master’s farm and went towards
When we reached into the
After a short stay in
Here, we met a traveling salesman from the West, who showed us a
little dull looking metal lump, which he had hanging in a leather
strap around his neck.
He told us that this metal was made in a distant past in the temples
and consisted in an alloy of seventeen metals.
People with knowledge of it would pay high prices to gain possession
of just a little piece, because it was said to possess magical
properties and bring luck to the possessor.
He shone a small corner of the lump, and we saw that the metal shone
clearer than gold and deeper than silver.
We imagined that he tried to sell it and asked the price, but it
turned out that he did not want to sell it.
Usually, we took our meals in a small restaurant called Suraj, which means sun.
One day, I spoke to an Irishman there.
I had seen him several times.
Every day, he sat there rolling a joint after his meal, and I felt
like smoking some of the famous Nepalese hemp, but did
not know where one could buy it.
It was a long time since I had smoked
hemp, and I wanted to see if the effect was still confusing.
To get into contact with him I asked what he was doing.
He explained that he was making a joint and asked me if I wanted to smoke, so I took a couple of drags.
I got strongly affected and entered a high and clear altered state of
awareness.
In the
course of the next few days, the Irishman and I spent more and more
time in each other’s company, and every time I took a couple of drags
from his joint.
One afternoon, I
sat together with him in silence and looked out through the open
doors of the restaurant.
An old man came walking down the path towards us.
He was delicately built and fragile like the Master, and he walked in the same way.
I swallowed him in one glance.
His clothes were poor and worn out, and
he looked tired.
I thought that if he had been the Master I would have helped him by
giving him some money.
Spontaneously,
I got up, went over to him, greeted him reverently with the
God-greeting and gave him all the money that I had in my purse.
When I came back to Suraj, the Irishman asked: "What on Earth did you
do?"
"I gave him all my money."
"Are you crazy?"
"You don’t understand," I said, "but he looked like my Guru."
The Irishman shook his head, but I was very satisfied with my action
because it was the first time in my life that I acted spontaneously
out of pure generosity.
The following morning,
the
Irishman, my sister’s son, my son and I sat in the morning
sun and had our breakfast when some traveling Tibetan merchants came
over to our table.
The boys had spent a lot of time trading with various merchants, and they had tried to find someone who sold snake rings.
I decided to give them one each and asked the two merchants if they
had snake rings.
They showed us some, which looked like black-spotted old brass rings,
but they had a beautiful form and so the
boys wanted them anyway.
Spontaneously, I bought and paid for three
rings without negotiating the price.
One I bought for myself, and wondered why I
had bought it.
The Irishman bought a beautiful silver ring, asked me to receive it
and put it on my finger.
With this, I felt that our relationship was sealed with a ring of love
like it is commonly done in the West.
We went down the path, and the boys were talking between themselves
some distance behind us.
Suddenly, my son came up with an exclamation and he came running to
us.
They had started shining their rings, and my son showed us that they
shone clearer than gold and deeper than silver.
When we parted from the Irishman, we
began to shine the rings all over, also
the snake’s eye pits that were no larger than pinheads, and then we
went out into the sun to let it shine on them.
The rings shone with a mysterious brilliance and a pencil of rays
stood out from each eye.
"Yesterday I helped an old man, and today we come into possession of a
magical ring which was made from
seventeen metals," I said, "that makes me think of the fairy tales
from my childhood, where an old man comes out of the forest in need of
help. If someone helps, the person receives a magical present."
It turned out that only I got the full benefit
from this gift of power.
Neither my son nor my sister’s son had acquired that type of attention
which is required to spot that side of Reality which contains gifts of
power.
Late in the afternoon, I went up to Suraj to drink tea, and there I met the cook’s wife who carried her sick baby on her arm.
The family had been to the doctor and to the hospital but nothing
helped.
I caressed the baby, who took a firm grip
of my hand and turned it while his lips sought down it.
He found the snake ring and began sucking it.
Gradually, he straightened up, and his
feverish eyes appeared to me to be more normal when he let go
of the ring.
"He seems to be better now!?" I asked.
The mother nodded and looked warmly at me.
When I left from there, I looked for the boys to tell them what I had
experienced and that apparently it wasn’t just a mind game that we had
come into possession of a magical ring.
In the course of the next couple of days, the baby got completely
well, and the mother’s face became soft when she looked at me.
The next day, I went for a walk and noticed that I felt differently than I used to.
I walked down the path and felt a special communion with the people,
the water buffaloes, the birds, the spiders in their webs, the
flowers, the plants and the trees.
When I walked back towards Suraj, I
spotted the old woman whom I had met
one of the first days of my visit.
She had asked me for a cigarette and a rupee, and it had become a
ritual between us that she got a cigarette and a rupee from me every
day.
She leaned towards a post and held
on to her stomach with a face distorted from pain.
I ran the last stretch up to her.
Tears welled up in my eyes when I asked: "Whatever happened to you?"
"Oh... huh… have pain," she groaned
in broken English.
"I don’t know if the ring works or not, but it doesn’t do any harm to
try," I thought.
"Is it here it hurts?" I asked, while at the same time, I put the ring
against her solar plexus center.
At that moment, a prayer went through my head on its own accord: "Oh
Babuji, help this being in agony."
Babuji was the pet name
of
the Master.
As the prayer passed through my head, it felt as if my head opened up
above my eyebrows and the whole way around and so the top of my
head opened, and a pillar of light gushed up.
At the same time, wave after wave of bliss rushed through me.
The old woman’s face became calm.
She seized my hand, lifted it to her third eye and pressed the snake
ring against it, stood like that for a moment with eyes closed, let go
of my hand, looked calmly at me and said: "You
doctor," greeted me with the
God-greeting and left.
I looked around.
My eyesight had expanded.
It appeared to me as if I had lost focus, and that made it possible
for me to see a wide-angle picture of the surroundings, while at the
same time, I saw every person, every water buffalo, every tree, every
house and every movement in the landscape.
I saw the totality and the individuality at the same time.
My hearing had changed in the same way as my eyesight.
I heard the total sound-image and every sound by itself.
I heard the music of Reality from the
unfolding of life around me.
It was like a symphony, an undulating movement of sound that no piece
of music could match.
I was full
of wonder about this elevated state that came into being when an
intense desire arose in me to help the old woman.
Yet another time, I had to think of the fairy tales saying that the
person who helps an old man or an old woman in need receives a magical
present.
The Irishman and I had once
visited a Danish journalist couple who lived in a hut near the lake,
but now they had taken up a room at Suraj because some of their Danish
friends had come back from
One evening, a girl from the Danish group was missing and I asked
where she was.
She was ill, and they feared the worst because she had a fierce attack
of diarrhea.
I went up the hen coop ladder to her room.
"Where does it hurt," I asked.
She lifted the cover and pointed to her belly.
"Is it here?" I said, intuitively putting the snake ring to her belly
at the same time.
She nodded.
Names of various food items and a glass of freshly squeezed grapefruit
juice went through my mind when the ring got in contact with her
stomach.
"Have you had something to eat?" I asked.
She shook her head: "I can’t eat anything."
"You ought to eat something. Maybe you could eat these things?”
I listed that, which had gone through my head.
She nodded: "Yes I can eat that."
"Good, then I’ll go down to the kitchen to order it," I said.
The next day, I met her in the restaurant and was told that she became
well again after she ate.
The word got
around that something special was going on with me, and one day, a
Nepalese woman with her baby on her arm came to me together with the
old man.
The children, with whom I used to play five-stones games, usually
crowded around me when I showed up, and now they translated in broken
English what the old man said.
They explained that the woman swung her baby around in a fit of temper
and the baby had become so scared that she cried now when anybody
approached her, and therefore the mother had given her a bonnet with a
big flounce to wear so she couldn’t see when anybody approached her.
The mother herself was unable to speak.
We sat down on the ground and the children and a group of local people
gathered around us.
Intuitively, I turned my hand with the snake ring so it sparkled in
the sun, and when one of the rays hit the baby’s eye, she stopped
crying, and I stretched out my hand to touch her.
A whisper went through the crowd, and I became aware that I was doing
something extraordinary and was momentarily shaken by
self-centeredness as if it was me who personally caused this healing.
Thereby, I was
seized by fear of doing something ridiculous, sitting here and
playing healer by the help of a ring which was probably quite an
ordinary ring when all came down to it.
I shook off my self-centeredness.
The baby seized my hand, lifted it to her mouth and began sucking the
ring, and when she let go of my hand, we sat quietly for a little
while.
Then, I put one hand around the neck of the mother and my other hand
with the snake ring intuitively at one point on her throat.
I looked at her in confusion, but followed the impulse, which sprang
from the ring touching her throat, and said that there was nothing the
matter with her.
She should
just speak.
She didn’t say anything.
I thought
that she did not understand what I said and got one of the children to
translate it to her.
The child explained it to her and then said to me that it wasn’t
because she did not want to speak.
She was not able to.
For the second time, I got self-centered and began wondering what I
was actually doing, sitting here telling a sick woman that she should
speak without knowing if she came to harm if she tried.
This time, I did not manage to shake off my self-centeredness and fled
to my hotel to recover.
I dropped off to sleep, and after a couple of hours I woke up and went
up the path to Suraj.
The old woman waited for me together with the mother who carried her
baby on her arm.
The mother greeted me respectfully and said something in Nepalese.
The old woman said: "She thanks you."
Tears of gratitude welled up in my eyes
because she spoke now, and because I had not harmed her.
I looked at the baby who sat on her mother’s arm without the bonnet
and understood that the mother thanked me for the baby’s healing.
The old woman and I lit a cigarette and smoked in silence.
When I was about to leave, she put her hands on my shoulders and
looked affectionately at me.
"You, my daughter," she said.
One
afternoon, a Nepalese woman came to me and pointed to the snake ring
and then to herself.
The children were as usual flocking around me and they explained that
she wanted my ring.
I said that
I couldn’t give it away because it belonged to me for special reasons.
Afterwards, I became sad because I felt that my action was contrary to
the power of the ring.
Why had I not given her the ring?
I went down to sleep for a couple of hours and when I woke up, it felt
as if the snake ring was not on my finger.
Feverishly I lifted my hand and saw that it was still there, but now I
understood that I was more attached to the ring than was good for me.
We were moving on toward
That very moment, it felt as if the snake
ring slid off my finger.
With a jerk I pulled my hand back and looked at it, frightened.
The ring was still there.
It was the second time I experienced a feeling of the ring
disappearing and wondered what was going on.
It suddenly appeared to me that I had to give the ring to the first
person who asked for it.
I shook my head, but since then, frequently, I caught myself skip
shining the ring every day, which I had to if it should not lose its
brilliance.
As soon as
we reached
He gave us a sitting, and afterwards, he said that I had taken in an
unusual amount of impressions, and so cleaning was needed.
After the sitting, we found a hotel in the same area of the city.
The hotel was called Anand Hotel, and that means The Hotel of Bliss.
My sister, her boyfriend and her son shared one room, and my son and I
another.
The hotel had a big open terrace in front of my sister’s room, and mostly we had our breakfast together there.
The day after our arrival, I told the Crown Prince that I was
disappointed to hear that I needed cleaning, because I had had the
impression that I had achieved a spiritual elevation in
He said that it was correct, but at the same time, I had taken in many
impressions which had to be cleaned out.
One day, I
managed to get access to the Palm Leaf Archives, which were found in
this city.
I heard about these archives at the Master’s farm.
They were said to be spread out all over
The Master believed in them, and therefore I was curious about them
and wanted to visit them, but I did not know where they were to be
found.
The father of the Crown Prince mentioned them one day, and it turned
out that he had the address for that part of the archive which was
found in
I looked forward to seeing if my palm leaf was there after giving my
date of birth and seeing the archivist disappearing to the backroom of
the place.
After some time, he came back with a small bundle that looked like
broad ice-cream sticks, but which were compressed palm leaves covered
with writing in Old Tamil.
He said that now he would find out if I was the right person who
fitted these palm leaves’ description.
He looked ahead of himself, began chanting and then asked: "Did your
first Guru come from your own country?"
I had not thought of my sister’s husband as my Guru, but actually it
was he who had revived my spiritual life and inspired me to embark on
the path I was on now.
He went on chanting and asked: "Is your father’s and mother’s name the
same?"
That I had
not thought of earlier either, because I was used to just calling my
parents mother and father.
When then he asked if their names were a religious designation, I
surrendered to believing that indeed these archives contained
information about me.
He asked me about other things from my
life too, but that did not impress me so much, because this
information was from those areas of my life which did not take me by
surprise.
In the end, he chanted: "Then let it be justified that this person is
the person who is described on these leaves."
Before we began, he had asked me what I wanted to know, and I had said
that I would like to know how my spiritual life and my love life would
develop in the future.
He now translated those pages into English and said that in the
beginning of my fifties my inborn melancholy would leave me.
From the middle of my fifties, I would get continuous visions of my
Guru and God, and in this life itself I would achieve my spiritual
goal.
My husband would come from another country south of my own, and his
name would be the name of a king.
I would meet him very soon, maybe tomorrow, but at the latest within a
year, and he would take well care of me.
A few days later, I played chess with my sister one evening and it was late before I got up to go to my own room.
When I came out into the hall, my son was talking with a young man and
it turned out that he also came from
I joined them, and it turned out that the Dane just arrived from
We talked about our experiences, and the conversation slid into
spiritual topics.
The Dane spoke in enthusiastic terms about a man who lived in
They met each other in
Every time we came across a spiritual issue that he had difficulties taking a stand on, he said that the Indian would not only be able to give a better answer than he could but also a better answer than I, because he felt that the answers I had found were lacking.
I got irritated because I felt he covered himself behind this Indian
all of the time, but my curiosity was aroused, and the following
morning when we had our brunch on the terrace, the Dane
came together with the Indian to pay us a visit.
He was a handsome young man with
glittering eyes that had an expression of cheerfulness and a depth,
which I, until then, only had seen in the Master.
The Dane flung out his hand and introduced him with the words: "The
king of the Universe."
I threw a fast glance at him to see if he was joking, but he looked at
the Indian with an expression of seriousness and adoration, and I
concluded that the Indian was his Guru.
The Indian introduced himself as Harishchandra, and later it turned
out that his holy name was TuTu.
A person's holy name is a designation of his/her spiritual condition,
and I have chosen to use this name for him where it is possible
without disturbing the context.
He wrote it himself in two ways, either as
22 or as TuTu, which was his personal preference of the English
‘Two-Two’.
They sat down at our table, and soon we were all spellbound by TuTu, who told us about his stay in the mountains, where a holy man gave him a pilgrim’s staff which had an expanding effect on his consciousness.
At some point in time however, the staff had served its purpose in his
life, and it glided away from him down a river he was bathing in.
He thought that this type of power
objects had to go on to others when they had served their
purpose, and was glad that now it went on to somebody else who needed
it.
I looked at the snake ring on my finger
and was relieved to think that if I had to pass it on, it would be
because it had served its purpose in my life.
He talked about spirals and reversed spirals, about time and its
dissolution into its opposite, but I did
not understand what he was talking about.
Anyway, I was spellbound listening to him,
and when he came to a point he found particularly funny, he laughed
out loud in a charming childlike way.
He told us that he left his home
with a few rupees in his pocket to go up into the
Sometimes, he lacked the daily necessities,
and sometimes, he got help from unexpected sources.
He was convinced that this happened when he moved through Reality in
the right way.
On a foggy
night on his way to
He was walking alone on the road and for no reason he was seized by
fear, and in his agony, he walked and walked.
At some point in time, it became clear to him that it was not he who
felt this fear but his ego.
He had some visions, and when they
stopped, he became completely calm and understood that he had
passed through the ego death.
As soon as this experience was over, he spotted
a house but was not sure whether to enter it or not as the people
inside might get scared if he knocked on their door in the middle of
the night to ask for shelter.
At that moment, he spotted a Tulsi plant outside the house.
His mother’s name was Tulsi, and when he saw the plant, he knew that
he could knock the door.
He did and was well received.
I looked suspiciously at him, because when he claimed that he had passed through the ego death, in actual fact, he had to be a Self-realized spiritual Master, and then, in my eyes, he ought to be way more ascetic than he was.
On the other hand, I had been drowning
in The White Light while he spoke, just like it sometimes
happened when the Master transmitted to me.
At first, I thought that it was the Master, who, for some reason or
another, had chosen to transmit to me from Shahjahanpur just now, but
then it occurred to me that maybe the transmission came from TuTu.
I decided to try to find out, and when
he and the Dane got up to leave, I said: "Thank you for the
transmission," and looked excited at him to see if he would look
surprised or ask "What transmission?" but
he flung his head back and laughed out loud: "You're welcome."
Showers of The White Light poured down on
me, uplifting and intoxicating me.
I was completely taken in by his free laughter, his soft voice and his
glittering and brilliant eyes, but I was shaken to my core.
I had believed that only the Master and his preceptors were able to
give transmissions of the White Light, but now I had met one more
person who was able to.
Halfway, I had expected the
Irishman to turn up in
Before we separated in Pokhara, he had told me that he came to Pokhara
with a friend in an old green van, and suddenly the friend had turned
up and insisted on leaving immediately.
The Irishman and I said goodbye.
He and his friend planned on going to
However, I did not know that at this point of time, and I had decided
to go to
I imagined that there was a short stretch in Goa where Westerners met
each other just like in Pokhara, because I often heard the sentence:
"We meet in Goa," among Westerners, and I could not imagine that one
would have a casual arrangement like that without having a
limited area to meet up.
I had bought an air ticket to
I had to start two days later, but
after TuTu and the Dane left, I went into my room and thought about
the issue.
For some reason or other I had lost my desire to travel.
The next evening, the Dane and TuTu came to visit us again while we had our dinner on the terrace, and we invited them to join us.
After dinner, the conversation soon entered spiritual issues and TuTu
told us that his spiritual elevation had begun already before he went
further up the mountains.
On his way, he had passed through Manipur and had made a stop there.
One day, he meditated and saw a White Light before his inner eye.
The experience was very powerful, and afterwards he had a splitting
headache.
I remembered my first transmission from the preceptor, where I saw The
White Light too, and I also had a splitting headache when I left from
there.
He continued by sharing about
small and big events during his journey but soon his words passed by
my ear as a soft rising and falling, while shower after shower of
White Light poured down on me and drowned me in bliss.
It was late before they got up to leave.
"We’ll be back one of these days," TuTu said.
"I am not here the next few days. I go to
"When will you be back?"
"Tuesday."
"Ok, we’ll meet Tuesday evening then," he said.
The next morning, I went out into the common bathroom for women and my sister joined me.
While showering, she said: "You… eh… that
Indian guy… let him be. He is too young and inexperienced, and an
experienced woman like you can twist him around your little finger
much too easily. I feel sorry for him if you only play with his
feelings, because I take it that you’re not interested in involving
yourself?"
TuTu was twenty-one, and I was thirty-three.
"I don’t know. You never know."
I stared thoughtfully ahead of myself.
Apparently, she had observed something about him and me, which I
myself wasn’t aware of yet.
"What about the Irishman?" she asked surprised.
"I don’t know. It’s difficult to say."
By now I completely regretted my decision about going to
When I arrived in
I did not know which direction to
take but spotted a group of Westerners in colorful clothes in a small
square.
I told them my problem and said that I was looking for two Irishmen in
a green van.
One of them said that a Goan would come in a moment, and he knew where
all foreign cars were to be found in
A moment later, the man turned up, and he suggested that we went to a
nearby café and talked it over.
I told him my problem, and he said that it
was too late in the day to go looking for the green van which he
knew very well as to where it was.
He told me that it was Christmas time, and therefore it wasn’t
possible to get a hotel room, but he had some friends who had a hotel
on the outskirts of town, so he would take me there for the night and
quarter me in their private domain, and then we could go the following
day.
There was something smooth and businesslike about him, which made me
feel unsafe, but I didn’t feel I had any choice
other than surrendering to the mercy
of fate, and I agreed.
"What kind of ring is it you have there?" he asked pointing to the
snake ring.
"Oh, it is one I bought in
"Was it expensive?"
"No, it only cost a few rupees."
"If you had two, I would ask you to give me one of them," he said.
My heart sank.
The impossible had happened.
Slowly, I took off the ring and pushed it across the table.
"You can have it," I said in a low tone of voice.
It glittered and sparkled on his little finger.
He got up and said that he had to pick up a scooter so he could take
me to the hotel.
He disappeared, and I went out and sat down on the square to wait for
him.
The ring had left me at the worst possible moment.
I was alone in a foreign town and I did
not believe that the Goan would return.
When I carried the ring, I felt protected.
I felt more and more defenseless as time passed, and when half an hour had passed, I began crying.
After crying for a while, I found it absurd that I was sitting here
crying about the loss of the ring.
I turned my thoughts towards the Master, and slowly I came at ease and
slid into meditation.
The meditation ran out, and the Goan came back on a scooter and took
me to his friends.
The
following day,
the Goan did not come back, and I took a bus that went along the
many beaches in
I found the green van, which the Goan talked about, but it belonged to a young European couple.
I made friends with the bus driver, and in the end, when I gave up
finding the Irishman, he said that I could live in his home, where his
mother and his sister would care well for me until I had to go back to
I said that I wanted to go back immediately and asked him to show me
where I could change my air ticket.
He shook his head and said that it wasn’t possible to get a plane out
of
It wasn’t open yet, but there was already
a long queue outside it.
Against all odds, I joined the queue.
The ticket office opened and people pushed their way in.
After another half an hour I reached the office.
Every time a person reached the counter, the clerk said: "No, there
are no seats available today. Next."
When I reached, the clerk looked at me, annoyed: "Yes?"
"I would like to go back to
"There are no seats today…" he stopped,
looked at me again and then said: "Well…
let me see."
He disappeared for a moment and came back: "Yes, there is just one
seat left. Let me see your ticket.”
A moment later, he came back with it stamped
‘ok’.
It was
I was looking forward to meeting the Dane the next morning but he had
moved out of the hotel.
I was
disappointed because I did not know how to meet TuTu again if he did
not come to visit the Dane.
It felt like a waste of precious time to wait
till Tuesday to see him.
I was surprised that my emotions were so intense and over some unusual
thoughts that emerged.
I thought that until now I had been incarcerated in the cage of time,
and presently the time-cage had finally lifted and allowed him whom I
had been waiting for to step into my time-space sphere.
When I saw his delicately built, slim, almost feminine figure again, I
wondered why I had yearned so intensely for this moment.
He came Tuesday evening, and we all went out and sat down in the
moonlight on the terrace where he entertained us, and around
"Did you have your purposes with your trip
served?" he asked.
I told him that I did not meet the Irishman, and as I wanted to show
him that my relationship with the Irishman was over, I took off the
love ring and gave it to him.
"This is a special ring," I said, "It is a love ring. The Irishman
gave it to me, but I don’t want to be tied to him anymore. You can
have it, so if you want to tie a woman to
you in love, you can give it to her."
"I wear no jewelry" he said, "but I’ll take it home and have it with
me."
One day, we were out driving around in the city on a motorbike, and he
told me that now he had found the woman whom he wanted to tie to
himself in love, and therefore he had decided to give her the ring.
My heart sank.
He took the ring out and gave it to me.
Happily I received it.
One afternoon, he casually said to me: "What is wrongdoing?"
In spite of the casual tone in his gentle voice, everything in me went
into red alert together with a feeling that my answer was decisive.
I mused and got the topic narrowed down to theft and murder, but was
it always wrong to take something that
did not belong to me?
It depended on whether the owner had thrown it away.
Was it always wrong to take another person’s life?
It depended on whether it happened as an accident in a situation,
where I defended my own life.
I thought and I thought, but could not
think of anything which was wrong through and through.
"I don’t know," I answered.
"Don’t you know what is right and wrong," he asked in his usual gentle
voice but with an undertone that made me squirm.
"No," I said stiffly, "it depends on the circumstances."
He laughed aloud with delight and threw his arms around me, looking at
me tenderly, and thereby I got the feeling that I had accomplished
some kind of achievement and I found it fortunate that I had thought
so deeply before I answered.
One day, TuTu told me that he had seen me in the afternoon sitting on the stone-step in front of the hotel the day before we met.
I looked melancholically ahead of
myself.
He had pointed to me and said to the Dane: "Look at that woman sitting
there. She is sad, and I have to help her with something or the
other."
I got irritated.
What a conceited guy.
Was he together with me because he thought that I was a poor wretch he
had to help with something or the other?
On the other hand it might be true?
I could not deny that slowly I had begun
to take up the Dane’s viewpoint that TuTu was some kind of
spiritual teacher.
He was very young, but it wasn’t the first time that a very young
person exposed spiritual qualities beyond the usual.
My being
together with him made me feel like a princess from 1001 Night’s
Adventures who had slept alone enclosed in a room while she dreamt
about her beloved, who in the end came flying through time and space
on a winged unicorn to wake her up by his magical arrival.
I was so
impressed by the feelings that arose in me in his company that I said
to my sister one day: "This is too good to be true. The abundance
which comes to my lot is so much that I fear the envy of even the
Gods"
In the same
way, on other occasions, words streamed out of my mouth which took me
by surprise.
One day, when TuTu and I were on our way to the beach in a rickshaw, I
turned towards him and exclaimed: "If people
can’t see that you are a king, even if you don’t wear a king’s
garment, they are completely blind."
And then I added: "Your Majesty, my king."
"My Goddess," he said.
I wanted to answer by addressing him with the words: "My God," but my
childhood’s image of God surfaced and prevented the words from coming
across my lips, so it was only much later that I came to understand
how much truth was hidden in those words.
Another day, I exclaimed: "I have been looking for you in all the Worlds, and just think that we were to meet here on this little piece of dust in the Universe called the Earth in the year of the Lord 1977. Who would have believed that?"
These statements mystified me and made me think that there was some part of my consciousness knowing something, which the rest of me did not know, but it turned out that everything came to light.
Our time in
Before our return to
When we arrived at the ashram, I decided to go back to
He looked surprised at me: "Don't you want to participate in
this… eh… celebration?"
I felt ashamed and looked down: "No, I’m leaving tomorrow."
He nodded and did not say anymore, and
the day after, both the boys and I were on our way back to
My sister and her boyfriend wanted to stay, and we were to meet in
The few days we spent in
My pilgrimage was over.
THE
SIXTH DIMENSION
____________________________________________________________________
THE
BRIDGE
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
MASCULINE:
THE
MENTAL
Contents part 1 Contents
part 2 Contents part 3
Contents part 4
Contents part 5
THE
SECOND COMING OF JESUS CHRIST
During my
first visit at the Master’s, when I saw an image of Jesus on the cross
come and go in my mind’s eye, I wondered what the Master had to do
with Jesus, but I brushed it aside by thinking that he cleansed an
impression from my own culture out of my mind even though I didn’t
remember when it was createdmanifested.
One day, I heard from one of the Master’s disciples that the Master
had taken on the responsibility for the disciples of Jesus for a
period, but secretly that made me think that he had to suffer from
self-aggrandizement, although I could not make it fit with my other
impressions of him.
Gradually,
as my interaction with TuTu developed, I came to believe that the
cleansed impression did not stem from my own culture but was almost
two thousand years old and it sprang
from the pain I felt as the thirteenth disciple Mary Magdalene, when
I witnessed the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
I also came to believe that it was necessary that the Master took on the responsibility for the disciples of Jesus for a period, because Jesus himself took on a life on Earth which demanded all of his attention, and that TuTu was the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.
It is said about Jesus that when he comes back he will bear the name The King of Truth.
TuTu was born on
He bore the name Harishchandra, which is the name of The King of Truth
in Indian mythology.
For daily
use, he was called by the first two syllables of his name, Harish.
Har means Wish and Ish
means God.
Put together it means God’s Wish.
TuTu called himself the reluctant Messiah, because it was not the
achievement of a personal desire which necessitated that he accepted
to live through those sufferings that came to his lot but a life he
took on according to God’s wish to carry out a specific task, like it
was the case for Jesus too.
Jesus said that God the Father is
found in Heaven and God the Son on Earth, and that the father and
the son are
one.
TuTu called Heaven for the Soul Realm
or the seventh dimension, and Earth for the third.
The last
part of TuTu’s personal name was Chandra, which means Moon.
In mythology, the moon represents the feminine principle - the
emotional, and the sun represents the masculine principle - the
thoughts, and his full personal name can thus be translated to – God’s
wish: The feminine principle.
TuTu
also explained that in every human being, whether man or woman, the
emotions reflect the light of the thoughts, like the moon reflects the
light of the sun.
Jesus taught about the masculine principle God the Father and God the
Son and came back as Harishchandra to complete this work by teaching
about the feminine principle Goddess the Mother and Goddess the
Daughter.
TuTu explained that Jesus veiled the feminine principle under the name
The Holy Spirit, because humankind at that time needed to step out of
the flock mentality by the help of the masculine principle.
The
Holy Spirit is thus the united energy from a woman and her soul, even
though they express themselves in two different dimensions, and
their united energy is greater than the sum of the energy from both
of them, and this feminine principle God now wishes to lift the veil
from and thereby place the masculine and the feminine in their right
places, side by side, on an equal footing.
Further,
TuTu explained that on Earth, the masculine principle represents the
mental plane, the individuality and the hierarchy, and the feminine
principle represents the emotional plane, the unity and the
Fellowship.
The mental
plane is different for everybody irrespective of gender and life
circumstances, and the emotional plane is the same for all
irrespective of gender and life circumstances.
Humankind
has now stepped out of the flock mentality by the help of the
hierarchy, and in that way achieved the respect for the individual,
and therefore time is ripe to achieve unconditional love, care,
compassion and mercy for the individual by the help of the Fellowship.
In the
Bible, the disciples have written that when Jesus comes back, he will
sit at the right hand side of God the Father, separate the sheep from
the goats and then pass judgment on them.
Those who are ready will follow him to the
TuTu said that the people will themselves
choose if they want to stand either by his right hand side or by his
left hand side, and thus they will themselves pass the judgment on
themselves.
Those that are goats will choose to stand by his left hand side and
those that are sheep will choose to stand by his right hand side.
The place by his left hand side belongs to God the Father, and the
place by his right hand side belongs to his Spirit Mate, his other
half, his Eternal Beloved.
Those who stand by his left hand side express in that way their desire
for God the Father’s place and thus their desire for the power and the
glory, but that is not due to them.
Those who stand by his right hand side express in that way their
desire for his Eternal Beloved’s place and thus their desire for the
unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy, and that is due to
them.
Those who
wish to take God the Father’s place wish to
take a place which no human being is able to fill in and any
attempt to do so is therefore due to lack of discernment.
As written in the Bible, people who lack
this discernment, fornicate with the great harlot, whom the
disciples called
TuTu called the great harlot prestige and said that these people think
they can have their desire for the power and the glory fulfilled by
the help of the great harlot.
They court the favor of the harlot
by acquiring all the riches of the Earth, but the riches do not belong
to them, and in that way they become robbers and assaulters, although
they are dressed in gold and purple.
All the riches of the Earth are Mother Earth’s gift to all of her
children, but in their insanity those who fornicate with the harlot,
rape their own mother, the Earth, to acquire more and more.
As a result of these actions, they will be thrown into the lake of
fire, which consists of the great pain in their innermost heart,
because they cannot hear the desire of their heart.
In the lake of fire, they learn
to discern their innermost heart’s desire from all other
desires.
Only when they honestly admit their human
limitation,
ignorance, powerlessness and mortality and
act accordingly, they achieve the power of discernment that whispers
in their ear that the only thing their innermost heart desires is to
give and receive the unconditional love, care, compassion and
mercy.
Those who desire his Eternal Beloved’s
place show that they are ready to receive the unconditional
love, care, compassion and mercy, and
thereby they show, as written in the Bible, that they have the
wedding garment on, and therefore they shall follow him to the
They will do this as groom’s swains and bride’s maids to participate
in his Spiritual Wedding with his other
half, and this means that they
acknowledge and pick up the message that the Spiritual Wedding
exists, and pass it on.
When they themselves reach the point
where, consciously, they are able to enter the seventh dimension,
they know that soon they are going to stand in front of God's Holy
Altar, to enter into their own Spiritual Wedding with their own
Eternal Beloved, who will give them the unconditional love, care,
compassion and mercy, and to whom they will give the same, and in
their joy and anticipation they sing songs of praise about his
Spiritual Wedding together with the Heavenly Choir as written
in the Bible.
TuTu explained further that God the Father holds the power of creation and Goddess the Mother holds the power of manifestation.
The creationmanifestation took place as a result of the love between
the power of creation and the power of manifestation.
In the third dimension, this comes to
expression when the man’s seed that holds the power of creation and
the woman’s egg that holds the power of manifestation merge, and in
this way, new life and new movement is also brought into the World
as a result of the love between the two.
The power of creation is the
unmanifest, the invisible and the darkness, and the power of
manifestation is the manifest, the visible and the light that streams
out from the Soul Plane, the seventh dimension.
In the individual human being, the presence of God the Father can be
observed as the Spirit of the Soul or the oneness and the presence of
Goddess the Mother can be observed as Soul of the Spirit or the
individuality.
Self-realization
means to make oneself real to oneself, and God-realization means to
make God real to oneself.
At its highest vantage point, Self-realization and God-realization is
one and the same, but the achievement of the highest vantage point
consists in a process involving various stages, where a person
gradually realizes his/her multidimensional existence.
A person who
exclusively perceives his/her existence in the third dimension as real
and therefore acts in accordance with this achieves his/her perception
of Reality by attaching himself or herself to people, animals, plants
and material things in the third dimension.
To such a person, God is either a hope that maybe there is more
between heaven and earth or a fantasy that other people have for
various reasons.
A person who
perceives his/her existence in both the third and the fourth dimension
as real and therefore acts in accordance with this achieves his/her
perception of Reality by also attaching himself/herself to his/her and
others’ need for time and space as well as his/her own and others’
movements through space over time, besides the attachments to the
third dimension.
To such a person, God is either a hope to
personally experience a miracle, something which is in opposition to
the generally accepted facts in the third dimension, or despondency
because of the lack of miracles in his/her own life, but TuTu said
that such a person need not despair and added: "Don’t hope for a
miracle. Count on it."
A person who
perceives his/her existence in the third, the fourth and the fifth
dimension as real and therefore acts in accordance with this achieves
his/her perception of Reality by also attaching himself/herself to
his/her own and others’ emotional life, besides the attachments to the
third and fourth dimension.
To such a
person, God is either a merciful but inexplicable power whose paths
are incomprehensible, or a threatening force that can crush all hopes
to punish the person in question for known or unknown trespasses.
A person who perceives his/her existence
in the third, the fourth, the fifth and the sixth dimension as real
and therefore acts in accordance with this achieves his/her
perception of Reality by also attaching himself/herself to his/her
own and others’ thought life, besides the attachments to the third,
fourth and fifth dimension.
To such a
person, God is a rational being who acts for reasons that might appear
incomprehensible to the person but because the motives of God spring
from a desire for the most advantageous for each and all, life as it
transpires has to be accepted, because there are good reasons behind
the happenings that the person will probably come to understand at
some point in life.
A person who
perceives his/her existence in the third, the fourth, the fifth, the
sixth and the seventh dimension as real and therefore acts in
accordance with this achieves his/her perception of Reality by also
attaching himself/herself to love, care, compassion and mercy, besides
the attachments to the third, fourth, fifth and sixth dimension.
To such a
person, God is a loving, caring, compassionate and merciful Being who
acts with a loving, caring, compassionate and merciful intention for
all, and therefore such a person has to receive both life’s pains and
joys as an expression of God’s gifts of love, and at the highest
vantage point of this stage, the person in question achieves his/her
individual and personal Self-realization, which consists in realizing:
"I am God."
Through this realization, the person slowly realizes that not only he/she is God, but that everything and everybody everywhere at all levels of existence is God, and as a result of this realization, the person slowly achieves his/her universal and impersonal Self-realization, which consists in realizing: "Everything and everybody everywhere at all levels of existence is God.”
Therefore, such a person perceives his/her own impulses and his/her interactions with everything and everybody everywhere at all levels of existence as his/her continuous conversation with God.
A person who
perceives his/her existence in the third, fourth, fifth, sixth and
seventh dimensions as well as the Absolute, the eighth dimension as
real and therefore acts in accordance with this achieves his/her
perception of Reality by also attaching himself/herself to God,
besides the attachments to the third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh
dimension.
For such a person, God is the Eternal Beloved, the Only One, and when such a person connects himself/herself to another human being of the opposite gender who is the Only One for him/her, he/she slowly gets to know God’s unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy through his/her own unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy for his/her beloved and through his/her beloved’s unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy for himself/herself.
Some thought that their one and only was of the same gender as themselves, but TuTu said that to be able to move from the seventh dimension into the Absolute, all the assumed forms of identity had to be shed.
He explained that some of us chose our other half, our Eternal Beloved, from the same gender as we ourselves have, because a masculine soul could take on a female body and vice versa so as to fulfill specific purposes in life and therefore it might happen that we found our Eternal Beloved in a form with the same gender as ourselves.
When these purposes have been fulfilled and the life goal has become to enter the Absolute, such Souls take their rightful gender so as to be able to enter the Absolute.
To illustrate our multidimensional existence a graph is found below that links our life experiences together with the dimensions.
The green circle in
this graph is supposed to
illustrate our physical
life, and that
is referred to as our
third dimensional life.
The blue circle illustrates our
life in
space and time, and that
is referred to as our fourth
dimensional life
The red circle illustrates
our emotional life,
and that is referred to as
our fifth dimensional
Life
The yellow circle
illustrates our thought
life, and that
is referred to as our sixth dimensional
life.
The orange circle
illustrates our thought-free
mental life, and that
is also referred to as our
sixth dimensional life
The violet circle illustrates
our social life, and
that is referred to as our
seventh dimensional life.
In the center of the graph, the black color illustrates the unmanifested power of creation, and the white color illustrates the unmanifested power of manifestation.
To achieve his/her individual and
personal Self-realization, his/her own wholeness, a person has to
achieve the realization of the existence of God the Father
and Goddess the Mother.
To achieve this, a person has to surrender to the universal and
impersonal presence of God the Father by surrendering to spiritual
principles and to the universal and impersonal presence of Goddess the
Mother by surrendering to earthly principles.
The spiritual principles are omnipresence, omniscience, omnipotence
and immortality.
The earthly principles are limitation, ignorance, powerlessness and
mortality.
To surrender to the spiritual principles a person has to take help
from his/her thinking, and to surrender to earthly principles he/she
has to take help from his/her feelings.
The surrender takes place gradually as the
person learns to see, hear, feel and sense both his/her Spirit and
his/her body, and at the same time, acts confidently in accordance
with what he/she sees, hears, feels or senses.
Once the
Master was asked if it is good for the spiritual life to live in
celibacy and he answered laughingly: "God is no fool. If it was enough
with one gender, there wouldn’t be two."
TuTu explained that the most potent power of the human being is the
sexual, and a person can go as far as the seventh dimension by the
help of platonic love or by the help of sexual love for a person of
the opposite or the same gender.
To get
access to the Absolute, the sexual power also has to be active, but
for this purpose, it has to be pure.
The sexual power is pure when the person has attained the capacity to
honestly follow the swing of his/her own sexual feelings during
lovemaking without denial of the intensity or lack of it in his/her
sexual feelings.
They
step in, hand in hand, after concluding their Spiritual Wedding with
each other in their personal TuTu consciousness at the entrance to
the God Realm.
They step in, hand in hand, after concluding their Spiritual Wedding
with each other in their personal Ardhanarishvara/ManWoman and with
their impersonal Ardhanarishvara/ManWoman at the entrance to the God
Realm.
They enter the God Realm as one being like they were before the Big
Bang where they got split into a 'he' and a 'she', and in that process
they lost their oneness both with each other and with God,
and so they did not know anymore, who they were
and what they were.
A human being’s surrender to his/her beloved’s Spirit and body takes place through the four weddings.
The first
wedding is The Earthly Wedding, which consists in the sexual union of
his and her corporeal bodies.
If love and compassion fades when the sexual
attraction fades, this marriage can be broken.
If love and compassion does not fade, time is ripe for The Angelic Wedding, which is the union of his and her heart.
This marriage cannot be broken no matter how much hardship the couple
is exposed to, because nobody can resist the power of love.
When hardships have cleansed their hearts so that love, care, compassion and mercy stand pure, time is ripe for their Divine Wedding, which is the union of their Souls, and as a result of this wedding they realize that their beloved’s Soul and body is God the Father’s and Goddess the Mother’s individual and personal presence for them outside themselves, like their own Soul and body is God the Father's and Goddess the Mother's individual and personal presence for them inside themselves.
When love, care, compassion and
mercy for the beloved’s Soul and body has become unconditional, time
is ripe for their Spiritual Wedding, which is the union of their
Spirits, and this wedding gives them access to The Holy Grail, The
Ocean of Love, in the Absolute, and thus the high God The
Father and Goddess the Mother, and the low God the Son – who
is the outer to his beloved and the inner to himself –
and Goddess the Daughter – who is the outer to her beloved and
the inner to herself – unite in one being who holds both the high
and the low, the inner and the outer, and this
United consciousness is their individual and personal God.
As a result of their Spiritual Wedding,
at the same time, they also get connected with everything and
everybody everywhere at all levels of existence, and this is their
universal and impersonal God.
In the Bible
it is written that a time will come where God comes down on Earth to
sleep by the side of humankind, and at this time, God will wipe every
tear from humankind’s eyes.
TuTu said that this time occurs for a human being after
The Spiritual Wedding has taken place.
The relationship between spouses consists in their separateness in the form of their individuality and their unity in the form of their love and compassion for each other, and this love and compassion is their mutual body.
In their mutual body, the man is
the mental and the woman the emotional.
Therefore, the man takes the position of the head that juts into the
heaven, and the woman takes the position of the feet that walk on the
Earth, and in this way they both take their rightful places in their
mutual body.
With love and compassion for his own and the woman’s individuality,
the man selects the path the couple has to walk, and the woman
achieves her
With love and compassion for her own and
the man’s individuality, the woman selects where on the path the
couple has to place their feet, and the man achieves his
TuTu explained that shortly before his death Jesus washed the feet of
his disciples to call attention to his love, care, compassion and
mercy for the feminine principle with this symbolic act.
A man can approach his beloved’s four aspects by approaching the Goddess, the mother, the woman and the girl.
A woman can approach her beloved’s four aspects by approaching the
God, the father, the man and the boy.
A man
approaches the Goddess to ask for directions as to where to place his
feet, and the right attitude is then to take his place as the boy who
asks for a favor and becomes grateful if he receives it.
A woman approaches the God to ask for directions as to which path she should take, and the right attitude is then to take her place as the girl who asks for a favor and becomes grateful if she receives it.
A man
approaches the mother and a woman approaches the father to ask for
care, and the right attitude is then to take his/her place as the boy
or the girl who asks for a favor and becomes grateful if he/she
receives it.
A man/woman approaches the woman/man to ask for lovemaking, and the right attitude is then to take his/her place as the boy/girl who asks for a favor and becomes grateful if he/she receives it.
In the lovemaking, the man and the woman take the right attitude by being innocently selfish like children who only listen to the swing of their own sexual feelings, and they ask their partner to satisfy their desire for touch in a way that their sexual feelings reveal to them will feel the best, and they become grateful if they receive it.
A man/woman approaches the girl/boy to ask her/him to play with him/her, and the right attitude is then to take his/her place as the boy/girl who asks for a favor and becomes grateful if he/she receives it.
These
attitudes are the right ones because we must become like children anew
to enter the Garden of Eden, that place in existence where love and
compassion for the beloved fill in all emptiness.
That human being, who has achieved his/her individual and personal Self-realization, but who lives alone, must patiently wait to meet his/her beloved to achieve his/her Absolute Self-realization and in the meantime prepare for this meeting by using his/her personal contact with his/her true Self as the head and his/her life and will as the feet.
The true
Self then selects the path this person must take, and the person
himself/herself chooses where on the path he/she will put his/her
feet.
It is
important that money, property, power and prestige issues do not
divert us from taking our rightful places, because it is as difficult
for the rich to enter
The rich has acquired more than he/she
needs to be able to strut around in self-important seriousness and
let others serve him/her for money, and because others serve him/her
in that way, he/she believes that his/her desires are more
important than everybody else’s, and therefore he/she is like a fool
who plays wise.
The one who receives the fulfillment of his/her big and small desires
like a grateful child instead of demanding is a fool in the eyes of
the rich but is, however, the true sage who takes his/her rightful
place as the child at the root of his/her own being, and who can
therefore get access to Paradise where to tickets cannot be bought for
property, money, power or prestige.
A spiritual
teacher, who lets himself/herself be served by his/her students, or
who receives payments in any form to pass on his/her spiritual
experiences is like the rich, who distributes pearls to exalt
himself/herself, but when a person exalts himself/herself, also the
abasement has to follow
This will take place at the point
in time when the concerned person
realizes
that he/she is neither more nor less than any other
creaturemanifestion and thus has to step down from his/her
self-exalted state.
TuTu explained that the masculine image of the World is perceived as rational, exact and predictable, and the feminine image as irrational, inexact and unpredictable.
In some societies, the irrational is
perceived as negative, on the border of insanity.
This attitude is often found in societies which are dominated by the
mental.
In other societies, which are dominated by the emotional, a similar
negative attitude is found about the rational, but both attitudes are
out of balance because thoughts that are not combined with emotions
can lead to many cold and heartless actions, and emotions that are not
combined with thoughts can lead to many explosive and destructive
actions.
Therefore, it is just as necessary for men to learn to listen to their
emotions as it is for women to learn to put their emotions into a
mental frame, and in this way, both of them
can learn to createmanifest balanced actions.
Jesus was referred to as Christ.
Many use the two names at random but TuTu explained that it is essential
to discern between the individual person Jesus and the
universal field of consciousness called Christ, which Jesus came into
the World to inform humanity about.
Furthermore, he said that today there are many to be found in this
field of consciousness.
Some are not even aware of it themselves because they don’t discern
between the person Jesus and his state of consciousness called Christ.
The Christ Consciousness expresses itself differently in different
people depending on their personal inclination and capacity, but the
characteristics for anyone who has achieved the Christ Consciousness
is that he/she has a personal contact with his/her true Self, that
he/she has surrendered his/her will and life to his/her true Self's
care, and that he/she shows love, care, compassion and mercy towards
those who still suffer.
Anybody who is found in the field of consciousness called Christ can
rightfully add this designation to his/her name as his/her holy name
showing his/her existential standing.
The development of the Christ Consciousness can take place in many ways, and one of these is to work all The Twelve Steps in any of The Fellowships Anonymous, which TuTu called The Free Church of the Christ, where the members can learn to live in accordance with the principles of the field of the Christ Consciousness that consists in having a personal contact with one's true Self, having surrendered one’s will and one’s life to one's true Self's care and in showing love, care, compassion and mercy to those who still suffer.
In these Fellowships, the members can easily get access to the Christ
Consciousness because a spiritual teacher who has worked the 12 Steps
in any of the Fellowships Anonymous and who is called a sponsor can
guide the newcomer on his/her path to his/her true Self and thereby
make it possible for him/her to surrender to his/her true Self's care
and thus achieve the spiritual awakening that consists in love, care,
compassion and mercy for the still suffering.
Thereby he/she has attained the Christ Consciousness that is also called the consciousness of mercy and he/she can justly ad the name Christ to his/her personal name and thereby express his/her existential stage by the help of his/her holy name; Christ.
The sponsors do this work without receiving either money or services,
and therefore nobody needs to lack the Christ Consciousness and the
personal contact with God today.
The principles that express themselves through the field of
consciousness called TuTu are: A personal contact with one´s true
Self, unconditional surrender to one's true Self's care,
unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy for all,
be it the still suffering or those who
are successful in
their own eyes or in the eyes of society.
Anybody who
has worked the 12 Steps either in Active
Addictions
Anonymous -The Wild life or in any of the other 12 Step
Fellowships Anonymous, or who otherwise
considers himself/herself to be
ready can participate in Christs
Anonymous - The Thirteenth Step if he/she desires to, and
in ChrisAn he/she can work with The Thirteenth Step after having
completed the Twelve Steps of Christs Anonymous.
This Program is called The Thirteenth Step because one first works The Twelve Steps and then The Twelve Traditions that constitutes one more step, the Thirteenth Step.
In this Fellowship, members introduce
themselves by first stating their personal name followed by an
honest and courageous admission of their holy name, their state of
consciousness, by saying: "I'm Christ".
Although,
some may feel outraged by this, TuTu suggested to those who fear the
outrage to be brave and stand by their Christ Consciousness.
In this way, we can contribute to make the Christ Consciousness real
to ourselves and to the World in all its nuances, and this will help
us to get everything put into its right place and others to achieve
the Christ Consciousness, even though we have been told that this
state of consciousness is unattainable to anybody but Jesus.
This untruth is expressed by those who desire the power and the glory,
and so they demand that anybody who admits to possess the Christ
Consciousness must be able to walk on water in physical Reality, and
thereby, they hinder the nuances of the Christ Consciousness in coming
to an honest expression.
The Program of Christs Anonymous consists in first admitting that we are powerless over our addiction to our thinking mind, our ego, and how that makes our life unmanageable and then to open ourselves to believing that a Power greater than us can lead us to our true Self, our Spirit, and thus to Joy of Being.
Then we make a decision unconditionally to surrender our will and our
life to the care of our Higher Power as we understand that Power.
With the courage and the strength this decision brings forth we make a
searching and fearless inventory of ourselves, and then we admit our
exact nature to ourselves, to our true Selves, to another human being
and to our ChrisAn Fellowship.
After this, we make ourselves ready to be liberated from all our defects of character, and when we have become entirely ready, we humbly ask our true Selves to liberate us from them.
Next, we make a list of all the persons we have harmed - seen through
the eyes we have achieved by the help of the first seven Steps in our
Christs Anonymous Program, - beginning with making amends to ourselves
and we also become willing to make amends to everyone else on our
list, and when time is ripe, we make the amends, unless making direct
amends will harm ourselves, them or others that are indirectly
involved in the consequences of the situation we want to make amends
for .
If that is the case, we give indirect amends by doing what we want to
do for the person, we have harmed, but to another human being, who
needs it.
Then, we continue to take daily inventory and when we are wrong
promptly admit it.
Through prayer and meditation, we seek to improve our conscious
contact with our Higher Power, as we understand that Power,
asking only for knowledge of our Higher Power’s will for us and the
power to carry that out.
After having achieved a spiritual awakening as a result of this work,
we continue to practice these principles in our daily life and pass on
the message to others that it is possible – by the help of the 12 Step
Program of Christs Anonymous – to let go of one's addiction to one's
thinking mind, one's ego so as to be united with one's true Self,
one's Spirit and thereby be led to Joy of Being.
After finishing the work with the Twelve Steps we work with The Twelve
Traditions, each of which deals with our relationship with The World
around us, and by the help of this work we become able to place our
spiritual clarity in our Earthly contexts.
The Twelve
Traditions put together are equivalent to one last Step - The
Thirteenth Step.
TuTu said
that, to complete The Bridge to The New World Order, AcAdAn,
which stands for the 12 Step Fellowship of Active Addictions
Anonymous - The Wild Life also has to come forth.
Those of us who, even if
we want to, cannot free ourselves from our Earthly dependency of
alcohol, drugs, nicotine, food, our body,
compulsive spending, sex, relationships, codependency, destructive
thoughts and emotions, character defects, work, money, power,
prestige, fame, material or spiritual ambitions, or any other
obsession that drives us to act compulsively, can
be a member of AcAdAn.
Today,
many are found who suffer from a severe case of active addiction, and
many more that have a mild or moderate form of this disease, and in
the here and now, any case of addiction can consist in mild cases that
can be resolved, medium or severe cases that may be resolved and light
cases that can be resolved, but whether our addiction can be resolved
in the here and now or not,
nobody who wants access to a 12 Step Fellowship should be denied this
no matter the character their active addiction.
TuTu
said
that if the Fellowships Anonymous – all the Fellowships that work with
a 12-Step Program in one form or other – want to participate in
relieving the suffering on Earth, they could form a foundation called
ToTo's Solfond, which could support the creationmanifestation of homes
for homeless human beings all over the World, in particular for
children.
On
the first of September every year, all of the Fellowships Anonymous
put together could distribute the foundation funds for homeless
purposes with 22% in The North, 22% in The South, 22% in The East and
22% in The West.
The
remaining 12% could be used for expenses incurred by the foundation,
and any surplus from here could be returned to the foundation at the
end of a calendar year and thus be included in the next year’s
distribution of the foundation funds.
If
we chose to use the surplus of our group from any 12 Step Group in
this way, at the same time, we chose to contribute to improve the
World we are part of, where it is needed the most.
On
the 22nd of August every year,
we could organize a convention in
Here,
we could look into how much money we had collected and participate in
the decision as to how we wanted our money to be used in accordance
with the suggested guide lines.
In the
beginning of the life of the foundation, there would hardly be
anything to distribute, in particular because we give free copyright
and access to those who want to read our literature or who want to
pass it on.
Still, we do
not increase our contributions in our own 12-Step Group, because we
want that the foundation should grow forth harmoniously as an
expression of the united will of our Fellowships to contribute to the
World we live in, where it is
needed the most, and
we
ensure that the foundation does not reflect one person’s or a few
members’ influence or affluence.
TuTu called himself the Messiah Anonymous.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of The New World Order, and that
means that it is not the personal data, life story or behavior of the
individual person which shall be focused on but how earthly and
spiritual principles work in this person’s life, and therefore no
person can evaluate another person or another person’s life or
behavior by looking at him/her from the outside.
Seen from the outside, a person’s life may be filled with misfortunes
and degradations, but seen from within, in spite of it all, living in
accordance with earthly and spiritual principles can fill the life of
the person with happiness and elevations, even if this person lives at
the bottom of society, outcast and persecuted, conscious that his/her
life will end at a young age with a violent death, like it was the
case for Jesus, and like it was the case for Harishchandra too, but
this can only be known if the person chooses to tell about it.
Therefore TuTu’s personal life shall not be considered an example to
be followed but to be one of many upcoming examples as to how living
in accordance with the principles of TuTu can affect a person’s life.
However, it is important to inform about his personal data, not to
break the principle of anonymity but for the sake of giving anybody
who needs a confirmation that he has indeed lived on Earth the
opportunity to have it confirmed.
TuTu explained that in the case of Jesus the principle of anonymity was not observed, and therefore, today, confusion still exists concerning the messenger and the message.
Jesus chose thirteen companions who were going to be the carriers of
the Christ Consciousness, so they could pass on the message about
Christ when Jesus himself died.
The teachings they received took a different course because they
traveled with him and were affected by his radiation, while at the
same time, they had the opportunity to observe how the principles in
Christ expressed themselves in one person’s life, namely in the life
of Jesus.
In spite of the personal teaching that they received, to some extent,
they too confused the messenger and the message, and also the
zeitgeist, to a certain extent, clouded their perspective.
The contemporary perspectives of
those times concerning women were also
prevalent among the thirteen and
this expressed itself in various ways, but TuTu said that in spite
of this, truth will triumph in the end.
The twelve had the idea that the message would lose its power of
penetration if society had to accept a woman like Mary Magdalene - who
not only spoke in congregations but at the same time was considered an
outcast of the society - as one of the carriers of the holy
consciousness of Christ, and therefore they expelled her from the
group after Jesus’ death citing the reason that Israel had twelve
tribes and there were twelve months in a year, and therefore thirteen
was an unfortunate number, and after that they spoke about her as an
appendage to the group and not as one of the group.
However, they understood that the feminine principle could not be
omitted entirely, and instead they chose to focus on his personal
story by involving Mary, the mother of Jesus, as the feminine aspect.
Jesus himself pointed out that his mother was not a carrier of the
Christ Consciousness when he dismissed her and his brothers at the
doorway stating that they were not his true family.
TuTu called the birth of Jesus a whim in nature, who, in this way,
chose to mark his birth as a special event which was worth noticing,
and therefore it could not be perceived as an example to be followed.
That adoration of virginity, which became a result of confusing the
messenger and the message, has cost both men and women much pain and
has also createdmanifested problems in the development of the love
life of humankind.
Even today, there are many who perceive thirteen as an unfortunate number, but Jesus chose thirteen disciples to call attention to the thirteenth letter ‘m’ in the Hebrew alphabet.
‘M’ stands for the holy feminine principle Goddess the Mother.
The sixth letter in the alphabet is ‘f’, which stands for the holy
masculine principle God the Father.
In the Bible, the Holy Trinity consists in God the Father, God the son and the Holy Spirit, and it is stated that the numbers 6-6-6 are the sign of the animal, which has given rise to many fables about these numbers as the numbers of the Devil, the Evil numbers etc.
The Bible warns people against the formation of 6-6-6, because if you exclusively perceive God to be the creative male force, and exclude the manifesting female force, it will createmanifest problems in the perspectives on existence both for the individual and for society, because this formation of numbers put God the Father in all three places of The Holy Trinity and thus it excludes humanity in the form of God the son and also the Holy Spirit, which is the holy feminine principle Goddess the Mother and Goddess the daughter.
When we embrace only the divine masculine force in our perception of God, we give life-force to the formation of 6-6-6, the number of the beast - the animal man and the animal woman - the lowest and most destructive class of people within humankind, thus creatingmanifesting an immense and prolonged suffering for humankind as prophesied in The Bible.
TuTu said that love and forgiveness go hand in hand, but the group around Jesus was not able to forgive Judas for his contribution to the death of Jesus in spite of the fact that they were carriers of the Christ Consciousness, but those who want to follow earthly principles have to work with themselves until they find the place of forgiveness within themselves.
Forgiveness cannot be given as a decision but has to spring from the
heart, otherwise the person puts himself/herself aside to give to
another, and thereby he/she loses contact with his/her true condition.
Judas was consumed by political issues and thought that Jesus was
going to be king of the country.
He imagined that if only the priests met him, they would realize that he ought to be king, and therefore he wanted to bring the priests and Jesus together, but when he saw the consequence of his action, he took his own life in pain and despair because of it.
After two thousand years, in her present life as TuTu’s wife, Mary
Magdalene realized that humanity consists in being limited, ignorant,
powerless and mortal, and like humanity prevented Judas from
foreseeing the consequences of his actions, it prevented her from the
same, and thus she had to realize the truth of the words of Jesus:
"The one who is without sin throws the first stone," and then she
forgave Judas.
At
an even later stage, when she read G. I. Gurdjieff's trilogy: All
and Everything, she came to perceive Judas as having been instructed
by Jesus to act as he did so that Jesus could fulfill his mission,
and thus it fell into place for her, when all the
contemporary accounts in the Bible unanimously reported that Jesus said
to Judas during the Last Supper: Go and do what you must do, and that it
was a possibility that Judas committed suicide in order to follow his
much-loved Master to the Higher
Worlds
without
waiting for his old age.
That time came too when she
forgave the people who contributed to the death of Jesus, but she was
only able to do so after her Spiritual Wedding with him as
Harishchandra Sharma TuTu took place, because she understood then what
she did not understand before, and thereby she realized that also she
had contributed to his death.
She understood that TuTu and she were the first of the eternal couples
who left the Absolute to experience life as creaturesmanifestations.
We chose to manifest as Quadruplets together with another couple, who
wanted the same, and thus we manifested in four directions - the
North, the South, the East and the West - and in that way, Four became
the first positive power factor in the creationmanifestation where the
invisible is the negative, the darkness or the Spirit, and the visible
is the positive, the light or matter.
Others of the eternal couples followed in the wake in wave after wave,
until everybody who had the same desire had projected themselves out
of the Absolute and into createdmanifested forms.
Gradually, as the couples moved into the third dimension, many forgot
their original desire and became dissatisfied with life.
They began cursing the day they were createdmanifested, and said that
they would not have gone out if he who went out first had not done so.
His name was Lucifer, the light carrier, whom God loved, because he
loved life under all circumstances.
Those who cursed their destiny asked Lucifer how he was able to love
life, and he answered that he had accepted that every
creaturemanifestation had to carry a cross, which consists in
limitation, ignorance, powerlessness and mortality.
They retorted that it was exactly
their limitation, ignorance, powerlessness and mortality that
createdmanifested the anger in themselves.
He explained that his acceptance sprang from the fact that he had
chosen to unconditionally surrender his will and his life to the care
of his Absolute consciousness, which he called his true Self.
His true Self’s form consisted in the individuality and the unity, and
these were not confined within any mortal body.
The result of his own limitation because of his mortal body was his
ignorance about many things and his powerlessness over that which he
did not know, but because his true Self was not submitted to these
limitations, he moved ahead courageously in life trusting the lead of
his true Self.
Therefore, he could use his life force to enjoy life and help himself
to all the good things that his true Self offered him on life’s
journey; while at the same time, he accepted the pains of life as a
necessary part of creationmanifestation.
To experience life as a creaturemanifestation, he had to separate
himself from the unlimited to take on a limited form, and the pain of
life consists in this separation, which is also called death in all
things, whether big or small.
They got angry and said that they had not got their life to give it
away to a true Self, but now they understood better why they suffered.
The true Self was quite simply revengeful and sent them sufferings,
because they did with their life what they wanted.
He answered that their true Self gave them the freedom to do what they
wanted with their life, but when a creaturemanifestation reached a
point where he/she asked his/her true Self to take over the care of
his/her will and his/her life, he/she would open up to the discovery
that his/her true Self had taken on the responsibility of leading
him/her in accordance with his/her own desires from the beginning to
the end, and thereby, he/she would gradually realize the unconditional
love, care, compassion and mercy of his/her true Self, and little by
little, that would make his/her anger and bitterness about being a
creaturemanifestation disappear.
They were seized by distrust and said to each other that he was just a fallen angel who tried to misguide them, but now you could see that when all came down to it he was in Reality their most ardent opponent because who could rejoice in life if you had to give it away at the same time.
When they suffered, they wanted the same suffering to come to his lot
so he could discover the true character of his true Self.
When his other half heard their answer, she was seized by shame and fled from him.
In the end, the innocent one did not find
a stone on which he could lean his head, and he gave in to the
outrage and asked what we wanted from him.
We answered that he should live as a son of humankind, without a job,
at the bottom of society, outcast and persecuted, and besides this, he
should go through the most severe of tortures that came to the lot of
those whom society proclaimed to be criminals.
If, under these circumstances, without anger, he would surrender his
will and his life to his true Self’s care, then we would believe that
this was the way to love life as a creaturemanifestation.
He agreed to take on this task in compassion for our lack of insight,
and at the same time, he hoped that his destiny would arouse our
compassion, because he needed our love and compassion just as much as
we needed his.
When we saw him hang on the cross, we realized that he had completed
the task and many picked up the message, but many dissociated
themselves from it and continued to curse Lucifer and blame him for
their self-created-self-manifested hell.
The many that picked up
the message spread over the Earth to pass it on.
One single person of those, who picked up
the message shortly after the death of Jesus, was a powerful
messenger, but to a certain extent, he was also blinded by his human
limitation, ignorance, powerlessness and mortality, and because he
could not simultaneously hold the thought that The Messiah, The
World Teacher, was executed as a criminal and that God's love is
infinitely merciful, he found peace from this paradox by creatingmanifesting
the myth about the Savior.
This misunderstanding has createdmanifested much suffering in those,
who wanted to follow the teachings of Jesus, and now it seems to have
taken roots as that mental illness which is known by the name of The
Savior Complex, popularly known as Codependency.
Below is a graph which illustrates the thought pattern in this
complex.
These four
characteristics in the Ring of the Savior Complex constitute one
thought pattern and that means that all four of them become active if
one activates just one of them.
Below, the four main
streams of thinking in this complex are described separately:
THE SAVIOR: I have to
save others from the consequences of their social life, their
thoughts, emotions and actions so that I get to feel good about
myself.
THE SEDUCER: Others cannot bear to know how I think, feel and act, and
therefore I have to conceal, deny, twist, manipulate, lie or falsify
that image of my Reality which I pass on to others, so that I get to
feel good about myself.
THE OFFENDER:
Other’s social life, thoughts, emotions and actions are wrong, and it
is my task to change them so that I get to feel good about myself.
THE VICTIM:
I have to sacrifice my money, time, energy and interests for others so
that I get to feel good about myself.
The healing of this mental illness consists in creatingmanifesting an opposing environment of thoughts in one's mind, and the healthy thought pattern is illustrated in the graph below:
DETACHMENT: Others need to know the consequences of their social life, their thoughts, emotions and actions just like I need to know the consequences of mine, so that they and I can become more enlightened; so I give myself and others the time and space to get to know the consequences of our social life, our thoughts, emotions and actions, and thus we find that contentment begins to bloom within us.
INTEGRITY: I need to know the Reality of the others as it is, and they need to know my Reality as it is, so both they and I can form a truer image of Reality as it IS, and thus we find that contentment begins to bloom within us.
RESPECT FOR OTHERS: Others need to
think, feel, act and relate to others in accordance with their Reality
as it IS, just like I need to think, feel, act and relate to others in
accordance with my Reality as it IS, so that both they and I can find
out how to createmanifest a daily life which satisfies us, and thus we
find that contentment begins to bloom within us.
RESPECT FOR SELF: I and others need to use our money, time, energy and
personal interests on ourselves first of all so at to become able to
createmanifest a daily life for ourselves that satisfy us, and thus we
find that contentment begins to bloom within us.
In spite of this misunderstanding, the soil was slowly fertilized so he could come back to conclude the work.
It is
written in the Bible that at the time of his return many would say:
"There he is… there he is…" pointing in many different directions, but
he advised the people not to believe it because he would come like a
thief in the night, and therefore the residents of the house would
only discover that he had been there when they woke up in the morning
and saw the result of his visit.
TuTu came as a thief in the night, lived
anonymously at the bottom of society and was only recognized by some
of those who met him personally, and who frequently greeted him with
the words: "Hello Jesus."
He took care of his errand on Earth and died in
In the Bible, it is also written
that he would not return to
The Master said during one of his travels to the West that
Thus, he appointed Denmark to be the new holy land of the World.
TuTu chose to live, teach and die in
TuTu taught me that the Universe consists of an infinite number of fields of energy, which are called interference patterns.
The voltage among compound energies in a certain interference pattern maintains the pattern in its form.
A certain number of individual and personal interference patterns of the same type put together form a bigger universal and impersonal interference pattern, and this is an archetype.
The archetype holds the combined consciousness of all the individual
parts, while at the same time, every single part holds the total
consciousness of the archetype.
He gave the example that the
individual human being can be seen as the individual and personal
interference pattern, and that all of humanity put together make up
the universal and impersonal interference pattern, which is the
archetype: The human being.
The connection between the archetype X and the individual part Y can
be configured in the equation:
X = (Y x Z) + S
where one multiplies Y with Z, which is the number of the parts and to this add S, which is their synthesis, because the synthesis of the parts is bigger than the sum of the individual parts in the same way as an alarm clock is more than the sum of its individual parts.
I could not imagine that I, as a part of humankind, hold all of humankind’s consciousness, until TuTu took me to a holographic exhibition of pictures one day.
Holographic pictures are three-dimensional and arise
when a picture plate with an interference pattern is lit by laser
light, and thereby the three-dimensional picture appears.
If the holographic picture plate of a horse, for example, is cut into
many pieces and you pick up that piece which was a part of the horse’s
ear before and light it up with laser light, the piece shows the whole
horse.
He explained that the exhibition could be used as an illustration of
the principle that everybody is a part of totality and every part IS
the totality.
This implies that a single person’s happiness or unhappiness affects
all of humankind, if not in a wake and conscious state then in a
sleeping and unconscious state, and one person’s happiness or
unhappiness will thus express itself in all of humankind’s life.
That the individual human being is not necessarily aware that he/she holds the total consciousness is due to the limitation of the eye of consciousness in the third dimension, and this can be illustrated by drawing a big ball and placing a microscopic dot at any point somewhere on either the surface on the outside or inside the ball.
The ball then represents the total consciousness of the person, and
the dot represents the limited window of the consciousness in the
third dimension.
At the same time, the comparison of the dot with the ball illustrates
the relationship between the wake day consciousness of the person -
the dot, and the subconscious of the person - the ball.
The ball or the total field of consciousness is in and of itself an
archetype, which includes everything and everybody everywhere at all
levels of consciousness.
This archetype is called God, and everything and everybody everywhere
at all levels of consciousness is thus God and holds all of God’s
consciousness since each part holds the totality.
The dot can
be placed in various places on the surface of the ball or inside it,
and in this way, you can mark the focus point of the consciousness in
various areas, in various outer or inner spheres.
Various spheres of consciousness hold different Worlds and these can
be experienced by moving the focus point of consciousness by the help
of reflection, contemplation, concentration and meditation.
We are all used to moving effortlessly in the third dimension without
bouncing into other living beings or objects, but in our Earthly
lives, that is not so for our movements in the other dimensions of our
existence as well, and this is clearly seen when we clash with others
emotionally, mentally, socially or spiritually.
TuTu explained that by surrendering to his/her own emotions a person
can get used to be in that condition which exists in the fifth
dimension, where emotions move effortlessly.
By using his/her own thoughts in a reflective manner, i.e. by
reflecting everything instead of judging it on the grounds of good and
evil or right and wrong, a person can get used to be in that condition
which exists in the sixth dimension, where thoughts move effortlessly.
When a person goes into the contemplative state and thereby begin
concentrating in his/her consciousness, he/she can get used to be in
that condition which exists in the seventh
dimension, where love, care, compassion and mercy flow effortlessly in
our social interactions.
From the concentrated state of awareness, a person can enter the
meditative state, and a person can thus learn to consciously empty
his/her focus point and thereby become able to see, hear, feel or
sense God, and at the same time, he/she is able to enter the other
dimensions and thus become able to experience Reality in the other
Worlds without meeting resistance from emotions and thoughts which
spring from his/her experiences in the third dimension.
The graphs below
illustrate these states of consciousness.
Each circle represents
one of our states of consciousness and the dots inside them represent
our thoughts in the various states of consciousness.
Ordinary
Reflection Contemplation
Concentration Meditation
The first circle shows a
normal state of mind with many thoughts that produces various
emotional states set into motion by our thoughts.
The second circle
represents a reflective state of mind where we allow our thoughts and
emotions to pass through us without trying to hold on to a particular
thought or the emotion the thought holds,
and by so doing, peace of mind arises, because
we
cease to give each and every thought or emotion power over
us.
The third
circle shows a contemplative state
of mind, which is an immersion in a particular thought or set of
thoughts,
and this is called prayer when it concerns
spiritual pursuits, where our thoughts are concentrated on an
object, a word, a mantra, a koan or a prayer wandering
to and from the point of contemplation.
The fourth circle shows a
concentrated state of mind, where all other thoughts but the object of
contemplation have disappeared.
TuTu further explained that by looking at the Rings of Social
Interactions a person can find help to develop his/her social life,
his/her love life.
By the help of these Rings, it becomes easier for the person to see that there is a ‘me’, an ‘us’ and a ‘you’ in any social interaction.
If he/she pulls his/her own life-circle out from the intertwined circles, he/she sees that almost half of his/her personal life-circle is consumed by the ‘us’ in any social interaction.
From this, he/she can easily see that it will also settle as a hurt in his/her own life-circle if he/she hurts another.
It also
becomes clear that when two people have a social interaction,
they are both in touch with a Power Greater than their individual
selves as a ‘me’ and a ‘you’ – in the form of the greater entity
existing in the ‘us’ that is greater than the sum of its parts.
Many people
have a tendency in their social life, their Soul life, to usurp the
time, energy, interest and money of others, hoping that they could
liberate themselves from loneliness, boredom, emptiness and
meaninglessness this way and thereby harm their love life.
With the
help of the Ring of Emptiness and the Ring of Fulfillment, a person
can look into this idea and thus easily get to see that what they hope
to achieve cannot be achieved by something outside
them but must be healed from within.
If we found ourselves in the Ring of Emptiness when we had empty time in front of us, we felt bored, and life seemed meaningless to us when we felt bored.
In particular we experienced that we had empty time in front
of us when we had completed a specific task or project
which had usurped a large amount of time, or it could also
happen simply because we had a lot of time available in our day.
As a result of the
meaninglessness and boredom, we wanted to flee from
ourselves and our lives, and when we wanted
to leave ourselves and our lives we
felt lonely.
If we found ourselves in the Ring of Fulfillment when
we had empty time in front of us, we identified ourselves
with our true Self, our Spirit, and
thereby, we experienced oneness with ourselves on all
of our planes of existence and also with everything and everybody
everywhere at all planes of existence, even with the so
called 'dead' matter.
When we thus experienced oneness with everything, we found
everything and everybody everywhere at all levels of existence,
including ourselves, interesting, and thus we experienced that
every present moment, every NOW, filled us up in a
meaningful way.
The merged masculine and feminine principle is called
Ardhanarishvara in Sanskrit and is a designation for God, our
FatherMother.
Ardhanarishvara is also the designation for the
merged masculine and feminine principle in each individual Spirit, whom
God createdmanifested in the God Realm/the Absolute/the Eighth
Dimension/the Spirit plane.
If a human being has lived through his/her Spiritual
Wedding and thus has attained his/her oneness with his/her true Self,
his/her Spirit, he/she can use the Spirit Prayer as an object of
contemplation to expand his/her conscious awareness of the Oneness in
the Absolute between God, his/her FatherMother and himself/herself as
the SonDaughter of God.
The
‘I’ Version
God,
my
FatherMother
You Who are in the God Realm
May Your name be my
Holy Name Ardhanarishvara
May Your Realm come on Earth
so Your will may happen on Earth
likeit happens in the God Realm
Give me this day what I need
Forgive me my mistakes and give me
the capacityto forgive those who mistake me
Guide me through my desires
andliberate me from my mistakes
For Yours is the God Realm
andthe Power
eternally.
Amen.
The ‘Group’ Version
With the same purpose in mind, we could also choose to recite the following Sanskrit mantra:
OM
Mani
Padme Hum!
Which in
English would mean:
Amen, the Jewel Is in the Lotus flower!
If a person has not attained oneness with his/her
true Self, his/her Spirit, he/she can prepare for this oneness through
the attainment of the Divine Wedding on the Soul Plane/the Divine
Plane/the Seventh Dimension/Heaven, and for this purpose he/she can use
the Soul Prayer as a contemplation object.
At this level of consciousness, God the Father and
Goddess Mother are two and God the Son and Goddess Daughter are two, and
this expresses the state of mind found in the symbol 22,
which is the first positive power factor in the consciousness hierarchy
of humankind and thus the end of suffering and death arising from the
separation of the masculine and the feminine principle in The Big Bang.
THE SOUL
PRAYER
The
‘I’ Version
My Father
and my Mother
You
Who are on the Divine plane
May Your name be my
Holy Name TuTu
May Your Realm come on Earth
so Your will may happen on Earth
like it
happens on the Divine plane
Give me this day what I need
Forgive me my mistakes and give me
the
capacity to forgive those who mistake me
Guide me through my desires
and
liberate me from my mistakes
For Yours is the Soul Realm
and the
Power
and the
Glory
eternally.
Amen.
The
‘we’ Version
Our Father
and our Mother
You
Who are on the Divine plane
May Your name be our
Holy Name TuTu
May Your Realm come on Earth
so Your will may happen on Earth
like it
happens on the Divine plane
Give us this day what we need
Forgive us our mistakes and give us
the
capacity to forgive those who mistake us
Guide us through our desires
and
liberate us from our mistakes
For Yours is the Soul Realm
and the
Power
and the
Glory
eternally.
Amen.
We could also use the following object of contemplation to make our spiritual goal clear to ourselves.
You are the only true goal of my life
I’m yet but a slave of my wishes
putting bar to my advancement
and You are the only God and Power
Who can take me up to that stage,
so take my will and my life
and show me how to live
in complete conformity
with my true Self, my Spirit.
And in the group setting:
God
You are the only true goal of our life
We are yet but slaves of our wishes
putting bar to our advancement
and You are the only God and Power
Who can take us up to that stage,
so take our will and our life
and show us how to live
in complete conformity
with our true Self, our Spirit.
Every person
travels through the dimensions, from the fourth dimension to the
Absolute, every night during sleep, and in this way picking up his/her
life-force for the day.
The difference between the worldly and the spiritual person is that the worldly person does this in the night in a sleeping and unconscious state, and the spiritual person can furthermore do this in the daytime in a wake and conscious state.
That field of consciousness which is called Christ is found in the seventh dimension and it activates love, care, compassion and mercy.
That
field
of consciousness which is called TuTu is the entrance to the
Absolute and
after the Spiritual Wedding of the Soul Mates in TuTu, where they
melt into one
being as their true Self, their Spirit/Ardhanarishvara it
activates the unconditional
love, care, compassion and mercy in all of
their personal energy field.
The Spiritual Wedding takes place in TuTu between that man and that woman who has achieved their individual and personal Self-realization and has then surrendered to each other in unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy.
As a result of this wedding, their consciousness merges into the Holy
Grail, which is also called the innermost heart of the eternal couple,
their heart's heart or the
The Holy Grail is held in that archetype which is called the ManWoman, The Individual and Personal God, the merged masculine and feminine principle.
There are
many ways of illustrating the Holy Grail, the ManWoman and other areas
of the total consciousness through various graphs and symbols.
Below, the ManWoman is portrayed by the help of two graphs.
One symbolizes the merged man and woman, and the other the ManWoman’s archetype.
The first graph shows the ManWoman
resting in the rainbow-colored Cosmic Egg.
In Reality, the colors change in the oval openings, each in their way,
in all the shades of the rainbow, and thus show a continuously
changing picture.
The egg rests in the blue cosmic seed, which consists of the radiation
of The Cosmic Eggs.
The graph consists of one oval and four small circles - two each for
the masculine and feminine principles - plus the two major circles
called the Spirit-circles of the masculine and the feminine in the
form of their individuality.
The Spirit-circles hold the complete experiences of each of them from
the beginning of time to the end.
The various other parts and forms in the graph are various areas of
consciousness.
The black areas represent God the Father and God the Son - the
invisible unmanifest, and the white areas represent Goddess the Mother
and Goddess the Daughter - the visible unmanifest.
The black fish represents God the Father and the black eyes God the
Son, and the mutual black color illustrates that the Father and the
Son are one.
Goddess the Mother is illustrated by the white fish and Goddess the
Daughter by the white eyes, and the mutual white color illustrates
that the Mother and the Daughter are one.
Two of the fish are separated, and this shows the Individuality, which
holds the cold.
The other two are merged, and this shows the Fellowship, which holds
the warmth.
In the two merged fish, there is an area that shows the Absolute
heart, which consists of a white and a black area illustrating the
Individuality and a gray area illustrating the Fellowship.
The gray area is the Holy Grail.
The two graphs below accentuate the Absolute Heart and the Holy Grail
by depicting them in purple color.
Before
creationmanifestation,
all the MenWomen were resting each in their individual Cosmic Eggs,
every one of them containing a couple merged in perfect and blissful
love for eternities’ eternity, seen through an Earthly scale, until, in
two of the MenWomen, a desire arose to see Their beloved in a new
perspective, and the two merged MenWomen turned around Their own axis in
each their cosmic egg for this purpose and had thus set into movement.
This movement made the Cosmic Seed, which consists of the blissful
radiations of love from the yoke of the Cosmic Egg, which is the Holy
Grail penetrate the eggs, and thus radiation became irradiation.
As a result, a new life came into being by the two MenWomen projecting
out into the Cosmic Seed a mirror image of themselves split in four out
into the cosmic seed.
The MenWomen’s projection were each split into the masculine principle
God the Father and God the Son, who are one and the feminine principle
Goddess the Mother and Goddess the Daughter, who are one, and the two
lovers were a mirror image of each other, and this nuclear fission is
often popularly referred to as ‘The Big Bang’.
God the Father and God the Son is the Spirit of the Soul, and Goddess
the Mother and Goddess the Daughter is the Soul of the Spirit.
The Soul is the first mortal body of the individual and personal Spirit
and is like a thin film of crystallized Spirit around the free Spirit
inside the form, but both masculine and the feminine Soul have a free
individual and personal Spirit inside the form of their Soul, and thus
they continue their eternal being together, because God the Father and
God the Son are enveloped by Goddess the Mother and Goddess the Daughter
and Goddess the Mother and Goddess the Daughter holds God the Father and
God the Son within her.
The first two individual MenWomen’s projection into matter consisted in
two pairs that had decided to manifest together, and so they became
Quadruplets at the Soul Level, and as a result these two couples formed
the basic matrix, the blueprint of the createdmanifested Universe – the
North, the South, the East and the West.
Four is thus the first positive power factor in creationmanifestation as
the cosmic Quadruplets were the first visible manifestation.
The
projection of the first two MenWomen pulled a wave in Their wake of
other Menwomen who had the same desire, and this wave pulled yet
another wave, until all those Menwomen who had set into movement had
poured out a projection of themselves.
However, the projecting of two couples forming Quadruplets at Soul
level were rare.
Most projected themselves as Twins, and also very few projected
themselves as Triplets, Quintuplets etc.
The plane
of existence in which their projections lived their life on is called
the seventh dimension, the Divine plane, Paradise, the Garden of Eden,
Heaven, the Soul plane or the plane of love, care, compassion and
mercy and it is this plane that has coined the word Soul Mates for
those beings, who are lying in the same egg on the Soul Level, because
even if heshe has been split in two, a ‘he’ and a ‘she’, they do still
however, find themselves in the same cosmic egg.
Below is
a graph showing the most common formation of Soul Mates
createdmanifested by one individual ManWoman, and it is called the
Cosmic Twins on the Soul plane l and it illustrates the two Soul
Mates, the ManWoman split into two – a man and a woman, who are
also called God the Father and God the Son as the united masculine
consciousness on the Soul plane and Goddess the Mother and Goddess the
Daughter as the united feminine consciousness on the Soul plane by
humankind
.
(THE
COSMIC QUADRUPLETS IN FOUR DIRECTIONS)
(THE
COSMIC QUADRUPLETS IN FOUR DIRECTIONS)
(THE
COSMIC QUADRUPLETS IN FOUR DIRECTIONS)
GOD
THE FATHER AND GODDESS THE MOTHER AT SOUL LEVEL 2:
(THE
COSMIC QUADRUPLETS IN FOUR DIRECTIONS)
(THE
COSMIC QUADRUPLETS IN FOUR DIRECTIONS)
At
some point in time, a desire arose in the Souls to see each other in
more particular perspectives, and the Cosmic Seed penetrated the Egg
again, and the Souls projected the split mirror image of themselves
out into the Cosmic Seed, which is the underlying field of energy of
all of creationmanifestation called the Ocean of Love, and in this
split, the masculine and the feminine principle were separated
completely.
This projection is called the second projection of the individual
ManWoman, which is the first projection of the Soul plane, the sixth
dimension, the Buddha plane, the plane of enlightenment, the plane of
ideas or the mental plane.
The feminine counterpart of the Buddha is called the Tara or the Rainbow
Goddess, and therefore this graph is called the Buddha and the Tara.
When a desire arose in the Buddha and the Tara to fertilize their ideas, the third projection of the individual ManWoman came about, which is the second projection of the Soul plane, which is the first projection of the mental plane, which is called the fifth dimension or the astral plane.
Fertility is held by the feminine principle.
Therefore, the fifth dimension is also called the feminine sphere, and
it consists of the emotional movements of the masculine and the
feminine.
The two graphs below illustrate the
movement of the emotional in all directions and the archetype of the
emotional.
This projection is called The Life Nerve
because the emotional gives the direction to the movements of life.
When a desire arose to curb the emotions yet another projection took place, which is the fourth projection of the individual ManWoman, which is the third projection of the Soul plane, which is the second projection of the mental plane, which is the first projection of the astral plane.
The fourth projection createdmanifested
space and time and is also called the ethereal plane.
Space is the masculine side of this being, and the archetype of space
is Pashupatinath-Shiva, the destroyer, who breaks down ignorance.
The linear time is the feminine side of this being, and the archetype
of the linear time is Kali-Shakti, the destroyess, who breaks down
materialism.
The last graph below illustrates the son of man and the daughter of man put together, which is the fifth projection of the individual ManWoman, which is the fourth projection of the Soul plane, which is the third projection of the mental plane, which is the second projection of the astral plane, which is the first projection of the ethereal plane.
THE
12 STEPS OF THE TUTU DOCTRINE - THE NEW WORLD ORDER
TuTu explained that it helps in this work to use the Gayathri mantra or to use the essence of this mantra as a prayer that corresponds with the vibration the mantra holds at appropriate moments in the course of the day.
In order to facilitate working with and understanding
concepts used in the 12 Steps of The TuTu Doctrine - The New World
Order, it is suggested that the student familiarize himself/herself
with https://acadan.org/
to make an in-depth study of one's human limitation, ignorance,
powerlessness and mortality/changeability.
After that it is suggested that the student familiarize
himself/herself with Christs Anonymous - The Thirteenth Step using
this link https://christsanonymous.org/
to make an in-depth study of his/her thinking mind’s, his/her Ego’s
thought system and the consequences of using this as well as his/her
knowing mind’s, his/her true Self’s, his/her Spirit’s thought system
and the consequences of using this.
Furthermore, it is suggested that the student familiarize
himself/herself with A Course In Miracles, the new using this link https://acim-ekim.org/
to study the differences between his/her thinking mind`s, his/her
Ego's thought system and his/her true Self's, his/her Spirit's thought system.
In The TuTu Doctrine Fellowship we introduce ourselves by
saying our first name followed by our courageous admission of, who we
are by saying: I am Love.
Updates regarding the suggestion to work with the 12 Steps of
the TTDF will be uploaded as soon as possible.
WE MADE A DECISION TO
UNCONDITIONALLY TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIFE OVER TO THE CARE OF OUR
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, AS WE UNDERSTOOD IT.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Three!
The principle of Step Three is unconditional
surrender.
The Third Step Slogan is: Follow
your heart.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both:
The
fairy-tale of the Gods and Goddesses who walk on the Earth
TASKS FOR STEP THREE.
1. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to my Love
by giving myself that, which I would love to possess in the material
area of the third dimension, and how I will act on my decision.
2. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to my Love
by giving myself that, which I would love to possess in the physical
area of the third dimension, and how I will act on my decision.
3. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to my Love
by giving myself that, which I would love to possess in the
movement/energetic/space-time area of the fourth dimension, and how I
will act on my decision.
4. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to my Love
by giving myself that, which I would love to possess in the emotional
area of the fifth dimension, and how I will act on my decision.
5. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to my Love
by giving myself that, which I would love to possess in in the
mental/thought area of the sixth dimension, and how I will act on my
decision.
6. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to my Love
by giving myself that, which I would love to possess in in the social
area of the seventh dimension, and how I will act on my decision.
7. I choose to describe how
I will surrender unconditionally to my Love by giving myself that,
which I would love to possess in the spiritual area of the eighth
dimension/the Absolute, and how I will act on my decision.
8. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to that,
which I chose to believe in being the unconditionally caring,
compassionate and merciful intention of my Love that is found behind
the four areas where I fear myself as a human being, and how I will
act on my decision.
9. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to that,
which I chose to believe in being the unconditionally caring,
compassionate and merciful intention of my Love that is found behind
the four areas where I fear others as human beings, and how I will act
on my decision.
10 . I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to that,
which I chose to believe in being the unconditionally caring,
compassionate and merciful intention of my Love that is found behind
the four areas where I fear the human World at large, and how I will
act on my decision.
11. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to that,
which I chose to believe in being the unconditionally caring,
compassionate and merciful intention of my Love that is found behind
the four areas where I fear life as a human being, and how I will act
on my decision.
12. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to that,
which I chose to believe in being the unconditionally caring,
compassionate and merciful intention of my Love that is found behind
the four areas where I fear death/changeability as a human being, and
how I will act on my decision.
13. I choose to describe how I will surrender unconditionally to that,
which I chose to believe in being the unconditionally caring,
compassionate and merciful intention of my Love that is found behind
areas where I have a special fear that most people I know do not
experience in the same way, and how I will act on my decision.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Three, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it
with your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and
it will also facilitate your work in your Fifth, Tenth and Twelfth
Step.
WE MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS
INVENTORY OF OURSELVES.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work on
Step Four!
The principle of Step Four is courage.
The Fourth Step Slogan is: I
accept both my virtues and my defects of character.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both:
The
Rings of social interactions
The
Ring of Emptiness and the Ring of Fulfillment
The
Realms of Consciousness in the third dimension
The
devil and all his being and all his doings
The
powers of the destructive Rings
The
powers of the constructive Rings
The
Small Ring of Pain of the North
The
Small Ring of Pain of the South
The
Small Ring of Pain of the East
The
Small Ring of Pain of the West
The
fairy-tale about good and evil
TASKS FOR STEP FOUR.
1. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt, because I
did not get what I would love to possess in the material area, and I
describe the Ring that matches my painful thoughts and emotions by
describing where my chosen Ring's four attributes fit into the
situation.
2. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt, because I
did not get what I would love to possess in the physical area, and I
describe the Ring that matches my painful thoughts and emotions by
describing where my chosen Ring's four attributes fit into the
situation.
3. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt, because I
did not get what I would love to possess in the
movement/energetic/space-time area, and I describe the Ring, that fits
my painful thoughts and emotions by describing where the four
attributes of my chosen Ring fit into the situation.
4. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt that I didn't
get what I would love to possess in the emotional area, and I describe
the Ring that matches my painful thoughts and emotions by describing
where my chosen Ring's four attributes fit into the situation.
5. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt, because I
did not get what I would love to possess in the mental/thought realm
and I describe the Ring that fits my painful thoughts and emotions by
describing where my chosen Ring's four attributes fit into the
situation.
6. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt that I didn't
get what I would love to possess in the social area, and I describe
the Ring that matches my painful thoughts and emotions by describing
where my chosen Ring's four attributes fit into the situation.
7 I choose to describe minimum one
situation from my life until now where I felt hurt, because I did not
get what I would love to possess in the spiritual area, and I describe
the Ring that fits my painful thoughts and emotions by describing
where my chosen Ring's four attributes fit into the situation.
8. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life until now where I felt hurt, because I was
not helped to recover from my fear of myself as a person, and I
describe the Ring that fits my painful thoughts and emotions by
describing where my chosen Ring's four attributes fit into the
situation.
9. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt, because I
was not helped to recover from my fear of others as human beings, and
I describe the Ring that fits my painful thoughts and emotions by
describing where the four characteristics of my chosen Ring fit into
the situation.
10. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt, because I
was not helped to recover from my fear of the human World at large,
and I describe the Ring that fits my painful thoughts and emotions by
describing where the four characteristics of my chosen Ring fit into
the situation
11. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life until now where I felt hurt, because I was
not helped to recover from my fear of life as a human being, and I
describe the Ring that fits my painful thoughts and emotions by
describing where the four characteristics of my chosen Ring fit into
the situation.
12. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life up till now where I felt hurt, because I
was not helped to recover from my fear of death/changeability as a
human, and I describe the Ring that fits my painful thoughts and
emotions by describing where the four characteristics of my chosen
Ring fit into the situation.
13. I choose to describe minimum
one situation from my life until now where I felt hurt, because I was
not helped to recover from a special fear that most people I know do
not experience in the same way, and I describes the Ring that fits my
painful thoughts and emotions by describing where the four
characteristics of my chosen Ring fit into the situation.
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your healing partner, or both if you have
both.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for one week, I write
down a situation where I experienced one of
fear’s emotional pains, and I describe the Ring that fits my
painful thoughts and emotions by describing where the four
characteristics of my chosen Ring fit into the situation.
When you have finished this task,
share it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy, or both if you have
both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Four, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it with
your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and it
will also facilitate your work in your Fifth, Tenth and Twelfth Step.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both :
The Seed of Love
The Fertilized Egg
The fruit
TASKS FOR STEP FIVE.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for a week I write down
how I chose .
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy or both if you have both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Five, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it with
your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and it
will also facilitate your work in your Tenth and Twelfth Step.
WE BECAME ENTIRELY READY TO ALLOW
OUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO TRANSFORM OUR MISTAKES TO WISDOM.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Six! The principle of Step Six is transformation.
The Sixth Step Slogan is: I
own my hurts.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both :
The Guilt and innocence
The Hierarchy of the Archetypal Rings
The Ring of Emptiness and the Ring of Fulfillment
The Ring of Self-centeredness and the Ring of God-centeredness
The Ring of Codependency and the Ring of Emotional Sobriety
The Big Ring of Pain and the Big Ring of Joy
The Big and the Small Rings of Pain
The Big and the Small Rings of Joy
The Big, The Small, the Mini, the Micro and the Nanorings of Pain
The Big, The Small, the Mini, the Micro and the Nanorings of Joy
Table for the Big, Small, Mini, Micro and Nanorings of Pain and their
Superstrings.
Table for the Big, Small, Mini, Micro and Nanorings of Joy and their
Superstrings.
The Constructive Rings
The Global Ring of Joy
The Small Ring of Joy of the North
The Small Ring of Joy of the South
The Small Ring of Joy of the East
The Small Ring of Joy of the West
The Seed of Love
The Fertilized Egg
The fruit
TASKS FOR STEP SIX.
I can choose to use the tables below to pair a Ring
or a Superstring of Pain a with the corresponding Ring or Superstring of
Joy to contribute to the growth of my Buddha/wisdom if I am male, or
Tara/wisdom if I am female, or I can choose another format that I like
better if I wish.
These tables are taken from the book 'Suggestions for working with the
Destructive and the Constructive Rings' that are available on our
website for free reading or download, and if I need to go in depth with
a set of Rings or Superstrings, I choose to use the entire
transformation process for the set of Rings or Superstrings I are
working with as described in that book.
In Step Six, however, I simply choose to work with a set of Rings or
Superstrings from the list of the 76 transformation suggestions until I
have used them all at least once, and then I share the results of this
work with my sponsor or my recovery buddy, or both if I have both.
Ego to Spirit |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Absence of Spirit |
Unloving |
Uncaring |
Hardhearted |
Merciless |
Presence of Spirit |
Loving |
Caring |
Compassonate |
Merciful |
Dissatisfaction
to Contentment |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Dissatisfaction
with form identity |
Limitation |
Ignorance |
Powerlessness |
Mortality |
Contentment with
form identity |
Limitation |
Ignorance |
Powerlessness |
Mortality |
03. From
the Ring of Emptiness to the Ring of
Fulfillment
Emptiness to the Fulfillment |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Ring of Emptiness |
Emptiness |
Boredom |
Meaninglessness |
Loneliness |
Ring of Fulfillment |
Fulfillment |
Interest |
Meaningfulness |
Oneness |
Selfcentered to Godcentered |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Ring of Selfcenteredness |
Euphoria |
Depression |
Self-criticism |
Self-praise |
Ring
of Godcenteredness |
Joy |
Empowerment |
Openmindedness |
Gratitude |
Codependent
to Sobriety |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Co-dependency |
Savior
Role |
Seducer
Role |
Victim
Role |
Offender
Role |
Emotional
Sobriety |
Detachment |
Integrity |
Respect
of Self |
Respect
of others |
Smerte to the Joy |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Store
Smertering |
Avarice |
Hope |
Hatred |
Arrogance |
Store Joysring |
Faith |
Hope |
Love |
Truth |
Avarice to Faith |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Ring of Avarice |
Stinginess |
Greed |
Poverty |
Gluttony |
Small
Ring of Faith |
Generosity |
Trust |
Prosperity |
Accountability |
Avarice to the Faith |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Miniring of Avarice |
Pettiness |
Clinging |
Malaise |
Hoarding |
Miniring of Faith |
Largesse |
Letting go |
Well-being |
Sharing |
Avarice
to the Faith |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice Microring of |
Selfishness |
Hardness |
Unfreedom |
Negligence |
Microring
of Faith |
Consideration |
Ease |
Action-freedom |
Contributing
|
Avarice to the Faith |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nanoring of Avarice |
Inhibition |
Nervousness |
Complaining |
Indifference |
Nanoring
of Faith |
Approachability |
Lightheartedness |
Validation |
Involvement |
Envy to the Hope |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Ring of Envy |
Disbelief |
Superstition |
Submission |
Defiance |
Small
Ring of Hope |
Credence |
Information |
Discernment |
Serenity |
Envy to the Hope |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Miniring of Envy |
Insecurity |
Confusion |
Unclarity |
Wretchedness |
Miniring
of Hope |
Safety |
Well-informedness |
Clarity |
Nobleness |
Envy
to the Hope |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Microring
of Envy |
Denigration |
Insusceptibility |
Narrowmindedness |
Unworthiness |
Microring of Hope |
Appreciation |
Teachableness |
Openness |
Worthiness |
Envy
to the Hope |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nanoring
of Envy |
Uncertainty |
Uncultivatedness |
Indecision |
Rashness |
Nanoring
of Hope |
Sikkerhed
|
Dannethed |
Beslutsomhed
|
Levelheadedness
|
Hatred to Love |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Ring of Hatred |
Denial |
Manipulation |
Disease |
Madness |
Small
Ring of Love |
Admitting |
Selv-acceptance |
Health |
Sanity |
Hatred
to Love |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Miniring
of Hatred |
Ill
will |
Unkindness |
Irritation |
Impatience |
Miniring
of Love |
Goodwill |
Kindness |
Calmness |
Patience |
Hatred to Love |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Microring of Hatred |
Indignation |
Vindictiveness |
Belligerence |
Bitterness |
Microring
of Love |
Mercy |
Forgiveness |
Conciliatory |
Sweetness |
Hatred to Love |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nanoring of Hatred |
Resentment |
Unwillingness |
Vociferousness |
Stiff-neckedness |
Nanoring
of Love |
Acceptance |
Willingness |
Quietness |
Flexibility |
Arrogance
to Truth |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small
Ring of Arrogance |
Superiority |
Inferiority |
Overcrowding |
Isolation |
Small
Ring of Truth |
Humility |
Honesty |
Individuality |
Fellowship |
Arrogance to Truth |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Miniring of Arrogance |
Condescension |
Intolerance |
Exaggeration |
Seclusion |
Miniring
of Truth |
Equality |
Tolerance |
Accuracy |
Belongingness |
Arrogance to Truth |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Microring of Arrogance |
Disrespect |
Craftiness |
Distortion |
Separateness |
Microring
of Truth |
Respectfulness
|
Straightforwardness
|
Precision |
Togetherness |
Arrogance to Truth |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nanoring of Arrogance |
Insincerity |
Cunning |
Unreliability |
Alienation |
Nanoring
of Truth |
Sincerity |
Simplicity |
Reliability |
Familiarity |
From NVSA to NVSF |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice NVS |
Stinginess |
Pettiness |
Selfishness |
Inhibition |
Faith NVS |
Generosity |
Largesse |
Consideration |
Approachability |
From SVSA to SVSF |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice SVS |
Greed |
Clinging |
Hardness |
Nervousness |
Faith
SVS |
Trust |
Letting
go |
Ease |
Lightheartedness |
From EVSA to EVSF |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice EVS |
Pettiness |
Clinging |
Uto thepashed |
Hoarding |
Faithen EVS |
Largesse |
Letting go |
Well-being |
Sharing |
From WVSA to WVSF |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice WVS |
Gluttony |
Hoarding |
Negligence |
Indifference |
Faith
WVS |
Accountability |
Sharing |
Contributing |
Involvement |
From NDDSA to NDDSF |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice NDDS |
Stinginess |
Clinging |
Unfreedom |
Indifference |
Faith
NDDS |
Generosity |
Letting
go |
Action-freedom |
Involvement |
From the NUDSA |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice NUDS |
Inhibition |
Hardness |
Malaise |
Gluttony |
Faith
NUDS |
Approachability |
Ease |
Well-being |
Accountability |
From the NVSE to NVSH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Envy NVS |
Disbelief |
Insecurity |
Denigration |
Uncertainty |
Hope
NVS |
Credence |
Safety |
Appreciation |
Sikkerhed |
From the SVSE to the SVSH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Envy SVS |
Superstition |
Confusion
|
Insusceptibility |
Uncultivatedness |
Hope
SVS |
Information |
Well-informedness |
Teachableness |
Dannethed |
31. From
the Eastern Vertical Superstring of Envy to the Eastern Vertical
Superstring of
Hope.
From
the EVSE to EVSH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Envy
EVS |
Submission |
Unclarity |
Narrowmindedness |
Indecision |
Hope EVS |
Discernment |
Clarity |
Openness |
Beslutsomhed |
From WVSE to WVSH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Envy WVS |
Faith |
Wretchedness |
Unworthiness |
Rashness |
Hope WVS |
Serenity |
Nobleness |
Worthiness |
Levelheadedness |
From the NDDSE to NDDSH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Envy NDDS |
Disbelief |
Confusion |
Narrowmindedness |
Rashness |
Hope
NDDS |
Credence |
Well-informedness |
Openness
|
Levelheadedness |
From NUDSE to NUDSH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Envy NUDS |
Uncertainty |
Insusceptibility |
Unclarity |
Faith |
Hope NOS |
Sikkerhed |
Teachableness |
Clarity |
Serenity |
From NVSH to NVSL |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Hatred NVS |
Denial |
Ill will |
Indignation |
Resentment |
Love
NVS |
Admitting |
Goodwill |
Mercy |
Acceptance |
From the SVSH to SVSL |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Hatred SVS |
Manipulation |
Unkindness |
Vindictiveness |
Unwillingness |
Love SVS |
Selv-acceptance |
Kindness |
Forgiveness |
Willingness |
From the EVSH to EVSH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Hatred EVS |
Disease |
Irritation |
Belligerence |
Vociferousness |
Love
EVS |
Health |
Calmness |
Conciliatory |
Quietness |
From the WVSH to WVSL |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Hatred WVS |
Madness |
Impatience |
Bitterness |
Stiff-neckedness |
Love
WVS |
Sanity |
Patience |
Sweetness |
Flexibility |
From NDDSH to NDDSL |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Hatred NDDS |
Denial |
Unkindness |
Belligerence |
Stiff-neckedness |
Love
NDDS |
Admitting |
Kindness |
Conciliatory |
Flexibility |
From NUDSH to the NUDSL |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Hatred NUDS |
Resentment |
Vindictiveness |
Irritation |
Madness |
Love
NUDS |
Acceptance |
Forgiveness |
Calmness |
Sanity |
From the NVSA to the NVST |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Arrogance NVS |
Superiority |
Condescension |
Disrespect |
Insincerity |
Truth NVS |
Humility |
Equality |
Respectfulness |
Sincerity |
From SVSA to the SVST |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Arrogance SVS |
Inferiority |
Intolerance |
Craftiness |
Cunning |
Truth
SVS |
Honesty |
Tolerance |
Straightforwardness |
Simplicity |
From the EVSA to EVST |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Arrogance EVS |
Overcrowding |
Exaggeration |
Distortion |
Unreliability |
Truth
EVS |
Individuality
|
Accuracy
|
Precision |
Reliability |
From the WVSA to WVST |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Arrogance WVS |
Isolation |
Seclusion |
Separateness |
Alienation |
Truth
WVS |
Fellowship |
Belongingness |
Togetherness |
Familiarity |
From NDDSA to NDDST |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Arrogance NDDS |
Superiority |
Intolerance |
Distortion |
Alienation |
Truth
NDDS |
Humility |
Tolerance |
Precision |
Familiarity |
From NUDSA to the NUDST |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Arrogance NUDS |
Insincerity |
Craftiness |
Exaggeration |
Isolation |
Truth
NUDS |
Sincerity |
Straightforwardness |
Accuracy |
Fellowship |
From the NVSBP to NVSBJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Big Painring NVS |
Emptiness |
Eufori |
Savior Role |
Avarice |
Big Joyring NVS |
Fulfillment |
Joy |
Detachment |
Faith |
From the SVSBP to SVSBJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Big Painring SVS |
Boredom |
Depression |
Seducer Role |
Envy |
Big Joyring SVS |
Interesse |
Empowerment |
Integrity |
Hope |
From EVSBP to EVSBJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Big Painring EVS |
Meaninglessness |
Self-criticism |
Victim Role |
Hatred |
Big Joyring EVS |
Meningsfuldhed |
Openmindedness |
Respect of Self |
Love |
From WVSBP to WVSBJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Big Painring WVS |
Loneliness |
Self Praise |
Offender Role |
Arrogance |
Big Joyring WVS |
Oneness |
Gratitude |
Respect of Others |
Truth |
From NDDSBP to NDDSBJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Big Painring NDDS |
Emptiness |
Depression |
Victim Role |
Arrogance |
Big Joyring NDDS |
Fulfillment |
Empowerment |
Respect of Self |
Truth |
From NUDSBP to NUDSBJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Big Painring NUDS |
Avarice |
Seducer Role |
Self-criticism |
Loneliness |
Big Joyring NUDS |
Faith |
Integrity |
Openmindedness |
Oneness |
NVSSP to NVSSJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Painring SVS |
Stinginess |
Disbelief |
Denial |
Superiority |
Small Joyring SVS |
Generosity |
Credence |
Admitting |
Humility |
SVSSP to SVSSJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Painring SVS |
Greed |
Superstition |
Manipulation |
Inferiority |
Small Joyring SVS |
Trust |
Information |
Selv-acceptance |
Honesty |
EVSSP to EVSSJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Painring EVS |
Poverty |
Submission |
Disease |
Overcrowding |
Small Joyring EVS |
Prosperity |
Discernment |
Health |
Individuality |
EVSSP to
EVSSJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Painring EVS |
Gluttony |
Faith |
Madness |
Isolation |
Small Joyring EVS |
Accountability |
Serenity |
Sanity |
Fellowship |
NDDSSP to
NDDSSJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Painring NDDS |
Stinginess |
Superstition |
Disease |
Isolation |
Small Joyring NDDS |
Generosity |
Information |
Health |
Fellowship |
NUDSSP to
NUDSSJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Small Painring NUDS |
Superiority |
Manipulation |
Submission |
Gluttony |
Small Joyring NUDS |
Humility |
Selv-acceptance |
Discernment |
Accountability |
NVSMPR to the
NVSMJR |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nini Painring NVS |
Pettiness |
Insecurity |
Ill will |
Condescension |
Mini Joyring NVS |
Largesse |
Safety |
Goodwill |
Equality |
NVSMPR to the
NVSMJR |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nini Painring NVS |
Clinging |
Confusion |
Unkindness |
Intolerance |
Mini Joyring NVS |
Letting
go |
Well-informedness |
Kindness |
Tolerance |
NVSMPR to the
NVSMJR |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nini Painring NVS |
Malaise |
Unclarity |
Irritation |
Exaggeration |
Mini Joyring NVS |
Well-being |
Clarity |
Calmness |
Accuracy |
NVSMPR
to the NVSMJR |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nini
Painring NVS |
Hoarding |
Wretchedness |
Impatience |
Seclusion |
Mini
Joyring NVS |
Sharing |
Nobleness |
Patience |
Belongingness |
NVSMPR to the
NVSMJR |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nini Painring NVS |
Pettiness |
Confusion |
Irritation |
Seclusion |
Mini Joyring NVS |
Largesse |
Well-informedness |
Calmness |
Belongingness |
NVSMPR to the
NVSMJR |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nini Painring NVS |
Condescension |
Unkindness |
Unclarity |
Hoarding |
Mini Joyring NVS |
Equality |
Kindness |
Clarity |
Sharing |
NVSMP
to NVSMJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Micro
Painring NVS |
Selfishness |
Denigration |
Indignation |
Disrespect |
Micro
Joyring NVS |
Consideration |
Appreciation |
Mercy |
Respectfulness |
NVSMP
to NVSMJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Micro
Painring NVS |
Hardness |
Insusceptibility |
Vindictiveness |
Craftiness |
Micro
Joyring NVS |
Acceptance |
Teachableness |
Forgiveness |
Straightforwardness |
NVSMP
to NVSMJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Micro
Painring NVS |
Unfreedom |
Narrowmindedness |
Belligerence |
Distortion |
Micro
Joyring NVS |
Action-freedom |
Openness |
Conciliatory |
Precision |
NVSMP
to NVSMJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Micro
Painring NVS |
Negligence |
Unworthiness |
Bitterness |
Separateness |
Micro
Joyring NVS |
Contributing |
Worthiness |
Sweetness |
Togetherness |
NVSMP
to NVSMJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Micro
Painring NVS |
Selfishness |
Insusceptibility |
Belligerence |
Separateness |
Micro
Joyring NVS |
Consideration |
Teachableness |
Conciliatory |
Togetherness |
NVSMP
to NVSMJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Micro
Painring NVS |
Disrespect |
Vindictiveness |
Narrowmindedness |
Negligence |
Micro
Joyring NVS |
Respectfulness |
Forgiveness |
Openness |
Contributing |
WVSNP to WVSNJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nano Painring WVS |
Inhibition |
Uncertainty |
Resentment |
Insincerity |
Nano Joyring WVS |
Approachability |
Sikkerhed |
Acceptance |
Sincerity |
WVSNP to
WVSNJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nano Painring WVS |
Nervousness |
Uncultivatedness |
Unwillingness |
Cunning |
Nano Joyring WVS |
Lightheartedness |
Dannethed |
Willingness |
Simplicity |
WVSNP to
WVSNJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nano Painring WVS |
Complaining |
Indecision |
Vociferousness |
Unreliability |
Nano Joyring WVS |
Validation |
Beslutsomhed |
Quietness |
Reliability |
WVSNP
to WVSNJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nano
Painring WVS |
Indifference |
Rashness |
Stiff-neckedness |
Alienation |
Nano
Joyring WVS |
Involvement |
Levelheadedness |
Flexibility |
Familiarity |
NDDSNP to NDDSNJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nano Painring NUDS |
Inhibition |
Uncultivatedness |
Vociferousness |
Alienation |
Nano Joyring NUDS |
Approachability |
Dannethed |
Quietness |
Familiarity |
NUDSNP to NUDSNJ |
North |
South |
East |
West |
Nano Painring NUDSNP |
Insincerity |
Unwillingness |
Indecision |
Indifference |
Nano Joyring NUDSNJ |
Sincerity |
Willingness |
Beslutsomhed |
Involvement |
ONE WEEK TASK
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Six, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it with
your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and it
will also facilitate your work in your Fifth, Tenth and Twelfth Step.
WE HUMBLY ASKED OUR UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE TO LIBERATE US FROM OUR MISTAKES.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Seven! The principle of Step Seven is Letting Go.
The Seventh Step Slogan is: Let
go and let Love.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both :
TASKS FOR STEP SEVEN.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for a week I write down
how I chose .
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy or both if you have both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Seven, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it
with your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and
it will also facilitate your work in your Tenth and Twelfth Step.
WE MADE A LIST OF THOSE, WHO HAD
BEEN HURT BY OUR MISTAKES, BEGINNING WITH OURSELVES AND BECAME WILLING
TO MAKE AMENDS TO ALL.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Eight! The principle of Step Eight is Forgiveness.
The Eighth Step Slogan is: Forgive
me my mistakes and give me the capacity to forgive those who mistake
me.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both :
TASKS FOR STEP EIGHT.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for a week I write down
how I chose .
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy or both if you have both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Eight, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it
with your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and
it will also facilitate your work in your Tenth and Twelfth Step.
WE MADE DIRECT AMENDS TO ALL AS
SOON AS POSSIBLE, EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD HURT US OR OTHERS
FURTHER.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Nine! The principle of Step Nine is liberation.
The Ninth Step Slogan is: The
right action is the sweet fruit itself.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both :
TASKS FOR STEP NINE.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for a week I write down
how I chose .
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy or both if you have both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Nine, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it with
your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and it
will also facilitate your work in your Tenth and Twelfth Step.
WE CONTINUED TO TAKE PERSONAL
INVENTORY AND WHEN WE MADE MISTAKES, WE PROMPTLY ADMITTED IT.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Ten! The principle of Step Ten is Willingness.
The Tenth Step Slogan is: Guide
me through my desires and liberate me from my mistakes.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both :
TASKS FOR STEP TEN.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for a week I write down
how I chose .
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy or both if you have both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Ten, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it with
your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and it
will also facilitate your work in your Twelfth Step.
THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION WE
SOUGHT TO IMPROVE OUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH OUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, AS
WE UNDERSTOOD IT, ASKING ONLY FOR KNOWLEDGE OF OUR UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE'S WILL FOR US AND FOR THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Eleven! The principle of Step Eleven is expansion of consciousness
.
The Slogan of the Eleventh Step
is: Love, Your Will Be Done.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both:
God
TASKS FOR STEP ELEVEN.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for a week I write down
how I chose .
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy or both if you have both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Eleven, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it
with your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and
it will also facilitate your work in your Twelfth Step.
HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING
AS A RESULT OF THESE STEPS, WE PASSED ON THE MESSAGE OF RECOVERY TO
OTHERS WHO SUFFERED FROM FEAR OF THEMSELVES, OTHERS, THE WORLD AT
LARGE, LIFE AND DEATH, PAIN AND ILLNESS, THE DEVIL AND GOD AND WE
PRACTICED THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS.
Dear student of The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order.
CONGRATULATIONS!
You have now begun your work with
Step Twelve! The principle of Step Twelve is Mercy.
Love and hugs from us to you!
Read the following sections in The
TuTu Doctrine - The New World Order and write down your understanding
of and experience with or lack of experience with that section and
when you have finished this task share it with your sponsor or your
recovery buddy or both if you have both :
TASKS FOR STEP TWELVE.
ONE WEEK TASK
Every day for a week I write down
how I chose .
When you finish this task, share
it with your sponsor or your recovery buddy or both if you have both.
SYNOPSIS
Write a
synopsis about what you think has been the benefit of carrying out the
work with Step Twelve, because a synopsis can facilitate sharing it
with your sponsor, your recovery buddy or both, if you have both and
it will also facilitate your work in your Tenth and Twelfth Step.
SAMPLE MEETING FORMAT FOR THE TOTO
DOCTRINE FELLOWSHIP
Please allow us to welcome you.
Welcome the newcomer by giving
him/her The TuTu Doctrine Fellowship Welcome amulet after it has
been circulated to all members to give them an opportunity to charge
it with their blessings and good wishes for the newcomer's future.
FRONT
AND
BACK OF THE WELCOME
AMULET
IN
THE TUTU DOCTRINE FELLOWSHIP
We now move on to celebrate members' participation in The TuTu Doctrine
Fellowship.
Has anyone attended between 2 and 29 meetings in The TuTu Doctrine
Fellowship today?
If a member wishes to celebrate his/her meeting attendance with the
Fellowship, give him/her The TuTu Doctrine Fellowship amulet that
has the number of his/her meetings on one side and one of the three
symbols which are the ManWoman, the Absolute Heart or the Holy Grail
on the other side.
FRONT AND BACK OF MILESTONE MEET THE AMULET IN THE TOTO DOCTRINE
FELLOWSHIP
5
meetings
5
meetings
Proceed to the next part of the celebrations by asking:
Does anyone want to celebrate the completion of a Step in the TuTu
Doctrine Fellowship by sharing their experiences with that Step in our
meeting today after the group readings?
If
a member wishes to celebrate the completion of a Step with the
Fellowship, give him/her The TuTu Doctrine Fellowship amulet that
has the name of the Step he/she has completed on one side and one of
The TuTu Doctrine Fellowship’s symbols, on the other side after it
has been circulated to all members to give them an opportunity to
charge it with their blessings and good wishes for the member's
future
FRONT AND BACK OF MILESTONE STEPS
THE AMULET IN THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE TOTO DOCTRINE
Step
6
End the celebrations by saying:
Thank you for celebrating your healing milestones with us today.
I now turn the floor over to the Chair, _______.
Thank you!
The chair says:
My name is ____ and I am unconditional love.
Now let's move on with our group readings.
Choose members to read one or more of the group readings and ask them to
read it aloud to the group by saying:
I ask (name of member) to read (name of reading) for us.
The group readings can be read in the following order:
What is The TuTu Doctrine Fellowship?
Why are we here?
Who has the disease fear?
The Program in The TuTu Doctrine Fellowship.
What can I do?
Take it easy!
After the group readings, the chair says:
I now ask those members who have completed working on a Step in the TuTu
Doctrine Fellowship to come up here and share their experiences of
their work on this Step with the Fellowship.
Please welcome (name) to share his/her experience with the Fellowship.
When he/she has finished sharing, say.
I now open the meeting to members, who wish to share and pass the word
around the room.
Those who prefer to listen today can introduce themselves and say they
want to listen and pass the floor on to the next member.
At the end of this part of the meeting, the chairperson closes the
meeting by saying:
Anybody, who wants to can find our literature for free reading or
download on the Internet at this address:
https://totos-solfond.org/
The
'Group' Version
God,
our
FatherMother
You
Who are in the God Realm
May Your name be our
Holy Name Ardhanarishvara
May Your Realm come on Earth
so Your will may happen on Earth
like
it
happens in the God Realm
Give us this day what we need
Forgive us our mistakes and give us
the
capacity to forgive those who mistake us
Guide us through our desires
and
liberate
us from our mistakes
For Yours is the God Realm
and
the
Power
and
the
Glory
eternally.
Amen.
THANK
YOU!
Keep
coming back! We need you!
When a son of humankind and a daughter of humankind have had all their material desires fulfilled and thus have become full of days, a turning point arises in the form of a desire to experience again the bliss of the total merger with one’s other half, and with this desire the migration down through dimensions ends.
This migration is called creationmanifestation, involution,
entanglement or the descent of Spirit into Matter, and the migration
back through the dimensions begins.
The migration back to the origin is called dissolution, evolution,
untanglement or the ascent of
Matter into Spirit.
In India,
spiritual science works with a very vast number of archetypes, where
God is perceived to be the merged masculine and feminine principles,
called Ardhanarishvara, who abides the eight dimension, the Absolute
as pure Spirit and pure Spirits archetype, which consists of the
individual united Spirits and is called the God Realm.
The Souls, who were the first creaturesmanifestations, are called
Demigods and Demigoddesses and abide in various fields of energy
according to their own choice in the seventh dimension as Soul Mates,
who consists of the separated masculine and feminine principle into a
‘he’ and a ‘she’ from their personal Ardhanarishvara.
When a human being meets his/her Spirit Mate in his/her human life, it
becomes his/her task to approach God by seeing his/her God, his/her
personal Ardhanarishvara in his/her partner, and when that is achieved
by the help of The Four Weddings, it also becomes his/her task to see
his/her impersonal God, his/her impersonal Ardhanarishvara in
Ardhanarishvara’s archetype, who holds everything and everybody
everywhere at all levels of existence.
TuTu taught me many archetypes, but the
below five are fundamental for the spiritual aspirants'
perspective on existence.
Ardhanarishvara = halfwoman God = the ManWoman = God
Patiparamishwara = the woman’s God = spouse
Padniparamishwari = the man’s Goddess = spouse
Pashupatinath-Shiva = the destroyer = the
male God of the animal-man and the animal-woman =
Shiva/Maheshwara/the greatest God
Kali-Shakti = the destroyess = the female
God of the animal-man and the animal-woman = Shakti/Maheshwari/the
greatest Goddess.
When a
couple’s desire to merge completely arises, this desire sends an
impulse through the dimensions to exactly that ManWoman who has sent
out this couple as a projection of Himself-Herself, and the ManWoman
reflects the impulse by letting it wander back through the dimensions
to both of them as a desire to withdraw all projections.
Thereby, the two individuals begin to become
interested in spirituality, whether they live together or separate
in each their part of the outer or the inner Worlds, and thus they
begin receiving teachings as to how to withdraw all projections from
the outer and the inner Worlds.
In the Master’s teachings, this
takes place as a cleaning of consciousness by the help of
transmission, while at the same time, the disciple cooperates by
performing a daily mental cleaning ritual.
The Master’s disciples also practice contemplation and concentration
followed by meditation on a daily basis to expand their conscious
contact with their true Self.
In The Fellowships Anonymous, the withdrawal of projections takes
place through cleaning the consciousness with the help of daily
inventories and by the help of the Two Way Prayer that was coined by
the Oxford movement, which is the origin of The Fellowships Anonymous.
The Two Way Prayer, which is a meditation form, where the spiritual
aspirant writes a question down to his true Self and this he/she
perceives as a prayer of guidance.
Then he/she lets the answer rise through the stillness within, and
this he/she perceives as meditation, and he/she writes down the answer
to hold it steady in his/her mind for contemplation.
Besides this, respect of one’s own and others’ emotions, plus
reflection, contemplation, concentration and any form of meditation is
a part of the daily work with expanding the conscious contact with
his/her true Self.
TuTu
explained that as a result of this training the spiritual capacity of
the person grows, and this capacity is decisive for the person’s
experience of God’s presence.
The lesser the capacity, the more distant
God appears to be to a human being, although
God is the very being of himself/herself and even though he/she is
surrounded by God in all ways, both physical and non-physical.
When the son
and the daughter of humankind return to the origin as the ManWoman,
they behold each other in blissful love with their new delighted eyes
that they have attained in involution, and when all
creaturesmanifestations have withdrawn from matter and the evolution
is thus completed, then at full blast, the cosmic orchestra plays the
music of the spheres, which is the rainbow-colored love movements of
the Menwomen, and in this way, there is joy in eternities' eternity,
until creationmanifestation begins anew as materiel manifestation.
TuTu
explained that in the Absolute the energy is constant, but from the
seventh dimension to the first, which all are the illusion about
separation from God and the eternal beloved Spirit Mate in each their
way, energy injections and energy deprivations are found, and here is
the battle about the energies and the fear of losing a normal
expression in the movements of life.
If the movement takes place from the Absolute to the dimensions, from
the seventh to the first, for each projection into form, a nuclear
fission takes place, and the result is a deprivation of awareness of
Spirit/Oneness of the eternal lovers and an injection of energy to the
awareness of Matter/Separation of the eternal lovers.
If the movement takes place from the dimensions to the Absolute,
after
a series of quantum leaps, a nuclear fusion takes place, and
the result is a deprivation of awareness of Matter/Separation of the
eternal lovers and an injection of energy to the awareness
Spirit/Oneness of the eternal lovers.
Changes in the emotional states
bring forth the movements of the energies of life in the worlds of
illusions.
Basic
emotional conditions arose in the seventh dimension and consist in
four fundamental emotions: Love, joy, pain and fear, and all other
emotions spring from these four.
They are the result of the illusion about ‘the Big Bang’, where the
separation of the masculine and the feminine principle apparently took
place.
But what God has joined together
is inseparable, and thus the masculine and the feminine principle
cannot be separated, because all the individual Spirits that God
createdmanifested as HisHer SonDaughters are thus one being like God
HimHerself and therefore any idea of separation is an illusion.
However, the illusion of
separation may appear to a human being to be real, because the human
lovers are separated into a ‘he’ and a ‘she’.
For the separated, love and fear
go hand in hand because love in the seventh dimension, after ‘the Big
Bang’, called out fear of having lost one’s eternal beloved Spirit
Mate.
Pain arises when the beloved
appears to be lost, and joy arises when the beloved appears to be
found.
In the world of illusions, the
eternally loving Spirit Mates meet and separate and meet again and
again, and even the act of lovemaking takes place by the bodies
meeting and separating and meeting again until the seed of love and
the egg of love meets at the peak of merging.
Separation therefore can appear to
be a prerequisite for setting the motions of the life energies into
movement so new life can come into being.
To illustrate the movements of the
life energies as they appear to the separated to be on Planet Earth,
two graphs are found below that illustrate the movements in the worlds
of illusions, where Spirit seems to be entangled in or untangled from
matter.
The two Rings are called the Magic
Rings, and they are found as two different energy fields in the
seventh dimension - one that works for involution/matter and one that
works for evolution/Spirit.
THE
RING OF MATTER/THE RING OF ILLUSION
The
feminine ring: Involution
(The movement is clockwise)
Right
symbolizes the illusion. Left symbolizes the Truth.
God
the Father says: “Become light” and Goddess the Mother becomes the
growth of Matter →
Limitation.
Goddess
the Mother says: “Become manifold” and Goddess
the Daughter becomes the form of Matter
→
Mortality.
Goddess
the Daughter says: “Become love” and the God the Son becomes
the nourishment of Matter →
Powerlessness.
God the Son
says: “Become clean” and God
the Father
becomes the consciousness of Matter
→
Ignorance.
THE
RING OF SPIRIT/THE RING OF TRUTH
The
masculine ring: Evolution
(The movement is anti-clockwise)
Right
symbolizes the illusion, and left symbolizes the Truth.
Goddess
the Mother says: “Become power” and God
the Father becomes the consciousness of the Spirit
→
Omniscience.
God
the Father says: “Become force” and
God the Son becomes the nourishment of the Spirit
→
Omnipotence.
God the Son says: “Become oneness” and Goddess
the Daughter becomes the form of the Spirit
→
Immortality.
Goddess
the Daughter says: “Become darkness” and Goddess
the Mother becomes the growth of the Spirit
→
Omnipresence.
TuTu
explained that the movement of consciousness in the third dimension
passes through the outer and the inner planes of the mineral realm,
the plant realm, the animal realm and the human realm.
When the
individual’s consciousness moves from its outer form in the animal
realm to its new outer form in the human realm, he/she brings deep
instinctive experiences with him/her from the other realms from where
his/her consciousness has grown through various stages and has thus
become ready to take on a human form.
Throughout his/her time in the animal realm, the consciousness
develops new forms all the time to find the best-equipped survival
forms, and thus everything in the animal realm revolves around
becoming powerful enough to survive.
Therefore, in the animal realm, might is right.
In the human
realm, the consciousness moves through various stages and reaches a
solution for everybody’s survival, and so it no longer revolves around
survival of the fittest here but around achieving the right for all
human life forms to survive – both the fragile and the strong –
without them being robbed of the necessities for survival and without
them being persecuted and punished by the flock because of their
choice of life style, as this is a prerequisite for the development of
the ability to discern that everybody have all their desires fulfilled
and thereby get the opportunity to get to know the contents of their
desires.
Thus, in the
human realm, might is no longer right, but the right to have one's
desires fulfilled is right.
If a
powerful person desires to usurp more than he/she needs, also such a
person has to have his/her wish fulfilled, but anybody has the right
to withdraw from this person if the person tries to buy one’s
life-force to usurp even more by exploiting his/her neighbor as labor
instead of sharing the surplus of their mutual endeavors with each
other.
By withdrawing from this kind of
exploitation, anybody can contribute to such a person discovering
for himself/herself as to which of his/her possessions hold a value
for him/her and which are acquired with the purpose of achieving the
power and the glory.
If such a person has set himself/herself
up as a dictator of a nation, humankind can open up to receiving all
those citizens from this nation who don’t want to contribute to the
dictator’s attempt to achieve the power and the glory by offering
them dignified and humane living conditions in another country and
thus take away the dictator’s opportunity to usurp rights over the
life and happiness of others by the help of persecutions, murders,
fire and brimstone.
In this way,
humankind can collectively help such a dictator to discover that
he/she is neither greater nor smaller than any other
creaturemanifestation, and that his/her desires therefore are neither
more nor less important than that of everybody else.
That
consciousness which has just left the animal realm to enter his/her
human form, needs time, in life after life after life, to orientate
himself/herself in the new realm so as to be able to find out which
principles are valid here.
The general attitude of this type of
consciousness has made humankind
visualize it as a human being with hooves, horns and tail
besides a trident that could be used to attack others in the struggle
for survival.
When this
consciousness goes through experiences in
the human realm in life after life, the
person’s mental abilities become clearer, but he/she is still
influenced by the norms of the animal realm, and therefore humankind
has portrayed this type of consciousness
as the sphinx with a human head and an animal body.
Gradually, as the consciousness
acquires more and more mental abilities, it gets consumed by system-building
and legislation to secure that both the strong and the weak
get the right to their life style, and thus
justice becomes the goal.
When consciousness comes to realize that justice cannot be achieved solely by the help of system-building and legislation, it begins to seek for love, and thereby the person begins to follow the heart instead of the system and the legislation at those points in time where a conflict arises between the two.
That person
who fears and condemns the expression of consciousness in the form of
the person with horns, hooves and tail thus condemns his/her own
roots.
By fearing and condemning this
part of himself/herself under many different labels such as the
devil, Satan and Beelzebub, the individual prevents himself/herself
from admitting that the qualities ascribed to
the devil is a part of himself/herself, and thereby this part is
pushed under the threshold of the daily consciousness.
This allows the fear and condemnation to breed and become avarice,
envy, hatred and arrogance, which can grow up as trees in the
consciousness and bear many different fruits such as anger, disbelief,
superstition and many other destructive attributes.
The graph
below illustrates the growth of two trees in the human mind from their
birth to their full fruition.
Likewise, the Tree of Love illustrates how love sprouts forth from a slight movement in a person’s life in the form of various emotions like good will, kindness, calmness and patience to admission, self-acceptance, health and sanity that lead into a trunk of high self-esteem crowned by love.
Again, the soil the tree grows in can be perceived as a situation we encounter, and when we respond to the situation with good will, kindness, calmness and patience, we provide nourishment to the Tree of Love.
To condemn oneself and others makes a person feel ashamed of himself/herself and feel guilt ridden about being the way he/she is, but anybody – be it animal man/woman or a saint - are at a stage in their existence which is connected with the extent of their existential experiences that are achieved in life after life.
The animal man/woman and the saint carry out actions, which their existential experiences has given them the impression, will be the most advantageous for themselves and their dear ones.
That animal man and animal woman sometimes carry out actions that are
harmful to the life and happiness of others is, therefore, connected
to the understanding that belongs to his/her existential stage.
That the saint abstains from carrying out such actions is also
connected with the understanding which belongs to his/her existential
stage.
Thus, the animal man and the animal woman act from the same motives as the saint and they are therefore equally innocent, and exactly this understanding will eventually lead humankind to forgive themselves and others for being as they are.
Only when a
person honestly admits to possess that part of himself/herself which
is ascribed to the devil can he/she begin to receive those qualities
that he/she attained from his/her time in the mineral realm, the plant
realm and the animal realm, so as to be able to screen out those
qualities they no longer need in their life as human beings, and
thereby achieve their redemption from their shame about themselves.
Below are some graphs that illustrate some of the characteristics which can sprout forth by denying one’s powerlessness over the unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy of one’s true Self, one’s Spirit..
TuTu called these the destructive rings or the Rings of Pain.
Below the
destructive rings are some graphs that show some of the
characteristics which can sprout forth after the cessation of the
denial, and these TuTu called the constructive rings or the Rings of
Joy.
By looking
at the powers of the destructive rings and investigating their effects
in one’s own life and in the World, a person, a society, a country or
the World at large can inventory themselves and thereby find loving,
caring, compassionate and merciful ways of replacing the powers of the
destructive rings with the powers of the constructive rings within
themselves, within the society,
the country or the World at large if they
so desire.
By beginning
to look at the powers of the destructive rings in Step Four and Six in
the 12 Step Program of TTDF and investigating their effects in one’s
own life and in the World, a person, a society, a country or the World
at large can inventory themselves and thereby find loving, caring,
compassionate and merciful ways of replacing the powers of the
destructive rings with the powers of the constructive rings within
themselves, within the society, the country and the World at large if
they so desire.
¯
¯
THE
NORTH
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): AVARICE
SWING:
AVARICE <->
ENVY
THE
SOUTH
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): ENVY
SWING:
ENVY <->
AVARICE
THE
WEST
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): ARROGANCE
SWING:
ARROGANCE <->
HATRED
THE
EAST
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): HATRED (Suppressed anger)
SWING:
HATRED <->
ARROGANCE
¯
THE
REGIONAL RINGS
¯
ARCHETYPE (INTERFERENCE PATTERN): AVARICE
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH <->
SOUTH: STINGINESS <->
GREED
SWING
EAST <->
WEST: POVERTY <->
GLUTTONY
When
The Ring of Avarice becomes active in us, we want to receive something
materially, physically, space-time wise, emotionally, mentally,
socially or spiritually without using our own money, time, energy or interest
to get it (Stinginess), and we readily receive anything that
we do not have to make an effort to get (Greed) even if we do not need
it (Gluttony), while at the same time we feel poor in spite of all the
things and advantages we possess (Poverty).
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): ENVY
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH <->
SOUTH: DISBELIEF <->
SUPERSTITION
SWING
EAST <->
WEST: SUBMISSION <->
DEFIANCE
When The Ring of Envy becomes active in us, we imagine
that we can get what we see
others have without doing anything for it
(Superstition), and that there is nobody
or nothing who will help us get
what we so desire if we work
towards fulfilling our desires ourselves (Disbelief).
We
get angry if someone suggests that we should participate and
contribute with our interest, energy, time or money just like others
do to get the same as they have whether it is material, physical,
time-space wise, emotional, mental, social or spiritual (Defiance), or
we submit to various demands that are contrary to our innermost
desires hoping that others e.g. God, our spouse, our employer, family,
friend etc. will fulfill our desires if only we throw ourselves on our
knees and flatter them with sacrificial gifts or words of praise
(Submission).
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): HATRED (Suppressed anger)
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH <->
SOUTH: DENIAL <->
MANIPULATION
SWING
EAST <->
WEST: DISEASE <->
MADNESS
When
The Ring of Hatred/suppressed anger becomes active in us, we deny our
needs and refuse to take responsibility for ourselves, whether
materially, physically, space-time wise, emotionally, mentally,
socially or spiritually (Denial), and we try
in roundabout ways to manipulate others into fulfilling our
needs to have it confirmed that we are valuable (Manipulation).
At
the same time, we imagine that others fulfill our needs because we are
so special (Insanity), and if others do not fulfill our needs, we
continue to deny them until we feel so bad
materially, physically,
space-time wise, emotionally, mentally, socially or spiritually that
we get ill from it (Illness).
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): ARROGANCE
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH <->
SOUTH: SUPERIORITY <->
INFERIORITY
SWING
EAST <->
WEST: OVERCROWDING <->
ISOLATION
When
The Small Ring of Arrogance becomes active in us, we feel above others
when our needs are met (Superiority), and below others when our needs
are not met (Inferiority).
When
we feel we are less than others, we stay by ourselves to hide our
vulnerability and our feeling of worthlessness (Isolation), and when
we feel we are more than others, we fill up our time and space with
people and activities to show off our superiority by the help of the
number of people present in our lives and the numerous activities we
undertake (Overcrowding).
The big circle is the global
ring, which is in force for both the individual and for the World at
large. The smaller circles on the rim of the global ring are the four
regional rings each carrying a constructive interference pattern.
¯
¯
THE
NORTH:
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): FAITH
SWING:
FAITH <->
HOPE
THE
SOUTH:
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): HOPE
SWING:
HOPE <->
FAITH
THE
EAST:
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): LOVE
SWING:
LOVE <->
TRUTH
THE
WEST:
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): TRUTH
SWING:
TRUTH <->
LOVE
¯
THE
REGIONAL RINGS
¯
ARCHETYPE
(INTERFERENCE PATTERN): FAITH
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH «
SOUTH: GENEROSITY «
TRUST
SWING
EAST «
WEST: PROSPERITY «
ACCOUNTABILITY
When The Ring of Faith becomes active in us, we believe that
our true Selves gives us what we need when we need it (Trust), and we
use our true Selves’s gifts to the full or pass them on to others if
we do not find use for them (Accountability).
Therefore
we
pass on our material, physical, space-time wise, emotional, mental,
social or spiritual surplus to others who lack what we have in excess
(Generosity), and through these actions, we realize that we do have a
surplus to give from (Abundance).
THE
SMALL RING OF JOY OF THE SOUTH
ARCHETYPE (INTERFERENCE PATTERN): HOPE
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH <->
SOUTH: CREDENCE <->
INFORMATION
SWING
EAST <->
WEST: DISCERNMENT <->
SERENITY
When The Ring of Hope becomes active in
us, we have faith in that our desires will be fulfilled if we work for
it (Belief), and that our true Selves will show us the way ahead
(Enlightenment)).
Therefore we listen attentively to the guidance of our
true Selves (Discernment) before moving ahead along the shown path,
one step at a time (Serenity).
THE
SMALL RING OF JOY OF THE EAST
ARCHETYPE (INTERFERENCE PATTERN): LOVE
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH <->
SOUTH: ADMITTING <->
SELF-ACCEPTANCE
SWING
EAST <->
WEST: HEALTH <->
SANITY
When
the ring of love becomes active in us, we take responsibility for
ourselves by fulfilling our needs materially, physically, space-time
wise, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually
(Self-acceptance), and we seek the help of others for those needs that
we cannot fulfill ourselves by
admitting our need for help to another human being (Admission).
As
we fulfill our needs this way (Sanity), we experience an expansion of
wellbeing in all areas (Health).
THE
SMALL RING OF JOY OF THE WEST
ARCHETYPE (INTERFERENCE PATTERN): TRUTH
EFFECT
AT WORLD LEVEL:
SWING
NORTH <->
SOUTH: HUMILITY <->HONESTY
SWING
EAST «
WEST: INDIVIDUALITY «
FELLOWSHIP
When
The Small Ring of Truth becomes active in us, we feel that everybody
is equally valuable to totality (Humility) even though we are not able
to evaluate the full value of ourselves and others (Honesty).
Therefore,
we
do not try to evaluate our worth or that of others; instead we seek to
find that part in ourselves where we recognize the emotions of others
(Fellowship), while at the same time, we accept that we and others may
have different reasons to feel the way we do (Individuality).
We can choose to use the below prayers to make easier
our personal work with the Rings of Pain and Joy, and also we can use
The Smile Meditation below to intensify this work.
The below prayer is called the Prayer of Pain, because we pray to be
liberated from our use of the Rings of Pain in this prayer.
God,
Liberate me from using the pain of my self-important seriousness and make my stay in all of the Rings of Pain short today:
The Ring of Emptiness and thereby emptiness, boredom, meaninglessness and loneliness
The Ring of Self-centredness and thereby self-criticism, depression, euphoria and self-praise
The Ring of Codependency and thereby the savior, seducer, victim and offender roles
The Big Ring of Pain and thereby avarice, envy, hatred and arrogance
The Small Ring of Avarice and thereby stinginess, greed, poverty and gluttony
The Small Ring of Envy and thereby disbelief, superstition, submission and defiance
The Small Ring of Hatred/suppressed anger and thereby denial, manipulation, disease and madness
The Small Ring of Arrogance and thereby superiority, inferiority, overcrowding and isolation
The Miniring of Avarice and thereby pettiness, clinging, malaise and hoarding
The Miniring of Envy and thereby insecurity, confusion, unclarity and wretchedness
The Miniring of Hatred/suppressed anger and thereby ill will, unkindness, irritation and impatience
The Miniring of Arrogance and thereby condescension, intolerance, exaggeration and seclusion
The Microring of Avarice and thereby selfishness, hardness, unfreedom and negligence
The Microring of Envy and thereby denigration, incusceptibility, narrow-mindedness and unworthiness
The Microringof Hatred/suppressed anger and thereby indignation, vindictiveness, belligerence and bitterness
The Microring of Arrogance and thereby disrespect, craftiness, distortion and separateness
The Nanoring of Avarice and thereby inhibition, nervousness, complaining and indifference
The Nanoring of Envy and thereby uncertainty, uncultivatedness, indecision and rashness
The Nanoring of Hatred/suppressed anger and thereby resentment, unwillingness, vociferousness and
stiff-neckedness
The Nanoring of Arrogance and thereby insincerity, cunning, unreliability and alienation.
THANK
YOU!
The below prayer is called the Prayer of Joy,
because we pray for the capacity to make use of all the Rings of Joy.
God,
Grant me the capacity to be unpretentious and cheerful, joyful and content and make my stay in of all the Rings of Joy long today:
The Ring of Fulfillment and thereby fulfillment, interest, meaningfulness and oneness
The Ring of God-centeredness and
thereby open-mindedness, empowerment, joy and gratitude
The Ring of Emotional Sobriety and thereby detachment, integrity,
respect for self and respect for others
The Big Ring of Joy and thereby faith, hope, love and truth
The Small Ring of Faith and thereby generosity, trust, prosperity and accountability
The Small Ring of Hope and thereby credence, information, discernment and serenity
The Small Ring of Love and thereby admitting, self-acceptance, health and sanity
The Small Ring of Truth and thereby humility, honesty, individuality and fellowship
The Miniring of Faith and thereby largesse, letting go, wellbeing and sharing
The Miniring of Hope and thereby safety, well-informedness, clarity and nobleness
The Miniring of Love and thereby goodwill, kindness, calmness and patience
The Miniring of Truth and thereby equality, tolerance, accuracy and belongingness
The Microring of Faith and thereby consideration, equanimity, freedom of action and contributing
The Microring of Hope and thereby appreciation, teachableness, openness and worthiness
The Microring of Love and thereby amiability, forgiveness, conciliatory and sweetness
The Microring of Truth and thereby respectfulness, straightforwardness, precision and togetherness
The Nanoring of Faith and thereby approachability, light-heartedness, validation and involvement
The Nanoring of Hope and thereby certainty, cultivatedness, resolution and level-headedness
The Nanoring of Love and thereby acceptance, willingness, quietness and flexibility
The Nanoring of Truth and thereby sincerity, simplicity, reliability and familiarity
THANK YOU!
In context with our use of the Pain
Prayer and the Joy Prayer, we can also choose to use The Smile
Meditation to intensify the effect of our prayers.
In it we use the healing power of our smile together with the healing
power from the central part of our brain’s hormone-producing center,
where the thalamus-, hypothalamus-, pineal- and the pituitary gland
meet in one and the same area in the center of our brain so as to
become able heal pain both inward in ourselves and outward in the
outside World.
This central area of our brain together with the healing power of a
smile has been used by spiritual masters for millennia as an object of
contemplation and has createdmanifested the smiling eyes that are so
well known in spiritual masters.
The central area in the brain has been named the cave of Brahma in Hinduism and the Crystal Palace in Taoism.
1. Sit comfortably with your
spine in an upright position and your head straight in a way that allow
the muscles of your neck and throat to feel relaxed.
2. Take a couple of deep,
slow breaths, noticing how your abdomen rises and falls.
3. Rest the tip of your
tongue gently on the roof of your mouth, somewhere behind and close to
your upper front teeth.
In addition to working with the Prayer of Pain, the Prayer of Joy,
and the Smile Meditation, a spiritual aspirant can choose to work
with The Constructive and The Destructive Rings by the help of
Emotional Freedom Technique by following the suggestions for this
work in the book One suggestion
to work with The Constructive and the Destructive Rings and their
Super Strings for readers of The TuTu Doctrine -
The New World Order.
The first step towards love is honesty towards oneself and others.
The difficulty about honesty consists in that the truth cannot be said
or written.
Truth IS.
No matter how many times a person says or writes the word chair,
the word will never become the chair, and therefore honesty consists
in the person expressing the truth about his/her existential
experiences, as they appear to be to the person right HERE right NOW,
while at the same time being fully aware that his/her image of Reality
changes day by day, hour by hour, and that he/she thus expresses a
limited and insufficient image in a limited and insufficient way.
When
spiritual teachers speak or write about that which is called The
Eternal Truths, they also give a limited and insufficient image in a
limited and insufficient way of their limited and insufficient
understanding of how the spiritual dimensions affect life on Earth,
although their limited image was sufficient
to expand the understanding of the existential
experiences
of the people for whom it was meant at that particular time.
Moreover, these descriptions come from persons from many nations
across the World and they go way back in the existence of humankind,
and one can use the different descriptions to compare narratives
through millennia from all parts of the World and thereby discover
that a core is found which repeats itself in all these narrations, and
it is this core which is referred to under the concept The Eternal
Truths.
Spiritual teachers often use to compare phenomenon from other dimensions with something which is known from the third dimension by most of their contemporaries.
In this way, they try to
give an initial understanding to
people who do not have experiences in the field themselves.
The disadvantage of using parables is that the comparisons get
outdated when the societies develop new habits and new aids, and that
many spiritual seekers enter into endless disputes about words to
decide who possesses the correct understanding.
If you want to exchange existential information with others, one-on-one or in groups, you can let everybody who wants to express his/her perspective on a given topic speak and listen to the speaker in silence and without comments.
Then, you can take what is useful to you from the perspective of the
others and let that be which you do not want to make use of, while at
the same time, you understand that even if you cannot use all of the
information for something, others find exactly that information which
is useless to you useful for them, and therefore, all contributions
are equally valuable.
One day, light was shed on the problem of suffering in a conversation between the Master and us.
A disciple asked if hell exists.
The Master laughed and said: "Yes, it is found on Earth. Earth is that
place where sufferings are found everywhere, even if it is sometimes
in very subtle forms."
The Master
added that the minimum goal for those who wish to liberate themselves
from sufferings is to liberate themselves from those dependencies that
bind them to Earth and thus liberate themselves from rebirth to Earth.
This he called liberation.
This
conversation made me think about pain and suffering, and I came to
perceive pain as a short-lived signal of action and suffering as a
prolonged feeling of discomfort springing from my lack of willingness
or capacity to perform the action that the pain ordains.
TuTu explained that many years ago the consciousness of The Eternal Life was only present in prophets and spiritual teachers who had the task of guiding humankind.
Today, it is present in many who have memories from their previous
incarnations and in many others who have chosen to have confidence in
that reincarnation is a fact.
Besides, it is possible today for anybody who wants to, to contact
his/her previous lives by doing consciousness-travels
on their own time track and thereby investigate the matter
personally.
When
I began to come across information that
death is not the end of it all, I dared not believe it.
Even at the time when I traveled into the other spheres of existence
and spoke with departed Souls, I dared not believe that my experiences
were real.
In the end, I decided to weigh the pros and cons in taking my
experiences to heart.
If I perceived them to be an expression of an overactive fantasy or
downright insanity, they were out of contact with Reality and
therefore worthless, and then I was a confused person who could not
see the difference between Reality and the unreal.
If I perceived them as an expression of a special capacity to get into
contact with higher dimensions, I was in conformity with Reality, and
then I was a person with a talent.
Last, but not least, these experiences were so enriching that I
reluctantly abstained from them, but exactly that scared me most of
all.
If I took them to heart because they enriched my life for the moment,
and it later proved that they were a mirage, then I had wasted my life
on something unreal instead of using it for something better, and
thereby, I would be worse off later than I would be now if I renounced
them.
I realized that I was faced with Ex Calibur, the magical sword in the
stone, which is so strongly submerged in the stone that even the
biggest giants of the country cannot dislodge it.
A chosen hero comes to the stone and lifts the sword so easily as if
it had never been stuck.
Ex Calibur is a symbol of the power of
discernment, the stone a symbol of Mother Earth and the chosen hero
a symbol of the one who heroically liberates his/her power of
discernment from the earthbound.
I decided to lift the Ex Calibur, trusting my experiences to be my
true Self’s answer to my desire to attain knowledge about death.
My experiences gave me the
impression that death is a process where, at first, the dying persons
are liberated from the physical body by the chakras beginning to close
from the bottom up, and in this way, the dying persons get help to
leave the body through the crown chakra.
When the person moves on, he/she goes through the Gate of Death and then into a special meditation where he/she meets God's Light of Love, is penetrated by it and look at his/her life for two days in this light.
In this phase, joy arises about those
times where the person in question acted in conformity with the
insight it gives him/her to look at his/her actions in The Light of
Love, and pain arises about those times where he/she have not
done so.
The pain expresses itself in a heartfelt desire to make amends for
those actions which are not in conformity with love for oneself and
one's neighbor.
This is the judgment.
Thereby, the physical and psychological stages of death are complete, and the departed person goes on to the higher Worlds on the third day.
Normally, the resurrected person begins life in the fifth dimension by
teaching others who are about to incarnate by telling them about
his/her experiences on Earth.
Besides this, he/she meets his/her spiritual guide and gets an opportunity to express his/her desires for a life to come.
Together, they find out which areas the aspirant wants to work with to
have his/her desires fulfilled.
Perhaps the aspirant remembers his/her
experiences in The Light of Love and expresses some of the desires
that arose there.
Beyond this, the aspirant can have a
desire for special circumstances, for
example, to become a beauty queen, an explorer or other
special aspiration.
The vast majority remember their
experiences in The Light of Love vaguely or not at all, and thus, they
do not have any special desires other than meeting again with those
they loved, or being successful in fulfilling the unfulfilled desires
they had last time around, for example, getting a business, a house,
liberating themselves from material distress and so on.
But even if
they do not
remember their desires from their
stay in The Light of Love, these desires lie like seeds in the
consciousness of their Spirit that holds all of their experiences
together with those desires which cannot be fulfilled in
their life to come due to the limitation of time.
All desires appear again, when time is ripe, until all desires are
fulfilled.
It is impossible for any human being to make amends for all those actions which the person wants to make amends for by looking at them in The Light of Love, but if a person sincerely repents a given action and therefore does not repeat it any more, or at least does not repeat it in the same way, this person comes under the Law of Mercy, and thereby the slate is wiped clean in context with this particular area for this person.
The true Self then connects those who want
to have restoration for the acts of others in their previous lives
with those who want to make amends to others, who do not seek to
achieve it anymore, and thus the Law of Mercy becomes beneficial for
all.
The ideas of
the aspirants as to how they attain the fulfillment of their desires
are very different from each other, depending on their respective
capacity to understand
the extent of the acts which are required for the fulfillment of their
desires, but if they do not seek
guidance as to how they can have their
desires fulfilled in the shortest possible time, there is nobody who
corrects them.
They have all of eternity at their disposal, and it is more important
that they have all their desires fulfilled and all their ideas tested
than achieving their goals in one single life, because they will have
all of their desires fulfilled in the long run anyway.
Sometimes, the aspirants have some desires
which cannot be met, because they don’t have the required capacity
to handle the circumstances that they want to experience.
In such instances, they receive guidance as to how they can develop
the required capacity, and a longer series of incarnations may come
into question.
Then, they decide if instead they want to let go of their desire, and
with this the guidance is over.
The work
begins with finding the appropriate Fellowship and parents who are
willing to offer the aspirant the circumstance which he/she wants to
experience.
This process can take a short or a long time depending on how special
the desires of the aspirant are, and then, he/she is ready for
incarnation.
If the
aspirant has had all of his/her earthly desires fulfilled and
therefore does not have any desires which need
be fulfilled on
Earth, he/she has achieved liberation, so unless, at some point,
he/she wants to incarnate on Earth to perform a special task the
aspirant’s return to Earth is over.
Instead, this aspirant’s life continues in the higher dimensions, and
the fulfillment of his/her desires in that context is planned together
with the spiritual guide accordingly.
TuTu
explained that the prophets of the past passed on their knowledge in
the form of injunctions and prohibitions to protect humankind from
straying out onto many wild paths as a result of the human limitation,
ignorance, powerlessness and mortality,
but this is no longer required
because the general education of the many at the present time has
reached a stage where it is possible to tell The Eternal Truths by
the help of concepts which were formerly inaccessible to the many,
and thus today the individual person can decide for himself/herself
by considering the advantages and disadvantages of taking the
statements of the prophets to heart.
Therefore,
a
revised version of the Ten Commandments follows below, where the word
'commandment' is changed to 'statement', the word 'must' is changed to
'can' and the Commandment of Love: 'You must love your God with all
your heart, with all your Soul, with all your mind and your neighbor
as yourself ”is included as the Eleventh Statement.
The first statement then read: "You cannot have other Gods/Goddesses than me."
God is perfect and unconditional love, and when a man/woman meets
his/her Spirit Mate, the perfect and unconditional love comes to life
in his/her heart, and thus he/she becomes able to experience God
through his/her own perfect and unconditional love for his/her Spirit
Mate.
If a person does not have a conscious contact with his/her Spirit Mate in the outer or inner Worlds, this person has an underlying feeling of existential abandonment and loneliness no matter how many people the person is together with.
Under such circumstances, the person in question may attempt to escape these emotions in various ways, for example, by exclusively being preoccupied with alcohol, drugs, nicotine, food, compulsive spending, sex, romantic relationships, codependency, family affairs, children, work, money, power, prestige, fame, material or spiritual ambitions, or any other activity he/she makes use of to escape these emotions.
Because the feeling of abandonment and loneliness cannot be removed in
this way, in utter desperation, such people may become more and more
consumed by their chosen escape attempts in their continuous attempts
to fill the void with more and more of their choice, until in the
end, their choice becomes an obsession that governs and controls all
areas of their lives.
This is called idolatry.
However, a time will come when the addicted person realizes that
he/she is compelled to carry out many actions that he/she does not
want to so as to escape these emotions, without succeeding.
When the person reaches this point, he/she feels compelled to find ways of giving up the chosen addiction and continue his/her search for that which can remove the feelings of abandonment and loneliness.
The second
statement then read: "You cannot make yourself an idol."
When a person enters various addictions, he/she forms an idol, but
since only the interaction between oneself and one's Spirit Mate can
fill the existential void, he/she cannot form an idol and keep it.
The third statement read: "You cannot misuse the name of your God/Goddess."
Yearning
for
his/her Spirit Mate, a person may try to give that love which belongs
to his/her Spirit Mate to someone or something else, but this is an
intermediary solution, because a time always comes when the person
realizes that the intermediary solution does not fill the existential
void, and thus it is not possible in the long run to call anything or
anybody but one’s Spirit Mate for one's God/Goddess.
The fourth statement is unchanged: "Remember the day of rest to keep it holy."
TuTu added that the societies have a habit
of forcing its members to work when they need rest, but in doing so
you act against the holy body, because honest citizens feel
compelled, subconsciously, to contract various illnesses to be able
to feel that they have earned the right to rest.
It will be an advantage, both to society
and to the individual, if instead, you choose to let the individual
decide for himself/herself as to when and how much rest he/she
needs, and at the same time, consider this need to be holy so that
nobody has to harm his/her body by contracting illnesses that can be
avoided.
The fifth statement: "Honor your father and your mother" is unchanged.
The parents give the child life, and anybody who gives this gift is
entitled to be met with honor and respect, even if the birth is the
only obligation which the parents have been willing to take on in many
cases.
A child who comes into life in this way calls for a united endeavor
from society.
By the help of this child, society can
learn to cooperate about contributing to the flowering of life by
providing the maximum options for such a child who does not have the
support of his/her parents during growth, and in this way, the life
of the child can be a gift to society.
The ideal is a society where everyone
feels that all children belong to everybody, because everybody feels
responsible for the children to thrive knowing very well that the
harm you do to children will rebound on society when the child
becomes an adult and begins acting in accordance with his/her
experiences as a child.
Any child knows at heart that the love of a parent is only surpassed
by the love of the only one, and anything the parents do is
perceived to be an expression of love by the child.
When the child grows up, he/she will
express his/her love the way he/she got to know love in his/her
childhood, and in the subconscious mind of the adult who acts in
undesirable ways, seen with the eyes of society, confusion arises
and then anger, because nobody seems to understand his/her
expression of love, and no amount of opposition, ridicule or
punishment will stop such a person.
He/she will only try harder and harder to express his/her love, hoping
that it will be understood and appreciated sooner or later.
However, sometimes parents misuse this statement to demand undue respect from their children by demanding obedience from the child rather than teaching the child to follow his/her own heart's guidance.
Trying to usurp authority over the child's fate with this type of demands is a misuse of the parental role as guardian angels for the child.
The child, at all times, has the right to follow his/her own ideas and perceptions of what will make him/her happy, while at the same time, being willing to listen and follow the guidance and advice of the parents, but having the right to respectfully decline the suggestions from the parents, if there is a conflict between the two.
The sixth statement read: "You cannot kill."
Life is eternal for everyone, and thus you
cannot kill, but if a person interrupts another person's life on
Earth, this person is called a murderer and his/her action means
that the murdered person does not get the opportunity to execute
his/her errand on Earth, and this will not only affect the murdered
person but also all those people who were supposed to benefit from
his/her presence on Earth.
When the murderer himself/herself dies,
the moment comes where he/she has to look at his/her action in the
Light of Love, and at this point, the pain arises because of this
action together with a desire to make amends to everyone involved.
This desire will be fulfilled and this
work is enough on its own, but if society chooses to murder the one
who murdered, those members of
society who take upon themselves to sentence others to death
or become murderers themselves, as a job
they perform in their daily lives, will come to look at their
actions in the Light of Love, grieve over them and later have their
wish fulfilled to make amends, because it rests on no one to judge or
to take a life.
However, the condition of life is that we all have to eat by shedding innocent blood, but when we do this, we can receive the gift of life from the being we eat, whether this is a plant or an animal, with the reverence that is due to the one who lets down his/her life for us to live.
The seventh
statement then read: "You cannot commit adultery."
A marriage cannot be instituted by any society.
Such an act exclusively consists in
securing the material well-being of the woman, who is suppressed in
many societies, but now time is ripe where this treatment of women
is coming to an end, and this gives both the man and the
woman the option of leaving a marriage which is not instituted by God.
The sign that a marriage is instituted by God is that the couple is blessed with a love for each other that is so powerful that it binds the couple to each other with ties so strong that not even they themselves can break them.
In some
cases, two people may marry out of convenience hoping that this union
will lead them to the love residing in their innermost heart, but that
love belongs exclusively to their Spirit Mate, and such a love cannot
be forced by reasons of convenience.
However, anybody has the right to fulfill their sexual needs in whichever way they can as long as it happens without hurting themselves or another.
But only
when one come together with one’s Spirit Mate can one become able to
unite the sexual act with a perfect love, and thus one cannot commit
adultery.
The eighth statement is changed to: "You cannot steal."
One who appropriates something that
doesn’t belong to him/her has to look at this act in the Light of
Love and later have his/her desire fulfilled to make amends to the
plundered person and all the others who were affected by this
looting.
The ninth
statement is changed to: "You cannot falsely accuse."
One who does this will later want to make
amends to the falsely accused, and thus truth will always
triumph in the end.
The tenth statement: "You
cannot desire that which belongs to your neighbor."
Anybody has
the right to desire anything, but if a person desires something which
belongs to another, the fulfillment of the desire will not
createmanifest the satisfaction the person hoped for, and thereby,
he/she himself/herself will let go of his/her desire in the end.
In the eleventh statement, the
word ‘shall’ is changed into
‘can only’ or ‘can’
and the words 'from this stage'
are added.
"You can love only your God/Goddess with all your heart and all your
Soul and all your mind, and from this stage you can love your neighbor
as yourself."
Until a person achieves contact with his/her Spirit Mate, his/her
Eternal Beloved in the outer or the inner Worlds, that place in the
innermost heart which belongs to his/her Spirit Mate is experienced as
abandoned, and thus the person is not able to love of all his/her
heart and all his/her Soul and all his/her mind.
When a person achieves contact with his/her Spirit Mate in the outer
or the inner Worlds, his/her heart is purified of all false
conceptions of God.
The below
photograph of TuTu is one of a series of four and has been
createdmanifested by him, by him posing in front of a mirror and
letting the flashlight from the camera createmanifest the light
phenomenon on his heart, while at the same time, a spot of light
reflected from his watch became the spot of light on his forehead.
It took him four attempts to make the spot of light on the forehead
find its exact place.
It illustrates a principle, which is true for all of us.
The photographs of his hands were taken on the photocopying machine in
Sundholm and show the lines in his palms for anybody who would be
interested in studying those.
LIKE
THE MOON REFLECTS THE LIGHT OF THE SUN
THE
EMOTIONS REFLECT THE LIGHT OF THE THOUGHTS
I kept wondering why the Master had not accepted that I had the right to be angry with my co-travelers, who had left without asking the rest of us if we wanted to come along.
One day, I came across a guideline in one of his books, which read:
"Don't be revengeful about mistakes done by others. Receive them in
gratitude as heavenly gifts."
This, I thought, was disadvantageous and unfair.
I had learned that when somebody committed a mistake, they could learn to stop making mistakes if somebody punished them for it; so according to my perception, it was not only my right but also my duty to punish the others if I wanted to be a good person, and at the same time prevent the mistakes of others to be taken out on me in the future.
Later, I became able to take the Master’s suggestion to heart by
choosing to work on changing the emotions and thoughts that arise in
me when I think that others have made a mistake, instead of demanding
that others must change in conformity with my perception of the right
thing.
It made a deep impression in me that I had cried from shame about my arrogance and my impatience during the Master’s morning sitting.
When I came back to
When I observed them, I tried to fight them, but a number of years
passed before I realized that I
could not get rid of them by
deciding that they were not allowed to be
there, and they did not go away
just because I suppressed them or denied them.
Since I did
not know what else to do, I began praying a couple of times every day,
to be granted learning as to how to become humble and patient.
That went on for a couple of years after
which I was whirled into many dramatic events that eventually landed
me in Narcotics Anonymous.
Until then, I had connected humility with humiliation, and therefore I
thought that I had to make myself small and submissive if I wanted to
become humble.
Now, I was told that I had to find that place within me where I felt
that I was neither more nor less than others if I wanted to achieve my
goal.
I had thought that it was
arrogance when I felt that I was more than others, but not that it
was also so when I felt that I was less than others.
Then, I was told
that I had to first accept possessing the feeling of arrogance to be
able to investigate under which circumstances it arose and what
results I achieved from the actions I did under the influence of my
arrogance.
Now that I knew what goal I had to strive for, I began investigating
the issue.
First, I searched for an intellectual stand, where I could accept that
I was neither more nor less than others.
I found this when I spotted the paradox that I was unique and that it
was totally common to be so.
If I placed my thumb on something,
there was not one fingerprint in
the World similar to mine, and so I was unique, but so was
everybody else!
Then, I
investigated when my arrogance arose.
My feeling of being less than others
became particularly predominant if I spotted the beauty and
qualities of others, or if others got more attention from the
people I wanted to get attention from.
If others behaved in ways that I thought implied that they considered
me to be nothing, particularly if it was people whom I secretly
admired, or if they were figures of authority, I got angry and
revengeful, but I thought they were right.
I was nothing.
When, for some time, I had felt that I was nothing, I shook it off by
thinking that if others really knew me they would discover that, in
Reality, I was better than most.
At this point, I found various reasons that supported this perception.
If others expressed that they found me better than most, I became
suspicious of their motives.
I believed that they said so to console me, because, in Reality, I was less than most, or because they wanted something from me, or else I thought that this was due to the fact that they didn’t really know me.
Now, I could see that I was in an endless swing in the pendulum of
arrogance from more than to less than others and back again.
I kept asking myself why it was so important for me to compare my size
with that of others, and what it was that I had to be for myself to
think that I was good enough as I was, until I discovered my most
secret thinking.
I had to be good enough for the prince on the white horse.
Secretly, I waited for him to come and
take me in his arms and ride away with me, away from all the dull
and gray, and then we were going to get married and live happily
ever after, but for him to choose me I had to be better than others.
Yes, actually I had to be better than a real princess.
I had long since forgotten this dream,
because I thought it was too embarrassing that I was so childish,
but nevertheless, this hope lived in best of health, as a shadow
under the threshold of my day-consciousness.
In my
opinion, the fairy tale of the prince on the white horse is an
archetypal description of that couple that
wish to return to the Absolute love, seen
from the feminine perspective.
In this fairy tale, the prince always
prefers a poor girl with a pure heart, which he finds nobler
than the one he finds in the real princess
he is expected to marry.
The prince shows up in her life because of a strange coincidence of
events which are outside both his and the
girl’s control, and she had not even considered that it is
now that something great is about to happen,
namely the meeting with her one and only.
The prince is the only one who discovers that the poor girl is his heart’s chosen one.
Everybody else expect that he will marry the real princess, and his
love for the poor girl is met with great resistance by the
environment.
Sometimes, he forgets her when he returns to the castle.
This can make her take into use the magical powers which she is
already equipped with, or which she receives in a mystical way and
that suits her purpose, which is to make the prince remember her.
Sometimes, a curse is thrown on the prince when he returns to the
castle, but the poor girl understands that he is bewitched and finds
ways of reaching him anyway.
In certain instances, she transforms herself into an animal.
The animal approaches him in some way or the other, and now he
remembers the poor girl, begins to look for her and finds her in the
end.
Sometimes, it happens that, at first, the prince comes in the form of
a toad, but her heart knows that he is not an ordinary toad, and when
she kisses him in spite of his repelling and unacceptable condition,
he transforms into the prince she is waiting for.
Sometimes, she sleeps for hundreds of years, while she is waiting for
him to come and wake her up.
The environment exposes their love to
incredible hardships, but because of mystical and unusual
intervention in events, they overcome all opposition and all
troubles in the end.
The prince takes her with him to his castle.
A big wedding is held, and they live happily ever after.
As I understand it, the symbols of the fairy tale describe the
energies that play together in the archetype so as to bring about the
Spiritual Wedding.
The prince symbolizes the love that
recognizes his one and only even in a depleted state.
The poor girl symbolizes the one who doesn’t have anything to offer,
which justifies his choice.
The mystical unplanned circumstances
that cause their meeting are a
symbol of the true Self’s steering of
events, and their meeting is a symbol of the meeting with the true
great love.
That he forgets her at his return to the castle shows
his attachment to his habitual environment.
That a curse is cast upon him shows that which hinders him in seeing
clearly.
Her magical powers show the qualities of character that she has
developed.
The activation of her magical powers illustrates the activation of her
hidden and apparent qualities of character to reach the
goal,
which is to make the prince remember her.
The mystical events that come to the
rescue of the couple, when it all is about to go wrong, illustrates
the help of the true Self to the couple.
That she reaches to him in spite of the
curse symbolizes the power of penetration of her love.
Her transformation into an animal is a symbol of her use of her
deepest instincts to reach him.
To kiss the toad illustrates
her
ability to recognize the only one behind repulsive and
unacceptable appearances.
The resistance of the environment shows
the contribution of the World towards the purification of their
love.
That she sleeps for hundreds of years shows that even if he is long in
coming, only the meeting with him is of interest to her.
That the prince takes her with him expresses his definite choice.
The big wedding symbolizes the Spiritual Wedding.
That they lived happily ever after symbolizes their immersion in God’s
Light of Love, until creationmanifestation begins anew.
Seen from
the masculine perspective, his fairy tale is that he is a poor boy who
doesn’t have anything to offer a princess.
Many in the country court the princess and
show many good qualities, but she is not interested in any of them.
Sometimes, he sees the princess for the first time because she is out
among the ordinary people in his town, and he senses immediately that
she is his only one.
When he decides to court her, everybody thinks that he is an ignorant
fool for thinking that a princess would want him, and sometimes, he
cannot get access to the castle to meet her, but because of mystical
coincidences he succeeds in getting in anyway and in proposing.
Sometimes, the
princess
says yes immediately, because he shows special qualities
which others do not find attractive but which are to the special
liking of the princess, and they marry.
It happens that the environment interferes in the situation with curses and bewitches, which leads the couple astray.
Sometimes, she exposes him to various tests to see if he is the one
she has been waiting for.
Sometimes, the
king is not interested in having him as a son-in-law unless he shows
unusual courage, unusual power of action, unusual wisdom or unusual
strength, and therefore, first he has to kill a dragon which is
pestering the realm or find a magical treasure that nobody else can
get hold of and bring it to the king.
Sometimes, a
dragon has captured the princess, and the king has promised
her and half the realm to the one who
frees her.
He sets out in confidence of his destiny, but
sometimes he gets problems.
Then, it may happen that a being turns up in a mystical way and helps
him by providing him with magical powers or magical things.
A grand wedding is held, and they live happily ever after.
Through self-investigation, I found out that I had made a decision as a child, which, until now, was lying like a shadow under the threshold of my day-consciousness together with the hope that the prince would come to marry me.
I had decided that I might as well make myself ready while I was
waiting so as to make sure that he chose me.
A proof that I was ready was that I had a more noble heart than a
princess.
I was not able to evaluate the condition of my heart, but if others
confirmed that I had a noble heart, it had to be true, and then I was
ready.
As there was nothing indicating that others found my heart nobler than
that of others, I had to change.
If I changed that which I or others did
not like about me, if I became better in doing this or that, if I
thought in a different way, felt in a different way, acted in a
different way, then others had to confirm that my heart was noble,
and if everybody agreed on it, the prince also had to be able to see
it.
Since I now knew why it meant so much to me to be better than others,
I investigated how the things I did worked, and realized that exactly
my arrogance and impatience were the properties which separated TuTu
and me over and over again, and the actions I had done under the
influence of these emotions had cost both me, him and others much
pain.
I was seized by pain when I faced all of
this, but when the pain subsided,
I became grateful that I no longer had to fight to achieve a
confirmation from others indicating that I had a heart that was nobler
than that of a princess.
My heart was good enough.
It needed not be better than the heart of others, because the goal of my heart had been to become the bride of the prince.
TuTu was my prince, and he had found the qualities of my heart good
enough to make his definitive choice and lead me to God’s Sacred
Altar, to enter into his Spiritual Wedding with me.
Only after I worked through the two spiritual Programs suggested in this book did I realize that when I took my arrogance into use, it meant that all of the four powers in the Big Ring of Pain became active in me, because they constitute one mental-emotional pattern.
Thus, I discovered that avarice, envy and hatred are companions of my
arrogance together with all the defects of character described in the
Small Rings of Pain.
Besides these all the other defects of character that are companions
to the defects of character in The Big Ring of Pain, such as the Small
Rings-, the Minirings-, the Microrings and the Nanorings of Pain also
arose in me, as these Rings are like a Chinese box system and thus I
became aware that my usage of the mental-emotional pattern in the Big
Ring of Pain lead to my irritability and impatience that belongs in
the Miniring of Hatred with its ill will, unkindness, irritation and
impatience.
Until I realized this, I considered my irritability and impatience to
be comparatively innocent flaws in my character but now I discovered
that, in Reality, they led to my usage of the Small Rings of Pain, The
Big Ring of Pain, the Ring of Codependency, the Ring of
Self-centeredness and the Ring of Emptiness upwards and the
Microrings- and the Nanorings of Pain downwards.
I also had to face the fact that it was from my use of these
mental-emotional patterns that all my existential pains sprang, and
however unpleasant it was to admit that I possessed these defects of
character, it was necessary for me to do so, so as to be able to begin
observing them and their consequences.
By the help of my observations, I discovered that a desire was always
to be found at the root of any of my defects of character, and that
when I denied them, I actually cut off myself from discovering what I
wanted innermost, not to mention having that desire fulfilled or
choosing to let go of it.
At the same time, the concept of defects of character became a neutral
concept for me in the same way as I did not have any painful emotions
by the thought of a defective radio, because I realized that this
concept only expressed that I used a defective mental-emotional
pattern, that is, a pattern which does not work according to intention
- the intention always and without exception being of a loving,
caring, compassionate and merciful nature - in an attempt to have a
desire fulfilled which I was not even aware of having.
When I began acknowledging my use of my defects of character, I became
aware that my defects of character hold information about myself and
my existence, which I cannot get access to in any other way than
acknowledging them, investigating them, taking to heart the message
they hold.
However, it took me completely by surprise that it was the pain in my defects of character that led me to spiritual enlightenment, because I realized that as long as everything in my life went smoothly, I did not stop to think about my existence, but when I encountered resistance whether it sprang from painful emotions from within or from opposition in my surroundings, I paused to investigate more thoroughly the cause for this.
At first, I thought that I had to find the root of the pain or the opposition, so as to rid myself of these pains or overcome this resistance.
After having worked on this issue for quite a while with this motive, I discovered that I believed I had to rid myself of the pain and the opposition, because I judged the pain and the opposition on a foundation of good and evil.
As a result of this inner
purification work, I also became able to use Sudarshan chakra, which,
in my opinion, is the divinely simplest way of working on my defects
of character on a daily basis.
In the holy trinity of Hinduism they have three male gods: Brahma,
Shiva and Vishnu and their wives
Saraswati, Parvathi/Kali and Lakshmi.
These three gods or archetypes are also
called: The Creator, The Destroyer and The Maintainer, and their
wives are perceived to be Shakti or the manifestation of the
qualities of their husbands.
Vishnu, The Maintainer, descends on Earth
from his Divine abode and takes on a human form when humankind is in
need of spiritual guidance of a Divine nature.
When Vishnu takes on his human form, he is also subjected to the
conditions of a human being, and that means that also he is limited,
ignorant, powerless and mortal and thereby fallible, but since Vishnu
knows this prior to his descend, he brings with him his whirling ring
of power, which lights up his inner World
just as brightly as the sun lights up the
outer World, and he uses it in his human life to neutralize all
inner and outer demons.
This bright, whirling ring of power is
called Sudarshan Chakra.
I have chosen to give Sudarshan chakra a
name that is more easily understood by me and have therefore
called it The Ring of Fulfillment.
It is the antidote to The Ring of Emptiness.
Below the Hierarchy of the Archetypal Rings is shown in order from the highest to the lowest.
Highest in this Hierarchy the Ring of Emptiness and the Ring of Fulfillment is to be found.
Second in this hierarchy is the Ring of Self-centeredness and the Ring of God-centeredness.
When I use The Ring of
God-centeredness, I choose to refrain from criticizing myself for
the mistakes I think I have committed today, thereby avoiding bringing
depression into being within myself.
Instead, I choose to open my mind to new ideas, as to how I can
neutralize my mistakes or transform them to successes, whether the new
ideas spring from inside or outside of me, and thereby I achieve an
empowerment that makes it possible for me to come closer to the
solution of my problems.
Instead of praising
myself for the successes I think I have achieved today and thereby
creatingmanifesting a short-lived euphoria or elation about how good I
think I am, I choose to focus on my gratitude, because my inner guides
or the people in my environment were willing to help me by thinking
empowering thoughts on my behalf and thus helping me neutralize my
failures or transform them into successes.
When, in that way, my failures are neutralized or transformed into successes, joy arises within me that this was possible because of my Fellowship with others both in my inner World and my outer World.
Third in this hierarchy are the Ring of the Savior Complex, also referred to as the Ring of Codependency, and the Ring of Emotional Sobriety.
Fourth in the hierarchy are the
Big Ring of Pain and the Big Ring of Joy.
The graph below with the many Rings illustrates the connections between the Big Rings of Pain and Joy with their corresponding Small Rings.
The various colors in the graphs illustrates a defect of character with its corresponding virtue in the same color, thus showing that it is the same energy that is held in both, but the defect of character is the unenlightened or immature and dysfunctional stage of the energy and the virtue is the fully enlightened or mature and functional stage of the energy
The undergrowth in the Ring of Emptiness and the Ring of Fulfillment is the Ring of Self-centeredness and the Ring of God-centeredness.
The undergrowth of the Ring of Self-centeredness and the Ring of God-centeredness is the Ring of Codependency and the Ring of Emotional Sobriety.
The undergrowth of the Ring of Codependency and the Ring of Emotional Sobriety is the Big Ring of Pain and the Big Ring of Joy.
The undergrowth of the Big Ring of Pain and the Big Ring of Joy is the Small Rings of Pain and the Small Rings of Joy.
The undergrowth of the Small Rings of Pain and the Small Rings of Joy is the Minirings of Pain and Joy.
The undergrowth of the Minirings of Pain and Joy are the Microrings of Pain and Joy and the undergrowth of the Microrings are the Nanorings as shown in the below graphs with the tables that comes after the two graphs.
If one pulls the corners of the graphs below the text becomes clear.
THE
BIG RING, THE SMALL-, MINI-, MICRO- AND NANORINGS OF PAIN
THE BIG RING, THE SMALL-, MINI-, MICRO- AND NANORINGS OF JOY
THE FOUR BIG RINGS OF PAIN AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Ring of Emptiness |
Emptiness |
Boredom |
Meaninglessness |
Loneliness |
The Ring of Self-centeredness |
Euphoria |
Depression |
Self-criticism |
Self-praise |
The Ring of Co-dependency |
Savior-role |
Seducer-role |
Victim-role |
Offender-role |
The Big Ring of Pain |
Avarice |
Envy |
Hatred |
Arrogance |
THE FOUR SMALL RINGS OF PAIN AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice |
Stinginess |
Greed |
Poverty |
Gluttony |
Envy |
Disbelief |
Superstition |
Submission |
Defiance |
Hatred |
Denial |
Manipulation |
Disease |
Madness |
Arrogance |
Superiority |
Inferiority |
Overcrowding |
Isolation |
THE FOUR MINI-RINGS OF PAIN AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice |
Pettiness |
Clinging |
Malaise |
Hoarding |
Envy |
Insecurity |
Confusion |
Unclarity |
Wretchedness |
Hatred |
Ill will |
Unkindness |
Irritation |
Impatience |
Arrogance |
Condescension |
Intolerance |
Exaggeration |
Seclusion |
THE FOUR MICRO-RINGS OF PAIN AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice |
Selfishness |
Hardness |
Unfreedom |
Negligence |
Envy |
Denigration |
Insusceptibility |
Narrowmindedness |
Unworthiness |
Hatred |
Indignation |
Vindictiveness |
Belligerence |
Bitterness |
Arrogance |
Disrespect |
Craftiness |
Distortion |
Separateness |
THE FOUR NANO-RINGS OF PAIN AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Avarice |
Inhibition |
Nervousness |
Complaining |
Indifference |
Envy |
Uncertainty |
Uncultivatedness |
Indecision |
Rashness |
Hatred |
Resentment |
Unwillingness |
Vociferousness |
Stiff-neckedness |
Arrogance |
Insincerity |
Cunning |
Unreliability |
Alienation |
THE FOUR BIG RINGS OF PAIN AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Ring of Emptiness |
Emptiness |
Boredom |
Meaninglessness |
Loneliness |
The Ring of Self-centeredness |
Euphoria |
Depression |
Self-criticism |
Self-praise |
The Ring of Co-dependency |
Savior-role |
Seducer-role |
Victim-role |
Offender-role |
The Big Ring of Pain |
Avarice |
Envy |
Hatred |
Arrogance |
THE FOUR RINGS OF AVARICE AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
AVARICE |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Stinginess |
Greed |
Poverty |
Gluttony |
The Mini-ring |
Pettiness |
Clinging |
Malaise |
Hoarding |
The Micro-ring |
Selfishness |
Hardness |
Unfreedom |
Negligence |
The Nano-ring |
Inhibition |
Nervousness |
Complaining |
Indifference |
THE FOUR RINGS OF ENVY AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
ENVY |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Disbelief |
Superstition |
Submission |
Defiance |
The Micro-ring |
Denigration |
Insusceptibility |
Narrowmindedness |
Unworthiness |
The Nano-ring |
Uncertainty |
Uncultivatedness |
Indecision |
Rashness |
THE FOUR RINGS OF HATRED/SUPPRESSED ANGER AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
HATRED |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Denial |
Manipulation |
Disease |
Madness |
The Mini-ring |
Ill will |
Unkindness |
Irritation |
Impatience |
The Micro-ring |
Indignation |
Vindictiveness |
Belligerence |
Bitterness |
The Nano-ring |
Resentment |
Unwillingness |
Vociferousness |
Stiff-neckedness |
THE FOUR RINGS OF ARROGANCE AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
ARROGANCE |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Superiority |
Inferiority |
Overcrowding |
Isolation |
The Mini-ring |
Condescension |
Intolerance |
Exaggeration |
Seclusion |
The Micro-ring |
Disrespect |
Craftiness |
Distortion |
Separateness |
The Nano-ring |
Insincerity |
Cunning |
Unreliability |
Alienation |
TABLE OF THE BIG RINGS, THE SMALL RINGS, THE MINI-RINGS, THE MICRO-RINGS AND THE NANO-RINGS OF JOY (HORIZONTAL) AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS (VERTICAL OR DIAGONAL)
THE FOUR BIG RINGS OF JOY AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Ring of Fulfillment |
Fulfillment |
Interest |
Meaningfulness |
Oneness |
Ring of God-centeredness |
Joy |
Empowerment |
Open-mindedness |
Gratitude |
Ring of Emotional Sobriety |
Detachment |
Integrity |
Respect for self |
Respect for others |
The Big Ring of Joy |
Faith |
Hope |
Love |
Truth |
THE FOUR SMALL RINGS OF JOY AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Faith |
Generosity |
Trust |
Prosperity |
Accountability |
Hope |
Credence |
Information |
Discernment |
Serenity |
Love |
Admitting |
Self-acceptance |
Health |
Sanity |
Truth |
Humility |
Honesty |
Individuality |
Fellowship |
THE FOUR MINI-RINGS OF JOY AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Faith |
Largesse |
Letting go |
Wellbeing |
Sharing |
Hope |
Safety |
Well-informedness |
Clarity |
Nobleness |
Love |
Goodwill |
Kindness |
Calmness |
Patience |
Truth |
Equality |
Tolerance |
Accuracy |
Belongingness |
THE FOUR MICRO-RINGS OF JOY AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Faith |
Consideration |
Ease |
Action-freedom |
Contributing |
Hope |
Appreciation |
Teachableness |
Openness |
Worthiness |
Love |
Mercy |
Forgiveness |
Conciliatory |
Sweetness |
Truth |
Respectfulness |
Straightforwardness |
Precision |
Togetherness |
THE FOUR NANO-RINGS OF JOY AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Faith |
Approachability |
Light-heartedness |
Approval |
Involvement |
Hope |
Certainty |
Cultivatedness |
Resoluteness |
Level-headedness |
Love |
Acceptance |
Willingness |
Quietness |
Flexibility |
Truth |
Sincerity |
Simplicity |
Reliability |
Familiarity |
THE FOUR BIG RINGS OF JOY AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
|
North |
South |
East |
West |
Ring of Fulfillment |
Fulfillment |
Interest |
Meaningfulness |
Oneness |
Ring of God-centeredness |
Joy |
Empowerment |
Open-mindedness |
Gratitude |
Ring of Emotional Sobriety |
Detachment |
Integrity |
Respect for self |
Respect for others |
The Big Ring of Joy |
Faith |
Hope |
Love |
Truth |
THE FOUR RINGS OF FAITH AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
FAITH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Generosity |
Trust |
Prosperity |
Accountability |
The Mini-ring |
Largesse |
Letting go |
Wellbeing |
Sharing |
The Micro-ring |
Consideration |
Ease |
Action-freedom |
Contributing |
The Nano-ring |
Approachability |
Light-heartedness |
Approval |
Involvement |
THE FOUR RINGS OF HOPE AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
HOPE |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Credence |
Information |
Discernment |
Serenity |
The Mini-ring |
Safety |
Well-informedness |
Clarity |
Nobleness |
The Micro-ring |
Appreciation |
Teachableness |
Openness |
Worthiness |
The Nano-ring |
Certainty |
Cultivatedness |
Resoluteness |
Level-headedness |
THE FOUR RINGS OF LOVE AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
LOVE |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Admitting |
Self-acceptance |
Health |
Sanity |
The Mini-ring |
Goodwill |
Kindness |
Calmness |
Patience |
The Micro-ring |
Mercy |
Forgiveness |
Conciliatory |
Sweetness |
The Nano-ring |
Acceptance |
Willingness |
Quietness |
Flexibility |
THE FOUR RINGS OF TRUTH AND THEIR SUPERSTRINGS |
||||
TRUTH |
North |
South |
East |
West |
The Small Ring |
Humility |
Honesty |
Individuality |
Fellowship |
The Mini-ring |
Equality |
Tolerance |
Accuracy |
Belongingness |
The Micro-ring |
Respectfulness |
Straightforwardness |
Precision |
Togetherness |
The Nano-ring |
Sincerity |
Simplicity |
Reliability |
Familiarity |
Besides this, at long last, I achieved the ego death.
When I became acquainted with this concept, I imagined it to mean that all my defects of character would disappear in one stroke one day when time was ripe, almost like a miracle like it happened to TuTu on his way to Katmandu, but in my case, it merely happened by my identification with my thinking mind, my ego slowly stopped and instead I identified myself with my true Self, my Spirit.
Over the
years, I tried
to learn something about dreams and I often returned to the dream I
had the first time I visited the Master, to find out what its
message was.
Gradually,
as I learned something about symbols, and due to the events that
transpired at the same time, I realized that my first interpretation
had been very limited and had led to various misunderstandings.
Now, I
did a re-interpretation of the dream seen through the eyes of the
new knowledge I had acquired.
To me, the Master was an expression of God’s universal and impersonal
love for me as it expressed itself in the platonic love-relationship
between the Master and me, and the handsome young man who stepped out
of the Master’s form was TuTu, who was an expression of God’s
individual and personal love for me as it expressed itself in the
sexual love-relationship between him and me.
The Master’s farm was a symbol of the Soul plane, the Divine plane,
which I left together with TuTu.
The bath
with the other young woman in the bathtub was a symbol of the
cleansing I had to go through in connection with TuTu’s love for his
childhood love.
The arousal of my sexual feelings for TuTu symbolized the activation
of my power of manifestation, which was required for me to be able to
write this book.
The Master cleansed the Master, so the
young handsome man stepped out, symbolizing that my relationship
with the Master was a preparation for my meeting with TuTu, who
would step into my life as a result of my relationship with the
Master.
After we left the Divine plane, we walked on the high edge, which illustrated the spiritual aspirant’s walk on the sword’s edge, which is the balancing point between the earthly and the spiritual.
The land symbolized the earthly and the ocean symbolized the
spiritual, the shop my mind and the strange things in the shop the
contents of my mind.
The mirror that I thought to be magical was a symbol of my need for
confirmation from others, and the temptations were my desires.
The disappearance of the young man showed that he died.
The castle symbolized The Fellowships Anonymous, and the man in the
wheelchair a sick person, who scared me at the arrival there but who
would disappear because of my own actions.
The prince symbolized the consciousness of TuTu, also called the
existential state of the unconditional love, care, compassion and
mercy – the existential state of the Absolute consciousness.
The bride of the prince symbolized Mother Earth.
That he was yet a child symbolized that the consciousness of the
principles in TuTu were ripening.
The representative of the prince, who took care of the bride and the
realm till the prince had become an adult were the 12 Step Programs of
the Fellowships Anonymous that were acting as the maintainers of the
fertile soil until the new level of existential awareness had become
accessible in the form of The
TuTu Doctrine – The New World Order itself and the two other
12-Steps Programs Active Addictions Anonymous – The Wild Life
and Christs
Anonymous – The Thirteenth Step as two other spiritual paths within the 12 Step paths and
furthermore the new version of A
Course In
Miracles,
which
could all be taken up by anybody, who wanted it.
The
deep sleep of the intermediary symbolized the lack of knowledge in
The Fellowships Anonymous about the principles in TuTu.
The realm was a symbol of the human realm and the bride of mother
Earth.
That it wasn’t the right thing for me to become the bride of the
prince symbolized that I was only a single flower in the garment of
the bride.
Returning to the Master’s farm symbolized my return to the Divine
plane.
My wet socks symbolized mistakes committed.
The
last bath symbolized the cleansing that took place through my Step
Work with the two 12 Step Programs suggested in The TuTu Doctrine
- The New World Order, with
the
new version of A Course In Miracles and with The TuTu
Doctrine – The New World Order itself.
The clean, white, long cotton dress showed simplicity and purity from
top to bottom.
The Master’s lack of attention at my return showed that I had only done my duty to my own desires.
To sit in front of the Master again symbolized my return to God’s
universal and impersonal love for me.
To sit among the other disciples symbolized humility, and the sigh of
relief that my goal was achieved.
To close my eyes and slide into meditation
symbolized that I had gone through the ego-death and thus
slipped into the direct experience of Reality.
According to my interpretation of this dream, my interaction with the Master was thus a preparation for my meeting with TuTu.
This, I felt, was confirmed by TuTu, when he told me that he had taken on a life just ahead of his present one to prepare our meeting in this life by creatingmanifesting that system of meditation which the Master got the task to pass on, and he had thus been the Master of the Master.
He had createdmanifested the system to
createmanifest the right conditions to catch me in the West and
bring me to the East, to meet him there.
When I began meditation under the guidance of the Master, I was told
that the Master himself had a Master who was dead now.
The Master’s Master had performed the unusual feat of achieving his
individual and personal Self-realization in the course of seven
months.
Besides, he revived the Pranahuti process.
Shri Krishna had used the Pranahuti process when he performed his
spiritual work, of which the most renowned example took place when he
taught Arjuna in the battle of Mahabaratha.
However, The Pranahuti process had been
extinct for so long that many thought it never existed, and
therefore only few people gathered around the Master’s Master.
When the Master met his Master, he was seized by an inextinguishable
love for him, and his Master opened some channels in him and a few
other disciples which made it possible for them to perform the
Pranahuti process, which consists in transmission of higher states of
consciousness straight into the heart of the disciple.
When the Master of the Master
died, the Master was chosen to pass on the process, and this process
had indeed caught me in the West and brought me to the East, where I
met TuTu.
A
COURSE IN MIRACLES, BY
COURSE IN MIRACLE SOCIETY, SCRIBE HELEN SCHUCMAN AND
EDITOR WILLIAM T. THETFORD, CREATEDMANIFESTED BY HARISHCHANDRA SHARMA
TUTU AND SOLVEJG SHARMA TUTU.
A
NEW EARTH –
ECKHART TOLLE
A
YOGI’S MEMORIES –
YOGANANDA
BASIC
TEXT – NARCOTICS
ANONYMOUS
CITY
SHAMAN – SERGE
KING
DEATH
AND THE DYING –
ELIZABETH KÜBLER ROSS
DESTINY OF SOULS – MICHAEL NEWTON
DET
TREDIE TESTAMENTE –
MARTINUS
DIANETICS
– L.
RON HUBBARD
FLIGHT
INTO FREEDOM –
EILEEN CADDY
FRACTALS
– TELEVISION
PROGRAM ABOUT MANDELBROT'S EQUATION
GODS
IN EVERY MAN –
JEAN SHINODA BOLEN
GODDESSES
IN EVERY WOMAN –
JEAN SHINODA BOLEN
I
NEED YOUR LOVE – IS THAT TRUE? –
BYRON KATIE
IT
WORKS HOW AND WHY –
NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS, WSO
JORDEN DØR UDEN KÆRLIGHED – BIRGIT KLEIN
JOURNEY OF
SOULS – MICHAEL NEWTON
KAHUNA
HEALING – SERGE
KING
LIBERATION
OF CONSCIOUSNESS –
JES BERTELSEN
LIFE
AFTER DEATH? –
NILS OLE JACOBSON
LIFE
AFTER LIFE –
RAYMOND MOODY
LOVING
WHAT IS – BYRON
KATIE
MEMORIES
AND LETTERS –
C.G. JUNG
MY
MASTER – P.
RAJAGOPALACHARI
NO
MORE CODEPENDENCY –
MELODY
PHILIP’S
GOSPEL –NAG
HAMMADI
LIBRARY
PRINCE
VALIANT – (CARTOON
SERIES
IN WEEKLY MAGAZINE)
REALITY
AT DAWN – RAM
CHANDRA
70
INCIDENTS OF REINCARNATION –
IAN STEVENSON
TEN
COMMANDMENTS –
RAM CHANDRA
THE
ACTIVE SIDE OF INFINITY –
CARLOS CASTANEDA
THE
ART OF DREAMING –
CARLOS CASTANEDA
THE
FIRE FROM WITHIN –
CARLOS CASTANEDA
THE
THE
HOLY GRAIL –
MALCOLM GODWIN
THE
INNER WEDDING –
LINDA SHIERSE LEONARD
THE
MASTER GAME –
ROBERT DE ROPP
THE
NEW TESTAMENT –
JOHN, MATTHEW, LUKE, MARK
THE
POWER OF NOW –
ECKHART TOLLE
THE
TAO OF PHYSICS –
FRITJOF CAPRA
THE
WAY OF THE SHAMAN –
MICHAEL HARNER
TOMAS’S
GOSPEL – NAG
HAMMADI
LIBRARY
TOWARDS
INFINITY – RAM
CHANDRA
TRUTH
ETERNAL – RAM
CHANDRA,
FATEHGARH
VOICE
REAL – RAM
CHANDRA
THE
SEVENTH DIMENSION
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
SOFTENING OF THE STONE HEART
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
MASCULINE AND THE FEMININE:
LOVE
When I came
back to
I was used to focus on an inner image of
the Master at those times and tried
to brush aside the uninvited image, but that was only possible for
short moments.
I remembered the dream where I left the
Master’s farm together with the young man, and I thought that maybe
this had got something to do with what was happening.
I worried about it because I was not interested in leaving the Master
to follow this young man only to discover later that it had been a
mistake and therefore I would regret it.
In the end, I felt so bewitched by the phenomenon that I decided to
write a letter to the Crown Prince.
He had met TuTu and might be able to tell
me if, perhaps, he had some special qualities that made it possible
for him to intrude on me against my wish.
He answered that one should be careful not to mix the love of God with
the earthly love, and besides, it could only be decided if it was love
if it led to marriage, otherwise the relationship had to be termed
lust.
I was dissatisfied with the answer because I did not think that the phenomenon had got anything to do with love and had wanted him to put a stop to it or tell me how I could do it myself.
I decided to write a letter to the Master instead even if he had not
met TuTu.
I wrote that I had met him in
I feared that the wind took me away from him, and as I did not want
that, I would now leave the case in his hands.
A preceptor was about to go to
After coming back she told me that he had read it immediately.
"This is a very good letter," he then said and kept it with him for
some time before he took it to his room.
When he came back, he still had it with him and stuck it under the cushion on his chair before he sat down again.
At the same point in time that she mentioned she had given the letter
to the Master, I was vacuum-cleaning when I suddenly
felt a whirl of transmission in the living room and sat down to
meditate.
The whirl moved through me for 3-4 minutes, after which it
disappeared.
When I heard about his reaction and
compared it with my experience, I was convinced that he had both the
will and the power to take care of the issue,
so it was now in the best of hands, and with this, I calmed down.
A couple of days later, I received
a letter from TuTu where he wrote that he doubted he would succeed in
coming to
Besides, he wasn’t sure he wanted to because after I left, he had
become so energy-less that he had fallen
ill; so now he had come to believe that I had
cast a spell on him and sat like a spider in my web waiting for my
prey.
I was so hurt by his perception of me that I had to lie down on my bed.
I thought that he had decided to stay in
A prayer streamed through me on its own
accord that he must come to
Startled, I observed myself and mustered all my willpower to add:
"Though, your will be done."
However, it rang so powerless internally
that my fear did not decrease.
Shortly afterwards, I received a letter
from TuTu’s father, who wrote that he hoped I would receive his son
well when he came to Denmark, and in the beginning of august
1978, at long last, I was to pick him up in the airport.
Twenty years later, I had an inner experience with a spider myself, and I was also frightened at first.
However, when it was explained to me, I became glad that he had
experienced me in that way.
My experience took place in one of my shamanic travels.
They took place after TuTu’s death and consisted in me going into my consciousness like in a dream in the night, but with the difference that I was awake while dreaming.
Like in a dream in the night, or like in the three-dimensional Reality
for that matter, events developed in known or surprising ways.
At that time, the Master had been dead for 14 years, but I traveled to
meet him in the inner World to thank him for having suggested me the
task of writing this book.
When I began my inner travel, my Power
Animal – my jaguar Kava, Goddess the Mother, God the Father
and TuTu waited for me at the departure place.
I told them my traveling purpose, and Goddess the Mother stepped
forward, took me in her arms and ascended through the clear air,
higher and higher, until I suddenly got a glimpse of the Master and
finally saw him fully.
I also spotted TuTu, who stood in the background on his left-hand
side.
I told the Master my errand.
He did not say anything, and I added that
I would like to hear if he had something to say, which I could use
as a guideline in the future.
He still did not answer.
I did not know what to do next and threw a
fast glance at him.
TuTu had disappeared, but instead, I
spotted a big black spot on top of the Master’s left thigh.
When I took a closer look at it, I discovered that it was a black
spider with long hairy legs, a tarantula.
It lifted its forelegs towards me, and
when I saw its mouth, I got scared and shrank away.
"Divine Mother, remove this fear," I prayed.
The fear disappeared.
Again, I looked at the spider and
maintained my calm even if it came towards me, while at the same time
becoming bigger and bigger.
It poured itself over me and glided down
and around me so that I was completely enveloped by it.
Then, it became very tiny and fell down on the ground.
From here it jumped up on my chest, sank into my heart, became a small
dot, disappeared, became visible again and turned its back against my
back.
Then, it grew again until it filled out my chest.
My inner travel ended, and the shaman told
me that the spider is the symbol of that being who
gathers
all the threads of the Universe
in a perfect pattern.
This made me realize that my experience meant that the threads of the
Universe had gathered in a perfect pattern in my heart, and in the
following years, gradually, I experienced the realization of this
travel through the change in my perspectives.
On another
occasion, both
TuTu and I had an experience with another scary creature.
It was about that archetype which is called
the vampire or Dracula.
In the physical body, the heart is considered to be the Holy of
Holiest because it is God’s abode and thus the seat of the
unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy, and blood is
considered to be the holiest because the blood passes through the
heart and brings life to the whole body, and blood is thus an
expression of that love, care, compassion and mercy which is
conditioned by the power of the heart and then assigned to passing it
on.
When the vampire sucks the blood out of his/her victim, he/she
therefore sucks the life-giving force of the holiest out of the person
in question.
My
experience took place in a dream where I was on my way up a broad
staircase that led up into the Heavens.
When I had come up some distance, a figure dressed in a black cloak
stood there, blocking my way up.
It was TuTu.
Even if I could not see his teeth, I knew he was Dracula.
I got frightened and ran down again, but when I came to the foot of
the staircase, he was waiting for me there.
I ran up the stairs again, but a bit higher up he stood yet another
time blocking my way.
When I woke up and thought about the dream, my sexual feelings arose, and a joyous shiver went through me, because I could not avoid him whether I ran up or down the Heavenly ladder.
I reproached myself and thought that there had to be something wrong
with me when I was so enthralled by TuTu that I did not want to avoid
him, even if my dream had revealed that he was a monster.
In an accusing tone of voice, I told him about my dream, but he looked
happy and reminded me that he had a similar experience ten years
earlier, where he had a vision of me as a vampire with long pointed
purple nails and tusks.
He had become frightened by his vision too, but in the meantime he had
investigated the issue.
He had found out that when love for the beloved is powerful, fear could rise that love would overpower him/her to such an extent that he/she lost his/her own willpower and was transformed into a zombie whose life energy is sucked out by the vampire, because the he/she could not resist his/her urge to serve her love in ways that were contrary to his/her own desires.
This meant that when a person met this archetype in his/her inner World, the person was involved in the great, true love that exists between Spirit Mates, and thus I understood that both TuTu and I felt the same, and that his joy sprang from the fact that my scary dream had revealed my love for him.
TuTu’s being
mystified me from the beginning, and over the years, I had many
different ideas as to who he was.
When we turned off the light to go to
sleep on his first night in
At first,
I thought that the Master had decided to charge him with the same
power that he himself radiated, so as to help me not to lose my
contact with him.
That did not appear unlikely to me because
I had read in one of the Master’s books
that the saints of the past sometimes infused vibrations into a
wooden or stone sculpture, which then radiated this power up to a
couple of hundred years afterwards for the benefit of people who
were not able to relate to an abstract concept of God.
If that was possible, then why not this?
At a later point, I had some dreams during a visit at the Master’s, and they made me change my point of view.
In one case, I dreamt that TuTu walked among a big group of the Master’s disciples and helped them with various problems.
The Crown Prince walked by his side and received teachings.
At some point, they came over to me, and I told TuTu about a round
spot of psoriasis that I had on my shin.
TuTu explained something to the Crown Prince, and a moment later the
psoriasis began to grow into a bigger and bigger lump, and in the end,
a kind of body separated from me, fell down on the ground and was
lying there, writhing in death struggle.
A disciple came over to TuTu and asked a question.
He looked gently at her and said in
a soft tone of voice: "This is sheer
folly," indicating with loving gentleness that what she asked was
pure nonsense, but at the same time,
he understood that she just needed to connect to him, and
they both went with her.
In the
meantime, the form on the ground dissolved
but for a very small part that swooped
back into me.
In the course of a fortnight my psoriasis healed, and that made me think that the dream was an event in the inner World, which now had expressed itself in the outer World.
I also thought that my dream showed that
TuTu was going to be the Master’s successor, because it was he who
taught the Crown Prince and not the other way around.
In the other incident, I dreamt that we were an infinite stream of disciples who walked together on a long road towards the Master in the far away distance.
By my side walked my friend from the Master’s group of disciples in
Suddenly,
I saw TuTu standing on a balcony on the right hand side of the road,
elevated above the stream of
disciples that passed by the balcony, and I understood that he was
the true Master.
I turned my head to tell that to
my friend and discovered that she and the others still had their gaze
turned towards the far away distance.
This dream
made me think that I was the only one who discovered that TuTu was
going to be the Master’s successor, and when the Crown Prince took his
seat after the Master’s death, it came as a shock to me.
For a long time,
I thought that my being in love with TuTu had made my
spiritual sight unreliable, until I realized that although he
was not the Master’s successor in the other disciples’ lives,
he was in mine, and then I began trusting my spiritual sight again.
However, Reality superseded my wildest imagination when he told me that he was the Master’s Master in his previous incarnation.
However, this information appeared to me to be too fantastic for me to be able to believe in it, and so eleven years passed by before I was able to take this fact to heart.
When my heart answered my question to myself as to whom I considered him to be by answering that he was the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, I could not believe that either, and I absorbed this information in small bites too.
The absorption took place by me constantly asking myself for a number
of years: "If that is true, then why does he do this or why does he
say that?"
For every answer I came up with, one of my illusions was broken down
as to what it meant to be the Master of Masters when he lived on Earth,
and I understood why Jesus emphasized again and again that he was a
son of man.
It was a bitter pill to swallow
that TuTu’s pains were as real as everybody else’s, because I hoped
that, in some way or another, it would be possible for me to rise
above the pains of life if only I changed enough, but now I had to
realize that when even the Master of
Masters could not avoid the pain of life, it was likely that
it was not possible for me and everybody else either.
Only when I faced this, I came to
accept the pains of life.
When the
acceptance occurred, I realized that the pain of life is not only a
necessary part of existence but also an advantageous one.
What would otherwise prevent me from sitting down on a steaming hot
object?
Another part
of my hope that he did not suffer in Reality was connected with the
pains I had inflicted on him
in our marriage, but when the blinds began to fall off
from my eyes, I was inconsolable.
I pondered on how it happened that I too
had contributed to his pains in spite of all my intentions to the
contrary, and I realized that my interaction with him in the
spiritual field had impressed and overwhelmed me to such an extent
that I was not able to take it seriously when I saw his human
limitation, ignorance, powerlessness and mortality.
On one hand, these sides of him brought forth my deepest feelings of
togetherness and tenderness, and on the other hand, they gave rise to
the little tiffs and big clashes of daily life, but at the same time,
I perceived them to be some kind of play-acting on his part, and it
was many of those actions I had done with this attitude that pained me
now.
When I remembered what he often said whenever I felt repentant about
unwillingly having harmed him: "Love is to never have to say you are
sorry," my pain began to lift, because I
perceived this phrase to be his way of stating that he knew I acted
out
of love for him, and the damages I brought forth were due to my
ignorance rather than a desire to harm him.
However, I had to work a lot with the problem before it became
possible for me to forgive myself.
I had to
swallow yet another bitter pill in this process, because
I had hoped that what I learned in my
childhood was correct, that Jesus was not subjugated to the physical
death so that TuTu could materialize for me in flesh and blood after
his death.
I had never read the Bible myself, but now I decided to read The New
Testament to get confirmed that my desire could be fulfilled.
When I read about Mary Magdalene’s meeting
with Jesus in front of the tomb, it occurred to me that Mary would
have recognized Jesus immediately if he had appeared before her in
flesh and blood, and so in my eyes, this event was a channeling, and
therefore, Mary only became aware that it was Jesus who spoke to her
through the mouth of the gardener when he pronounced her name with
that particular sound and intonation which Jesus used to use, and
which the gardener could not know.
I think the same goes for the disciples’ meeting with him at the
fisher boat, because they would not have had to discuss afterwards if
it had been him or not if he had looked like he used to.
The only narration which describes that he looked like he used to is
the story about their meeting with him behind closed doors.
In shamanic travels, however, it is possible that a group travel
together in the inner Worlds and experience the events together in the
same way as when a group in the third dimension experiences something
together on a travel in the outer World, and therefore, I think that
it was with their astral ears and eyes that they heard his astral
voice and saw his astral body.
How would it otherwise be possible for him to appear in the room
without coming in through the door like all other physical beings?
In the same way, I believe it was with their astral ears and eyes that
they heard his astral voice and saw his astral body when he came to
their rescue by walking on the water on his way to their boat when it
was thrown around in the stormy weather.
Therefore, after finishing my reading, I gave up my hope that TuTu
would materialize for me in flesh and blood, but instead, I began
hoping that my spiritual capacity would become so well developed that
I would be able to hear, see and experience him just as clearly as if
he was physical, like the disciples had done.
My spiritual vision was not particularly well developed when I was awake and conscious.
I saw the images as transparent forms and
in a very airy way, in the same way as filmmakers portray
spiritual phenomena to separate them from
the secular.
After my reading of the Bible, I
complained to TuTu about the lack of density in my inner
images when I saw him in this transparent form
in the course of the day.
A couple of days later, I had a dream in the night.
I dreamt that we were lying, sleeping together, like we used to do
while he lived here on Earth.
In the dream, I woke up because he put his
arm across my head so I could see his hand and part of his arm in
front of my face that was turned away from him in my sleep.
I removed his arm, but a moment later, it was there again.
"Harish,
take away your arm. I can’t sleep when it is lying there," I said.
He woke up halfway and said: "Ok, I’m sorry,"
and pulled his arm back, but a moment later it was there again.
"If you don’t keep your arm away from my head, I’ll bite your
fingers," I said irritated.
He pulled his arm back, but a moment later it was there again, and I
let action follow words.
He woke up and said gently but
with an undertone of hurt: "Ouch, why did
you do that?"
I always became repentant when I heard the gentleness in his voice
after having hurt him and said: "I’m also sorry about that, but I
really can’t sleep when you put your arm on my head all the time."
"Ok, ok," he said and dropped off to sleep again, but a moment later
his arm was there again.
I woke up from my dream, sat up in the
bed physically speaking, turned around
towards him and said angrily: "Harish, I’m telling you......."
I stopped abruptly by the sight of the empty space in the bed.
An intense joy went through me because he had responded to my wish of
experiencing him as clearly as if he was physical, but I also felt
embarrassed that I had bitten him.
When I saw him the following day, as transparent as I used to, I said
to him with my inner voice: "I thought it would be a blissful
experience to be able to see you and feel you as clearly as if you
were physical, but instead it was an embarrassing story where I bit
your fingers."
"I had to irritate you a bit to make you
remember the experience because we are actually together every
night, while you’re asleep. You don’t remember when you wake up
because our being together is so harmonious," he said.
One day, a
short time after his arrival in
I said that the Master had already initiated
me but he answered:
“Yes you are indeed, but the
Master only possesses the bright tone of
I possess both the bright and the
dark tone.
I have seen your face when you meditate.
You look intensely sad, and I don’t want
to see you sad whenever you meditate.”
I agreed to be initiated again, and the same evening he took out a
chillum, which he had made from soapstone.
He began carving a face on one side, and after a couple
of
hours, it began looking like me.
Gradually, as the time passed, I got sleepy, and my eyes began
blinking.
He stopped carving: "Are you going to sleep now?"
"I’m so sleepy," I said.
"That’s all right," he gently said and put his knife away.
There was something in his tone of voice which
made
me open my eyes and shake off my sleepiness.
I managed to stay awake for the rest of the night, while he finished
the carving.
On the front side of the chillum, he had carved my face and my eyes,
and the third eye on my forehead was carved vertically.
He carved an
Both the third eye and
In the end, he decorated the carvings with delicate green, red and
blue colors.
A
He took out incense sticks and two candles
and put them on the chest of drawers.
Then he took out clean clothes for both of
us, and in the end, he picked up clean towels.
"Now, we are going to have a shower," he said.
After the shower, we went into the living room, where he lit the
candles and said that it is good for the spiritual health to have
living lights lit.
Then he lit the incense sticks, held them
in his hand, and rotated them circling around the two candles while
saying: “One becomes two becomes three becomes many…”, and then we
sat down opposite each other.
He began chanting OM in such a sonorous
resounding way that I had only experienced a similar sound in a dream
I had had once at the Master’s farm, where I woke up immediately after
and tried to imitate the sound, because I was told in the dream that I
should sit up and try to chant what I had heard, but at that time I
could only produce a frail and broody sound.
After a few moments, I followed my impulse to join in, and to my joy,
the sound streamed from my lips in as sonorous resounding as the way
TuTu’s chant.
Slowly, he let it fade.
"Start meditation on
When I began meditating, my body
jerked, and I remembered that I had hidden
from him that I had a contagious skin fungus, which produced
some small white spots on my skin.
I opened my eyes and said: "I'm sorry to interrupt the meditation, but
I have hidden something from you, which I should have told you."
"That’s all right. What is it?" he asked.
"I have fungus."
"Is it contagious?"
I wringed, ashamed: "Yes."
"Is there anything else?"
"No."
"That’s all right. Continue the meditation."
When I closed my eyes and began meditating
again,
my body jerked yet another time and I remembered an event that had
happened recently.
One day, he gave me a flower in a flowerpot, but a couple of days later, it had a white fungus on the green leaves.
In a teasing manner, he asked me why the
plant had fungus, as if it was my responsibility.
I thought it was a strange way of asking, but said that it probably
had got too much of water, but he kept teasing me about it.
Now, it occurred to me that he had known my secret all along.
My cheeks became warm from embarrassment.
In the future, I’d better hurry to tell him if I came to think of
something which I felt he ought to know.
I sank into deep meditation, and when it was over, he had made the
chillum ready and asked me to light it.
He struck four matches all at once, and
they flared up dramatically.
He held them over the chillum to give me light, and when I sucked in
the smoke, he chanted in a loud and humorous tone of voice: "BUM
ShivaShakti Shambhu," as if he thought that something or the other was
incredibly funny.
The power of the mantra shook me for a moment, and I stifled from
fear.
After smoking, we were to make love, and
in the end, I made breakfast.
While I made the food, I asked him many times what the time was,
because I had to be at work at
It proved that time almost stood still, like when I was with the
Master, so I gave up keeping an eye on time and instead I surrendered
to what I was doing.
We ate peacefully and calmly, and first
after that, I looked at the clock again.
It was time to go to work.
Later, I
investigated the content of the concept of ideas of this ceremony, and
then I realized what I had already felt, namely that it were great
powers that had been activated in this initiation.
Nyasa
means to apply the energy of dawn with the purpose of transferring
power to an aspirant during initiation, and TuTu kept me awake the
whole night for this purpose.
The shower and the clean clothes
represented cleansing and the two lit candles the eternal fire of
the masculine and the feminine principle.
He had chosen incense sticks
with the fragrance of musk, which is the distinctive characteristic
of Lord Krishna.
Lord Krishna is that archetypal sphere of consciousness in the seventh
dimension which radiates The Seed of Love.
To achieve the
The lower
heart
is the uterus of love, and when the lower
heart
is emptied of all other desires but the desire for love, The Seed of
Love can penetrate to impregnate The Egg of Love.
After the impregnation, it is the person’s own task to allow the
embryo to grow, so that love gradually gets to fill up the whole of
the lower
heart.
Humankind’s
craving for love can release an impulse
so
that one individual and personal consciousness among those
who have their permanent abode in the seventh dimension
lets himself/herself be born on Earth in flesh and blood, coming out
directly from a given sphere in the seventh dimension, for example,
from the Lord Krishna sphere, and therefore charged with its energy
combination.
Such a person is a
Divine incarnation, called an Avatar in
Hinduism, a Bodhisattva in Buddhism, a
Wali in Islam and an Angel in Christianity, because he/she is
coming from the Divine plane, the seventh
dimension, and not from the fifth dimension which is the incarnation
point for people who have various personal desires they want to have
fulfilled by taking birth in the third dimension.
The fifth dimension is also the
incarnation point for newly liberated people
who have liberated themselves from desires in the third dimension
but want to return to undertake various types of charitable social
work to relieve the sufferings here.
However, gradually as their development
progresses, they are also liberated from returning to the fifth
dimension, which means, they get further and further removed from the
affairs of the third dimension, and it thus takes a special impulse
before a descent can take place from the seventh dimension, not to
mention from the entrance of the Absolute.
When a descend takes place for the first time, the energy combination
of the Earth is changed, and thereby it becomes easier for the
subsequent individual and personal
consciousnesses from various fields of
consciousness in the seventh dimension to incarnate on Earth, and
thus today, there exists numerous avatars on Earth with the purpose
of participating in the creationmanifestation of the New
World Order.
The first individual and personal
consciousness who succeeded in emerging straight from the field of
Lord Krishna, the seed of love, in the seventh dimension was born in
the Yadu Dynasty in India and got the very name of Krishna.
The descend became possible because 16,000 people were found on Earth with open and empty lower hearts, who craved for love.
They did not meet him personally, but in one and the same day, he
transmitted The Seed of Love into the lower heart of all 16,000 by the
help of the Pranahuti Process in the same way as the Master
transmitted to my heart, even if he was in India and I in Denmark.
Posterity said about Shri Krishna that he married 16,000 women the same day.
However, this should not be taken literally.
The lower heart, both in men and women, is the uterus of love, and its
open and empty condition is the holy yoni, the literal yoni
being the female sexual organ, and both men and women are thus women
to Lord Krishna, whom Shri Krishna represented.
Previously, the atmosphere of the Earth had received The Seed of Love
as subtle irradiation, but on this occasion, the Earth got a direct
injection of The Seed of Love by the help of Shri Krishna and the
16,000 fertilized lower hearts, which now contained The Seed of Love,
and thus, the energy combination of the atmosphere of the Earth was
changed.
Both Shri Krishna himself and the
other Divine incarnations had their personal earthly lives besides
their spiritual work, and just like all other creaturesmanifestations
in the third dimension, they were
limited, ignorant, powerless and mortal, but because their
personal radiation and spiritual work was a mystery to their
contemporaries, many stories sprang up describing them in a way that
gave the impression that it was possible to be in a human form without
being submitted to a human being’s conditions, and thus many
imaginative concepts arose about the life of the avatars as human
beings.
Slowly, over time, many large and small events transpired, gathered in my mind, and made me believe that TuTu was the same individual and personal consciousness who once descended to Earth as Shri Krishna.
However, this time he descended from the sphere of consciousness called TuTu.
TuTu contains both the Absolute’s
power of creation in the form of The Seed
of Unconditional Love, Care, Compassion and Mercy, and the power of
manifestation in the form of The Egg of the Unconditional Love,
Care, Compassion and Mercy.
For TuTu to be able to descend to Earth charged with the energy
combination of the field, it was required that the original 16,000 men
and women had expanded their capacity for love to also include their
neighbor, by the help of the merciful capacity of love that springs
from that sphere in the eighth dimension which is called Christ, and
that their number had increased minimum nine times the original
number.
This number is required for the principle of morphic resonance,
popularly known as ‘the hundredth monkey’, to come into play.
The principle of morphic resonance states that when a certain number
of individuals from a specific species, for example, monkeys, have
achieved a specific skill, it spreads to the whole species even if the
individuals haven’t been in contact with
others from whom they could have learned it.
When a specific number of people possess love, care, compassion and
mercy for those who suffer, this quality will spread to the whole
species from that point where the critical
mass is achieved – in this case 144,000 – and
at the same time, humankind put together becomes powerful
enough to bring forth a descend from the entrance of
the Absolute.
Today, humankind holds these 144,000 love-filled and compassionate
hearts, and the descend has taken place.
As described in the Bible, the descend ushers in a new Heaven and a new Earth.
This happens because the descend
makes a more exact description of the contexts of the dimensions, seen
with earthly eyes, accessible, and this means that spiritual science
will reach new heights and change the outlook of the many.
A sign that the descend has taken place is the news that The Spiritual
Wedding of the descended and his other half has taken place, and at
the same time, this news holds the
promise that these 144,000 will soon stand
in front of God's Holy Altar, to
enter into their own Spiritual Wedding
with their other half.
By the help
of the power of their unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy
for each other, they enter into the Absolute and thereby they become
immersed in God’s Light of Love until the beginning of a new
creationmanifestation.
Before these 144,000 return home, they
will share with others the information about their own personal and
individual experiences both on the way to the wedding and in
connection with the wedding itself.
The more such narrations that come
forward, the more perspectives become accessible, and the more
people will recognize themselves in these narrations.
Thus, wave after wave will follow in their
footsteps until all have returned to the Origin, and the evolution
thereby has come to an end.
The contents of the chillum for the ceremony was Indian hemp, which contains medicated expansion of consciousness, mixed with tobacco, the sacred plant of the Red Indians, which was used in their peace processes because of the medicated serenity it gives.
Both at this and other times, the sacred plants, the tobacco, the
Indian hemp, the opium Popeye, the grape, the coca bush and the hop
just to name a few, were essential contributions to my inner
enlightenment, because they opened up doors of my consciousness
which could not be opened in any other way in my case.
These plants are called power plants in shamanism, and when I saw
those conditions which surrounded these plants, both in my own and
other societies, I came to perceive the gift of these plants to
humankind as a two-edged sword,
which could transform into a curse if parts
of humankind appropriated the gift either through violence
and armed force or legislation, to usurp power over their fellow human
beings for the purpose of obtaining material gain or to exploit them
as labor force for the same purpose.
TuTu had made a little poem about this with a play of words, the playfulness of which can only be seen in Danish in which TuTu composed it, but the meaning of it in English is: "Life is fun when it revolves around something which is fun. It is shudder when it revolves around dough."
In Danish:
Livet er sjovt,
når det drejer sig om noget, der er sjovt.
Det er gys, når
det drejer sig om gysser.
The chillum was made especially for the occasion.
The face on the chillum portrayed me in a peaceful condition with a
Mona Lisa smile.
TuTu made many of this type of power
objects, and gradually as I became more aware, I observed that he
used them in a way which redeemed both my own and other people’s
destructive emotions in relation to objects instead of in
relation to fellow human beings.
Ahead of the ceremony, he had
asked me what I feared the most, and at
that point, my fear was that the man I loved would be unfaithful to
me with my sister so I would feel
let down without being able to seek consolation from her.
When he carved the chillum, he asked me who it looked like, and I said
that it looked like me, but the next day, I discovered that it had a
small spot on the tip of the nose and a small spot above the upper
lip.
My sister had those too, and since we were
twins, these two were one of the distinguishing marks in our
appearances.
I told her about it believing that she would be pleased.
She got scared and said that she did not
want her face on any chillum.
He had also asked her what she feared the most, but she would
not even dream of telling him, because she had discovered that those
who did came to experience to
some degree or other what they feared shortly after, and that
she was not interested in.
I had not observed
this phenomenon, but I became more
observant and discovered that she was right.
Anyway,
I did not stop telling him what I feared when he asked me, because I
felt that some kind of purification took place, which I could not
see through but which I believed would prove to be to my advantage
in the end.
The chillum got a chaotic life.
More and more of the mouthpiece broke off, and in the end, it was not
good to use, and it got so many cuts that it wasn’t beautiful anymore.
I was tormented by discovering that, secretly, I became glad every
time it got to look a little worse.
In
the end, I chose to tell TuTu about it, and he said that the chillum
portrayed me, even if I had believed that it portraited my twin
sister, but there were various kinds of problems in my relationship
with my sister.
One thing was a sibling complex, which was bigger than normal, and
another was that the jealousy lay under the threshold of day
consciousness, and therefore, had chances of doing greater harm.
For example, he had noticed that my sister intuitively called me every
time a peak experience was about to happen between him and me, and
thus she disturbed the event.
For a long time, I got angry when he touched on my relationship with
my sister, but in the end, reluctantly, I began to observe it.
I had never put a question mark on my love for her and hers for me,
but now I discovered that our relationship did not have the character
that I had imagined.
It consisted in a pact, which said that we,
always and under all circumstances, should be there for one another no
matter the cost for each of us, and besides this, we always had to be
loyal to each other above anybody else, and it was this pact of
security that I had perceived as love.
The pact had always createdmanifested problems in our relationships
with our respective boyfriends, who got angry by discovering that they
had the second priority in her or my life.
It had also createdmanifested many difficulties in our social lives,
because other people felt left out when we were together, even our
mother.
When I had spotted all this, a desire arose in me to change the nature
of our relationship.
This started a process and it ended up with the both of us admitting
that, in reality, we would rather give our spouses first priority than
each other.
After this conversation, we began freeing ourselves from each other
with stumbling legs, but it was not easy because we were so entangled
in each other’s lives and memories that we often had difficulties
remembering who did what during our growth, and it also called forth a
lot of fear when one of us took a step forward which was a bit too big
for the other.
In the end, I realized that my fear was not the fear of losing her,
but of losing the security that our pact gave me, and from thereon, it
became easier.
She felt the same way and, little by little, we managed to give our love for our spouses’ first priority and our friendship second priority.
In the initiation ceremony, the
lighting up of the
It is pronounced ‘aum’
in Hinduism and
‘a’ designates the day consciousness, ‘u’ the dream consciousness and
‘m’ the dreamless consciousness, which is also called the pure
consciousness.
The initiating movement of creationmanifestation is said to have been
accompanied by this sound, which is called Amen in Christianity and
A’meen in Islam.
Spiritual seekers try to get into contact with their origin by using
A mantra is one or more words with inbuilt power induced by the help of the sound waves that the mantra contains.
The sound waves result in kriyas,
which mean actions, and is a kind of electric shock that can make the
body jolt, like my body did when TuTu chanted the mantra of the
initiation ceremony, and like it also did
the two other times I initiated my meditation on
This kind of
shocks can move the focus
point of consciousness into a new area and thereby, for a shorter or
longer time period, give the person access to that field
of consciousness of his/her total consciousness which contains the
energy combination or archetype of the invoked field of
consciousness, and from those experiences which the person achieves
from his/her focusing in this particular field of consciousness, a
new realization of the nature of reality arises.
One can also move the focus point of
consciousness slowly by absorbing the mental idea contained in the
mantra.
TuTu initiated the mantra of the ceremony by saying BUM, and this word is one of the many root sounds which is used to bring forth Shiva.
Shiva-Shakti was the second word of the mantra, and this is another
designation for the merged masculine and feminine principle, of which
Shiva is the masculine part and Shakti the feminine part.
Shambhu is yet another name of Shiva.
Sham
alone means welfare or happiness and Bhu is a designation
for the place of the Earth.
The total meaning of this name is therefore: "Giver of happiness and
welfare on Earth."
TuTu thus induced "the Shiva energy that
breaks down ignorance to give space to the awareness of the
merged masculine and feminine principle that brings forth
happiness and welfare on Earth."
In the initiation,
I got a glimpse of this without understanding what happened though,
and the contrast to my day consciousness was so big that it only
produced fear, but when the glimpse grew to an extent that brought
this state of consciousness into harmony with my day consciousness,
I discovered that this condition had been my spiritual goal, which
I, until then, had not been able to put a name to.
TuTu’s personal use of the Shiva energy was impressive and at times downright awe-inspiring.
He broke down my spiritual ignorance through various initiations and my mental ignorance by touching on topics which were taboo for me.
Emotionally, he broke down my ignorance by
playing psychodramas, where he brought my deepest fears out into the
open.
His psychodramas were scenarios he played out, either as concrete
actions or as conversations, which at first I perceived to be future
perspectives for my life.
When my emotions calmed down again after the scare of these future
prospects, he spoke with me about my emotions in such a way that made
me understand that it was a psychodrama he had played out, and that it
had got nothing to do with my future prospects.
My first reaction was usually to do everything in my power to not let
myself get affected, and when that proved not to be possible, I had to
walk the heavy walk through my fears.
Gradually, as I went through them several times, in various ways, I
became more and more calm, because I
discovered that the fear of a specific event was worse than the
event itself, and sometimes a dreaded event did not bring all the
devastation that I had feared it would, and in fact, at times, it
proved to be a wonderful event beyond my wildest imagination.
My greatest
taboo
in the sphere of love was the fact that I was a sexual
creaturemanifestation from birth, and TuTu began touching on this taboo
one day by telling me that for some time he stayed in a village at the
foot of the Himalayas.
In this society, they showed the children a wooden model of the sexual
organs as soon as they showed any interest in the topic.
The children were shown how they were built and how they worked, and
were encouraged to experiment with their peers to make their own
discoveries in the field.
I feared pedophilia if adults recognized that children were sexual
creaturesmanifestations, and was shaken by his statements.
I remembered the shame of my childhood about my sexuality when I had just discovered it around the age of three by riding on my sister’s knee.
My mother happened to pass by and shamed me so violently that it made
an inedible impression in me.
I did not want to be 'one of that kind'
who were naughty, so I forbade myself to feel those feelings.
When, on occasion, I felt them anyway, I denied it, even to myself.
Sometimes, my feelings and my curiosity went above discipline, and I
participated in secret and shameful doctor’s games with the other
children to discover myself and them, but I made a habit of
fantasizing that it wasn’t I who participated.
When, as an adult, I discovered that I needed to be able to unfold
sexually in relation to my husband, my yearlong
self-denial had reached a point where I
could not get rid of it because it did not fit into the picture
anymore, and my habit of dissociating myself from my sexual feelings
by the help of fantasy sat so deep that I could not get rid of it
either just because I wanted to be able to make love in purity with my
husband.
I told TuTu about my fear of pedophilia, and he said that shame of the
natural functions of the body was a contributing factor to pedophilia.
A person who had had a healthy upbringing in the sexual area would
develop a sound sense of where the limits went, and thus, would not
feel driven to harm children.
Besides this, the children would
pick up on the openness of society in this area and that would give
the child the freedom to express to their parents or other adults if
somebody approached them sexually without them wanting to engage, and
thus,
paedophilia
would be nipped in the bud.
Later, he attacked this taboo from various angles, and I began wishing to be able to make love with TuTu in purity without denials or fantasies.
However, I discovered that I wasn’t able to do it on my own and began
to pray to my true Self frequently for help.
In the process, eventually, I became able to straighten out my
distorted sexuality, and thereby, I discovered the innocent nature of
my sexual feelings.
However, I only succeeded towards the end of our life together.
I still remember the day when I succeeded for the first time to
honestly follow the swing of my sexual feelings from beginning to end
without fantasies or denials of their intensity or lack of the same,
and I understood that my prayer had been answered.
I became aware that TuTu had also experienced the difference when he
said afterwards: "This was lovemaking, and the difference between
making love and having a fuck consists in this."
Like Tutu used the Shiva energy, I used the Shakti energy.
At times, my use of the Kali aspect of the Shakti energy could scare
myself.
Kali attacks everything and everybody in all of the material Universe,
and she cuts down indiscriminately to eradicate ignorance, which she
calls evil, and when she has eradicated all of the material Universe,
she reaches for Shiva himself.
He is lying down, smiling in meditation, and at that very moment where
she puts her foot on his chest, she realizes that only Shiva can break
down ignorance, and as long as she imagined this to be her task she
acted out of ignorance.
Realizing this, she bit her tongue
off, that is, she stopped judging on the
grounds of good and evil.
In my case, my Kali energy was activated
by my fear that TuTu represented the worst evil I could imagine: A
person who took advantage of another under the mask of love to
attain material gain, and I would rather destroy my material
resources than let both of us benefit by them, because I did not
want to give him material advantages if, in reality, he pretended
when he claimed that he loved me.
TuTu often said that my distrust in his love was the greatest problem
between us, but I was not able to take that to heart because I wanted
to see if he would still be by my side if I were without possessions
or position.
Like Kali, I had to bite my tongue off after
having lain waste my material Universe.
Internally,
I reproached myself in harsh tones that I had not been any wiser,
until I found the capacity to forgive myself by the help of my
mythological insight.
I realized that the natural consequence of the Kali field becoming
active in my consciousness consisted in that I was saturated by its
swing and thereby swung on the same frequency.
Thus, I put too high demands on myself when I demanded that I should
be able to reach the highest realization of Kali without having gone
through the experience.
I began giving up my
judgments on myself and others from the perspective of good and evil.
Instead, I began finding a new balance in the
four basic emotions, because I realized that my fear of losing my
beloved led me to walk that extra mile which is required to make
difficult things succeed.
Pain led me to enlightenment.
Integration of my enlightenment led me to joy, and the purpose of this new balance was to make it possible for me to merge with my beloved in higher and higher realms.
Although
I had now been initiated by TuTu, I
continued to receive sittings from my
preceptor, but shortly afterwards, he began opposing my visits to
the preceptor.
Usually,
I felt down when I came back from her.
Her opinion about our relationship
meant a lot to me, but she did not think it would last because of
the age difference, the culture difference and the difficult
employment situation in
He insisted on accompanying me when I went to see her, but after
having been in the house once, he insisted on waiting outside.
"Well, are you going down there now
again?" he said in his usual gentle and loving tone of voice
but with a kind of humorously complaining undertone every time I was
about to go, "everything is happening here, and you interrupt the
natural flow of events by going."
I invited the preceptor for dinner hoping that it would soften up the
atmosphere between them.
He knew that she was opposed to smoking of hashish but after dinner he
began making a chillum ready.
He held it out to me with a questioning glance, and when I shook my
head, he held it out to her.
She also shook her head.
He lit it himself and then again held it out to me.
I was about to sink into the ground from shame, because now she would become aware that I smoked hashish together with him, but then I thought that she might as well get to know it, first instead of last, so I took it and pulled a drag.
Soon the conversation slid into spiritual topics.
She told about the advantages of submitting to the Master’s guidance,
and he said that so many Gurus were to be found in
It was difficult to evaluate their qualifications, so he preferred to
be his own Guru.
She began losing patience, so I hurried to say: "Try to listen to what
he says even if he is so young, because he actually says the same as
the Master just in a different way."
She calmed down, but a moment later he said in his usual gentle and
loving tone of voice but with a firm and rather chilled undertone that
he was dissatisfied with my condition when I came from her, and that
one should be careful coming up with bad suggestions for the future to
people, in particular, when one
trained them spiritually.
She said that she had had enough now.
She had not come here to be taught by such a green pea.
He raised his voice and said in an authoritative voice though still with this amazing gentleness and love coming out in his voice at all times: "Woman, go to your Master and tell him that you do not know what you are doing."
She jumped to her feet, ran out into the hallway and took her coat.
I jumped to my feet and ran after her.
She was already out of the door and had almost reached her car before
I caught up with her.
"Please be kind and stay here," I said.
"No," she said, "I’m not staying here any longer. Now it is up to you
what you want to do."
She started her car.
Again, I remembered the dream where I left the Master’s farm.
Could I stop here?
The thought made me shrink.
No, I had to wait and see where everything landed.
I went back in and asked if he had had to provoke her in that way and
he answered that he had played out a psychodrama to bring both her and
me face to face with ourselves, each in our way.
The next day, I called her and said that I would call her back when I
felt ready to receive sittings again.
We talked about getting married, and in our talks about getting married, TuTu said that the most common difficulty in the earthly marriage is possessiveness and sexual jealousy.
I was not aware to which extent I suffered
from these emotions, but he warned me and said that possessiveness
itself is bad, but sexual jealousy is the most destructive of all
emotions, and if these emotions did not change within me, he would
suddenly be gone.
I got furious and said that he could refrain from doing anything which
gave rise to these emotions in me, then it needed not be a problem.
He began
bringing me face to face with my sexual
jealousy and possessiveness one day by
telling me that he was preparing me to live as a Brahmin’s wife.
As a Brahmin, he would come to
live his life for others, and I also had to learn to live my life for
others.
I became excited by the thought.
He said that this life style sometimes meant that he had to make love
with other women.
If a woman in a village remained childless, it was customary that you
turned to the Brahmin and asked him for help to impregnate the woman,
if it was her husband who was sterile.
I turned pale.
I wanted to
give birth to his child myself and hoped that it was a privilege that
was only due to his wife, but now I had to face that I should not
count on that.
In my chaotic thoughts, I tried to find a fixed point which would make
it possible for me to accept the situation and found out that it would
be an advantage if as many as possible were born with his genes, and
since he was more loving, caring, compassionate and merciful of my
emotions than I ever experienced from anybody before, he would
probably not begin this lifestyle before I had become strong enough to
live with it.
When we were
on our way to Copenhagen Town
Hall to pick up our wedding papers, he said: “There is something you
should know.
When I was a child, I had a playmate. We
lived next door to each other and always played together.
I loved her and promised to marry her when
I grew up.
She did not believe me, but I promised
myself that I would do it.
However, we moved apart and lost contact
until we met in
Her name is Rani. That means queen.
We saw a lot of each other, but one day,
something happened in her family that made her break off her
relationship with me.
I wrote several letters, but she
maintained that we couldn’t see each other anymore.
I want you to know that I still love her and want to spend at least
four-five years of my life together with her.”
He had to be joking?!!
I looked investigating at him, but he looked back at me seriously.
"How will you do that when you’re already married to me?" I asked.
"My father also has two wives," he said, "the first wife, whom he
married for practical reasons and the other one whom he married out of
love."
I could
readily imagine that I was the one TuTu married for practical reasons,
and that she would be the one he married out of love.
I thought that this had got something to do with his preparations of
me to live as a Brahmin’s wife and shook it off me.
When first he got to know me better, he would discover that it was I
he loved and wanted to be together with.
Then he began telling me about Shri Krishna’s relationship with the love of his youth, whose name was Radha with the byname Rani.
The love of this couple was considered an ideal.
I asked why Krishna married somebody else
then, but he did not answer and instead said that the woman whom
Krishna married was very possessive and jealous.
To me, the coincidence between these bites of Krishna’s story and our
situation was striking.
Sometimes, I felt like shaking him and yelling: "Wake up now. It may
be that her name is Rani, but I am Rani whether I’m
called this or not, because it is I who is the queen of your heart,
whether you like it or not," but I didn’t say anything.
At other times,
I felt guilty because the power of my love might have sucked
him to me against his will.
I became so tormented by these thoughts
that I began praying to God at frequent intervals that he may be
liberated from his guilt if he was with me because he owed me
something from previous lives, because I did not want to stand in
his way if he wanted to be somewhere else.
My jealousy towards
When I brought up the topic of
Rani at an advanced point in time in our life together he looked tired
and said: "Now,
do you pull that old skeleton out of the closet again?”
But that it did not help me any because it could be something he just
said as it happened to be me who was by his side throughout his life.
Even when he told me that Rani was not her
real name and that now he wanted to call her by her personal name
and me as Rani because it was I who was the queen of his heart, I
had difficulties believing him.
Only after his death, I decided to read the story about Krishna, the love of his youth Radha Rani and his wife Rukmini Devi, and then my emotions healed at long last.
Krishna was born in the countryside, where
it was the custom that the children took care of the cows, so he
grew up as a cowherd and consorted with the other cowherds
and cowherdesses, among whom Radha Rani was one.
At the time Rukmini heard about him, he had already left Radha Rani
and had gone to the big city.
Radha Rani was angry because he left her and
lived for some time embittered by his memory.
Rukmini Devi had not met Krishna, but from what she had heard about
him,
she understood that he was her heart’s chosen one.
Rukmini was a princess and her family was about to marry her off to
one of the prominent princes of the time but she did not want this
marriage after she had heard about Krishna, even if he was a simple
cowherd.
She sent him a letter and asked him to come and abduct her before it was too late.
Krishna was courted and could have chosen so many, but her wish
resonated in his heart, and he decided to abduct her and marry her,
even if he knew that his act would createmanifest an uproar in the
royal family, and that he had to prepare himself for an act of war
between himself and the prince to be able to go through with his
desire.
He succeeded in his endeavor and married Rukmini Devi, had children
with her and stayed by her side for the rest of his life.
The story made me wonder why spiritual aspirants idealized the relationship between Krishna and Radha Rani instead of the relationship between Krishna and Rukmini Devi, but then it occurred to me that it was like the relationship between the Master and me, and I got to perceive the idealization as a song of praise to the platonic love between a Master and his disciple.
I think though that the purification of the mind cannot be completed
through platonic love, because the most potent power of love, the
sexual power, is not a part of this love.
In spite of my many years of spiritual practice under the guidance of
the Master, I had to face that I was unable to do something as simple
as following my sexual feelings honestly in my love life with TuTu,
and it took many years of practical experience before, at long last,
it stood pure.
It did not
occur to me at first that our talks about relationships between
couples were psychodramas, but little by little I calmed down, because
I realized that nothing concrete happened.
One day,
he looked seriously at me and said that these problems could not
always be managed with words.
Sometimes, you had to experience.
This coincided with what I had read
in one of the Master’s books about Bhog,
which means to go through the effects.
He wrote that a part of the disciples’ samskaras, massive
impressions in the mind, could be cleaned out by the help of the
transmission and the disciple’s own spiritual work, but some
impressions were so massive that they could only be cleaned out by
going through their effects.
The heaviest samskaras lay at the bottom
like the heaviest particles in a well, and therefore they only came
up for Bhog in the end, and it was this heavy winding up of ties of
destiny that TuTu was beginning to prepare me for.
He had consulted an astrologer to
find the right day for our earthly wedding, and
I felt a triumph on this day, as if I had carried through the World’s
most difficult enterprise.
Again and again, a feeling of intoxicating joy went through me by the
thought: "Now, he is mine."
We were married on assembly line at the Copenhagen Town Hall, and I
grieved over that.
I would rather have had it happen in the church with great solemnity,
but I had resigned my membership with the public church, and besides,
I had been married once before, and I had learned that it was not
proper for a divorcee to dress up in white for a church wedding, and
so I did not think it was proper for me to be dressed in all white in
a church for my wedding.
I had learned that dharma is that part of my destiny which has createdmanifested ties from where I have to go through the effects of my constructive acts, and karma is that part of my destiny from where I have to go through the effects of my destructive acts.
However, as a spiritual aspirant, it was my task to liberate myself
from all bindings, whether they were constructive or destructive, to
attain liberation.
When TuTu began preparing me for the dissolution of my karma in the
sphere of love and I came to know that I had to have relationships
with other men for this reason, I became unhappy and was yet another
time convinced that he did not love me.
It began
with him showing me a cartoon that in brief
told the story of the mythological king
Harishchandra, the King of Truth.
This king had an experience that made him
decide to always stick to the truth.
A sage decided to challenge his decision, and in the process, Harishchandra had his realm taken away and his wife, who lived as a maid in the house of another man, together with his son, who was allowed to stay with his mother.
In the end, he lived as a slave on the cremation grounds, where he took care of the corpses.
After some years, his son died from a snakebite, and his wife was at
the same time falsely accused of the murder of a prince and convicted
to death.
He did not know that the accusation was false, and was the one who was
going to execute the beheading, but as he was about to swing the
sword, all the Gods appeared.
He had now proven that he did not stick to the truth only because he
was a king and could afford to be honest, but that he stuck to it
under all circumstances, and thereby, he had
impressed the Gods who brought an end to
his sufferings by bringing his son back to life and reuniting him
and his wife, who were reinstalled as king and queen.
Over time, I had got the impression that TuTu did
not tell me mythological stories to entertain me, and I
became worried about the separation between king Harishchandra and his
wife.
When he had
been in
There were problems in his home,
and he talked about going back to
He suggested me to use the
time to our house to order and into meditate on
"It would also be an advantage if you
lovingly take care of everybody in your surroundings instead of
sitting in a corner sulking because I’m not
here," he said.
"Do you mean everybody?" I asked.
"Yes," he said.
I looked at him in disbelief.
When TuTu
came to
In his despair, he called TuTu and begged him for permission to speak
with me one-on-one.
I did not feel like doing it, but even if TuTu did not say anything
and looked at me in his usual gentle and loving way, there was a
strange silence behind his lack of reaction to my refusal that made me
feel like I had a heart of stone if I did not go to speak to my former
boyfriend, and so I went to see him anyway.
He appeared as if transformed
and
said that he had attained special powers during his nervous
breakdown, and this had made him
very strong, so he had decided to take me from TuTu.
It scared me, so I told TuTu about it afterwards.
He said: "Yes that he thinks he can."
"Yes, but I’m afraid that he may also be able to in one way or
another," I said.
"That he cannot," TuTu said, "but he has to discover it himself."
When now he said that my care should embrace everybody, I asked: "Does that also go for my former boyfriend?"
"Yes," he said, "I’m in every man and every man is in me."
I looked suspiciously at him and asked how far this care should go.
"There should be no limits," he answered gently.
"Not against sleeping with him either?" I
asked disbelievingly.
"No," he said.
After he left, I soon got
everything in order and meditated on a daily basis on
I began seeing my former boyfriend on friendly terms.
He was in the process of reading
a book by one of the contemporary psychologists who had createdmanifested
a new form of therapy, and he recommended
me to read the therapist’s book, which thrilled him because
he recognized the description of those emotions he had lived through
when I married TuTu.
It had been as if all the plugs that had kept his emotions down since childhood had flown out, and even if it had been a painful experience he would not have wanted to do without it, because it raised his general level of energy in a completely new way.
The therapist claimed that he was able to give his clients the same
experience, but under safe conditions, so the clients could get access
to those energies which the suppressed emotions blocked.
In the meantime, Christmas drew closer, and TuTu’s arrival was set for the 23rd of December.
I dared not look forward to it until I saw
him in the airport, because he had come five months later than we had
agreed on the last time he came to
On the 22nd of December the phone rang.
It was a telephonic telegram with a
laconic message: "Delayed."
I staggered away from the phone and sank down on the sofa.
A sharp pain went through my heart and spread to my head.
After a couple of hours, the physical pain began diminishing.
The
following days, I went around in a haze.
Most of the time, I lay on the sofa and
stared out into empty air.
An exchange of letters began, and
he wrote that he lost his passport in
I looked for a way to make the waiting time short.
My sister and my former boyfriend had talked about going to
Halfway in a haze, I began taking steps to
participate.
Maybe therapy could help me out of
my unbearable emotions, and maybe it could also strengthen me so as to
be able to maintain my balance in the future when TuTu did something
that might otherwise throw me off balance.
I wrote to TuTu about my plans and got a letter in which he wrote:
"Why use all that money in a therapy instead of coming here and
sharing with yourself."
He meant that we were two halves making one whole, so when I shared
with him I shared with myself and yet another time he stroke right
into my fears of being taken advantage of materially under the mask of
love.
I asked various people what they thought
of his suggestion, but when everybody unanimously advised me against
going to
He replied that as things stood
now, that option was remote.
To my surprise, I was relieved.
My purpose with the journey was to find
the strength to be together with him, and I did not think I would be
able to concentrate on the therapy if he was there.
I sought permission of leave from my job, put up my house for sale,
and when everything had fallen into place smoothly, a letter came from
TuTu where he wrote that now he was coming.
I wrote back that it would be better to wait and meet when I came back
to
In
The rest of my family wanted to stay in
Los Angeles for some more time, so by the end of May, I left for
Denmark alone.
TuTu looked tired when I met him in the airport.
My body jerked when he put his arms around me looking lovingly at me
and said: "My wife."
So much was implied in his pronunciation of those two words that I did
not know which leg to stand on from joy.
I looked into his radiant eyes, and was once
again enchanted by his magical being.
I was eager to find out if what I had learned in the therapy would
affect our relationship for the better.
TuTu thought
that the therapy
was superficial and would not improve anything, and it proved to be
true.
TuTu and the
Dane who had come with him
to the airport wanted to visit a friend with whom they both stayed
in the beginning of my stay in America, but I wanted to meet the
Master.
I asked TuTu to come along because I hoped to get a clearer picture of
him by seeing him together with the Master, but he refused.
When we separated, a sting of pain went through me.
In accordance with my own choice, I had been separated from him for
eleven months.
Then why did it hurt so badly to see him go another way for a couple
of hours?
I could not go with them, because I had to see the Master.
With difficulty, I managed to tear myself away and took the bus to
Hellerup.
When I came
into the house, the wing doors of the Master’s room were open.
A few disciples sat in his room, and without looking around I went in
and sat down.
Immediately, I felt the bliss-creatingmanifesting power which radiated
from him.
It was a sad contrast to the heaviness I felt in my heart.
"Oh, Master," I thought, while at the same time tears rolled down my
cheeks, "I have this pain within me, and I don’t know what to do.”
The power intensified, the pain disappeared, and I sank into
meditation.
When the meditation was over, I quietly got up and left the house.
My feet were light as feathers and
I almost danced down the street, because now I had fulfilled my duty
to the Master and now I was going to be
together with TuTu.
When I arrived at their friend’s house, a big group of people was present.
Among them was a woman TuTu had
written to me about a short time ahead of my departure from
In the letter, he had told me about the people he had met during my
absence, who had meant something special to him, and this woman and he
had been lovers.
I sat down next to him and he put a protective arm around me and took
my hand in his.
I looked curiously at her.
She stared out into the air and carefully avoided my inquiring gaze.
Next to her sat her new boyfriend.
I wondered about her choice.
He and TuTu were diametrically opposites.
She wore too much make-up around her eyes,
and that gave her a sickly appearance.
Her clothes were ill fitting.
"It is wise of TuTu to confront me with a woman who arouses my compassion rather than my jealousy," I thought, "that will make it easier for me to overcome my jealousy."
Some bread, butter, jam, knives and cutting boards lay on the floor,
which also served as a table.
Incidentally, the young woman and I reached for the bread at the same
time.
Our eyes met, and I tried to smile.
She tried to send back a timid
smile and hurried to look out into the
empty air again.
I became friendly disposed and got up the courage to butter a slice of
bread and give it to her.
She quickly looked at me and received it with an almost inaudible
thanks.
It was getting late, and many visitors had left.
I was waiting for TuTu to give the signal to leave, but instead he
suggested that we stayed overnight.
Many of the other guests also decided to
stay, and some foam rubber mattresses were rolled out on the floor.
We lay down on the floor in a way that made space for as many as
possible.
The young woman’s new boyfriend, she, TuTu and I lay next to each
other.
I rested my head on his shoulder and tried to drop off to sleep, but I
could not help keeping an eye on the young woman on his other side.
Suddenly, he held out his free arm to her, and she threw herself in
his arm with a half-stifled sob.
Conflicting emotions of jealousy and compassion arose in me.
She was like a drowning person who clung to a straw.
A moment later,
she got up and got ready to leave.
TuTu bent over me and gently said that she wanted to go home, and he
would take her.
I nodded mutely.
They left.
Desperation and jealousy hammered within me, but I felt at the mercy of fate and saw no other option than accepting events.
It occurred to me that her new boyfriend
also would feel hurt, and I held out an arm and stroked his hair.
He seized my hand.
It made me stronger that somebody else needed my help, and I was grateful that I had something to do in the middle of my chaotic emotions.
I got up and made some food, and as soon as we had eaten he dropped
off to sleep.
I felt lost and listened intensely for TuTu’s footsteps on the
staircase.
In the end, I gave up hope of seeing him again until the next morning,
but then, at long last, I heard his footsteps.
I jumped to my feet and went out to meet him in the doorway.
He looked tired.
"How is everything here?" he asked in a tired gentle voice and looked
investigating at me.
"Good, now that you’re back," I answered and told him what happened,
"how did it go for you?"
He told me that he had consoled her as best as he could.
They had made love, and he had told her that his feelings for her were
the same, as they always had been.
The moment he said that I felt calm.
He did not deny his feelings for her and they were as they had always been, and that implied that his feelings for me also were as they had always been and that he would not deny his feelings for me in front of others.
I did not have to manipulate or do anything in particular to win his heart.
His feelings were as they had
always been irrespective of me having left him to go to
They were as they had always been for both her and me, and we had each our own place in his life and his heart and at that moment, I trusted that it was I who was the queen of his heart and that nothing or nobody could change that.
Furthermore, his love for her was of such a nature that when she was in a state of despair, he would come to her and console her in whichever way was required, irrespective of the controversial nature and consequence of such an act.
I was his wife and if he would do that for a lover it told me that he would do that for me as well, which meant that I could trust him even under the most unusual circumstances.
For me that was an unusual clear way of thinking.
When I was with him, it often happened that his very presence made me think along lines that were very different from my habitual way of thinking just like when I was together with the Master.
At one point in time she had said that she longed for her boyfriend and had asked TuTu to go back and tell him that she missed him and needed him.
Her boyfriend had woken up, and when he heard that, he got up and
left.
My joy that TuTu was back again overshadowed my concern about the
development of events.
We lay down, and when I put my head on his shoulder, a feeling of intense joy and triumph went through me.
I had managed to live through the events of the night without losing my mind.
When we woke up the next morning, I was still in high spirits, so when
TuTu told the Dane about the events of the evening, I was able to
listen with a smile.
The Dane threw some stolen glances at me, and that made me even more
pleased about the calm and strength I felt.
THE HELP OF THE CROWN
PRINCE 1
Late in the afternoon, the Dane, one of his friends, TuTu and I went out to visit one of their other friends.
TuTu was warm and attentive, and I was happy and strong.
In the evening, we went into one of the music places in Christiania,
which is an area of Copenhagen where people live in a way which is out
of conformity with the norms of the surrounding society, and I sat
down and watched how both men and women lit up and got life in their
faces when TuTu was attentive to them.
We stayed overnight with the friends of the Dane and TuTu, and when I
woke up the following morning, I was restless and unhappy.
My habitual way of thinking had returned and I felt the agony of my sexual jealousy and possessiveness.
I wanted to get away from there.
I told TuTu and he asked if he should come with me.
"That’s up to you," I said coldly, because he could even ask that, as
I thought it went without saying that I wanted him to come with me.
He said that in that case he would stay for some more time.
When I walked down the street, I hoped to hear fast footsteps behind
me, but they did not appear.
I went to Albertslund to my sister’s empty house, showered, and then I
went to Hellerup to visit the Master.
The wing-doors of his room were closed and remained closed during my
visit, and the Crown prince took care of the evening sitting.
He began transmitting.
I sank deeper and deeper into meditation.
Suddenly, TuTu appeared before my inner eye.
He had a cheerful glimpse in his eyes and looked questioningly at me.
I thought angrily: "Go away. You give me nothing but pain."
His face remained questioning, but became serious.
Could it really be so that he did not know how much pain he cost me?
I became mollified and thought: "All right, if you’re in my sister’s
house when I reach there after this sitting, I‘ll trust you in the
future."
His image disappeared.
A moment later, it appeared again, and he asked a question without
words: "Is it all right if I bring the Dane with me?"
"Yes, yes," I thought impatiently, because he even considered such a
trifle.
His image disappeared.
From that moment on, I could not continue the meditation.
Impatiently, I waited for the sitting to get over and done with.
If TuTu were not in my sister’s house when I came back, I would no
longer trust him and put up with those sufferings I experienced
together with him.
If he was there, it was a miracle, because he did not have the key of
the house and could not know whether I was with the Master, my family
or in some other place instead of at my sister’s empty house, and then
I would trust him in the future.
When the sitting was over, I hastened down to the commuter train.
I shuffled restlessly back and forth on the platform.
At long last, the train came and I went in to sit down, but I was too
restless to sit and so I got up again.
My heart was in my throat, and my thoughts were racing back and forth.
Finally, we reached Albertslund Station.
I reached the path leading down to my sister’s house.
From a long distance, I could already see that nobody sat on the step
in front of the house.
I slowed down.
No, it was also too good to be true.
Nothing could be done about it.
It had to be over.
When I reached the main door, I heard music from inside the house.
With trembling hands, I got my key out, unlocked the door and stepped
in.
TuTu and the Dane sat in the living room, and the music streamed out
of the stereo speakers.
I looked at TuTu, and he looked back at me with a mischievous
expression in his eyes and an inscrutable smile.
I threw myself around his neck.
When again I found words, I told him everything.
He frowned: "Did you really think that I would ever hurt you?"
"Oh, I didn’t really know what to think," I answered.
At that point in time, I did not understand that it was not he that hurt me but my feelings of sexual jealousy and possessiveness that hurt me.
He got up, went into the adjacent room and came back with a deep
purple flower, which consisted of a heavy cluster of small flowers.
He handed it to me in a very particular way.
Purple!
The color of magic!
That magic which springs from the merger of blue, which represents the
Divine love, and red, which represents the earthly love.
I experienced the handing over of the flower as an accolade and a
sealing of our transcendental contact, and I looked at him with tears
of gratitude in my eyes.
"How did you actually get in?" it suddenly occurred to me.
"The Dane has a key, which your sister gave him," TuTu said.
Oh yes, now I remembered that she gave him a key so he could stay the
night when he was in Copenhagen, while she was in Los Angeles.
Still, I wanted to see the Master and TuTu together, because I felt that there was a connection between them, which I was eager to unravel, but every time I suggested that we should go out to see the Master, he did not want to come along, and he also opposed that I went.
That made me extra attentive since he usually did not oppose my
wishes.
"Why do you mind that?" I asked.
"What are you going out there for? You interrupt the natural flow of
events by leaving."
In the end, I decided to take leave of the Master.
For once, TuTu agreed to come with me but he did not want to come
inside the house, and waited outside.
The wing-doors of the Master’s room were open, and both that and the
adjacent room were full of people.
I stood behind the crowd.
"I have come to say goodbye," I thought.
I waited for something to happen, but after a few moments, I accepted
the idea that our departure would take place without any special
reaction from his side.
At that moment, everyone was asked to leave the Master’s room, so he
could rest.
People got up and streamed out, and when the last one had left, I
hurried to step in, ready to withdraw if I ran into the slightest
hindrance, but nobody objected and the doors were closed behind me.
I went over to his bed and sat down on the floor in front of him.
He was lying in the bed and looked at me.
It was my intention to repeat what I had thought, but I could not
bring the words over my lips.
"I’ve got married," I said instead.
He did not answer.
I mentioned TuTu’s personal name.
With a jolt, he sat up in the bed and questioningly repeated the name.
"Oh, you’re going to start a business together," he then said.
"Yes," I answered surprised.
I had not seen him get up with a jolt before.
"What kind of business is it that you’re going to get into?" he asked.
"We’ve been thinking about something with boats in India because that
would be a benefit for many people," I answered.
He seemed to lose interest, nodded and lay down again.
"I’m so grateful to you," I said.
I had no more at heart and waited to hear if the Master had anything
to say to me.
We sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Do you want to rest now?” I asked.
“There is no rest for me anywhere,” he said, “there is too much work to be done”.
A preceptor put her head in and asked me to leave the room, because
there were also others who wanted to talk privately with the Master,
so I got up and left.
One morning,
five days after my return, TuTu came into the bedroom and said that I
should get up, but this particular morning I pulled the cover over my
head and refused to get up.
TuTu laughed lovingly and said to the Dane: "There you see how close
we are. She senses my decision, and therefore she doesn’t want to meet
the day."
I pulled the cover away from my head.
"What do you mean?"
"I have decided to return to
I pulled the cover over my head again and said nothing.
He gently put his hands on the cover and shook me a bit back and
forth: "Ooooh don’t do that. Come alive. Come
o...o..o..n."
I did not answer.
He got ready to leave together with the
Dane, and that used to get me up in a hurry, but I did not move.
"Come up now," he said in his usual loving and gentle tone of voice
but with a complaining undertone mixed with cheerfulness, "it’s a
beautiful day, and you are just lying there without meeting it."
"I can’t be bothered," I said coldly.
"Come and help me," he said to the Dane and together they pulled the
cover off me and got me out of bed.
TuTu said that he got a letter from his sister.
His father was ill, and the family needed him.
I did not answer.
I just wanted to close my eyes and pretend that nothing had happened.
In the end,
I gave in.
"I want to come along," I said.
"Time is not ripe," he answered, "you have to be patient and wait."
"You only say that because you don’t want me to come along," I said.
He shook his head and said: "All right, you can come along."
I got doubtful.
If I went
along, it was equivalent to burning all my bridges, and that I could
do for myself, but I did not think I could make such a choice for my
son, and he was not old
enough to be able to manage on his own.
"If you go, will you come back again then?" I asked instead in a thin
voice.
"Yes, I’ll be back after a couple of months," he said.
"Do you promise?"
He nodded.
I remembered with painful clarity the separations we already had gone
through and sat sulking and silent in the car.
"If he really loves me, he doesn’t go," I thought.
"I don’t go anyway," TuTu said.
"You don’t mean it," I said, "it is just something you say to make me
happy right now."
"No, no," he said, "I don’t go if you feel that way."
I got doubtful.
If I managed to hold him back, maybe he would reproach me later that
his family had suffered because of his absence.
Suppose now his father died?
My resistance ebbed out.
We booked his ticket for nine days later.
One day, he mentioned in passing that he met my former boyfriend in the shopping mall and had the impression that he felt very bad and was very lonely.
I did not answer.
I knew that my former boyfriend had come back from Los Angeles and
probably felt depressed.
We had not seen much of each other in America, and the therapy had not given the result he had hoped for.
Without knowing how I knew it, I knew that TuTu expected me to do
something in that context, but that I was not willing to.
However, TuTu kept mentioning his name at various occasions, and the undertone of his loving and mild voice became increasingly more ominous every time, not as a threat so as to force me to perform an act that I did not want to do but as a warning that some actions were necessary for my life to unfold in the right way, no matter what he or I felt about it at the personal level.
I wringed my brain to find out how it would be possible for me to
console my former boyfriend without missing out on TuTu’s company, so
when the Dane and we were on our way out to dine one day, I suggested
that we drove by the hostel where he lived and asked him if he wanted
to come along.
We stopped by the hostel, and I went upstairs and rang the doorbell.
A fairly long time passed before the door was opened, and my former
boyfriend’s pale and sad face appeared at the door.
When he saw me, a faint glimpse lit up in his eyes.
I told him my errand, but he didn’t want to come along.
When I came down, TuTu’s face looked stifled in spite of the love that was always to be seen in his facial expression even under the direst of circumstances.
"No," I answered defiantly, because it did not feel like the right
action that I had done, "but now he has got the chance, so he probably
prefers to be alone."
"Is that the right action?" TuTu asked.
I did not answer.
We only had so little time left together before he had to travel.
"Let’s flip a coin about it?" he said in a milder tone of voice.
I nodded.
He flipped the coin, and I lost.
I tried with a timid objection: "Suppose he doesn’t want me to stay there?"
"Don’t worry about that. We’ll wait here until you have asked him."
I went upstairs and rang the doorbell again.
This time, the door was opened fast and my former boyfriend’s face
became visible at the door with hope radiating from his eyes.
"We thought that it might be a good idea that I stayed here for a
while, if you want me to," I said.
He nodded.
"All right, then I’ll go down and tell the others that they don’t have
to wait for me," I said.
He nodded again.
I became despondent.
TuTu was in continuous movement all over
the city, and I could not be sure where to meet him later, but then
I got an idea.
I would leave the car with him and the Dane, because then we had to
agree on a specific time they had to pick me up again.
My former boyfriend had come with me downstairs, and when he spotted
TuTu, he walked over to him and thanked him because he had let me stay
there.
TuTu looked l compassionately at him, put his hand on his shoulder and
said in his most gentle voice: "Don't think about it my friend and
don’t take time into consideration."
"What is it that you are saying?" I thought in a state of shock, "are
you giving me away indefinitely?
Why, it may take years, maybe a lifetime, if his heart has to open up from that condition he is in, and then what about you and me?"
TuTu had told me that I was the only one who could open up my former
boyfriends’ heart, but that had not made
me more receptive to his suggestion.
Again, I felt in the grip of fate, for I had gradually learned that
when I had the feeling that I had now I might as well jump into
whatever was ahead of me instead of trying to escape it.
How could I be sure to meet TuTu tomorrow for that matter, it suddenly
occurred to me?
Tomorrow was the great day!
TuTu had told me that the following day held very special energies
that were suitable for the great initiation, and I wanted to be
together with him on that day so I could achieve it, whatever it
consisted of.
"You can take the car," I said.
"It doesn’t matter. You can keep it," he said.
My resistance ebbed out.
I decided to put TuTu out of my head and concentrate on what was ahead
of me.
We went upstairs to my former boyfriend’s room and sat down to talk.
He looked at me with a glance that made me
think: "Oh, he loves me just as dearly as I love TuTu," and I
was filled up with compassion for his love
and pain, because of it's hopelessness.
I put my arms around him, and we sat for
several hours and talked in low voices about his situation.
When he came back to Denmark, he looked up his brother, who had had all his things stored, but his brother, who was an alcoholic, had left his apartment, which now was occupied by accidental alcoholics and drug addicts.
All his possessions had disappeared, so now he had hit bottom in all
areas.
It was almost midnight when I decided to go to Albertslund, hoping to
meet TuTu there, although I felt that this was not the right action.
I drove towards Albertslund, but felt with increasing certainty that I
wouldn’t meet TuTu there.
He wasn’t there either, and I became so distraught over it that I
screamed his name with tears flowing down my cheeks.
I could not fall asleep, but in the end,
I decided to give up trying to see TuTu
and instead go to meet my former boyfriend when I woke up, so as to
be able to finish this, whatever that was.
Then, I dropped off to sleep.
The following morning, I immediately drove to my former boyfriend’s, and when we had spoken for a couple of hours, I suggested that we went to town.
I hoped that he felt strong enough now to be able to tolerate that
TuTu joined us.
When we came downstairs to the car, I found a piece of gold paper
stuck under one of the windshield wipers.
I knew immediately that TuTu had
been by and left this greeting for me.
Gold is noblest of all metals, and in this way, he told me that I was
facing a decisive battle, where it was important that I acted in
accordance with the noblest of endeavors.
My plan of trying to meet TuTu did not feel like the right action, but
I shook the feeling off, and we went to various places where TuTu
often came and knocked on the doors, but nobody opened.
We went to Christiania and walked around there, until we ran into a
married couple who were also looking for him.
When I spoke with them, I got a feeling that TuTu was in Christiania
to fulfill their desire to see him, but would stay away as long as
they were together with us, out of consideration for both my
ex-boyfriend and me.
I could not do anything about this.
We went back to the hostel.
Little by little, as our talks progressed, my heart gradually became
softer and softer in compassion with the sufferings of my former
boyfriend, and when he asked me to stay overnight, I said yes
immediately.
We lay in each other’s arms, when suddenly I became aware of my heart.
It felt as if it melted, oozed out of my body like steam and left an
empty hole.
The following morning, he looked glad and self-confident, and
I did not think of leaving him anymore.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
"I’m fine now," he said, "and you don’t have to stay here any longer."
"I don’t mind staying," I said.
"Yes, but I feel fine now, so it is all right that you’re leaving" he said.
We went for a small walk before I left for Østerbro, where I met
TuTu at the first place I came to.
He smiled warmly when he saw me.
"Well, how did it go?"
I told him what had happened, and when I mentioned that I had screamed
his name, he said that he had felt it.
When I had finished narrating, he mentioned something about heart
conditions.
I had forgotten my heart-experience and told him about it.
He nodded pleased and began talking about the laws for the expansion
of consciousness.
"There are no limits to the expansion of consciousness," he began.
I don’t remember what more he said because
it felt as if my mind expanded more and more as he spoke, and in
the end, I got scared.
"I become so high that thoughts cannot follow," I said and looked
frightened at him.
"Yes, I’ll blow your mind sky-high," he said and laughed.
"I have to lie down," I said.
I went in and lay down in the adjacent room.
The light streamed out like a crown from
my head, but in the course of a quarter of an hour,
the condition subsided and I joined the group again.
Later,
when we came down to the car, the patch, which was on the canvas
roof of the car, had disappeared.
I had bought a used gray Citroen
convertible, and the previous owners had repaired a hole in the roof
with a red heart-shaped patch.
Instead of the heart there was now an open hole, and I thought that it
was a strange coincidence that my car had the same condition as
myself.
TuTu had spoken about us going to Lolland to say goodbye to his friends there before he left for India.
I imagined that I would be together with him without interruption the last few days, but already after a couple of hours, he began mentioning my former boyfriend’s situation again.
On our way to Lolland, he spoke about him
with such determination that I suggested we went by to ask him if he
wanted to come along.
TuTu nodded, and we drove by the hostel.
I went up and asked if he wanted to come
along, but he did not want to.
When I returned to the car, TuTu asked if it would not be better that
I stayed.
I shook my head determined, and he suggested that we should let the
coin decide the issue, but again I shook my head determined.
"But, what is it you want then?" he asked.
"I want to be together with you," I answered, "there are only a few
days left before you leave, and I can take care of my former boyfriend
afterwards."
He nodded and said: "As you wish, but is it the right thing?"
I did not answer.
I did not care if it was right or wrong as long as I did not have to
separate from him just now.
We left, TuTu at the wheel, the Dane next to him and me behind.
I lay down and let myself be rocked by the car, and again I became
aware of the wonderful feeling of the empty hole where my heart used
to be.
I expressed my wonder and a moment later TuTu asked the Dane to take
over the wheel and came to the back of the car.
I rested my head on his chest and
discovered that his heartbeat could not be heard.
"Oh, you have a heart like mine," I exclaimed.
He nodded.
I remembered how worried I had been about his heart, previously.
One time, I had been lying with my head on his chest
and had become aware that his heart was galloping ahead.
I told him my observation and said that I worried about it because I
believed that it would cut short his life.
He answered that it was my own heart I heard, but I thought that at
least I was able to decide if it was my own or his heart I heard, and
I decided to pray for the poor galloping heart.
Now, I understood that he had spoken the truth, and that it was thus
my own heart I had been praying for.
At a later
time, when the Crown Prince was in
A disciple told that once he had experienced it as if he had no heart,
because it had melted away.
The Crown Prince said that this condition
was due to him surrendering his heart to God, but it often happened
that a disciple changed his/her mind and took his/her heart back
again.
I said that once I had had the same experience out of compassion for
another human being.
He looked investigating directly into my eyes for a moment and asked:
"Out of compassion?"
"Yes."
"At that time you had a higher condition than you normally have," he
said, and now I understood that exactly my being together with my
former boyfriend had made possible the great initiation TuTu had
spoken about.
When we came back to Copenhagen, TuTu gathered a few belongings in a travel bag, and we were a small group who followed him to the airport.
Again, in a flash, he stepped out of the time-space sphere in which I
found myself, and the time cage closed in on me again.
One month after his departure, I received a letter from him, where he wrote in foggy terms that he had smoked opium.
I got worried, called him in Madras and said that I would fly down
there immediately to see what was going on.
He sounded the way he used to and said in an authoritative voice that
time was not ripe.
I realized that I had only two weeks left of my vacation, and instead
I planned the trip, got permission of leave from my job and just
before Christmas time I was on my way to India with a four months stay
ahead of me.
TuTu had written that he would not come to New Delhi to receive me,
but instead send a friend, who would take care of me and help me to
move on.
The Dane lived in Poona at that time and surprised me by receiving me
at the airport.
TuTu’s friend was also there, but
it proved that he had not been able to get a train ticket to Madras
for me, so he suggested that I stayed with him and his family for a
week or so.
The Dane had two tickets for Poona the same afternoon and suggested
that I went with him and met one of the most discussed of the
contemporary spiritual teachers.
The trip from New Delhi to Madras took 48 hours, the trip to Poona
took 24 hours, and the trip from there to Madras also took 24 hours,
so I decided that I might as well go with the Dane and thereby have
company for half of the time of my trip to Madras.
Twenty-four hours later, I found myself in the Dane’s large and airy two-story bamboo hut in Poona.
I met the spiritual teacher, but I lost interest very fast when I saw that his private quarters consisted in a big luxurious house surrounded by iron gratings with a gate.
In front of the gate stood heavily armed guards, and none of this
expressed that trust in the true Self that I wanted to find in a
spiritual teacher.
I had problems getting a train out of Poona, and when a couple of weeks had passed, I called up TuTu to tell him about the situation.
Two days later, he came to Poona to pick me up.
There was something new, strange and hard about his appearance, which
I hadn’t experienced before.
In the train on our way to Madras, he said
through clenched teeth that he had to come
to pick me up because we needed at least two months for what was now
going to transpire.
"What is that?" I asked interested.
He did not answer.
When we came closer to Madras, the
atmosphere between us became a little warmer.
"Tell me what you fear the most," he
asked.
I was just about to tell him that at this time I feared the most that
he would let me down for a younger woman, but then I changed my mind.
If he was as wise as I imagined, he probably knew it already.
"Find out yourself," I answered instead.
TuTu had carved a bamboo flute, which he often played both in nature and at home.
By the mouthpiece, he had carved the number 22.
Even though I knew that it was his holy name, I asked him what it
meant, because I wanted to hear him say it out loud.
“Why that's my name” he said, and I nodded in satisfaction.
Then he added: "Besides this, it also has a different meaning. Have
you ever heard of a catch 22?"
"No," I said.
After his death I investigated it at the library.
A catch 22 refers to a no-win situation, where circumstances are such that you are accused of wrongs no matter what you do.
In retrospect, I realize that both I and others accused him of a wrong in the form of lack of love for me as my spouse, because he was not only willing to step aside for other men to step into the role of my spouse for a while, but that he, on top of it, was even willing to bring me together with these men, and both I and others saw that as a wrong in his behavior, in his marriage with me.
From where I stand today, I see that his surrender to the highest spiritual principles of unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy demanded that he was willing to step aside to make space for other men in my life and even contribute to my interaction with them by leading me to them, to make possible for me the most all-encompassing deliverance from my old karmic bindings in the area of love.
So today, I can see that, from an earthly perspective, he was accused of a wrong in relation to me by acting the way he did, but that he would also have been accused for a wrong if he had not acted the way he did, seen from a spiritual perspective.
A catch 22 also means that those with power and authority have the
right to do to you what you cannot prevent them from doing.
Both these interpretations proved to be accurate in TuTu’s life.
While I was in Madras, he met with an accident.
He was driving his motorcycle when a rickshaw driver made a sudden
maneuver, and he told me later that he had had the choice of taking on
a problem himself or hit the rickshaw driver, and he had never
regretted that he saved the life of the man in spite of the chronic
pain problem the accident proved to inflict on him.
He made an abrupt turn of the motorcycle so that it drove away from
the man, and instead, he himself was hurled over the wheel towards the
rickshaw with which he collided with great force.
In spite of many examinations, the doctors could not find a concrete
reason for the pain in the left hand side of his lower back, which had
been stitched after having taken the impact of the blow, and for this
reason, they would not give TuTu the painkilling medicine he needed.
Therefore, TuTu chose to medicate himself by buying the required
medicine in the black market.
He called the opium poppy’s juice, which is used to manufacture
painkillers such as opium, morphine, heroin and other morphological
preparations for the medicine of the Gods that they had given as a
gift to ease humankind's pains.
Unfortunately, humankind could not prevent those with power and
authority to do what they wanted, and they thought it was their task
to decide who should have access to this pain relief.
TuTu thought that it was up to the individual to decide, but he
couldn’t prevent those in power and authority to do what they wanted
either, and they did not want to give him access to the pain relief
that he felt he needed, and they punished him with imprisonment when
they discovered that he had taken matters in his own hand.
At a later point, I thought: "How big must the sacrificial pyre become
before society comes to its senses and allows the individual access to
the pain treatment that he/she himself/herself feels a need for,
whether their pain is of a physical, psychological, social or
spiritual nature?"
when I saw the sad state of affairs surrounding people who are
addicted to painkilling medicine, in particular, when I heard of a
desperate robbery committed by an addict with withdrawal pains, in
fear of having to go through withdrawal pains.
While I was in Madras, he played out a psychodrama that I could not escape, and it exactly revolved around my fear of him letting me down for a younger woman.
He had a friend in Madras with whom he was together every day, and
when we had had my luggage put in place, he said that we were invited
to visit his friend’s family.
I was looking forward to be introduced to his family and his friends
at long last.
His friend had a sister who was fifteen years younger than me, and
whom I tried to make friends with during the visit, but she kept me at
a distance.
When we left from there, TuTu asked, if I had noticed anything in
particular about her.
"No," I said, "what should that be?"
"She is jealous of you," he said.
"Why?"
"Because you are my wife."
"Well," I thought, "that’s why she kept me at a distance."
Aloud I said: "Well that’s sad for her."
"Yes," he said, "I don’t know what to do with it either. I tried and
tried to avoid it, but I could not help falling in love with her."
I looked at him astounded.
Why did he tell me that?
"I see," I said.
"Yes, there is that strange thing about love that it sneaks in on you
and goes through all cracks and openings."
My stomach started burning.
He kept speaking, and before we reached home my inside was in flames
out of jealousy.
He went to bed immediately and dropped off to sleep, but I could not
sleep and went out on the terrace and stared out into the empty air,
while my intestines writhed.
In the course of the next couple of months, the young woman treated me with contempt without concealing that she was happy not to be as geriatric as me, and it tormented me that TuTu did not do anything to support me against her attacks but maintained this alien and hard way in his appearance which kept me at a distance.
At the same time, he frequently came up with comments about his warm
feelings for her, and that brought me totally out of balance to such
an extent that I cut off all my long hair as a protest, because it had
not done me any good to make myself look as beautiful as I was able to
so as to win TuTu’s heart.
One day, she took me for a walk, and I hoped to make friends with her at long last, but after a short time, she told me that TuTu had said to her that he would go to Denmark and make a lot of money and then come back to her, but she really did not care.
She was only dealing with him out of pity, because she was actually in
love with somebody else, but maybe I knew what his plans were?
My stomach contracted.
I pulled myself together and said: "I really don’t know anything about
that. You see, he loves so many, and I don’t know where you are in
that hierarchy, but I know this much that he has a great love for his
childhood sweetheart."
"I have heard about her," she said in a thin voice.
"Yes," I continued mercilessly and lined up various people whom TuTu
loved, and went on: "I may be at the very bottom of this hierarchy,
but that also has its advantages. Then he doesn’t bother about
impressing me, so I get to see something of him that nobody else gets
to see."
Her patronizing smile vanished, and I felt a mean satisfaction about
that.
The following day, TuTu said coldly to me: Oh, so you took my friend’s sister for a walk yesterday?"
"Why do you think so?" I asked.
"Her behavior towards me has changed, and she says that the two of you went for a walk yesterday, so I suppose you have taken her for a walk and told her mean things about me."
"I didn’t take her for a walk. She took me for a walk," I said.
"Why would she do a thing like that?" he asked coldly.
"I wondered about that too," I said and told him what transpired, and
in the end, I added in a poisonous tone of voice: "So as you can see,
she is not interested in you, because she is in love with somebody
else," although I didn’t really believe her when she said that.
He frowned and said in a gruff tone of voice: "Oh, so she said
something like that to you, did she now?"
I thought his gruffness sprang from his hurt that she was in love with
somebody else and not from the fact that she had hurt me, and I
answered in a stiff tone of voice: "Yes, she did."
A few days later, she came one early morning and asked TuTu to take her to the bus, because she was running late.
TuTu, his friend and I often rode on the motorbike together, and I
said that I wanted to come along even if we would then be three on the
motorbike.
"It only takes ten minutes," he said coldly.
After two hours, he came back.
"She is waiting for me in the Dane’s hut in Guindy," he said, "I just
have to take care of something."
He put on newly ironed clothes and Kajal around his eyes, like many
Indian men use it.
He came back to me.
"Does it look nice?" he asked.
"No," I said.
"Well, but I think that she will like it," he said and walked out of
the door.
I had never seen him with make-up before and looked amazed at him when
he walked out.
It seemed to be important to him that I was aware of what he was doing, because he could have done it all without me being aware.
My jealousy hammered like a pulse in my stomach, and I couldn’t relax anywhere, so I went with the family to the animal park to calm my restlessness.
His friend came later and asked for him and was told that TuTu and his
sister had gone to Guindy together.
When they came back, TuTu told me that the young woman had offered him
her virginity, but he did not want to take advantage of the situation,
and so he had not touched her.
Fuming of revengefulness, I told this to his friend, knowing fully
well that it would createmanifest problems for her because it was not
considered proper conduct that a young Indian woman spend a full day
alone with a married man, and a couple of days, later she was sent to
some family in another city.
For my part, the crown of the drama came when his friend told me in anger because of the situation that TuTu had said to him ahead of my arrival that, in Reality, I was nothing for him because I was too old, but I had promised him some money, otherwise he would never have married me.
I had never promised TuTu money, on the contrary, but yet another time
my deepest fears surfaced.
I confronted TuTu with it, and he went pale and seemed to become
almost green in his face: "Did he say that to you?"
I took this to be a confirmation that indeed he had said something to
that effect and felt totally crushed.
Only later, when I learned that he and his friend actually had a fistfight after I left, where he had received several blows from his friend and also had given his friend one single blow, but this one right on his nose, it occurred to me that he might have turned pale from anger because his friend had not spoken the truth, as TuTu normally did not defend himself when others attacked him.
Instead, he moved away from his attacker as fast as possible.
Besides, his friend was in love with me, and I believe that TuTu
conveyed to his friend in this manner that he had poked his nose too
far ahead by lying about TuTu to win me.
Later, he also told me that he had never reciprocated the young woman’s emotions at any point, but had played out a psychodrama.
She came back to Madras soon after I had left and had approached him in various ways, but he had kept their interaction at a friendly level.
However, I only became able to accept that this interaction took place
at all when both my sexual jealousy and my possessiveness, little by
little, let go of their oppressing grip on me, because thereby I
reached a point where I thought that as long as I felt fully satisfied
with his interaction with me I did not have to take a stand on whether
his interactions with others robbed me of something, which I did not
know what was, and thereby I let go of my desire to be in control of
his interactions with other women and men.
I looked like a withered little old woman when I came back to Copenhagen and began licking my wounds.
I only had a few hours of work every day, and the rest of the time I slept.
Again, I began visiting the preceptor to receive transmission.
With a superhuman effort, I tried to turn my thoughts towards the
Master, but every day I caught myself being absorbed in thoughts about
TuTu.
One day, an Indian preceptor came to Copenhagen and gave a group
sitting to around twenty people.
Afterwards, he called me and said that he wanted to give me a special
sitting.
I received it the following day.
Afterwards,
he asked me if I was in some kind of a nightmarish condition.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I just bent
my head and nodded.
He said that I had some wounds in my heart which he wanted to heal,
but one sitting was not enough, so if it was possible for me to
receive sittings twice a week for a period,
it would help.
It was arranged, and after that my spiritual condition ascended to
ecstatic heights for a long period of time, where I began singing
self-composed songs in the bathtub in praise of the Master.
One day, I ran into my former boyfriend, and it proved that he was still in a state of despair.
He had become interested in a spiritual creed
that had a bad reputation, because it pressurized the members to
contribute with more and more money to participate in various courses,
and I got worried about the spiritual seduction that I thought he had
gotten into.
On his side, he thought that I was
judgmental, because I had never
investigated the group more closely, and so I decided to do that.
It proved that the creed had discovered
how it was possible in a very simple way to move down your own time
track, into previous incarnations, and thereby attain
understanding for coherences in the present.
After a conversation with the group, they
wanted to show me what they were able to do and offered me a free
test of four sessions.
I moved into different previous incarnations on my own time track and
was impressed by the process.
Afterwards, I discovered that a chronic bladder
infection that I had had for sixteen years had disappeared as
a result of the four sessions.
I decided to participate in some of the courses
of the group even if I was opposed to paying for spiritual guidance,
but already in the first course, I discovered that the group had taken
the stand that they knew what evil is, and had set their goal to be
erasing it, just like Kali.
That had permeated their World of ideas with enemy images, and since
that was opposed to my spiritual goal,
which I still did not know what was but which at least I had
found out had something to do with love, I gave
up the group.
While my conversations with my former boyfriend were going on, little by little, an urgent feeling grew that I had to give him all the time he needed to be able to open his heart, if I wanted to see TuTu again.
I decided to stop thinking of TuTu and instead
give my former boyfriend all the love and
attention I was able to.
First of all, he wanted to marry me.
I felt that he was testing me to see if I was willing to let TuTu
behind me.
I agreed, but said that first he had to move into my place so we could
live together for a period of time to see how it went.
This meant that he had to change quite a lot in his lifestyle, and he
suggested instead that we became lovers again, so that we did.
My attempts to forget TuTu were not very successful, and in the end, I became so desperate about the development of everything that I prayed to God, with tears flowing, to send me a clairvoyant person with great capacity so as to receive guidance in spoken words, which could tell me if I were on the right track.
The following day, a woman I hadn’t spoken with for half a year called
me and told me that she had just met a healer who was clairvoyant, and
who had the most amazing qualities.
I asked for his phone number, but
she said that it was useless to try to get into contact with him if I
needed an answer right now, because there
was a waiting time for half a year to get to talk with him, and
he did not pick up his phone but received messages on his answering
machine.
I insisted, and she gave me his number.
I got through to him, introduced myself
and said: "I don’t know what to do. I know this man around whom my
thoughts are revolving all of the time, and then I met a clairvoyant
woman, and…"
He interrupted: "Yes, and she said that you should stay away from him,
and that is true too. You’re not good for each other presently.
There is a Soul connection between the two
of you, but you have to know other men before the one it is going to
be can come, and it is important that you concentrate about
learning, what you have to learn from these men before he can come.
There will come a time where
you’ll be faced with some problems, which you will find difficult to
cope with, and at that time, you’re
welcome to call me again.”
He continued by talking about my
relationship with my sister, whom he could not have known anything
about, and about my visit to the palm leaf archives in Madras, so
when I hung up, I was full of confidence and threw myself into
events yet another time with renewed strength.
My former boyfriend and I continued to be lovers for several years, but no matter how much loving attention I gave him, he kept complaining that I did not love him enough, and one day it became too much for me.
"Will you be so kind as to tell me what it is
about your love that you find so much better that you find it
justified to complain about mine?" I asked, "I’m willing to marry you
and live the rest of my life with you, but you’re not."
He did not answer, but soon after
this, he began losing interest in me, and
eventually he said that he did not want to see me anymore.
Joy trickled through me from head to foot.
I could barely believe
that it was over and I crept
into myself, quiet as a mouse,
while I was waiting for another telephone
call where he said that he regretted his decision, but it did not
come.
I visited him once to see how he was doing,
and his reactions showed me that he had indeed lost interest in me.
Today, I believe that five thousand years ago, he was that prince from whom Krishna abducted Rukmini, and that time was ripe now to heal those wounds which he got on that occasion.
The prince had asked for Rukmini’s hand and got a promise of marriage.
This promise she broke just ahead of the
wedding, when she fled with Krishna.
Thereby,
the prince suffered a humiliating blow in front of the whole royal
circle.
He pursued Krishna and Rukmini with an army, as was the proper
behavior at that time for a prince whose
bride was snatched away, but his enterprise failed in spite of him
getting help from the armies of other princes, and that gave him
another humiliating blow.
Besides, he had to give up marrying at the time he had decided to and
he withered under the impression of his idea that all his misfortunes
sprang from the fact that Rukmini had chosen somebody else.
After that, he closed his heart to anything else but the desire to win
her back.
Just like the prince, my former boyfriend imagined that he would attain a satisfactory life if only I loved him in the right way, and he got every opportunity to achieve his wish.
I had lived together with him for five years before I met TuTu, but he
had also complained that my love was not satisfactory for those five
years.
I still remember my amazement when one day he said: "Yes, yes, I know
that you’re waiting for someone, but couldn’t you try to be happy
together with me until then?"
I wasn’t aware that I was waiting for
someone, and I thought that I was
just as satisfied with my life together with him as the other women
involved in a coupleship that I knew, but
in the end, we agreed to end our relationship one year before TuTu
came into my life because of the lack of spiritual harmony.
When at last it struck him that his desire
for a satisfactory love life could not be fulfilled by me no matter
how much effort I put into it, he saw no other way than letting go
of his desire, and for the first time, he became able to open
up his heart to the possibility of meeting his own Eternal Beloved.
In 1982, I decided to visit the Master.
During the stay, that conversation took place which gave rise to me
beginning the work with this manuscript.
At that time, the disciples did not visit the Master at his farm
anymore, but were quartered in an ashram he got built outside the
city.
The Master came out there to give group sittings, and sometimes, we
were invited to visit him at the farm for a couple of hours.
The last day, I felt an unusual urge to go to the Master’s farm even
if we were not invited, so I went there.
Late in the afternoon, he said: "You are writing a book?"
I knew his subtle way of suggesting a spiritual work and was filled
with joy, because he suggested that I should write a book.
Suddenly, it struck me that maybe he spoke about my spiritual diary, so I said: "Yes, Master, my spiritual diary."
"No, no, not that," he said and leaned back.
We elapsed into silence for a long time, but then he said something,
almost inaudible.
I leaned forward: "Excuse me?"
“I’m talking philosophy," he said, "write on your spiritual experience
and every word will be philosophy. You can write the book for leisure.
I also wrote my books for leisure.”
We elapsed back into silence.
The following year, I met him in Paris, but at that time his health was so poor that he spent most of his time in bed.
I had worked hard to finish this book, but thirty more years had to
pass by before this work was completed.
In 1984, an announcement came that the Master was seriously ill and hospitalized in a clinic in New Delhi.
I went to India again and stayed there for one week.
Most of the time, he was in a coma.
The first couple of days I was there, I wept a lot because of his
state of being.
My last personal meeting with him took place the day I had to go back to Denmark.
One of the Master’s family members called me to his room.
A moment later, he disappeared together with the other family members,
and the nurse asked me to look after the Master for a moment, while
she was taking care of something else.
Thus, I suddenly found myself alone with the Master.
He came out of his coma and looked straight at me.
Gently, internally, I sang the song that I had composed for him long
ago.
Telepathically, I told him how much it pained me to see him in this
condition and asked for the purpose.
"It is to soften your stone heart," the telepathic answer sounded.
When I left his room, he lifted his hand in greeting.
He died two weeks later.
Honored be his memory.
The Crown Prince took his seat as the Master’s successor and came to Denmark in 1985.
In that context I met a male disciple, and in the course of my short
relationship with him I learned that I had to maintain the balance in
the coupleship, even if the relationship had ever so rich spiritual
qualities.
I usually lost my balance to live up to spiritual ideals about being
loving, giving, tolerant and understanding.
That could make me cross my own boundaries by not allowing myself to
withdraw when I needed to be alone, or when I felt saturated by our
being together and needed to be alone to digest events or had tasks to
complete that had got nothing to do with him.
I could also take it upon myself to exceed his limits when he felt
saturated by our being together and needed to withdraw to digest the
impressions or had tasks that had got nothing to do with me.
I would try to keep myself and him in our being together with more or
less dramatic scenarios, which I played out when both I or he needed
to do something without the other.
Now, I learned that this type of behavior had the opposite effect of
what I wanted, and then I began to respect both my own and my
partner’s boundaries.
I received a couple of letters from TuTu, who wrote that he would come to Denmark so we could clear up all misunderstandings, but at that time I was still afraid of the emotional pains which I felt together with him, so I said no.
In the course of the following years, my resistance ebbed out.
I decided that I would go to India one
last time, and if my being together with the Crown Prince
didn’t express itself in a grand spiritual revelation that would put
everything in its right place, I would look up TuTu and surrender to
my love for him, no matter where it took me.
The revelation failed to appear, and I looked up TuTu, but when I met
him, I became so heavy from fear that I could barely walk, and scared,
I fled to the Crown Prince.
He sat together with a group of disciples
and answered questions, but I had nothing to ask, so I did not
participate in the conversation.
Suddenly, he turned around, looked straight at me and said: "What is
the princess without the prince other than a frustrated female?"
I looked up TuTu again.
He received me lovingly and suggested that we married one more time.
This time in a Krishna temple in Madras.
I was dressed in a white cotton dress with an embroidery of flowers on
the chest, he in a white Indian kurta and white Indian pajama.
The Pujari, the high priest of the temple sang the mantras, and we
exchanged flower garlands.
TuTu said that this was a wedding between our hearts, an angelic
wedding, and it could not be broken with a divorce like our Danish
wedding.
After the wedding, we went to see the Crown Prince, who blessed the
event.
Afterwards, he said to TuTu that it was good that at last somebody had
been able to put the chain of marriage around my ankle, and they both
laughed.
When we came back to Roseland, which was the name of our hotel, TuTu had sprinkled rose leaves all over our bed.
He began kissing me.
"This is the night of a thousand kisses," he said, "because tonight I will kiss you a thousand times."
I slipped into his arms, and in this way,
our angelic wedding came to can end.
I returned to
He had decided to use his arrival to Denmark as an opportunity to attempt to do without his self-medication, and he succeeded.
He wanted to find a job but there was great unemployment, and the only
types of available jobs were cleaning and delivering newspapers.
He decided to become a newspaper boy.
Later, we bought a truck and he became carrier for the same company
and also got some cleaning jobs at offices, libraries and
kindergartens, but due to his driving, he contracted sciatica, and his
doctor said that he had to take painkillers or stop working
altogether, because otherwise the sciatica nerve would get so
irritated that he could come to permanent harm.
His stomach could not tolerate the
available over-the-counter painkillers, and when the doctor did not
want to give him the required medication, he chose yet another time
to medicate himself.
I was shaken when I discovered that, because I feared the consequences
of chemical dependency more than anything else.
I had read a lot about chemical dependency since he began his self-medication in India and had got the impression that you could force a person to stop being chemically dependent if only you put enough pressure.
I told him that he would lose me for good if he did not stop taking painkillers immediately.
It did not help any.
With a bleeding heart, I increased the pressure by asking him to move out of our home.
He moved out.
I remembered my clairvoyant guide who had said that, at some point in time, I would face some problems, which I would find it hard to cope with, and then I could call him again.
I called him.
He said that the way I had handled the problem wasn’t the right way, because it was essential that TuTu and I were together for the upcoming events.
I was relieved to be able to exclude what I had read about handling chemically dependent people, and asked TuTu to move back home again, and that he did.
At one point in time, TuTu was to lead a project of alternative energy, and the institute sent him to India in that context.
I went with him, and when we came back I decided to apply for permission of leave from my job, so as to be able to help him with his project.
When my permission of leave began, I decided that I wanted to try out heroin to find out what the drug did to those who took it.
I had desired to try it since the middle of my twenties but had refrained from it, because I had read that you risked dying from it.
Now, however, I had been with TuTu when he bought heroin in the black market, and there we gradually got to know many creativemanifestative and intelligent people, and that had broken down the image of addicts and addiction that I had formed from my reading.
Sometimes, we stayed a couple of hours with some of these people, and I got the opportunity to see both men and women smoke heroin.
To my amazement, I discovered that they sank away when they had smoked a certain amount like people who went into deep meditation, and when I got around trying it myself, I came to perceive it to be medicated meditation.
It was mostly men who smoked, and I admired the women who had the courage to take the drug in spite of the attitude of the society.
I asked them what to do if in case you got addicted.
They said that it took some time to get addicted, and afterwards, it took four or five days to get through the withdrawals, which felt like a flu.
That gave me courage, because I thought that I was stable enough to be able to clear four or five days of discomfort if worse came to worst, and if only I had tried the drug, I would also be able to understand better what was going on with TuTu.
I told him that I wanted to smoke some of his heroin, and he explained to me how to do it.
When I had smoked a bit, he said that I should not smoke anymore because I would get nauseous otherwise.
"Am I high now?" I asked surprised.
"Yes", he said.
“No, it can’t be true. I have read about the rush, which is supposed to be so fantastic. Why, I barely feel any difference,” I said.
"Yes, but it is nothing but what you experience now," he said.
"You apparently have to be hooked to know what this drug really is, because I can’t imagine that addicts are willing to tolerate all the hardships they are exposed to, just to experience this," I said.
He did not answer.
I decided to become hooked, and the following time-period I smoked daily.
When I postponed my timing of smoking and experienced various feelings of discomfort, I asked: "Am I hooked now?"
"No, not really," he said.
The day came where there was a lack of heroin in the black market, and then withdrawal symptoms hit me for the first time.
The discomfort took me by surprise.
It was true that it felt like a kind of flu, with diarrhea, cold-sweat and running nose, but with the difference that I became cold to the marrow of my bones and could not get back my body heat, and the soreness in my body was not something that I could sleep from like when I had flu.
Every second, I was aware that my body was paining and was deadly cold, while at the same time, I sweated profusely.
"Did you know this?" I asked, shocked by my body-sensations.
"Yes," he said, "this is withdrawal symptoms."
I had had my wish fulfilled.
I was hooked.
I decided that this was the end of my career as an addict, but when I had gone through a day and a half of withdrawal symptoms, I became willing to disregard my decision so as to bring an end to my discomfort.
We managed to get hold of some heroin and the relief was great when I felt the heroin rush through my entire system.
The soreness disappeared, and my body-heat returned.
The contrast between the discomfort of withdrawal symptoms and the comfort of bringing it to an end was the biggest emotional contrast I had yet experienced, and I got hooked on the contrast.
This meant that I was ready for the needle.
With the needle, the contrast became even clearer from the taking in of the drug till the dissolution of the discomfort.
I got hooked on the needle.
I can say for sure that the discomfort of withdrawal symptoms is the most intense discomfort I have experienced in my life.
At one point in time, it proved that I had a tumor in my spine, which had broken through my spine to my lung-cave, where it continued its growth.
First, I was operated on in my spine, and I went through various forms of fear ahead of the operation, mostly by thinking that I might get paralyzed in my arms or legs or suffer brain damage, because some nerve fibers would be damaged during surgery.
Six weeks later, that part which was in the lung-cave was operated on, and I was in a coma for some days, because my lungs collapsed during surgery.
When I came around, I found myself in a ventilator and felt an intense discomfort by not being able to breathe the way I used to, but the discomfort of these experiences were not as intense as the discomfort of my withdrawal symptoms from heroin, because I was unconscious part of the time and got abundantly supplied with morphine when I was conscious.
Thereby, I realized that I did not know what I was doing when I claimed that TuTu did not love me or his family if he wasn't willing to live through withdrawal symptoms to prove the opposite.
I looked for a solution, where I could take heroin without getting too many withdrawal problems and I got the idea that I would sell heroin enough to cover our own use.
I told this to TuTu, but he said that it was better to buy what we needed every day, because it might be difficult to not increase usage if we had too much of it.
I did not think that we could afford to pay the prices at street level, so I decided to do it even if it was illegal.
At one point in time, the police spotted us.
Dramatically, they burst their way into our apartment by kicking in the door.
I was arrested and accused of possession of ten grams of heroin.
In the following time-phase, the police kicked the door in to our apartment at all hours, and soon our life was so chaotic that everything began to go downhill.
We became unable to take care of our business, our creditors picked up our cars, the summerhouse went for foreclosure, and we hit bottom materially.
To crown the work, the police had gradually put together an indictment, and I was convicted to 40 days in prison for possession of heroin, which meant that now I had a criminal record, and thereby, I was cut off from returning to my job and had thus been cast out of society.
The following time phase brought forth those three times that TuTu wept over my destiny.
The first time, he wept because I put more emphasis on material security than on love.
The second time, he wept when I asked him to shoot the heroin in my right hand, where I had my best vein.
He took my hand, looked at my prick marks, and with tears in his eyes, he gently stroked it, while he said: "Your little hand. Your little hand."
I looked surprised at the tears that rolled down his cheeks.
Why did he take that so hard?
Why, he used the needle himself.
Last time, he wept when I prostituted for the first time to get means for heroin.
I looked at him in wonder.
Why did he cry over that?
After all, it was an excellent solution to our problems, and anyway, I had the intention to share with him.
In that way, none of us had to have withdrawal symptoms, so instead he ought to be grateful that I was willing to sacrifice in that way to get hold of the required money.
However, I had not foreseen the discomfort that was involved in having sex under the impression of beginning withdrawal symptoms with men for whom I, at the maximum, felt pity.
After TuTu’s death, I prostituted for the last time.
I thought that it would be good for my body to have its sexual need fulfilled, and it would also be excellent to supplement my income with some extra money.
Now that I was no longer having withdrawals, it should be a piece of cake.
I went through with my decision, and then I realized that at long last I was finished with prostitution.
I wanted the freedom to respect and follow the swing of my own sexual feelings during lovemaking, and that wasn’t possible in connection with prostitution, because the man paid for me to respect and follow his sexual feelings and put aside my own if they weren’t in harmony with his, and that I did not want to do anymore.
Once, when we were in withdrawals and therefore extremely sensitive, TuTu and I walked up and down the streets of our neighborhood, hoping to meet somebody we knew, who could help us bring us out of our withdrawals.
TuTu began speaking about the defense mechanisms of humankind.
I don’t remember what he said, but it made me look around with new eyes, and I sensed the Spirit behind the crisp physical surface of the people who walked in the street.
"Oh," I said, "life on Earth is a miracle. Just think, then all these Spirits walk around in the streets in a physical body, which allows them to experience life on Earth."
"Yes," TuTu said, "we are all mighty warriors in the dark."
"This night, I dreamed about my mother," he continued, "she was a little girl at the bottom of the ocean, innocent in her becoming, and she said – Oh, here I am. Oh, look there… and there… and she played with the seashells and hid for fun’s sake inside the conches."
When he uttered his mother’s sentences, his voice was delicate and full of a small girl's innocent wonder.
"How strange," I said, "we have all hidden behind shells."
"Yes," he said.
I continued, "We have forgotten who we are, because we have hidden behind shell after shell gradually as we built up our defenses."
"Yes," he said, "let’s go home."
We went home, and he stood in front of a poster of Shiva, who danced with flowing hair in a ring of the fire of the sun on top of a little green dwarf.
"This dwarf is a symbol of the ignorance," he said, "Shiva is dancing his cosmic dance on top of ignorance, and slowly breaks it down, while he beats his drum: BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM…”
His rhythmical repetition of the drum-sound, which I later recognized as the shamanic drum, penetrated my consciousness and scared me.
He continued, "He beats his drum, and we walk in time with his drumbeat, whether we want to or not. Some dance joyfully along on the drum-sound in the fire of enlightenment like Shiva himself, others oppose it and cry and scream, but everybody move forward."
"Stop it," I said, "I get scared."
He laughed: "Are you scared of your ignorance?"
"Yes," I said, "I would rather be very clever."
He stopped, and we went into the living room and sat down.
The drum-sound still sat as a sensation in my body, and before I knew what I intended to say, it broke through all dams: "Now, at long last, I know who you are. You are the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. I have thought this so many times before, when I asked myself who you actually are, but only now I know it, because now I also know that I’m the second coming of Mary Magdalene."
He smiled gently.
"I’ll call up and tell my sister what I have discovered," I said agitated.
He nodded.
I rang her and told her.
"No," she said, "now you must really pardon me. I think that you can have that perception of him exclusively because you’re so much in love."
"Can’t you see it?" I said, "he is an outcast and persecuted like Jesus was, and I am cast out, persecuted and prostituted like Mary Magdalene was."
"Why, but that all addicts and addict-prostitutes are," she said, "are they all the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene?"
I got confused.
I hadn’t thought of that.
She was probably right that I found so many qualities in him because I was so much in love.
At one point in time, I decided that I could not handle my lifestyle anymore and sought help in the public system.
I was offered Methadone, but all in the drug environment warned me against the artificial opiate and said that I did not know what I was doing if I accepted the offer, because Methadone withdrawals took around six weeks as compared to the four-five days of heroin, and hardly anybody managed to get out of Methadone.
TuTu said that Methadone was illegal in India because it dried out the marrow of the bones and destroyed the fertility as opposed to heroin, which is a natural opiate that does not any organ damage.
Long-term use of Methadone dried out the marrow of the bones to such an extent that the bones broke as easily as matchsticks.
I hesitated, but then decided to try it anyway because it was legal, and it might bring about the required calm in my life so I could make my attempt to become clean.
After having got calmness into my life this way, I went to my sister’s house and tried to become clean.
My body became so sore from the withdrawals that I could not lie on a bed, so she filled an air mattress halfway with air, and there it was possible for me to lie.
She put warm water in plastic-bags and put them all over me so I wouldn’t shake so much from the cold in my bones, but it only helped a little.
I did not manage to resist the pressure from the withdrawals, so I decided that I would take heroin for the next six weeks, until the Methadone withdrawals were over and then try to take the four-five days of heroin withdrawals, but when I began cutting down the heroin, it slowly penetrated to me that it wasn’t within my reach to become clean.
I got scared.
TuTu said not to worry, because I would succeed in getting out of it in the end.
I didn’t believe him.
I got more and more panic-stricken and began getting anxiety attacks.
In the end, I decided to go to my sister again and try to become clean by taking on a ‘cold turkey’.
An acquaintance suggested that I got a chain around my leg so that I did not feel tempted to run out of the house to get hold of some heroin when my sister was at work and the withdrawals became too bad.
I agreed, tied a long chain around my leg, locked it and gave my sister the key before she left.
When I was going to the toilet, the chain rattled loudly in the silence because I had to drag it behind me across the floor.
The sound cut in me to the marrow of my bones.
In the end, I found out that this was not the solution and stopped chaining myself.
Gradually as I got to feel better, I got restless, and my sister’s husband went for a walk with me.
Outside the houses in Albertslund, there are some big lawns, and we kept walking around the one outside their house, while I talked and talked about my confusion and my feelings for TuTu.
In my oversensitive condition, my consciousness suddenly opened, and I stopped and looked at him with big eyes.
“Now I know who TuTu also is," I exclaimed, "his name has these two Ts, because he is my true teacher and my time twin.”
He looked at me without understanding.
We returned to the house, and I tumbled on with my thoughts, which I could neither make head nor tail of.
The phone rang.
It was TuTu.
"How are you?" he asked gently.
"Now, I finally know who you also are", I said eagerly, "you’re my time twin and my true teacher because your name has these two T’s."
"I’m glad that you have discovered it," he said gently.
"What is a time twin?" I asked.
He did not answer.
"You are my cosmic twin. We were born together, when the Universe came into being," I exclaimed without knowing where that came from.
I threw a quick glance around to see if anybody could hear me, and then I said: "I don’t feel so good. I’m terribly restless. I want some heroin. If you love me, you come to Albertslund station in one hour, bring me some heroin and bring needle, citric acid and a spoon along."
"Do you think that is a good idea?" he asked, "weren’t you going to be there to become clean?"
"You only say that because you can’t be bothered and because you would rather take it yourself", I said.
"Ok, I’ll come, but I first have to go and get hold of something, so let’s say in two hours," he said.
When I hung up, I thought that now it would show if he really loved me, for only an addict who has too little drugs to cover his own needs - like TuTu - will know what I asked from him.
Two hours later, I found an excuse to leave my sister’s supervision and went to the station.
He was there.
"He really loves me," I thought in wonder.
We went into a staircase.
He made my fix, and when the warmth from it spread in my body, I felt perfectly satisfied.
We went for a walk, hand in hand, but after fifteen minutes, he said that he had to go back to town.
I nodded.
He was busy now if he should cover his own needs.
I returned to my sister’s house.
When I felt better, I went home to visit TuTu and discovered that he had started selling out of the furniture to get hold of money for heroin.
I could not hold it against him, but wanted to make sure that the apartment wasn’t emptied of furniture and anything else of value when I returned clean, so I asked him to move out, and I also said that our marriage was over because I had been told that I should not hope to stay clean if I lived together with somebody who still took drugs.
Then I went to my sister’s house again.
One of her friends had told her that I needed help from somebody who had gone through the same as me.
She had heard of something called Narcotics Anonymous, where clean addicts help newcomers to become and stay clean, and thereby I landed in the first of The Fellowships Anonymous that I was to participate in.
At my first meeting, I could not believe my own eyes and ears.
Twenty clean addicts sat around a table and told about their problems with chemical addiction, and when I saw them, I knew that it was possible to stay clean.
Tears of gratitude streamed down my cheeks, because now I knew that I did not have to die as an addict.
When the other addicts told about their experiences with being clean, they spoke about all what I had longed for.
They spoke about their personal connection with their true Self; about the new freedom they had found, unbound by religious systems, but above all, they spoke about love and mercy to themselves and others.
My tears of gratitude flowed in a continuous stream and ascended to sobbing when in the end they got up, took each other’s hands, formed a big circle and prayed:
God,
Grant us the serenity
to accept the things we cannot change
courage to change the things we can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I was told that I had to change to be able to remain clean, and therefore it was a good idea to do the Fellowship’s Twelve Steps, which would take me forward to a spiritual awakening.
If I wanted to, I could ask one of the other women who already had done these Steps if she would be my sponsor.
A sponsor in this Fellowship is a clean addict who takes another clean addict through The Twelve Steps.
I got a sponsor and began my step-work.
When I had been in the Fellowship for four months, I spotted my nicotine addiction and decided that I wanted to get out of all my chemical addictions, so I also entered the Fellowship called Nicotine Anonymous.
This Fellowship was very small, and therefore I got a male sponsor.
He proved to be a Christian and suggested that I began my step-work with a prayer inviting Jesus into my heart.
Then, I should go into deep meditation, and then Jesus might be merciful to me and show himself to me in a vision.
That sounded exciting, I thought.
If I could get a vision of the real Jesus, then at long last, I would get rid of my perception of TuTu as the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, because I had not been able to shake that idea off of me in spite of the fact that obviously it was absurd.
I had not meditated systematically since TuTu came to Denmark and decided to take up this habit again, so I began making a place for myself with a comfortable chair exclusively for that purpose, like I had it when the Master was my spiritual guide.
I put five candles on the table next to the chair with two short thick blue candles on each side of a tall, white slim candle.
Then, I cleaned the room and went out into the bathroom to shower.
I spotted my long wavy henna-dyed hair and my dark-dyed eyebrows and lashes in the mirror.
"Is this how you’re going to introduce yourself to Jesus?" I asked myself, "look at all the false colors you carry."
I took a scissors and cut the hair off, but I dyed it with henna recently, so the dye was all the way to the roots.
I went down to the hairdresser and said that I wanted to become bald.
"Bald?" she said in disbelief.
"Yes," I said, "and I also want the eyebrows and the eyelashes shaved off.
"No, there I draw the line", she said, "the eyebrows let go, but the eyelashes, there goes the limit."
I hadn’t given it a thought that I needed my lashes to clean my eyeballs if I got dust in my eyes, and I agreed with her that there went the limit.
When I looked at my naked eye brows and my bald head in the mirror during my shower, I began crying of sorrow about my looks.
I finished my shower, and at last, I was ready to sit down in my meditation chair.
When I sat there, I felt that now I had done what was in my power to get a successful experience and I began praying:
Jesus, I want to surrender to you as your bride. Come to me!
I ask you to come into my heart to take your place on my life’s throne as the king of my heart.
I also ask you to show yourself to me so that I don’t have to be so confused anymore.
I sank into deep meditation, and I don’t know how much time passed before TuTu appeared before my inner eye, but then I knew that Jesus had showed himself to me like I had prayed for.
When I opened my eyes and came back into my day-consciousness, I thought: "It can’t be true. What a pity that my feelings for TuTu have confused me so much that I have lost out on this chance of changing direction in my life in spite of all of my efforts."
I called my sponsor and said that I had done what he suggested, and I had also got a vision, but I did not think the vision was genuine, so therefore I wanted to hear his opinion about the situation.
I told him about the course of events and asked if he thought that it was possible that somebody other than Jesus could show up in a vision under those circumstances.
"No", he said, "I think, it is Jesus you have seen, whether you think so yourself or not."
"You are not just my sponsor anymore", I said spontaneously, "Hereafter I’ll call you John, the apostle of love."
When I hung up, I thought of the fact that I had not told him that it was my husband I had seen in the vision, and it might be that it would have made my sponsor change his mind about it, but if he was right, then why wasn’t the groom by my side?
I had not spoken with TuTu for several months.
It was a strange wedding with a bride and no groom.
I decided that I would believe the vision to be genuine if the groom came.
It was early in the evening, and I went off to a meeting in one of The Fellowships Anonymous to talk about my experience and thereby try to attain clarity as to what had happened.
The telephone rang the next morning.
It was TuTu.
Without beating about the bush he asked: "Shall I come?"
"If you shall come? I can’t wait. When are you coming?"
"I’m coming immediately," he said.
"I will come down to the bus to pick you up. Which bus will you take?" I asked.
"Bus 16," he said, and we hung up.
"Sum of digits = seven, sacred number," I thought about the number of the bus.
I looked at the blue candles.
The color of Krishna.
Two on one side and two on the other side of the white candle.
TuTu was written on my altar.
I looked into the mirror.
Oh no, I was bald.
The doorbell rang.
Outside the door stood my nephew and his best friend.
They were drunk both of them and had a ghetto blaster with them.
"Oh", I thought, “now come the wedding guests with the wedding-music.”
I jumped into a new orange jump suit that my sister had given me recently, and we went as one troop down to the bus, I in the middle, my nephew and his friend loud and happy on each side of me with the music from the ghetto blaster thundering out of the loudspeakers.
"What a sight people get," my nephew said, "here goes two drunk Danes with a ghetto blaster in their hand, beers in their pockets and a Hare Krishna in the middle."
I looked down myself.
Yes, indeed. I was a Hare Krishna with my bald head and my orange clothes.
When TuTu got down from the bus, I was anxious to see his reaction to my looks, but not a twitch or a gleam in his eyes revealed any surprise.
"Welcome Krishna," I said and slid into his arms.
I told him my experience, and he suggested the wedding dinner, which we ordered from a nearby ‘out of the house’ food-place, and while it was prepared, we stood outside in the sun and waited.
TuTu lifted his one foot and pointed to his ankle: "Can you see the chain there?"
"No", I said.
"There is a chain there even if it is invisible. It is the chain of love which you have tied around my ankle."
"I don’t want that," I answered, "I want you to be free and without chains."
"I love my chain," he said.
"I get scared of my spiritual experiences because they fade away again," I said.
"Hold on to me under all circumstances, then you don’t have to be afraid of anything," he said.
We took the food home, and when we had finished eating, I said to TuTu that I wanted to talk to him alone and took him with me into my meditation-room.
I flung out my hand and made a sliding movement along the lines of the first two blue candles, then the other two and eventually up the middle, where the white candle was, while at the same time I solemnly said: "Welcome TuTu, my one and only."
Then I pointed to the sandalwood oil and a small dish of sweets, which sat in front of the candles and said: "On this altar I have put candles to show you the Light of my Love and also something sensuous and something sweet, because that is what I want to be to you."
I put a little sandalwood oil on him and a sweet in his mouth.
Then, I took the glass with sweets and gave sweets to my nephew and his friend.
"Now, we are going to make love," TuTu said, and with this our Divine wedding came to an end.
After we made love, I said that I would like him to move back home.
He said yes, and at that moment I got scared.
So often, I had some spiritual
experiences together with TuTu that led me into a state of ecstasy,
just like now, but all of which turned
out to fade again a little later.
Just think, if I relapsed into heroin from living together with him.
"I’m just not ready to move back home
yet," he gently said.
"All right," I said relieved.
"I have to go back to Sundholm," he said.
I nodded.
I began visiting him at Sundholm, which is a hostel for addicts, alcoholics and other homeless people, and I discovered that he had started drinking alcohol on a daily basis.
He told me that some of the other residents had not been able to bear
seeing his withdrawals, so they had brought alcohol to him on a number
of occasions, and thereby he had discovered that if only he became
intoxicated enough, it took away the withdrawals, and because it was a
legal drug it was within his reach to pay for it.
He had also given in to legislation and therefore applied for
Methadone.
Now, he was waiting to have it granted, and if he managed to get it,
he would stop his intake of alcohol.
It took a long time before he was granted his Methadone, and at that
time, it proved to be impossible for him to wring his body out of the
grip of alcohol, and with this, he was chemically dependent on both
alcohol and Methadone.
Soon, most of my life took place in Sundholm, and when he was granted
his Methadone, I got a desire to experience the needle again, so I
persuaded him to give me a little of his medicine.
One day, when we spoke about the place, TuTu said: "Sundholm is healthier than the rest of society," and that was in sharp conflict with my perception, because here deaths occurred among the residents every month, even if they were only in their thirties or forties.
When I returned to Narcotics Anonymous after my relapse, I discovered
that The Fellowships Anonymous held a disproportionate big percentage
of artists, musicians and spiritual capacities as compared to the rest
of society.
The spiritual awakening, which both I and the others achieved by the
help of the Twelve Steps in Narcotics
Anonymous, made me perceive our previous condition as drug users as
that spiritual phenomenon,
which is called The Dark Night of the Soul.
The concept of The Dark Night of the Soul holds that condition where a person goes through those experiences that he/she fears most of all, while at the same time, he/she feels abandoned by God and humans alike, and this condition comes immediately ahead of a spiritual rebirth.
That made me realize that the residents of
Sundholm had their spiritual rebirth coming up very soon, if not in
this life, then in the next one.
This progressed spiritual condition
was not equally applicable to the rest of
society, so I had to agree with TuTu that Sundholm was healthier
than the rest of society seen from a spiritual perspective.
As a result of my spiritual rebirth, I came to perceive myself and the other twelve steppers to be twice born.
At one point in time,
I realized that there were many ways of getting through the rebirth.
I realized this when I went for physiotherapy treatment.
The physiotherapist was chatting away about life and her small talk
resonated in me.
"You sound like a twice born," I said, "is that so?"
"Yes," she said.
"Are you a clean addict?"
"No."
"Then how did it happen?"
“I was exposed to a car crash," she said,
"both I and the car were completely smashed, and
I was unconscious for a long time.
When I
came around, I could neither stand nor walk and had to rebuild
myself from square one.
During the rehabilitation,
I had to reconsider everything that I had felt and
thought until then, and I changed viewpoints on practically
everything.
I felt very lonely because neither my
family nor the staff at the hospital understood what was happening
to me, and when I had recovered fully, I got divorced.”
"It must have been tough" I said, "I have the support from the
Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous where a lot of people go through the
same process."
"Yes, it was tough," she said, "but I would not have missed it for
anything."
"I can understand that very well," I said, "I feel the same way."
One day, in
my second phase of using drugs, when TuTu and I, were in the red
light district of Copenhagen to buy heroin, my consciousness opened.
I looked around and said: "Those people coming here are
the true disciples of Jesus."
TuTu did not say anything, but looked
tenderly at me.
When I came back home, I called my sister and told her my discovery.
"No, now you must stop it," she said.
“Yes, but they are," I said, "can’t you
see it?
Who was Jesus together with back
then?
The outcasts and the persecuted, and that is exactly what the people in the red light district and in Sundholm are, and if Jesus lived today that is exactly where he would move around.
Just think that I had to land in the gutter to find that out."
"And TuTu is of course supposed to be The Second Coming of Jesus
Christ who runs around as an addict and alcoholic in the red light
district and in Sundholm," she said.
"Yes," I said hurriedly.
"If now he has come to save them, then why is he an addict and an
alcoholic himself?"
I said:
“Should he be above them or should he share their circumstances?
He has been everywhere where people suffer, as one of them.
He has been in prison in the East and in the West.
He has been in hostels for the homeless and has slept among the poor in the street.
But he has also been in churches, mosques and temples among those who
suffer.
I have also seen him among the suffering in the business world and
among old money and new money.
Everywhere,
he has been like one of those he moved among."
"Do we all have to become addicts or alcoholics to become spiritual
now?" my sister asked.
"No, no," I said, "not in that way. I don’t know how others are going
to go through The Dark Night of the Soul, but my worst fears had to do
with chemical addiction, so it has apparently been my destiny to do it
in that way.
Can’t you see what it means that there are so many chemically dependent all over the world today?"
"No." she answered.
"It means that many presently go through The Dark Night of the Soul,"
I said.
"And what of it?" she said.
"Yes, then time is ripe for the many, and that means that it is
spiritual dawn for the World, because the sleeping Spirits are about
to wake up."
"Is it now supposed to be a blessing all of a sudden to be an addict
or an alcoholic?" she asked.
"No, no," I said, "it is exactly that which I feared most of all, and I don’t know what kind of fears others have, which they have to go through in a way where they feel abandoned by God and man, but addiction was my path, as I can gather."
"No, thank you," she said, "that is not for me."
"No," I said, "not for me either, but I have discovered that I’m able
to live, also under those circumstances that I have feared most of
all, and that has made my fear disappear."
TuTu and I were lucky to find a good pusher with stable delivery, fair prices and a good quality of heroin.
He moved back home and our life became stable.
We both worked in the workshops in Sundholm for eight hours every day,
he as a sculptor and I as an editorial secretary in the local
newspaper of Sundholm.
We were both social clients, and this income covered the daily
necessities, and in Sundholm we made just enough of money to avoid
withdrawals.
Then the police
caught our pusher, and I decided to return to Narcotics Anonymous.
This time,
I was not as panic-stricken as last time, so I continued to work in
Sundholm, even if I was surrounded by drug users, and TuTu and I
also continued to live together, even if he continued his drug use,
while I went through my 12 step Program.
At
one point in time,
I started working
with this book and stopped going to Sundholm.
One day,
I met one of the Master’s old disciples,
who was writing a book on his spiritual experiences.
He had problems translating it into English, and I offered to help.
The cooperation lasted for three weeks,
and I became irritated because he did not take on the responsibility
of being the center of his own Universe, and I decided to write
myself out of my emotions.
The result was 'The Fairytale of the Master of the Universe', in which I later added a description of the work with the pain of the thinking mind, the ego.
I was very proud of the result and read it aloud to TuTu.
"I’m the pen, and you’re the ink," he said.
I became furious and asked if he wanted to take the credit for my
work.
He did not answer.
In the following time-phase, I slowly
began to realize that everything I had written in this fairy tale
was something I had learned from TuTu, but I thought that the pen
was better than the ink because it was the pen that wrote while the
ink had to put up with being written with, until it penetrated to me
that the pen is useless without the ink and the ink is useless
without the pen, and this realization released an urge to express my
love for TuTu, and thereby 'The Fairytale of Love without Limits'
came into being.
I read it aloud to him, and he nodded satisfied.
A couple of months later, he came home one day and asked: "Who am I?"
I looked at him with uncertainty and asked: "What do you mean?"
He pointed to a circular emblem he
had put on the label of his jacket.
It portrayed
Shiva.
I did not know what to say, but the
following days I returned to this thought several times and began
looking at the Destroyer
through the love I felt for TuTu.
Some days later, I was working with this
book when suddenly,
I felt deeply inspired and began writing 'The Fairytale about Good
and Evil'.
TuTu sat on the couch in the adjacent
room and I don’t know how it happened, but the music that streamed
out of the radio suited my state of mind, and at that moment,
where I described the emerging of the Destroyer
out
of The Ocean of Love, the music ascended to a fantastic crescendo
and tears streamed down my cheeks.
"I’m writing something which is totally incredible," I said to TuTu.
He came into the room.
"Look," I said, "I describe Shiva."
He bent over the computer and read.
"It is very beautiful,” he gently said.
I startled from joy because of his appreciation.
He went back into the adjacent room, and eagerly I continued to write,
satisfied with the fact that I had now described the destroyer Shiva,
who is space and his wife Kali, who is time in “The fairy tale about
good and evil” and the CreatorManifestoress BrahmaShakti in “The fairy
tale of love without limits” as I saw the two Hinduistic archetypes
after having been taught by TuTu, and also the female Buddha, the
Rainbow Goddess, in “The fairy tale of the Master of the Universe”, as
I saw her through the eyes TuTu taught me to see with.
Only after TuTu’s
death it occurred to me that I still needed to describe the last of
the Hinduistic trinity, Vishnu the Maintainer, and then 'The
Fairytale of the Gods who walk on the Earth', came into being.
This fairy tale describes an inner conversation with TuTu,
which took place after his death while I wrote.
I stopped resisting my perception of him as The Second Coming of Jesus Christ, and one day, I said that it was a pity that there was nothing in the Bible written by himself, so now that the chance was there, I would like to have his permission to put in his Four Guidelines into this manuscript.
He nodded.
He had taught me about the Four
Guidelines since
the time we met in Madras in 1977.
Over the years, I had continuously returned to them, and every time
they sank deeper into my consciousness.
With an interval of years, I told him how
far I had come with my realization of the contents of the Four
Guidelines, and
sometimes he just listened and nodded, and at other times he came up
with various comments.
Gradually, it became my perception that the Four
Guidelines are the peak of all that can be
said in the spiritual field, and that everything worth knowing exists
in seed-form in one page that comes after the fairy tales in part four
of this book under the heading ‘The Seed of Love’.
During the meal of the feast after The Spiritual Wedding, I wanted to explain the Four Guidelines to one of the guests, and then I realized that I was not able to express myself clearly enough to make myself understood by anybody but TuTu, and I decided to write down my understanding to reach an expression which was clear to others too.
Thereby The Doctrine itself, which consists of The Seed of Love, The
Fertilized Egg and The Fruit, came into being.
During the last half year of TuTu’s life, he and I did not live together.
He lived two streets away from me together
with another alcoholic, because his illness had now progressed to
such an extent that it was too hard on me to be together with him
when he was very drunk.
We had an agreement that he slept
at his friend’s place when he was very
drunk and with me when he was not that drunk.
He was not always able to evaluate how
drunk he was and came and rang my doorbell under all
circumstances.
There was a doorbell on the outer
door, and I used to go down to meet him outside the main door to talk
with him for a few minutes to decide if he
was so dazed from Methadone and alcohol that I could not reach him.
If I was not able to reach him, I asked him to go to his friend, but
otherwise he came with me upstairs.
His body and mind were dissolving in front
of my very eyes, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.
One day,
I was writing, and he sat in the adjacent room.
A terrible sound came from him and I turned
with
a jolt to see what was happening.
He stood vertically up in the air, and his
body was trembling with cramps, as if an invisible being shook him
back and forth in a totally unreal way.
His eyes rolled around and he sank down on
the couch again, his eyes turned white before they closed and a
bubble of blood stood out from his lips.
I jumped to my feet, rushed in and seized him around his upper arms and shook him while I screamed in despair: "No, no, I beg you. I beg you. Come back. Come back."
I had a vague idea that you could call a person back from the
threshold of death if you begged him/her not to leave.
My body shook from a deep, tearless
and silent sobbing, and I sank shaking
down on the floor.
He opened his eyes and looked calmly at me.
"What’s the matter?" he asked gently.
"Don’t you know that you had a seizure?"
"No," he said.
I was so shook up that it took me several hours to recover.
Then I said: "I cannot see you
anymore. You have to… you must seek
professional help now."
"No, you must help me," he said helplessly, and still today, 16 years
later, my heart breaks by remembering this moment.
"Yes, but don’t you understand that if I could help you, it would have
happened. There is nothing
which I can find out, which I haven’t tried to do to
help you, but it hasn’t helped. You have to, you must, seek
professional help now.
I cannot ask you any longer to keep the
alcohol down when you risk getting such seizures for that reason, and
when you’re dazed by alcohol, I cannot reach you, so I can’t see you
anymore.
When you’re signed
in at a treatment place, you can call me, and then we can meet
again."
A couple of days later,
he called me from his friend’s house and said that he had got a
cramp seizure during the night, and he almost bit his tongue in two,
so there was a deep hole in it.
"Can I come over?" he asked with such a gentle and helpless tone of
voice that it shot through me as a physically painful contraction in
my stomach.
"No," I said with a bleeding heart, "you have to dial ‘help’ and tell
them what happened, so they can send an ambulance and hospitalize you.
You must have professional help now. Nothing I can do
can help you now."
A couple of hours later,
he called me from the hospital and my hopes rose.
He told me that they had asked him if he wanted to get out of alcohol,
and he had said yes, so now he thought that they would help
him, but he needed various things,
which he asked me to pick up and bring to him.
I went to his friend’s house, found the things he wanted, and went to the hospital.
There was a deathlike silence in the hallway, and his slight frame
appeared to me to be even slighter than
it used to be.
We sat in silence together for some time, and then we agreed that I
should come every day for as long as the stay lasted.
The next morning,
he called me and said that they signed him out because treatment of
alcoholics and drug addicts had to go through other channels.
"Don’t they understand that your situation is acute?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, "but it is illegal for them to help me."
"Yes,
but there are long waiting times in the treatment system," I said,
"couldn’t they have given you some medicines to keep the
alcoholism at bay until then?"
"That is also illegal," he said, "but you need not worry. I will try
to find a solution."
Around ten days later, he called me in the afternoon.
"How are you doing?" I asked surprised, because he sounded completely
sober at this hour of the day.
"I’m
fine, there is lots of life left in me yet," he said cheerfully.
"Yes, of course," I said, "that I also counted on. You just need some
help with your alcohol problem."
"I have spoken to Blue Cross," he said, "and I count on getting help
from them."
"That’s very nice. Call me as soon as you’re signed in.
By the way,
I have moved the furniture around in the way you suggested, so the
bed is now in the small room. The only thing lacking for everything
to be as it ought to be is that you’re lying in the bed next to me.
"Then what is this?" he asked referring to the fact that it was my
choice that he was not living in our apartment.
"That is nothing. It only concerns your alcohol problem."
"I love you," he said.
"I love you too," I said, and we hung up.
I woke up confused and thought that it was TuTu,
who had decided to come home for some important reason or other.
I picked up the hall phone: "Yes."
“It
is the police. It concerns Harishchandra Sharma.” The voice on the
other end said.
"He doesn’t live here," I said.
"Yes, but we would like to talk to you for a moment anyway," they
said.
I let them in.
"You are married
to him?"
"Yes."
"We’re sent from Glostup hospital. You should call them immediately."
"What has happened?" I asked.
"Your husband has fallen down a stair in Sundholm and has hurt his
head. He was first taken to Sundby hospital to be operated on, but
then they transferred him to Glostrup."
I called up and was told that he might not live through the night, so
if I wanted to see him, I had to come now.
Weeping, I called my sister to ask her to drive me there.
I called up TuTu’s mother and sister and told them about the
situation.
My sister came, and we drove to the hospital.
Here we were told that he was in a coma lying in a
ventilator.
I dared not go in to see him because I was scared that he might look
afraid or desperate, so my sister went in there first.
"You can readily go in there. He looks peaceful," she said.
His hair was shaved off, and he had a small bandage on the right side
of his head.
An older nurse came over to me and said in a calm and sober tone of
voice: "I regret that you got the message from an inexperienced nurse.
She has not given this kind of messages before.
Your husband is brain dead, and we have put him in a respirator to await those body signals which tell us that his brain is really dead."
Her calm and sober voice made me calm immediately.
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"The body no longer holds the water back, and that’s why all the time, I check it in this bag. The urine goes down there, because we have laid a catheter.
"Does it pain when a person’s brain dies?" I asked.
"No," she said in the same calm and sober
tone of voice, "if a person gets a hard blow to the head, the brain
will swell in the same way as a finger that has got a hard blow, but
because there is no space for it, blood and liquid is pressed out of
the brain, and then it dies."
She left, and I looked calmly at him.
Gently, I stroke his hands, his face, his feet.
I kissed his hands and his feet and leaned over the bed to put my head
on his chest for the last time.
When I put my head there, it was as if his spiritual heart ascended
from his chest and enveloped my head in a gentle embrace.
When I lifted my head again, I found myself in a state of quiet ecstasy.
I sat down by the bedside to meditate.
A doctor came and asked if it was all right by me that they shut off
the ventilator because they had now ascertained that the brain death
had occurred.
I nodded and remained sitting by his bed while his body became cold.
A nurse came and asked if I would say when it was all right with me
that they took his body away.
I got up and said that they could do it now.
When I left from there, the pink and turquoise colors of dawn beamed
towards me.
My ecstasy ascended and ascended the
following days, so I became unable to tell anybody that TuTu died,
because I could not say it without bursting into laughter, and I
feared the reactions of others if they heard that, so my sister did
it for me.
"How typical of him," I thought, "first he
gives me the shock of his impending death by getting a cramp seizure
that appears as if he is dying, while he is here and can himself
help me through the worst, and on the day itself, he calls me in a
completely sober state and tells me how happy and optimistic he is,
so that I don’t have to pain from uncertainty
and unrest by the thought that he might have felt lonely or
abandoned on this day".
He also told me the most important of all and gave me the chance of
saying the same: "I love you."
TuTu had told me that he liked best the Parsi Zoroastrian way of treating the physical body after death.
They put up the dead body in The Tower of Silence, where birds ate the
flesh off the bones, and where wind and weather dried them out, until
they smoldered and went back to mother Earth, but there was no Tower
of Silence in Denmark, so instead he was cremated and put down in the
mutual grave of the known.
Later, his mother told me that he called her when he was signed out of the hospital, and they had spoken together to her heart's content.
When she hung up, she knew there was nothing more to say.
She only hoped that there would be somebody with him when the moment
came.
Besides this, she told me that his birth had been something out of the
ordinary.
She was in a kind of meditative condition
while she dozed off between labors, and it came as a shock to her
when she gave birth to her next child that childbirth is a painful
event.
One day, a couple of months after TuTu’s death, I was in a café with a small group from one of The Fellowships Anonymous, and one of those present told me that he stopped smoking nicotine after a shamanic travel.
Since then, he did not have any problems
with it.
I had not yet succeeded in giving up nicotine, so I asked him to
connect me with the shaman.
He turned out to be a friendly Danish man around fifty years of age
from one of The Fellowships Anonymous.
He said that it couldn’t be known if a
person stopped smoking nicotine as a result of his/her shamanic
travels, but under all circumstances, my first traveling purpose had
to be to go into the inner world to see if I could meet an animal
who was willing to become my guide.
Gradually, as our conversation progressed, I understood that shamanic travels consisted in moving around in the inner Worlds in a wake and conscious state.
Besides, he said that it would reveal itself if a given animal would
be my guide, if the animal behaved in an unusual way or approached me
four times in various ways.
I had to lie down in a relaxed position on a mattress on the floor and
would get some earphones on, through which I would hear the shamanic
drum that would mark the pulse of the travel.
When I heard a drum roll, the traveling
time was up, and I had to return to my normal day consciousness.
He stuck a small microphone to my blouse collar and said that I should keep narrating what I saw during the course of my entire travel, and it would be taped.
After the travel, he would also tape our conversation, which would
take place to clear up whatever doubts or questions I might have, and
then I could listen to the tape in between our meetings to be able to
go deeper with my understanding of my experiences.
During my first travel, I met a black snake, who moved forward in front of me on the road.
Suddenly, he straightened like a stick, and in the end, he got up on
the tip of his tail and danced for me.
As recommended by the shaman, I took him in my
arms, took him back with me from the travel and gave him to the
shaman.
I felt a bit ridiculous when I gave the
shaman the snake that was invisible to the physical eye, and the
shaman received him and blew him into my spiritual system, by first
blowing into my heart chakra and then into my crown chakra.
The snake chose to settle in my solar plexus chakra, and when I asked
him why, he said that my solar plexus chakra was always open, and
therefore, he rolled himself up like a flat spiral and lay there to
protect me from irrelevant penetrations.
When I came out into the street again, I discovered that the colors of
the three dimensional Reality had a new glow, which I had never
noticed before.
As soon as possible, I asked the spiritual beings I met on my travels about their name and looked it up in a dictionary later to find out the symbolic meaning, which I considered to be information about the archetypal energies which were active in my interactions with them.
The snake called himself Ka, but I had not
found out what Ka meant when I was about to describe my travels in
this book.
In a conversation with TuTu’s mother, who visited Denmark at that
time, I got to know that the black cobra looks like all other snakes
when it did not have the hood distended, and that it was
called Kalanag, which means black snake in Hindi.
It had not occurred to me that it was a cobra I met, because he had not distended his hood like the cobra does when defending himself or attacking, but that might be due to the fact that Ka neither defended himself against me nor attacked, and I got to think that Ka had introduced himself by the short form of Kalanag.
In Hinduistic posters of archetypes, the cobra is often found with
distended hood as a part of the picture, because it is considered to
be a powerful protector, and it was thus a powerful protector who had
come to me.
I really needed that because it would soon show that my true Self’s
purpose of bringing me together with the shaman was to send me on
travels to the realm of death, which, as the shaman explained, could
be a very difficult and even downright dangerous area to move around
in.
Later on, I found out that the word Ka is an ancient Egyptian word that means Spirit, and is related to the God Horus with the all-seeing Horus Eye that is a symbol of the Omniscience of Spirit.
Ahead of my second travel, the shaman said that Ka wasn’t my guide but a chakra animal, so I had to travel yet another time to see if I could meet my guide.
On the travel, I met a jet black jaguar whose name is Kava.
Kava kava is a Milanese root, which is used in New Guinea for
making slightly intoxicating drinks that are also used as a door
opener to shamanic travels, and to me, the name expressed the slightly
changed states of consciousness I entered into when I met Kava.
It was an emotional meeting, and I think that TuTu knew many years
ahead of his death that this meeting was going to take place.
From a monthly magazine about cars, he had cut out a jaguar which was see-through like glass, and had stuck it on one of the doors of our table linen cupboard.
At that time, I thought he stuck it there
because he dreamt of getting a car of that type.
On the other door of the cupboard, he had
stuck yet another ‘invisible’ jaguar, with just the eyebrows,
the green eyes and the canines visible.
For the nose he had put a
red heart, and that gave me the idea that he
wanted to say something to me with this picture, because he always
used to call my attention to hearts of all forms and materials, for
example in the tiles of the street, in the leaves of the trees, in
the feathers of the birds and so on, and to top it all, I had green
eyes and long canines like the jaguar on the door.
I had not had the heart to say to him that I didn’t want these things glued on the furniture, and at the point in time of my travel, they had been sitting there for years.
I had got used to them, and I also thought
that TuTu’s heart-shaped nose gave the otherwise wild looking jaguar
a cute look.
When Kava came bouncing to me in the beginning of the travel, I sought for words to find a designation for the big jet black cat I saw.
"I don’t really know what such one
is called," I narrated on the tape, "it is very big… what is it
called? A panther... A leopard?
At that moment, TuTu’s pictures on the cupboard doors flashed before
my inner eye.
"Oh," I said, "it is a jaguar. A very beautiful and spectacular
jaguar, and this meeting has been prepared for a very long time."
The love Kava showed me took me by surprise.
It was like balm on my wounded heart, and for that reason, I cried
deeply moved during a major part of the travel.
We talked together about various things, and I was more and more
fascinated by her.
At that time, I wasn’t aware that she was a she, and considered if
she, in some way which I was not able to understand, was TuTu in
disguise, and I looked at her in love.
She turned her head and said phlegmatic "I’m a she."
At that moment, the home calling drum sounded, and with that the
travel ended.
Later, I did some research on the Internet under the heading of shamanism and found that the word panther is used at random to refer to the jaguar as well as the leopard.
Jaguar and panther are thus two different names of the same animal.
In Abodazara, early Jewish
commentary on the scriptures, the jaguar or the panther is
enumerated to be the last name in Josef’s family.
The scripture tells how a man was healed in Jesus Ben Panther’s name,
and the power of the jaguar is thus connected with Jesus.
The jaguar is also known as the power of The Thousand Eyes of Argo, the symbol of God’s omniscience in the Greek mythology.
The God Hermes killed Argo, and the power from his thousand eyes was
transferred to the feathers of the peacock.
The peacock is the vehicle of Shri Krishna, also called his Totem in
shamanism, and therefore, Shri Krishna also possesses the power of the
jaguar.
Besides, the jaguar is considered to be a symbol of rebirth after a
period of suffering and death.
Rebirth means that longstanding hurts at long last begin to heal, and
with the healing, that person who has the jaguar as his/her Power
Animal or Totem would achieve the regaining of the power that was lost
at the time the hurts occurred.
The jaguar is also a symbol of the rising of the Kundalini power and
symbolizes the time phase where the person with this Totem moves from
the poles of existence to a life without poles or barriers.
It is also a symbol of the Greek archetype Dionysus,
the twice born.
For the one to whom the jaguar comes as a Totem,
the other realities will open up, and the jaguar also holds the
promise of protection and regained power, which transforms that which
is sad in our lives to joy.
The jaguar is also a symbol of Mastership of all the dimensions, the
Absolute Mastership.
When I had got this information, it became clear to me that it was the
power and courage of the jaguar that Krishna had used to abduct
Rukmini in spite of the superior force against him, and that it was
the courage and power of the jaguar that Jesus had used to confront
his terrifying death instead of fleeing from it, and it would turn out
that the jaguar came to help me cross the boundary of death and turn
my pain into joy, but most important of all, it would prove that Kava
became my neutral anchor, upon whom I had an unconditional trust
during all of my inner travels.
When TuTu moved, he had the grace of a cat, and when he yawned or stretched, I got to think of a lion.
Once, I ‘saw’ myself as a lioness too.
This happened in a sexual interaction.
TuTu had suggested that we should make love, and that I should try to imagine that I did not know which sexual organs belonged to whom.
In the sequence, I got a vision of us as lions on the savannah, where
he followed me.
He uttered lovesick lion sounds, caught up with me and covered me,
while at the same time, he bit my neck.
I told him that I had seen us as lion and lioness but not the content of the vision.
One day, we had bought a Walkman and walked around in Amager, and I
spoke into the microphone to make a sound snapshot of my experiences
together with him.
He was drunk and walked next to me.
I said into the microphone:
"Yes, and just think how strange it is
that he is walking here on the street like other people and have to
discuss with the drugstore man if he can get a beer on credit.
I don’t know how to describe the contrast between his spiritual being
and his human needs.
He needs the same care as everybody else."
"Yes," he broke in with a childish voice, "also for kisses."
"Yes," I said, "also for kisses."
"And then he bit her neck…" he continued and growled like a lovesick
lion, "aaarghh," and the surroundings of his nose wrinkled like that
of a lion.
I shook from joy.
He knew it!
My intuitive perception that we both
belonged to the cat-line of the animal realm I hereby felt
confirmed by him, but when I looked at my body colors I saw the colors
of the lioness, and when I looked at his, I saw the colors of the
jaguar.
That made me conclude that we both had
lived through times as lions and as jaguars in that time phase where
our consciousness moved through the cat-line of the animal realm.
I also had some mind-images of myself as a house cat.
An exhausting and scuffled existence with human beings as sole
company.
A stranger in a strange land.
When I thus found my roots in the animal realm, I understood many
sides of myself better, and I also got to think that the spiritual
purity among others expresses itself in the body odor of a person, and
that perception made me think that TuTu’s spiritual purity was
perfect.
Before the Spiritual Wedding, my body odor at times had a distinct and
strong smell of cat, while he never smelled from anything, even under
extreme circumstances.
For example, when he ate garlic, he
smelled of fresh garlic instead of getting that stale smell that can
arise as a mix of garlic and human odor.
At times, he showered only every three
weeks once, and that did not make any difference either.
Also at the time where he was the furthest out, physically speaking,
he had no personal smell but the Methadone, the alcohol and the
tobacco could of course be picked up.
After my second inner travel, it turned out that the shaman’s specialty was death and death work, and he agreed to teach me.
The purpose of my first death travel was to learn something about
death from Kava.
First, she took me to a place which I spontaneously called The Cave of
Death.
We sat outside this place for some time and looked in.
In short glimpses, I saw people move around in there.
Kava began ascending up through some kind of darkness, and confused, I
followed.
I spotted a sheen of light at the top, and I realized that we moved up
through some kind of channel, and then I realized that it was my
spine, and that this was a Kundalini ascend.
When we approached the exit of the channel, the Sahasrara chakra, I
got scared of what I would get to see when we came out.
The ascent came to a stop.
Kava became still as a statue, sat motionless and waited.
I told her about my fear and distrust, and she started running away
from me.
I thought that she abandoned me because of my distrust, but only much later she told me that she was running to pick up help.
I did not know what to do about that and hurried to ask my true Self
for help to achieve the required trust to be able to follow her.
She came back and suggested that she enveloped me, and I got very shy,
because I felt that this was the highest honor she could show me, but
in spite of my shyness that made it impossible for me to speak I was
able to nod in agreement.
She enveloped me and inside of her, it became possible for me to come
out of the channel.
I was impressed by the landscape that met my eye when we came out, but
she was in a hurry and with me in her pelt, we ran fast and came
through a desolate area.
Then we came to a place which I spontaneously called the city before
you come to the light, because it lay in darkness and you could see a
gleam of light on the other side of it.
When we came to the outskirts of the town, I shook.
"TuTu lives here?!" I exclaimed and got a nervous stomach-ache by the
thought.
I asked Kava to stop for a moment and stepped out of her pelt.
My voice sank to a whisper: "Do you know where he lives?"
She said yes, and I asked her to take me there.
Fast, she took me through the city, until we came to an area with
circular houses.
She took me into one of them.
When my eyes got used to the darkness, I
discovered that TuTu was lying alone sleeping right in the middle of
that circle that the sole room of the house formed.
I walked over to him and called gently: "Harish, wake
u..u..up."
Drowsy he sat up: "Oh, it’s you?"
"Yes, it’s me. How are you?"
"I’m fine, I dreamt about you, and…"
It appeared that something penetrated to him.
"Oh, I miss you,” he said.
I became remorseful, because I had woken him up and made him feel want.
"Oh, yes… I really don’t know what to say," I said sadly, "maybe you
can lie down and dream some more. I don’t know."
"Stay with me," he said.
"Yes, but I want to be in the light," I said.
"You don’t have to be scared of the darkness," he said.
"I’m not scared of the darkness. It is dull. That’s all."
I sighed and thought about that he
told me while he was still alive, that he would be the one who picked
me up when I died.
Even if he was twelve years younger than me, we both knew that he
probably would die first due to his illness.
At that time, I became glad to hear his words, but now I thought that
I wanted to be together with him in a wake state instead of lying and
dreaming about him, even if it happened in his arms.
Before my own death, I wanted him to reach the light in the distance,
so we could be awake together.
"You have to go to the light. If you miss me and want to be together,
you have to go to the light," I said.
"Then why are you here?" he asked.
"I’m only here because it is important to me to know how you are."
"I’m fine here," he said.
My voice sank to a whisper of pain,
because apparently he had no intentions of doing what I suggested:
"It's all right. The most important thing is that you are where you
want to be."
"Don’t be angry about it," he said.
"Yes, but angry? No, but I am happy. If it is here that you are happy,
then I’m happy for you."
"Oh, I’m so tired now," he said sleepily.
"All right," I said and suppressed my crying.
He looked at me for a moment and began to lie down again.
My voice sank to a whisper: "Yes, just lie down. Go to sleep. Sleep…
and dream sweet dreams. Yes… sweet dreams I want for you."
He slept.
I went back to Kava.
"Hey Kava, he is sleeping now."
All of a sudden, weeping overwhelmed me: "Oh no. Everything is so
different than I had believed."
"He’s sleeping now," Kava said.
"Well, yes." I said snuffling, "let’s just get away then."
Again crying overwhelmed me.
"Yes… oh yes… ooooh, I’m mourning, because he is in such a place,
which I find so dull."
"It is not dull for him," Kava said.
"Well no, that is of course right."
I could not pull myself together to leave the place.
Kava consoled me and said that he slept a good long sleep without
being interrupted by withdrawals.
"Well, yes, that is true too. I have always loved to sleep too, so why
not?" I said.
"Yes, there you see," Kava said.
"Yes... yeah, yes, but I wanted
more for him than just sleeping," I said with a choking voice.
I pulled myself together and added: "But that is just nonsense."
"He is fine," Kava said.
"Yes, yes… but it torments me that he said that he misses me. Can't
one do something about that?"
"When he is sleeping, he is dreaming about you," Kava said.
"Well, yes," I exclaimed with relief and began laughing when it sank
in totally, "well, yes… yes, one can of course just say it in that way
there… It is a bit hard this. That I really have to say."
The travel ended, and I thanked Kava from the bottom of my heart for
her teachings.
Afterwards, the shaman showed me a book in which the realm of death was described and said that this area was a locality in the inner world, which existed beyond the other Worlds.
It was known by shamans under various names depending on the perception of the individual shaman, in my case as the Cave of Death and in other cases as the Realm of death, pain and illness, the Place of Death and so on.
He also said that the place I had been to was an intermediary station,
where some departed people passed through and others stayed for a
shorter or longer period to regenerate after a life, which in one way
or another required a rest period.
According to his opinion, TuTu was in the mildest of the conditions,
which could be due to a person dying under the circumstances that he
did.
Then he asked if I would like to help TuTu to move on.
"Can you do that? I always believed that it was the departed people
who helped us and not the other way around"
"It happens both ways."
"Oh, if there is something that I can do to help, I would very much
like to do that."
"Then you first have to go through death yourself on your next travel," he said, "then you know how it feels, and then you have to help another person than your husband that you know has died some time back. When you have done that, you can help your husband."
All this took me by surprise.
A couple of months before his death, TuTu had told me that Jesus was a shaman.
At the same occasion, he said that soon I would have my great wish
fulfilled.
Immediately, I knew that he spoke about moving into the dimensions
consciously and exclaimed: "Then I want to meet the Master."
"That’s all right, but you have to see your father first," he said.
I became thrilled and imagined that it would be a happy experience,
which I would talk to TuTu about, even if he said that I had to be
prepared for that as it cost blood to achieve it.
In no way had I considered that it should cost his blood, but when I
became aware that the specialty of the shaman was death work, I had
thought that TuTu had prepared me for this moment, and I expected that
the predictions of the palm leaf archives were going to become reality
now, and thus, that I should be able to get continuous visions of my
Guru and God.
I perceived TuTu to be my Guru and God and therefore I had counted on
that he would begin to guide me from the inner
worlds from now on.
Now, instead, I was in a situation where I had an animal as an inner
guide and was about to help TuTu instead of the other way around.
During my second death travel, my traveling purpose was to experience my death like suggested by the shaman.
In this case, I have chosen to make a
transcript of my traveling tape, because I feel that it speaks on
its own without needing further explanations.
I have used square parenthesis around
explanations that are not spoken on the tape and around tones of voice
that cannot be perceived by help of the written word.
I have also used normal parenthesis around what others in my inner travel say that cannot be heard on the tape.
At this point in time, the name I used for my totem was Jaguar as I did not know her name that later proved to be Kava, but in this transcript, I have chosen to use her real name for her anyway.
The transcription of my inner travel tape:
"Yes, Ok, so I’m here at the departure place, and Kava is there.
She is in a big hurry. She has hardly time to say hello, so she rushes
into the tunnel.
OK.
We are through.
We are in the Cave of Death now, and she sits and looks, and I sit and
look.
I feel a bit nervous and a bit tense and the likes.
So, I sort of feel, as if I see myself trying to crawl up the wall in
the Cave of Death, while at the same time, I sit next to Kava and
watch.
I’m sort of formless in some way or other and confused.
I’m damn confused!
I don’t know what is going on.
Actually, I don’t know that I’m dead, and
I actually don’t know why I try to crawl up the wall either, but I’m
uneasy, and I’m anxious, and I want to crawl up that wall there, and
it appears to me to be vital in some way or other to crawl up that
wall, even if I don’t know why on earth I’m crawling up the wall.
I keep sliding down every time I try to crawl up.
I crawl and crawl, and I slide down, and I crawl up and slide down
again.
I begin to get somewhat tired of crawling up and sliding down again.
I begin to ask myself why at all I try to crawl up.
Yes, it occurs to me that it is pointless to try to crawl up.
The only reason for me to try to crawl up is that I don’t know what else to do, and I think that I have to do something.
[I give up crawling up and sit up instead.]
I’m sitting down there at the bottom and looking around dazed, and I
realize [My voice gets louder from fear] that this is really very
different as compared to what I’m used to, and I become rather uneasy
and sad… and confused, and little by little it penetrates to me that…
Yes… [I start crying]… yes that I’m dead… and I sit and look around a
bit… and it is really an incredibly big place in reality. It is very
much bigger than when I saw it the first time.
It is much bigger than I just realized at first…
So…
Oh, I’m glad to know with a small corner of my consciousness that you
are sitting there [my shaman].
Yes, truly speaking man…
Well, but so… it is a very big place this one, it is like curved,
expanding, and I look around and I think: "What next… what next… what…
So, there are others here too. There are actually others but me here.
Yes… well yes… there is actually ever so many…
So, it is incredibly big…
It is actually more like some kind of a
city or… [I realize that I can’t describe the place with the help of
words].
Well, but in any case it is incredibly big, and I don’t know really
what I’m supposed to do, and I don’t really know anybody, and in that
way, it is really being a lot, you could say, like, what I know from
previously, coming into a new place and not really knowing, what I am
to do…
Yes, I don’t know really what I’m to do.
Well, yes… It is as if there is a
place over there, where you can go to get to know what you should do.
Well, ok, I go over there, I think.
All of a sudden it occurs to me, where is Kava?
Kava sits and looks at me.
Ok then, I have Kava with me now.
Kava walks next to me now, and we walk over there.
[Deep sigh in an attempt to find the bright side of the picture
without being able to find it.]
Oh, yes, so, groovy… ok… yes…
Yes, good enough, so I go over there.
[I spot the reception] Really that’s just so wild. It is so crazy. It
looks like such a place where you can buy tickets for the movies or
something that style…
So… somewhat different anyway, but that’s probably the closest I can
get…
Eh…
Yes, there is some person or other there, so I have better just… [Find
out if it is all right to talk to the person, who looks very busy and
apparently haven’t observed that I’m there.]
Yes, by Jove, I can after all just ask Kava. It really didn’t occur to
me until now.
"Hey Kava, what now? Shall I ask, or shall I not ask, or can you tell
me…
("Ask!" Kava says).
Ok, well, but I ask…
[I gather my courage] Yes, ok, then…
[To the woman in the reception] Well, but so, I would like to know
what to do now…
So, I have just died, and I would like to… [I give out a loud laugh
about the absurdity in what I’m saying]
Yes, sorry that I laugh, but it appears to me to be such a little bit
unreal… eh… but really, I would like to know where I should go, or
what I should do and such things there.
Ye… ah, I don’t really get an answer, and I think that she is about to find out what… [I’m supposed to do, and I think it will help the case if I say my name, so that I do and continue.]
I just died, and I would like to know what to do… [She doesn’t look
up.]
What I shall do, yes… what direction to take, or what shall I do.
Kava gives a big yawn, so she is
apparently used to such things…
(The woman lifts her head and says: "Go straight ahead.")
Ye… ah, well, but I am told that I just have to go straight ahead…
Mmmm… ok…
[I heave a deep and doubtful sigh]… yes, ok, so, I didn’t get so much
wiser because of that, but I do it then.
But so I go straight ahead then…
It is such a rock area… rocks… rocks…
So, I’m really glad… [that Kava is there]
Ok, I go straight ahead… yes… yes.
I walk and I walk, but nothing really happens.
It keeps being the same, but I’m happy to have Kava’s company.
Well yes, maybe I should say it straight to Kava…
"I’m really happy that you’re here together with me. That is really
nice. Do you know this? But really, couldn’t
we… [do something or
the other to make events happen a bit faster?]
Really, do we have to walk here for so long?
Couldn’t you…
Really, couldn’t you help me to… move on
to where it is that I am supposed to be, wherever that is?
Really, if… [you know it.] Do you?.........
("I can take you along," Kava says.)
…well, ok… Yes, but I would like that. I would like if you take me
along… if you, yes, if you envelope me.
[Kava envelops me and begins to run with me inside her, and we come to
the city before you come to the light.]
I have come to the city before the light and it is dark there.
Yes… o… ohjj!!! [I get impressed by the
sight of the light in the distance] There is some kind of light in
the distance.
[Again I turn my gaze towards the city] I have come to the city before
you come to the light...
[I find it difficult to find words to describe what I see] … eh...
well, here live human beings… or here live Spirits… or here live
people…
They walk in the streets.
Well, yes, so, people walk in the streets. It’s only dark here.
So... but life just goes on, like it does here [In Copenhagen]
in the winter, even if it is dark.
Well, but here I apparently…
[Suddenly I remember that it is the same city which I have been in
once before.]
It’s the same place which TuTu lives in…
So the same place, or at least it looks a lot like it, but I do
believe that it is the same city, or it is… or I think it is… yes,
really, it is…
That there… ascent, [Kundalini
ascending after we left the reception] I also saw that, but I didn’t
get around to describe it because it happened so fast.
So, [I mean] that there… ascent which Kava
made, but I was just tagging along.
Well, but so now I’m here…
So, yes, I don’t know really…
So Kava, I don’t know…
Ok so then I’m here, and then what?
("You have to live some place," Kava says.)
Well, I have to live some place.
[Kava brings me to a house similar to the one I have already visited,
but this house is empty.]
So, apparently, I have to live in such a
place, like TuTu lived in.
Such a round house… sort of.
Such a round house or at least a round room…
Oh, apparently I have to lay myself down in there in the middle…
So, I’m such a bit scared…
I’m sort of… a bit scared to close
my eyes…
So that is something strange… [I laugh]
So, I’m scared of closing my eyes, because I’m scared of dying…
Oh, no, how ‘watery’ [slang for silly]… but I’m sort of scared of
dying if I close my eyes, but I’m already dead…
[I think deeply and become aware why I’m scared.]
Well, yes, I’m scared of what I am going to see if I close my eyes.
That is it.
Kava, now I really need… [I meant to
complete ‘your advice’ but Kava answers me before I have finished
what I wanted to say.]
("It is something you have to do alone.")
Ok, well, but then I sort of have to do it alone…
[I can’t bring myself to lie down]
E.. i.. h, no, th.. a.. really.
Well, but ok, I’ve got to…
It is a bit frightening… I really think so…
Well, so, but it is really as if I have to lay myself down on the
floor there, and I have to make…
I don’t really know what it is, a kind of meditation, or… something
along those lines, really…
Well, but… I don’t know.
I’m a little bit afraid, damn it, in some way or other… hm… but eh… I
could of course try to be trusting… and try to do it…
Really, it is kind of hard really…
Kava sits in one side, and I’m told that it is something which I have to do alone.
I would really like to have Kava with me;
I would feel kind of more safe about that, I think.
I don’t know really.
I think that I’ll just talk a bit with Kava about it, because I don’t feel sort of quite safe about this.
"Hm... yah... so Kava so... I’m
not so… the shaman also said something about that I shouldn’t go some
places where you are not coming along… I’m not so crazy about that
thing there about laying myself down there in the middle and things
like that.
I think, suppose now I’m not strong enough to… eh… to be able to see
what I have to see.
Really… I need help… I need help… I need courage and clarity and
trust… and I pray to receive help to have courage, clarity and trust,
and then tell me Kava if I should do it or I shouldn’t do it.
("No," Kava says with emphasis.)
NO??
OK, so then I don’t do it.
What then?
[Kava envelops me and begins to run.]
Well, now it proceeds.
Ok, we’re moving towards the light now…
Kava is running and running very fast, and Kava has me within her.
Yes, we are coming closer to… the light.
Kava stops and sits down, and I discover that now again we sit in the
Cave of Death… and just sit there in the entrance to The Cave of
Death… sit and look.
[Suddenly I realize that we haven’t moved through the landscape like
we use to, to come to some place or the other.]
It has happened fast coming back to that… [place].
[Then I realize that we are both sitting
in front of the light and in front of The Cave of Death.]
Well yes, have come back is not like that… it… eh…
I have been sitting there all
the time, while I have followed that part of me which moved into The
Cave of Death together with Kava.
[I return to my awareness of the light.]
Well, so, I can see the light.
I can see the light in the distance.
It is sort of… a kind of refulgence you could say.
So… a kind of white sun you could say… yes, you couldn’t say sun.
You can only see the beams from there.
I look… it lights up the whole space there far away behind the
darkness, and I look…
And yes, I begin to move towards it, very direct, together with Kava…
Yes, I move towards there [some surprising ideas appear in my
thoughts] and I wonder if it is Godfather or Godmother who is in the
light.
Aaaaa… I think Godmother.
[Suddenly it strikes me that everything I read about the bliss of
meeting the light doesn’t happen in my case.]
Oh, yes, it is quite ordinary in reality as compared to what I had
thought it was.
Well, yes, so… It is the strangest thoughts I get, but I suppose I
just have to surrender to them.
It is good that I have Kava walking next to me.
She becomes all white now.
Well, ok, yes, so those things that appear inside me…
are that Godfather is the darkness and Godmother is the light.
Together, they are everything.
Godfather cannot be seen.
That is why he is the darkness.
Godmother can be seen, and that’s why she is the light.
And they love each other, those two.
Yes… oh yes…
So now I just say the things which pass through.
So dusk is there… where they merge with each other to a certain
extent…
[I think it is some strange thoughts I
express, but then pull myself together to express them
totally straight.]
Really, not to a certain extent…
It is quite simply the sexual act between the light and the darkness…
it is kind of odd to say it, but ok.
[I remember my spiritual goal and want to
surrender to Goddess the Mother and God the Father in their most
abstract form, which I’m now faced with, but I’m shy, because, at
the same time, I know that the shaman takes notes about those areas
he wants to comment afterwards.]
Oh yes, well… yes… yah…
So, Godmother, I want to surrender to you as a child, and Godfather, I
want to surrender to you as a child.
I want that you will receive me as my caring and loving parents, and I
pray that I may become one with both of you, filled with love
for both of you.
Filled with love… for the light and the darkness.
[I sigh lightly from relief about having
said it, and then I feel that Godmother and Godfather receive me as
their child. When the reception is completed, I realize that
I am their child, and it has always been like that, but I
haven’t been able to see it, because I have connected the darkness
with 'evil'. I sigh deeper and deeper and begin to cry,
feeling moved when the realization
penetrates me.]
[Crying of relief, feeling deeply moved and grateful for the beauty of
what I experience I acknowledge my true nature].
Yes… and I am of the light, and I am of the darkness.
[The home calling drum.]
Yes, yes.
Kava?
[In a flash, Kava envelops me, and fast as lightning, we move back
through the areas we have come through. I laugh out loud.]
Goodness me, how fast she is.
We are at home [At the departure place].
Yes, we are at home.
[To Kava] Thank you. You are just the most wonderful on Earth.
I’m glad that you are in my life.
I thank you for the journey and for what I learned.
The journey was over.
I sat up and sighed lightly.
The shaman said that now it would be a good idea if I began traveling a bit on my own at home if I felt like it, and then we could talk about possible problems that occurred.
First, I traveled to get to know Kava better and it was only in this
travel that I found out that her name was Kava.
Until then, I had called her Jaguar.
She told me that her life began once a long time ago, when she was
born where the sun rises.
She grew up, and one day, she met her beloved.
I saw everything through her eyes and felt her pain, when her beloved
was on his way away from her again.
The big beautiful male jaguar disappeared in the distance.
His name was Kama.
After that, she got cubs and proudly showed them to me.
"Don’t you feel pain when you look at your cubs?" I asked.
"No," she said, and it was first at that moment, I became aware that
the pain I felt in relation to my son wasn’t a feeling which was
always part of motherhood.
In the following time period, I discovered that the pain in my mother heart was connected with the pain I felt within my inner child, the emotions and thoughts of my childhood.
My son looked like me, and in the areas where I learned to be critical
of myself, I was also critical of him, but it pained my heart that my
mother-love was not without even one single critical thought.
Besides, I was tormented by the mistakes I felt I had committed in my
relationship with him during his growth.
After the travel, a purification took place, where slowly, I was liberated from the guilt which had weighed down my heart.
First, I realized that any newborn baby comes into the World with
his/her personal purposes and needs exactly those parents who come to
his/her lot, to make it possible for him/her to fulfill his/her
personal purpose.
Then I ran into the Tibetan term tertön.
A tertön is a person who has projected his/her spiritual knowledge
into the future with the idea of taking on a life at a specific time
phase, to pass on his/her information when others had become receptive
to them.
A tertön seeks a couple of parents who need to die early so that
he/she doesn’t get his/her parents' support during childhood.
A person who has the support of both
his/her parents during childhood rests safely in their love, whereas
a person who doesn’t have the support of the parents begins to look
for the parents behind the parents.
The person therefore ends up finding God, and that is exactly the
purpose of a tertön.
When I realized that even the worst thinkable
circumstances for a child could be part of the person’s purpose in
life, my mother-heart healed, being aware that my son needed a
mother like me to be able to fulfill his purposes in life.
On my second travel on my own, I wanted to receive guidance as to how to stop smoking nicotine.
Kava was, as usual, at the departure place and she ran eagerly fast through the landscape, carrying me, until we came to a glade in the vegetation.
There was a small cave there, and in front of the cave, TuTu sat like
a yogi in the lotus position and meditated.
Kava sat down and stared at him in love.
I sat down next to her and waited.
His thumb and forefinger on each hand formed a circle, which was
turned towards me, and I felt that he said to me without words that we
were both whole now in the same way as the circles.
He opened his eyes.
They were big and glittering and they became bigger and bigger.
In the end they formed one big glittering eye in the middle.
I called his name, but he interrupted me and said: "My name is Kama
here."
His tone of voice was so awe-inspiring that
I totally forgot that he was ever my husband.
"I seek guidance as to how I can stop smoking nicotine," I said.
"You just do it and forget it."
That I knew already, and so I came up with all those objections that
were my reasons for taking up smoking again at those times I had
stopped in the past.
All his answers were something that I already knew, so I realized that
I had all the information that I needed for the purpose, but I still
smoke in this moment of writing and so I have come to understand that
will and knowledge are not enough.
Time also has to be ripe and some more years had to pass before I, at
long last achieved the power to let go of this powerful addiction.
I looked up the word
Kama is, in other words, the archetypal
power of sexual love, and when I had found
that out, it appeared logical to me that both Kava’s partner and
TuTu, who was my partner, had the same name because they were
The God of Sexual Love for us, each in his
own way.
Later,
I became aware that the power of
I made a shamanic journey there, where
among others I was together with TuTu, who told me this.
When the shaman suggested that first I should help another person who died, it struck me that I should help a woman who died from an overdose.
TuTu had lived together with her for a period of time in Sundholm at
the time where I had told him that our relationship was over.
When the thought struck me, I was seized by jealousy by the idea that
now she could be together with TuTu on the other side, while I had to
live on here.
No, I wouldn’t downright help her to trace out TuTu, I decided.
Instead,
I would help a girlfriend’s former husband, who also died
from an overdose about a year ago.
I felt uncomfortable about my decision
because it didn’t feel like the right action, but I shook it off and
thought addressing Tutu: "That thing there I will not get mixed up
in at all. If she is going to get help, you have to do it yourself,"
because I felt that the impulse had come from him.
I lay down on the mattress of the shaman and made myself ready for my third death travel, when I changed my mind about my traveling purpose, which was to help Joe Ben.
I would also help that woman with whom
TuTu had lived together, if I could.
I asked my shaman, "I have an urge to say that I travel to help Joe
Ben or Lone Kvist. Can one do that?"
(The names are not the actual names of the persons in question.)
"Yes," the shaman said, "that you can."
I said my traveling purpose four times, like I used to, and the
journey started.
First, I found Joe Ben, who sat on a bench
in Sundholm and looked absentmindedly ahead of himself.
He did not notice me, and I felt
pulled over to another area of Amager.
There I met Lone Kvist in the street.
I asked her if she was aware that she was dead.
She began crying and said that then she could better understand it.
Everything had become so strange.
I said that I had come to see if I could help her to proceed, if she
wanted it.
She did, and Kava enveloped both of us and brought us to The Cave of Death.
We levitated in a Kundalini ascent, but during the ascent, Lone got
scared and the journey came to a stop.
The glimpse she had got when Kava rushed through The Cave of Death had
frightened her.
She could remember that it was the place where she got confused and
fled back to something familiar, which she knew from her past.
I explained to her that The Cave of Death
was just a place you came through on your way onward but
it did not help, so she had to go back and go through the experience
to discover that there was nothing to fear.
In The Cave of Death, she got up dazed yet another time, and this
time, she managed to avoid fleeing and she went to the registration,
where she was also told to move straight ahead.
Kava and I walked behind her, but that she wasn’t aware of.
When she reached the end of the hallway, she stared out into the
darkness.
She obviously did not know what to do, and
I asked Kava for advice.
Kava gave a roar so wild that both Lone
and I got a shock and fell over the edge.
All the three of us fell down through the darkness to the light and
landed softly on the lawn in a garden with flowers and trees.
Suddenly, TuTu came walking towards us.
He looked at Kava and me, but he did not
heed us.
After the travel, the shaman told me that he probably didn’t see us
even if he looked at us, because it was often the case under such
circumstances that the person just felt a presence without seeing
anything.
He walked over to Lone Kvist, embraced her, soothed her and told her that there was nothing to be afraid of.
Then, he said that he loved her, and they walked away together.
Kava and I hurried back to Sundholm.
Joe Ben still sat there and looked somewhat glassy out of his eyes.
He didn’t hear me even if I said hello to him, and Kava went over and
rubbed his leg a couple of times, and then he became aware.
I asked how he felt, and he said that he felt strange because
everything appeared to be so unreal.
He had taken some kind of drug, he couldn’t remember which one, and he
sat here waiting for the effect to subside.
I said: "It is not because you have taken something that you feel like
that. You feel like that because you’re actually dead."
"Dead?"
"Yes, you’re dead."
"You must be joking?"
"No, I’m not joking."
"Then, how can I speak with you?"
"That you can, because I’m traveling on the astral plane."
"Well then, that’s why I can’t talk to anyone of the people I know."
"Yes that’s why. They can’t hear you."
"Well, then I can better understand it."
"Yes."
"Yes, but then it is clear."
"Yes."
"Then, what are you doing here?"
"Actually, I have come to ask you if you could do with some help to
proceed, so that you don’t have to be so confused."
He immediately agreed, and Kava picked us both up.
She ran with the speed of lightning to The Cave of Death, and Joe Ben
got up fairly fast and went over to the registration.
Then, we went down the rock hall, but then I spotted a side hall,
which I hadn’t seen before.
We went down that hallway and came to a room, which looked like the
waiting room in a hospital with a lively coming and going.
Joe Ben was sitting there sinking away all of the time even if Kava
rubbed him, and when a doctor came over there, Kava told him that Joe
Ben needed healing because he lost consciousness all of the time.
The doctor said that they would take care of him, and I understood
that apparently he was going into treatment.
That surprised me, because at that time, I didn’t think that you could
proceed with your development unless you were living on Earth.
The journey ended, and I thanked Kava, opened my eyes and got up.
I was sad and relieved at the same time.
TuTu had a person with him, whom he loved and who loved him, but it
wasn’t me, and then there was nothing else left for me than to go on
with my own life.
Two weeks later, I spotted Joe Ben’s former wife in the street.
I wondered if I should tell her about my experience.
She looked at me with a peculiar glance, and that made me walk over to her.
"Hello," I said, "how is everything?"
"Everything is fine," she said, and there was something in her eyes that made it burst out of me: "By the way, I met Joe Ben the other day."
"You did?" she said with emphasis and turned to those she was together
with: "Just go on. I’ll be there right away. I just have to hear
something here."
I told her what I had experienced.
"When was that?"
"Around two weeks ago."
"Now let me tell you something in return," she said, "one week ago,
both his son and I dreamt about him on the same night, and we haven’t
dreamt about him since his death. In the dream, he said that we did
not have to worry about him anymore. He felt good now, and now he was
going to proceed."
Ahead of my fourth and last death travel, the shaman suggested that I made a small travel ahead of the actual travel, to seek guidance from Kava as to how to deal with it.
I met Kava at the departure place and said: "I would like to hear if
you have some suggestions for me, because I intend to travel to help
TuTu."
She said: "Yes, you see," but as soon as she said that, I got scared
that she might suggest that we began the travel in the garden, where I
saw TuTu together with Lone Kvist, and then I could not hear her.
I pulled myself together to listen to her and quite right she
suggested that we went straight to the garden.
I told her that I did not feel like
meeting him if he came walking to me together
with Lone Kvist.
"Well," she said dryly, "do you travel to help or do you travel
because you want to have things your way?"
I thought deeply about it and then said that I would like to travel to
help, but then I realized that I needed help myself.
She suggested that I use The Light of Love, and then she transferred
it to me by blowing it into my heart, and it spread to my entire chest
region.
Then, I realized that I also needed help to have my prejudice, my jealousy, my possessiveness and other defects of character that might blind me on the journey removed.
I asked her to inject her courage and strength into me, and she chose
to grogg me.
Grogging is a kind of energy injection which is somewhat similar to a
blood transfusion.
I became quiet, to let her strength and courage permeate all of my
being, in particular, my solar plexus area, the area which was always
hit in spite of the presence of Ka.
I also asked Ka for help so that I wouldn’t get all those arrows in
solar plexus that I used to, and Ka said that he would swallow them if
any came; that they did not affect him as he just digested them.
With Kava’s courage and strength, The Light of Love and Ka’s
protection, it should be possible for me to encounter just about
anything, I thought, but then I realized that I had yet another block.
It was difficult for me to face that TuTu might be small and scared,
like he had to be when he needed my help.
I asked God to give me the strength to bear it if it proved to be the
case, and then I began the actual travel after having thanked
everybody for wanting to help me.
Again, Kava sat at the departure place waiting for me.
Fast, she brought me down through
the hallway of rocks in The Cave of Death and to the edge where Lone
Kvist, Kava and I fell out last time.
Softly, we fell down through the darkness into the light and landed in
the garden.
There was a big tree there, and TuTu sat under it together with Lone
Kvist.
I felt my way into TuTu and discovered that he was afraid of being
alone and clung on to the presence of Lone Kvist.
Feverishly, he tried to keep her there, because he perceived her to be
a light angel.
She appeared reluctant, and I went into her and looked around.
Yes, she had to go somewhere else,
but she could not move on because he held on to her.
"Kava!" I called, "Kava, I don’t really know what to do here."
"Go into me," Kava said.
I went into her, and inside Kava I heard: “Wake him up! Wake him up!
He is in a trance, like a person who has taken drugs."
Intuitively, I felt that it was important that he did not cling on to
people now, because then he could not move on, and I feared that he
would cling to me if I became visible, so I let myself become
totally absorbed by Kava and became her.
As Kava, I walked over to TuTu and
began rubbing his leg to wake him up, just like Kava had woken up Joe
Ben.
His attention turned towards me in
the form of Kava, and he began to stroke down my fur, put his arms
around my neck and held on.
Lone Kvist began fading, and he became doubtful if he should reach for
her or hold on to me.
He stroked down my fur, and Lone Kvist
disappeared completely.
He could feel Kava’s strength, so he clung on, and I rubbed up and
down his leg to keep him conscious and let my strength flow into him.
I could not speak to him.
It was important that he was allowed to feel the strength inside
himself.
A grogging took place between him and me.
I took turns being inside him and inside Kava.
He sucked her strength.
He was so weak that he could not walk.
That was why he was sitting down.
He was very confused, but Kava’s presence gave him the strength of
knowing that he was not alone.
We just sat there together, while his inner strength and clarity
slowly grew.
I prayed to God that TuTu might get strength and courage to get up and go wherever he had to be and offered to take him if it was the will of God.
A cone-shaped gleam, see-through like
water, appeared
from above.
It was the power of God the Father.
It went down through the crown of his head, and he was lit up from the
inside.
Little by little, he too turned
see-through like water.
God the Father sucked him up, and he became invisible to my inner eye.
Only Kava and I was left in the garden.
I came out of Kava and thanked her for her
help.
I thought that it was proper for TuTu that God the Father Himself had
beamed him up, but I was sad that he was now out of my life.
I began considering how to continue my life without TuTu.
My thoughts started revolving around the shaman.
He was an attractive person, and besides, he did not have a
girlfriend.
On the 14th of May 1998, I sat on my sofa and considered if I should
try to become his girlfriend.
Suddenly, my considerations ceased, because a thought struck me.
What was it I tried
to delude myself into?
The Shaman was no doubt attractive.
He was intelligent and spiritually well developed, but of what use was that to me?
My heart belonged to TuTu!
I squirmed reluctantly under the realization.
If my heart belonged to a dead man, did that mean that never again I should rest in another person’s arms?
I began praying to my true Self, to
receive the capacity to surrender to the love of my heart in spite
of the unfortunate circumstances.
After having prayed for some time, I
managed to come to a point where I did not meet with resistance from
any part of my mind, and at that moment, I was washed over by a wave
of energy and one realization after another followed.
First, I understood that at this very
moment, I had surrendered unconditionally
to the love of my heart.
The next moment, a line passed through me
with great solemnity: "And he sat at the right hand side of God the
Father, The Almighty."
Intuitively, I began drawing, and The Ring of Matter/The Ring of
Illusion as described in The Bridge came into being.
When I finished drawing this Ring, I
called India, to speak to TuTu’s sister, with whom I had wanted to
talk for a long time.
I told her that I was writing a book about the things TuTu taught me,
and that I had met him on astral travels to the realm of death.
She said that she would like me to tell him some things from her.
"I don’t know if I ever meet him again," I said.
"Yes, but if you do, will you tell him those things then?"
"Yes, I will do it," I said.
When I went to bed after the conversation,
I could not sleep and decided to travel, to see if I could meet TuTu
to give his sister’s messages to him.
As fast as lightning, Kava took me from the departure place to the
place where I met him as Kama.
This time around he also sat in meditation.
As soon as we arrived, he opened his eyes and came over and took my
hand.
He looked very joyful, and there was something youthful and boyish about him, because his joy was so unconditional.
Eagerly, he pulled me with him, and we
ascended up and up and up, until we came to a place where the ground
we walked on looked like a landscape of clouds.
We were in the middle of the landscape, and he eagerly pulled me to
some place, where a Ring was found, standing upright in the landscape.
He stopped in front of the Ring.
The very moment I looked into it, it
expanded.
A jolt
went through me, and I knew that this was The Ring of the Power of
Love, God’s Sacred Altar.
When I looked into the energy fields, I knew that now we were going to
get married.
The very moment I knew it, we were married, and God the Father and
Goddess the Mother appeared.
God the Father could not be seen, but I
knew that he was there.
Then, we were to make love, and all the four of us united.
Now, I understood why it had been
so important that I went through
purifications for my sexual jealousy and possessiveness.
Love wave after love wave swept over me.
When a wave became calm, I remembered his sister and told him about
her problem.
He gave me his answer, and immediately I went into the adjacent room
and called Madras to tell her.
When I returned to the bed, my visions continued, and the next wave of
love took off.
Our lovemaking became more and more
intense, and a passion, which I had never felt in the physical
world, rushed through me.
I realized that the impossible had happened.
I was in his arms, and we made love with each other across the
dimensions.
Our love had crossed the boundary of death!
Wave after wave followed, and at one
point, he said: "With love, the animal must be driven out."
My physical tongue jumped in and out like
a reptile’s tongue, playing, and I uttered some animalistic sounds.
Suddenly, it occurred to me how I would
look to a spectator, and that made me feel insane.
I got scared, even if I knew that it was the last remains of my
animalistic mentality that was being cleaned out and said: "This has
to stop now. I’m scared."
"You don’t have to be scared," he said.
"Yes, but I am scared, so we have to go on some other day."
I interrupted the travel and got up abruptly.
When I went into the living room, I thought that I was about to go
insane and considered whom I could call in the middle of the night.
"Take it easy," it sounded inside me.
Oh, yes, I could take it easy.
"What then?" I thought.
"Drink some water," it sounded inside me.
I went out into the kitchen and drank some water.
"What then?" I thought.
"Turn on the radio,"
"Turn on the radio?" I thought, "in the middle of the night?"
I did so, and it turned out that my radio was at a station where the
speaker spoke about mythology.
He spoke about a woman who loved her
husband so dearly that she defied death and brought him back to
life.
I listened astounded.
It was exactly my situation.
Was TuTu not exactly as alive to me as ever?
The speaker continued by telling that the woman achieved this by
cleaning herself with the help of Gayathri mantra, and they would
chant it now.
It wasn’t the form of Gayathri mantra that
TuTu had taught me, but I chanted along, as best as I could, and
then I calmed down, went to bed and dropped off to sleep.
Our Spiritual Wedding was over.
THE
ABSOLUTE
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
HOLY GRAIL
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
HEALED MASCULINE AND FEMININE:
THE
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
CHAPTER 1 THE FAIRYTALE ABOUT THE MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE
|
CHAPTER 2 THE FAIRYTALE ABOUT LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS
|
CHAPTER 3 THE FAIRYTALE ABOUT GOOD AND EVIL
|
CHAPTER 4 THE FAIRYTALE ABOUT THE GODS, WHO WALK ON THE EARTH
|
CHAPTER 5 THE OMEGA AND ALPHA SYMBOL OF THE HOLY GRAIL
|
The Woman
went into her inner temple to find wisdom.
The
temple hade many sacred rooms and through the temple yard she
respectfully approached the Rainbow Goddess, who sat like a white
light beam on Her throne, which shone in all the colors of the
rainbow.
She bent
reverently and said:
"Oh
Rainbow Goddess!
You, the
wisest of all women.
I have
come to you to seek wisdom.
I have
been told that you can enlighten me about the Master of the Universe.
Then, tell me, how do I find him?"
"The
question must be specified. There is an infinite number of Universes."
"How can
there be an infinite number?"
"The Universe is one but the perspective
is different for the atom and for the galaxy.
Thus, there is an infinite number, and it cannot be said about one
that this is The Universe and about another that it is not."
"Then
tell me, how do I find the Master of the Universe in the Universe in
which I live?"
"The
question must be specified. In your Universe, there is an infinite
number of bigger and smaller Masters/Masteresses."
"Then
tell me, how do I find the right question?"
"Your
Universe
can have one ruler, and one ruler only, whom all
Masters/Masteresses,
big and small, must bend to.
If doubts
reign about the position of the ruler, chaos and confusion will exist
within both big and small."
"Then
tell me who this ruler is, so I may find him and adore him?"
"She
is
you, and you are she.”
"Oh
Rainbow Goddess, how can I believe this?"
"You are,
beyond any doubt, the ruler of the Universe!"
"How can
I be the ruler of the Universe without knowing it?"
"You
don't know it, because you haven't yet sat down on the throne."
"How can
I sit down on the throne?"
"By doing
it."
"Yes, but
where do I find the throne?"
"The
throne is in the center."
"Where is
this center?"
"The
center is your heart. The heart is the center."
"How can
my heart be the center without me knowing about it?"
"In your
heart, the high and the low, the inner and the outer, meet.
Here, the
wisdom of your bodies and the wisdom of your Mind merge into emotional
conditions, which give human life direction."
"Oh
Rainbow Goddess, I still don't understand, how can I sit on the
throne."
"Make
real that you are the ruler of the Universe. That puts you on the
throne."
"How can
I make this real?"
"You
must
begin every day by
sitting down, imagining that you put
yourself in the center of your heart, on your life's throne.
From
here, you must respectfully request all Masters/Masteresses, high and
low, inner and outer, to bless you with their gifts, guidance and
advice, because your Universe is big, and any ruler must seek the
gifts, guidance and advice of their subjects to be able to rule.
Then, you must become silent to listen to their advice, and on this
foundation, you must make your decisions, high and low, inner and
outer, as to how you want to rule your Universe this very day.
Throughout
the day, you must constantly be attentive to your heart's desires and
adjust your actions accordingly.
By the end of the day, fearlessly, you
must admit your mistakes.
Then, from your heart, you must ask for forgiveness from yourself and
from the Masters for your mistakes.
In the end, you must decide how to avoid a repetition of the mistakes
in the future and through these decisions and the actions, which
spring from them, you may consider yourself forgiven.
To the extent you succeed in carrying out
your decisions, first from your heart you must express your
gratitude for the gifts, guidance and advice you have received in the
course of the day that made your success
possible and then you must
congratulate yourself for your success."
"Oh
Rainbow
Goddess, how
will I find the time for all of this?"
The
woman respectfully approached The CreatorManifestoress, who sat as a
white light beam on HisHer throne, which shone in the same color as a
delicate pink dawn.
She bent reverently and said:
"Oh CreatorManifestoress!
You, the most loved of all.
I have come to You to seek knowledge.
I have been told that You can enlighten me about my origin.
Then tell me, how I came into being."
The CreatorManifestoress radiated towards her in love, and she humbly
sat down at the foot of the throne to meditate.
The perfect love of The CreatorManifestoress melted into the innermost
recesses of her heart, which brought her back to the point before the
initiation of creationmanifestation.
Here, the perfect oneness of the ManWoman lay in serene calm, as
uncreatedunmanifested thought, latent in the cosmic being, resting in
its perfection.
The ManWoman, Ardhanarishvara
slowly entwined HimHerself around HimHerself in eternal blissful
lovemaking, and from HimHer all the individual Spirits came into
being, each one a manwoman, Ardhanarishvara.
One individual Spirit, Ardhanarishvara set into movement to become
able to see hisher beloved in a new perspective, and love was the heat
that started the movement.
Also, the wave of movement createdmanifested heat and sound too, and
this further contributed to the heat.
The finest particles of the latent thought were warmed up, but
remained unchanged, and the heat was transmitted to the coarser parts
that expanded.
The heat became intense.
The coarser parts of the cosmic egg exploded in an inferno of motion
and sound in several consecutive waves of expansion, and for the
expanding particles, time came into being, as the gap, which arose
between their uncreatedunmanifested and their createdmanifested state.
Creationmanifestation of the forms of separation had taken its
beginning yet another time as a result of the heat of love in the
cosmic being, and it slowly took solid form in organic growth, which
increased.
Every particle was different, but held at the root an image of the
four elements of the highest:
1. The cosmic being, who is the nourishment of the
All.
2. The sublime calm in the latent thought.
3. The oneness in the ManWoman, who slung like a
double spiral around HimHerself, and HisHer double bound nature, which
consisted in that HeShe could be both in the uncreatedunmanifested and
the createdmanifested simultaneously.
4. And love, who was that power that initiated the
movement in the cosmic being, who now accepted that the ManWoman, as a
result of HisHer love, wished to set into movement, and thereby, the
cosmic being allowed the split in uncreatedunmanifested form and
createdmanifested form.
The double spiral had thus split into two, which came to expression as
a loving he and a loving she, sand thus he and she became able to
createmanifest in lovemaking to createmanifest myriads of life,
because the fruit of love is life, and life is in the organic growth
in the same form as in the cosmic being, namely in Spirit, Soul,
thought, emotion and action, which leads to the formation of new life.
Like each particle was different, each couple who sprang from the
particles or The Cosmic Eggs were different, and also he and she were
different but each one held an image of the total being, and thus,
they held both the inner condition of the uncreatedunmanifested and
the creativemanifestive power of love, which brought forth the outer
expression of the inner condition.
The createdmanifested parts spread out to acquire the experience of
life in form, which was the purpose of creationmanifestation, and to
meet and separate and meet again and thereby acquire knowledge of the
pain of separation and the joy of reunion, which is the life condition
of the createdmanifested forms.
The loneliness that the separation brought forth gave rise to longing
to merge again with one's other half and thereby return to one's
perfect place in totality, so that the loneliness would come to an
end.
He and she began to form images of their return to the formless in the
Ocean of Love, but depending on their capacity for image formation,
more or less precise images arose of the goal, which they called God,
but no matter how refined the images were, The Reality at the root
seemed to escape them, because no one could form an image which held
the sublime calm, the total oneness and the perfect love that lay in
the cosmic being.
They gave these four elements that constituted one condition many
names and sought to approach this condition through thought, emotion
and action of many kinds.
Through love, they sought the power of action.
Through prayer, they centered the thought in one point, and through
this, they sought to createmanifest oneness.
Through repeated thought, meditation arose, which was no longer the
thought but the latent image of the thought, and through this action,
in glimpses, they brought forth contact with the condition of sublime
calm, which, at times, could penetrate and refresh the
creaturesmanifestations and remind them of their origin.
Through focusing attention on the void, they sought the cosmic being,
and when these four were brought to perfect congruity, they were said
to have achieved cosmic consciousness.
Since the cosmic consciousness was the very fundamental structure in
each and every particle, in each and every being, it slowly became
clear that it was necessary to get into the root of one's own being to
find the path back.
However, the creaturesmanifestations had formed complicated images
forms and could no longer find themselves, because their own
creationmanifestation of forms stood in the way, and many could not
even discover that it was themselves they were looking for.
For this purpose, they could find help in many places, but the biggest
help they received when they met the creaturemanifestation who
represented that part they belonged together with, in their whole
selves in The Cosmic Egg, when they were createdmanifested.
He and she wandered for years in the millions in each their part of
cosmos to acquire the experience of life in many facets and by the
help of this, recreateremanifest the connection with their other half,
and at intervals they met.
Then they came close to the perfect oneness, which they had once
known, and the perfect love, which they were inspired by before the
beginning of time, was innate in their connection and made everything
they did when they were together stand out in an exceptional light.
They were together both to clean themselves of false images of Reality
and to help each other to live through difficult facets of the
experience of life, and also to merge their knowledge into as perfect
an image of Reality as they held in between them, before they went out
wandering in the cosmos again.
The new aspects of their knowledge, both the true and the false, were
achieved during their wandering, when they worked and acquired
knowledge, when they lived their everyday life and acquired habits,
and when they met a creaturemanifestation who showed some of the
characteristics of their cosmic twin.
Then, a spontaneous recognition arose, and their love was aroused, and
therefore, they became willing to merge with the experiences that this
creaturemanifestation had to share, and thus the love for other
creaturesmanifestations brought them through many difficult points,
which they would otherwise not have had the power of action to go
through.
In this way, many connections could be formed that contributed to
their knowledge with many special perspectives.
When the separated parts of the
masculine and the feminine side from their personal Ardhanarishvara
met and thereby were not exposed to chemical-sensuous, emotional,
mental, social and spiritual barriers that existed between non-Spirit
Mates, the transfer of wisdom could take place in a great feast of
fireworks of experiences and realizations, which took place through
the merging of the two, who, through this process, in one single life
had their growth doubled.
Sometimes, they also got the opportunity to evaluate if they were
about to come to the end with their experiences and thus had achieved
that perfection which gave them the option of returning to the
original oneness.
The perfection consisted in the ability to receive oneself and the
other in perfect love, for when love turns inward in perfect love for
oneself and outward in perfect love for the beloved and upward in
perfect love for the true Self and downward in perfect love for
creationmanifestation, the work is complete, and this condition is
called Universal Love, which includes both the high and the low, the
inner and the outer.
The fundamental emotion in the meetings between these spirit couples
was the all-purifying love without limits, and, as a result of this,
they entered the holy matrimony, which is that condition that contains
the merger of two, and this cannot be ordained by any society but
originates from creationmanifestation itself, and from this again
springs the principle which has been given the following wording:
"What God has united, no human can cast asunder."
This line of direction is given to make clear the importance of and
the respect for love as part of the shrine, so that countries,
societies, families and individuals may understand that, here, you
tread on holy ground, and so they need to take a step back without
interfering even if they find that the connection between this he and
this she in their eyes do not seem right, proper or appropriate in
their country, their society or their family.
This lay at the root of all the createdmanifested, and hereby the
desire arose, because each he sought to meet the representation of his
perfect she, and each she sought to meet the representation of her
perfect he, and all did they use creationmanifestation in each their
way, in accordance with their image of what it took to attract their
Spirit Mate, and this was their subconscious attempt to come closer to
their own perfection.
When the meditation was over, the woman looked in silence at The
CreatorManifestoress, and then said: "Everything emanates love and
clarity. I don't wish to move from this point, because I wish to
preserve this love and this clarity."
" Everything
is
in movement.
"They project their heart down on Earth, and attire
it in flesh and blood."
"How do they attire their heart in flesh and blood?"
"By emerging from the love between man and woman and
letting themselves be born by the woman like anybody who is born on
Earth."
"Are You that son and daughter of humankind, who is
called the King and Queen of Truth, the King and Queen of Kings and
Queens and the Master and Mistress of Masters and Masteresses?"
"We are him and her, and any son and daughter of
humankind is in us, and we are in him and her."
"God be thanked and praised.
I thought again and again that you were him and her.
Only now,
I understand that you were indeed so.
If any son and daughter of humankind is in you, and you are in him and
her, are all sons and daughters of humankind then Gods like you?"
"Yes, all sons and daughters of humankind are Gods
and Goddesses who walk on the Earth."
"If we all are Gods and Goddesses, then why do we
live as ignorant human beings on this Earth?"
"To
experience life in the third dimension and to contribute towards
improving it."
"How can I improve life on Earth?"
"By improving your own life."
"Are you, who is called a king and a queen, when you
walk on the Earth, not above all the rest of us?"
"No, when we walk on the Earth, we am a son and a
daughter of humankind, like everybody else, and like all other sons and
daughters of humankind, we need love, care, compassion and mercy from
other sons and daughters of humankind and our true Selvess."
"What are Your true Selvess?"
"God, our FatherMother, our Source plus God the
Soulfather and Goddess the Soulmother are our true Selvess."
"Two thousand years ago, you did not teach about
Goddess the Soulmother."
"Time was not ripe.
The feminine principle Goddess the Soulmother and Goddess the
Souldaughter therefore became The Veiled Woman and was called The Holy
Spirit."
"Did you come back to teach about Goddess the
Soulmother and Goddess the Souldaughter?"
"Yes, I came back to separate the sheep from the
goats and to lift the veil from The Veiled Woman, The Holy Spirit, and
thereby make clear the distinctions between the feminine and the
masculine and thus put everything in its right place."
"How do I approach The Holy Spirit?"
"Through the brotherhood and sisterhood."
"What is the brotherhood and sisterhood?"
"The brotherhood and sisterhood is
the equality, which is also called the sameness or The Holy Spirit,
who restores the creatures’manifestation’s’ awareness of their
Fellowship.
Even a stone is a creaturemanifestation, who emanated from the same
point as us."
"What is the hierarchy, then?"
"The hierarchy is the diversity, which is also called
the multiplicity or The Worldly Spirit, who restores the
creatures’manifestations’ awareness of their uniqueness, because each
creaturemanifestation is unique.
Even two snowflakes are different and so they differ
in a unique way from the rest."
"Doesn't the hierarchy mean that some
creaturesmanifestations stand above others?"
"The creaturesmanifestations have each chosen to
develop various talents, and some have come further in the development
of special talents than others, and this is the hierarchy."
"When the hierarchy separates and shows the
differences, doesn't the hierarchy separate brother from brother and
sister form sister?"
"This only happens when brothers and sisters have
forgotten their origin."
"Why are you called the King and Queen of Kings and Queens, the Master
and Mistress of Masters and Mistresses, the Highest Authority of the
Hierarchy?"
"We were the first who went out as a manifested
creation of form, and because we know most about being a manifestation
of form, we teach others in the art of being a manifested form.
Thus,
we are the humble male servant and female servant of others and
their highest authority concerning knowledge of the existence as a form
identity, whether others are kings or queens, masters or mistresses or
beggars."
"When you walk on the Earth, are you then ignorant
like the rest of us?"
"Yes, when we walk on the Earth, we am being taught
in special fields by others who stand above us in this field."
"What, for instance, were you taught when you were
here?"
"We
were,
for instance,
taught the contemporary art of cooking and stone-carving."
"Are you also powerless over some things when you are
here, like the rest of us?"
"Yes, and therefore we surrender our life and our
will to our true Selvess' care, God, our FatherMother and origin and to
God our Soulfather and Goddess our Soulmother and seek to only carry out
their will for us."
"Were you also scared when you walked on the Earth?"
"Nothing human is alien to us.
Last
time,
we walked the path of the outcasts, and also this time, we walked the
path of the outcasts."
"How do I stop being seized by fear about the
sufferings of the World?"
"Stop imagining pains that are not yours, because you
cannot know the carrying capacity of your neighbor; that which appears
to you to be a stroke with an axe may be a pinprick for your neighbor,
and that which appears to your neighbor to be a stroke with an axe may
be a pinprick for you.
Any
pain is given in accordance with the capacity of the recipient.
If the pain exceeds the capacity, the recipient is stripped of the
awareness of the pain, and if the recipient experiences a pain,
which crosses this threshold, it is the signal to leave the physical
body and give it back to Mother Earth, who gave you this gift in the
first place."
"Is it not my task to try to relieve the pain of my
neighbor then?"
"Many are the called, but few are the chosen.
It is given nobody to be able to help everyone with every problem, and
therefore you must first search your heart to decide if it is your task
to help."
"How do I decide if it is my task to help?"
"If you, in your heart, once stood in the same place
as your neighbor and would enjoy helping, it is your task to help."
"If I never stood in the same place in my heart, is
there nothing I can do then?"
"You
can show your neighbor the way to someone else,
who once stood in the same place
in
his/her heart and would enjoy helping."
"How do I help my neighbor then?"
"By sharing about your own experience and thereby
giving your neighbor strength and the hope that also he/she can get
through the pain."
"Is that all?"
"It may appear to you to be little, but it is not so.
It is important that you give that contribution to the solution that you
want to give, no matter how small you think it is."
"What do I do if my neighbor doesn't want to hear or
come along to the place where help is found?"
"Then you must respect that time is not ripe."
"How do I learn to accept my own pains?"
"Remember your worst pain and tell me if you would
want to have been without it."
"When I look back at the pains of my life, I realize
that for every pain I felt, I learned something valuable, and therefore,
I would not want to have been without it, but isn’t it possible to learn
from joy alone?"
"Pain and joy have each theirs to give."
"Is it better to give than to receive?"
"The giver finds the joy in giving, and this is the
masculine.
The receiver finds the joy in receiving, and this is the feminine."
"I have learned that it is better to give than to
receive."
"Then you have found yourself in an environment where
the masculine pole is dominating, but it is of no use to have something
to give if there’s nobody who wants to receive."
"Is the man then a giver and the woman a receiver?"
"When the man is thinking but not sensitive, he is
dominated by his masculine pole and is thus a giver, but this belongs to
the animal realm, which is that stage where might is right.
When the woman is sensitive but not thinking, she is dominated by her
feminine pole and is thus a receiver, but also this belongs to the
animal realm.
The symbol of the animal man and the animal woman is tooth and nail.
Their personal God is their stomach, and their universal God is survival
of the fittest.
The animal man and the animal woman is the lowest rank in the human
realm and swing in the pendulum between might is right and right is
right, and through this swing their power of discernment is developed.
When the man's feminine pole begins to balance his
masculine pole, he begins to become sensitive, and when the woman's
masculine pole begins to balance her feminine pole, she begins to become
thinking.
At this stage, he and she become able to both give and receive.
The sphinx is their symbol with its human head and
animal body, but in the animal body the human heart is asleep.
Their personal God is their body, and their universal God is the power
and the glory."
"What happens when the poles have come into balance?"
"When
the poles have come into balance, the thinking man has become
sensitive and the sensitive woman has become thinking.
As a result,
they enter the humane realm of the human realm, which is that stage
where the human heart begins to awaken, where right is right, and
where everybody gives and receives accordingly.
The diamond is their symbol.
It represents the power of discernment, which flashes ominously in the
impure heart, which is that heart which is in conflict with itself,
and it shines benevolently in the pure heart,
which is that heart which is at peace with itself.
Their personal God is justice, and their universal God is legislation
and system-building."
"What happens when the human heart has become fully
awake?"
"In
the pure heart, the battle between might is right and right is right
is over, and the human heart is thus fully awake.
The man or the woman with the pure heart shall step into the Soul
realm and thereby see God.
At this stage,
they begin to recognize parts of themselves and their beloved in
everything and everybody everywhere at all levels of existence.
In this way,
their love and compassion for everything and everybody everywhere at
all levels of existence begins to awaken.
The heart is their symbol.
The reverence for the free emotional stream in their own and their
beloved's heart is their personal God, and the recognition of and the
reverence for the free emotional stream of their own and their beloved's
heart in everything and everybody everywhere at all levels of existence
is their universal God."
"Is this the highest?"
"Trusting
their own and their beloved's pure heart, they move ahead in faith,
until they have strengthened their faith sufficiently to surrender
unconditionally to their own and their beloved's heart.
Thereby,
they enter the God Realm.
At this stage,
they begin to see God in themselves and in everything and everybody
around them, and thereby, they begin to love God unconditionally and
to know God’s unconditional love for them.
The merged heart is their symbol.
The unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy for themselves and
their beloved is their personal God, and the unconditional love, care,
compassion and mercy for everything and everybody everywhere at all
levels of existence is their universal God."
"Is it true that nobody can reach God but through
Christ?"
"Yes, everybody must walk the path of mercy, which is
also called the path of the Christ Consciousness, and then move on to
the path of unconditional mercy, which is also called the path of The
TuTu Consciousness, to find their way home, and it is the way home
that we came to Earth to show the Truth
about."
"What is the Truth?"
"The Truth
cannot be known by way of thinking, and the Truth
cannot be said. Truth
can be. Our being shows the Truth."
"What brings exactly You down on Earth as a son and a
daughter of humankind?"
"We come to take humanity further on the path
home,
when the World despairs because it has lost sight of its goal."
"What is the goal of the World?"
“To manifest it’s Absolute Being
on Earth in a fully conscious state.”
"What is the Absolute Being
of the World?"
"It is that which holds the high and the low, the
inner and the outer."
"How does the World approach its Absolute Being
in a fully conscious way?"
"By each and every creaturemanifestation seeking into
his/her innermost heart, and thereby, learn to use both the wings of the
heart, so the heart may fly high or low, in or out, with an equal amount
of freedom."
Before the woman's inner eye, the flying heart became
visible, with the human wing on the right hand side and the spiritual
wing on the left hand side.
THE HUMAN WING THE SPIRITUAL WING
"What happens if I have learned to use only one
or the other wing?"
"If
you have learned to use only the human wing, the heart becomes like a
wing-shot bird that cannot take flight, and if you have learned to use
only the spiritual wing, the heart becomes like a barrage balloon,
which makes you soar high and loose connection with yourself as a creaturemanifestation
on this Earth."
"There is far and wide in between your stepping
forward on Earth."
"We step forward when it is needed."
"Now,
you, as a son of humankind, have just left the field of the Earth."
"Yes, I have just been on Earth, given off my seed
and withdrawn again."
"Who received your seed besides me?"
"I gave off my seed to each and everyone who came
close enough to me, but only you, my Spirit Mate, my one and only wished
to receive it in full when I walked on the Earth."
"How is it to be used?"
"As guidance, about the requirements, so as to be
able to find the path back home."
"Many thought that you would come as a king and a
queen with trumpets and fanfares."
"We moved anonymously among our disciples as one of them, but was recognized by many.
Some grasped in a glimpse that we had come and
called us by name, others could not believe their own eyes, and yet
others did not recognize us, as you know."
"How will humankind know that we have been hewere
like promised?"
"The son of humankind is the pen, and the daughter of humankind is the ink.
Through this scripture, the message will be known."
"Why should we let ourselves get untangled?"
"To bring an end to isolation and suffering and make
space for love, which is the fundamental structure of the Spirit."
"What is the difference between pain and suffering?"
"Pain
is a short-lived signal to act. Suffering is any attempt to avoid the
action which the pain ordains."
"How will it be possible for me to confront the pain
of untanglement?"
"Don't fear!
Take your cross and follow me,
for I will bless you and maintain you.
I will receive you and show you mercy.
I will look at you with love and give you peace."
The woman sank on her knees in worship and kissed the
dust in front of the feet of the Maintainer.
Heshe lifted her compassionately and beamed towards
her with love, until she melted into The Ocean of Love.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
SEED OF LOVE
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2❤️2
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
FERTILIZED EGG
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The World is put together by The Four Directions – The North, The
South, The East and The West, and this is One Representation of the
Absolute.
The Masculine Represents The Power of Creation, which is The Power of
Action, and which is found in The Divine as God The Father and in The
Mundane as God The Son, who says: "The Truth is that The Truth is not
The Truth."
The Feminine Represents The Power of Manifestation, which is The Fertile
Soil – and which is found in The Divine as Goddess the Mother and in The
Mundane as Goddess the Daughter – who says: "Don’t Fear The Fear of
Fear."
The Sun Represents The Sacred Fire, which is The Purgatory that Purifies
the Mind from All False Images of God – and which is found in The Divine
as The Pure Consciousness and in The Mundane as The Power of Discernment
– who says: "Be Aware that you are Aware of your Awareness."
The Water Represents The Purple Heart, which is The Merger of The Blue
Color Representing The Spiritual Love and The Red Color Representing The
Mundane Love – and which is found in The Divine as The Pure Love and in
The Mundane as The Free Flow Of The Emotional Stream – who says: "Be In
The Flow."
When These Four Surrender Unconditionally to Each Other and Unite in
Love, they Represent The Avatar of Synthesis, which is The Holy Grail,
which is found in The Absolute as The Ocean of Love and in The Mundane
as The Merged Heart's Heart, who says: "I am Alpha and Omega. I am The
Truth, The Way and The Life."
For
a Person who has Access to The Holy Grail, The Holiest of The Holy, his/her
Merged Heart's Heart is Alpha and Omega, his/her
Merged Heart's Heart is The Truth, The Path and The Life, and by the
help of God The Father, Goddess the Mother, his/her
Beloved and his/her pure love, the
Person Fearlessly remains in The Sacred Fire from his/her Merged
Heart's Free Emotional Stream and receives his/her
Personal Guidance from here, and this is called Drinking from The
Holy Grail.
By
Drinking from The Holy Grail, the Person finds The Right Action, which
is The Sweet Fruit itself.
The One
who Drinks from The Holy Grail is Truly Eternally Young, even though
he/she Ages.
The
Pure
of Heart shall see God, and The One, who unconditionally surrenders
his/her Pure Heart to his/her Beloved shall see The Ring of The Power
of Love that consists of the merged consciousness of God The Divine
Father, Goddess the Spirit Mother, God The Spirit Son and Goddess the
Spirit Daughter and thereby become able to drink from The Holy Grail.
Together,
we
can get Access to The Holy Grail Of The World, the Open, Pure, Loving,
Caring, Compassionate,
Merciful
and therefore Sanctified Heart, who Beats with One Sound like One
Heart in a Healed and Whole World.
If The
World Chooses to Unite and Contribute, each one with his/hers,
Together, we can Realize and thereby bring into our Daily Lives The
Holy Grail of The World.
The
Contribution of The North to the World is The Masculine, who is The
Power Of Action.
Without The Fertile Soil, he is Fruitless.
Without The Power Of Discernment, he is Harmful.
Without The Free Flow of the Emotional Stream, he is Suppressive.
The
Contribution of The South to The World is The Feminine, who is The
Fertile Soil.
Without The Power Of Action, she is Barren.
Without The Power Of Discernment, she is Poisonous.
Without The Free Flow Of The Emotional
Stream, she is Devoid of Nutrition.
The
Contribution of The East to The World is The Sun, who is The Power Of
Discernment.
Without
The Power of Action, he is Useless.
Without The Fertile Soil, he is Meaningless.
Without The Free Flow Of The Emotional Stream, he is Muddled.
The
Contribution of The West to The World is The Water, who is The Free
Flow Of The Emotional Stream.
Without The Power Of Action, she is Stagnant.
Without The Fertile Soil, she is Stale.
Without The Power of Discernment, she overflows
her Boundaries.
When The
North and The South Surrender Unconditionally to Each Other in Love,
Love is Completed.
The North and The South is Up and Down, and Down and Up, like the
Movement of Emotions are, and like The Movement of Love is too.
Without
The Free Flow Of the Emotional Stream, The Union is a Sham.
Without The Power of Discernment, The Union is Undermining.
When The
West and The East Surrender Unconditionally to Each Other and Unite in
Love, The Purity of The Free Flow Of The Emotional Stream is
Completed.
The East and The West is Back and Forth, and Forth and Back, like the
Purity of The Emotional Stream is, and like The Linear Time is too.
Without The Power Of Action, The Union is Purposeless.
Without The Fertile Soil, The Union is In Vain.
When The
North and The South and The East and The West Surrender
Unconditionally to Each Other and Unite in Love, The Unity of The
Power of Action, The Fertile Soil, The Power of Discernment and The
Free Flow Of The Emotional Stream is Completed, and this is The Merged
Heart's Heart, The Holy Grail of The World.
The
Path
to The Union is designated by The Seed of Love, which each Human Being
can Choose to Sow in The Fertile Soil of his/her
Own Heart.
By
Realizing The Seed of Love, the Human Being can Heal his/her Heart,
and thereby, he/she also chooses to Contribute to heal The Heart of
The World that then becomes Whole.
If
the Individual Human Being chooses to make The Seed of Love a Fact in
His/Her Own Heart, this Human Being Finds
The Holy Grail in his/her
Innermost Heart, when –after having realized the Seed of
Love – He/She Unconditionally Surrenders
to his/her Beloved and Unite with
Him/Her in Love.
Through
this
Union, The Low Couple, God The Son and Goddess the Daughter, are at
the same time united with The High Couple, God The Father and Goddess
the Mother, as the Power of their Love Raises them up to this Union,
and thus both Self-realization and God-realization are attained at
this Point.
This is
also The Point of the Descending of The Outcast from The Cross, which
then becomes Pure and without Suffering.
When a
Person has Achieved this Consciousness, he/she
is Situated in the Center of his/her Heart’s Heart, which is
Designated by the Point where The Lines of The Cross Meet,
and this is the Point where Consciousness both moves up and down,
and in and out, and Time Moves Out of the Linear into the Spiral,
from One Circle to the Next, into Higher and Higher Realms.
Within
the Eternal Circuit the Ascending Spiral with its Ascending Curve
Represents The Masculine Principle, who is The Spiral Time, who is The
Unmanifest, who is the Cosmic Seed, who is The Spirit, who is the
Oneness, who is The Immortal, who is The Eternal, who is the
Untanglement, who is the Evolution.
The
Descending Spiral with its Descending Line Represents The Feminine
principle, who is The Linear Time, who is The Manifested, who is The
Cosmic Egg, who is Matter, who is the Individuality, who is The
Mortal, who is The Time, who is The Entanglement, who is The
Involution.
The
Double Spiral is Active in The Service of Involution when we Move
towards The Descending Line, and it becomes Active in The Service of
Evolution when we Move towards the Ascending Curve.
For upcoming
Eons, Humanity is Moving into The Ascending Spiral,
towards The Ascending Curve on The Journey Back to The
Origin.
Our
Vehicle for The Journey and The Landscapes we Pass Through is our
Divine Mother, and The Spirit who
Lives in The Vehicle and in The Landscapes is our Divine Father, and
we are The Fruit of Both.
Self-realization
and
God-realization, which is one and the same, is Achieved at the Point
where The Ascending Curve Activates The Ascending Spiral, which is
called The Serpentine Snake, Kundalini, whose Spirit Represents The
Movement towards The Ascending Curve.
This
is
also The Point of The Highest Union, where The Four Whole – God The
Father, Goddess the Mother, God The Son, and Goddess the Daughter
– Surrender Unconditionally to Each Other and Unite in Love and become
One, and this is The Initiation of The Journey into The Ascending
Spiral.
A Messenger, who consisted of God The Son, who was the Carrier of The Seed, and who bore The Holy Name 22 and Goddess the Daughter, who was the Carrier of The Egg, and who bore the Holy Name 22 came to Unite and thus Fertilize The Egg in Their Own Lives on Earth, so their Fruit could Make Real The Reunion of God The Father and Goddess the Mother with God The Son and Goddess the Daughter, and thus Show The World that this is Possible.
Since He
and She has now Carried Through the Union, it is Proven that it is
Possible to bring down The Holy Grail onto this Earth, and thereby, it
has become Possible to One And All who wishes to realize it in their
Own Lives on Earth to do the same, and therefore, The Sacred Number of
The Earth has changed from Three to Four, which Represents the Union
of The Two Couples, and this is The First Positive Power factor in The
Spiritual Life of Humankind.
The
Imbalance, which is in Uneven Numbers, is called Negative, because one
Point is Cast Out if The Points are Paired.
The
Balance, which is in Even Numbers, is called Positive, because no
Point is Cast Out if The Points are Paired.
The
Negative
and The Positive
must Unite, like The Masculine Principle, who is The Power of
Creation, and The Feminine Principle, who is The Power of
Manifestation, must Unite so the creationmanifestation of God’s
Children’s Children can take place.
When The
Masculine Principle, who is The Darkness, and The Feminine Principle,
who is The Light, Unite in Love, They Bear Fruit in The Multiplicity,
who is the creationmanifestation of the Individual Spirits, who are
their Children, who is of the Darkness and of The Light, just like God
the FatherMother HimHerself.
The
Darkness and The Light are Equal Partners, and They Love Each Other
Dearly, and when They Unite, the Color Grey is Produced, like it is at
Dusk, like it is at Dawn, and therefore The Love of The Universe is
felt most at These Hours.
In the
Spiritual Life of Humankind, One in Its Highest Aspect Represents the
Oneness and in Its Lowest Aspect Isolation, and this is the
Self-denial, but Isolated we achieve Nothing.
Two
Represents The Reflection of The Eternal Beloved in Its Highest Aspect
and in Its Lowest Aspect The Reflection of the Thinking Mind, The Ego,
but this Love is Limited, as it does not bring The Holy Grail down on
Earth.
Three
Represents the Suffering, because Two form a Couple and One is Cast
Out, and The Outcast Represents that Suffering which is Known by All
Outcasts.
Four
Represents The Universal Love in Its Highest Aspect and in Its Lowest
Aspect The Balance.
Four is therefore The First Positive Power-factor in The Spiritual
Life of Humankind, because Four Contains the Soul Realm and All
creaturesmanifestations of the Souls, as it Contains both God The
Father’s, Goddess the Mother’s, God The Son’s and Goddess the
Daughter’s Eternally Merged unconditional Love, and thereby both the
Souls and all that the Souls CreatedManifested that Came into Being as
a Result of the Projection of Forms by the Four Whole into all
Formbased Planes of Consciousness.
The
Conscious Awareness of the merged Four Whole Represents The First Step
in the Knowledge of The Holy Grail, and it is the Initiation of this
Step in The History of Humankind, which has now taken place.
Only when
the whole Spectrum of CreaturesManifestations, who are Represented by
the mentioned Four Whole are Honored on Equal Terms, there is
Universal Love, and then The First Positive Power factor is Working to
the Fullest.
All-Pervasive and Honored
Spiritual Teacher and Highest Master 22
walked on The Earth in Humility and did
not rise above any Being, but did not Prostrate to anyone either.
His Heart
swelled with Unconditional Love,
Care, Compassion and Mercy, and even during the Greatest of
Opposition, this did not Dwindle.
May His Holy
Name Blossom in Love and Joy on Everybody's Lips for The Eternity of
Eternities.
Honored Be His Memory.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
FRUIT
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE FRUIT
GOD
IS EVERYTHING.
EVERYTHING
IS
GOD.
I
AM GOD.
YOU
ARE
GOD.
HE
IS
GOD.
SHE
IS
GOD.
IT
IS
GOD.
WE
ARE
GOD.
YOU
ARE
GOD.
THEY
ARE
GOD.
THE PATH IS YOUR LOVE
AMEN
THE
TREE OF LIFE
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE
AVATAR OF SYNTHESES
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
LIFE
BOTH HERE AND THERE
Contents part 1 Contents part
2 Contents part 3 Contents
part 4 Contents part 5
On the morning after the Spiritual Wedding, I woke up early.
I did not expect seeing or hearing
anything about TuTu, at least
not until next time I traveled shamanically.
I had borrowed some CDs from the library, and among them, I chose on
particularly because it had an orange cover and was recorded with one
of TuTu’s favorite singers.
While he lived on Earth, it frequently happened that one of us played
one of the contemporary songs for the other and said: "This is from me
to you," because a certain song expressed the emotions we had at
heart, and when the first number, which was called Dance into the
Light, streamed out of the speakers, it contained a text which
overwhelmed me and made me feel that this song was from TuTu to me,
and I was so moved that my tears started
rolling.
As I played all the numbers, it was as if
my ears opened to certain parts of the texts, and the images that
these words conjured in me made my joy rise to ecstasy.
"Oh, what a wonderful morning-gift" I thought.
At that moment,
TuTu appeared before my inner eye, standing in front of me.
I told him with my inner voice that I
always believed that the expression ‘the love which crosses the
boundary of death’ was a metaphor, and I was glad that now I had been
granted this experience together with him.
Some time
ago,
I had invited guests for dinner
for
the following day and went out to shop and make the food
ready.
When I invited them, I did not know that my Spiritual Wedding was
going to take place just ahead of my dinner party, but I decided to
look at my two friends as the wedding-guests.
I had an unusual amount of energy, and I ended up making an abundance
of food and drink to put on the table.
There were seven different drinks: Indian tea, Indian spicy milkshake,
freshly squeezed carrot juice, orange juice, soda pops, milk and
water.
There were many different courses: One vegetable hors d’ouvre, soup, fish, two different poultry, safronrice, spiced potatoes, chapattis, raita, pickles and chutney besides the sweet dishes: Carrot halva made as an ice-cream layer cake, gulab jamun and fruit.
There was so much food that I was able to invite dinner guests for
three days in a line, so I ended up feeling that our wedding was
celebrated thoroughly.
It proved that I continued to get visions of TuTu.
I remembered the predictions of the palm
leaf archives that I would get continuous visions of my Guru and God
from the middle of my fifties, and I was now a little more than 53½
years old.
The following three weeks, I saw TuTu in
many different places, where I either spoke with him or
was just
silently together with him, while I rode on a wave of energy, which
ascended to ecstatic heights several times a day.
Then the energy wave slowly ebbed out, and the honeymoon was over, but
I continued to get visions of TuTu.
I had invited the
shaman
to dine out in appreciation of his help, and TuTu walked next to us.
In between,
I was more aware of TuTu than of the shaman, because he made
various clown acts, but I did not expect the shaman to be aware of him
because he was invisible to the physical eye.
I told him that
TuTu was with me most of the time, and he said that it wasn’t good
to hold on to the dead.
You should let go of them, so they could move on and go to where they
were going to be, and you yourself could move on with your life.
When
we came back home, I said to TuTu with my inner voice that I did
not want to prevent him from going to where he was supposed to be,
and so I thought he should leave.
"I’m your husband," TuTu said seriously.
I
thought that subconsciously I might hold him back because of the power
of my love, and the following days I prayed to God that TuTu would
be allowed to go to where he had to go, instead of moving around
on the earth-plane with me, but TuTu kept appearing before my
inner eye.
In the end,
I said to him: "I don’t want you to be here if it is because I
retain you here with my love that you are here."
"I’m here because I want to be here," he said.
I told the shaman, but he looked skeptically at me and said that it
wasn’t good to allow the departed Souls to come and go as they
pleased.
He
thought, for example, that it was inconvenient if the departed
Soul turned up and disturbed your interaction with the living like
on the
day when we were out dining together.
I agreed with him, but at that time,
I did not think it was inconvenient that TuTu appeared.
"To me, he is equivalent to what other people call their guardian
angel," I said, "do you think it is inconvenient when your guardian
angel turns up, no matter when it happens?"
"No," he said.
"Yes, but I feel likewise," I said.
However, a time-phase came where I
kept my inner vision open all the time from fear of losing contact
with TuTu.
Because of the objections of the shaman,
I got the courage to close my inner vision when I was
preoccupied with other things.
It proved that TuTu found ways to get in
touch with me when it was required, even if I was preoccupied with
other things, just like when he was alive, and
that confirmed to me that I did not have to be so afraid of losing
contact
with him, and with this the daily life in our Spiritual Marriage set
in, just like in any other marriage.
The shaman left the country three
months a year, and in one such time period, I decided that I wanted to
travel to the upper world, which is a shamanic area he had told me
about.
I got in touch with a female shaman, and one evening, I traveled under
her drumming.
TuTu was at the departure place.
I told him my errand, and he asked what I wanted to do in the upper
world.
"Nothing in particular. I just want to see how it is there," I said.
"I see," he said, but we did not move from the spot.
A moment later, I said: "The shaman told me there is a rainbow you can
walk on, when you walk from the outer world to the upper world.
The last couple of weeks, I have had a feeling that I was going to
write one more part of the book to describe the connection between the
outer and the inner world, and I figured that I could find out what it
was going to be about by walking on the rainbow.
Then I could start writing and call that part of the book The Rainbow
Bridge.
"It is going to be called The Bridge," he gently said with emphasis on
bridge.
"That I’ll decide myself," I thought, but said nothing.
I also thought that I did not know how to begin and end an extra part
of the book if I did not get around to walk on The Rainbow Bridge.
"Can’t you give me a sign in the outer world, which will confirm to me
that I haven’t misunderstood anything before I start writing?" I
asked.
"How many confirmations do you need?" he said softly with a dry
undertone, and his tone of voice made me realize that I had received
so many confirmations already that it was about time that I began
trusting my own perceptions of things.
Some days later, I woke up one morning and felt ready to begin the
work.
It proved to be an uplifting task, because I woke up every morning
with a sentence in my head, and as soon as I wrote it down, I felt
inspired and wrote away.
The biggest job consisted in the editing, because I discovered that
many of the things I had written under the impression of inspiration
were not expressed in a way that was clear to others, so I kept
working with the expression until I felt understood by at minimum one
other person, and in this process, my intuitive perceptions also
became clearer to myself.
The shaman came back from his journey, and I told him a bit about my continued marriage with TuTu.
He thought it would be good that I did a shamanic travel to seek
guidance from somebody other than TuTu concerning my relationship with
him.
I thought it was a good idea, and when I
came to the departure place, all four of them – God the Father,
Goddess the Mother, TuTu and Kava – were waiting for me.
I told them that I traveled to seek guidance concerning my
relationship with TuTu.
Kava stepped forward.
I told her that I felt confused, because it felt strange to make love
with TuTu with empty physical arms.
"You should just put out your astral arms," she said.
"I don’t know how you do that," I said.
"Just do it,” she said, "you have done it many times before."
"Yes, but I don’t think I can find out any more," I said.
"Practice makes Master," she said dryly.
Goddess the Mother stepped forward, and I said that I did not know
what to do with my relationship with TuTu.
"Follow your heart," she said.
God the Father could not be seen, but his
presence could be felt.
Usually,
he was found behind Goddess the Mother during my travels, but now he
stepped forward without me being able to ‘see’ him for that reason
and said: "Love him with all your heart and all your Soul."
With these approvals from the inner world as to what happened to me,
the shaman’s objections to my relationship with TuTu stopped.
Yesterday evening, I felt down.
It had been on its way for a couple of days.
I had almost finished three parts of the book and had started the part
concerning our weddings.
I expected to finish that in the course of a short time.
I was in a jam, which consisted in me wanting to finish the book but
was also afraid of doing so, because I figured that my life on Earth
was over when I had finished this task.
On one hand that was all right, because I
did not think I had anything coming to me, but on the other hand, I
was afraid of getting just as confused as the two people I helped on
one of my shamanic travels, so
I might end up not being together with TuTu.
I also feel in a jam because TuTu recently
said to me that he did not want me to live alone.
"You don’t love me," I said.
"On the contrary," he said, "it is exactly because I love you
that I don’t want you to live alone."
I thought it might not be so healthy,
physically and psychologically, to live without an earthly partner,
but on the other
hand,
I wanted to continue my marriage with TuTu, and I could not
see how I would be able to overcome two marriages at the same time,
in particular, when the one I was already in demanded a special
effort because of its special character.
Maybe, I could find ways of giving my body
and mind as much care as TuTu wanted for me so that it would
compensate for the lack of physical care and attention from an
earthly spouse.
After having thought about it,
I prayed to God to be allowed to expand my conscious contact
with TuTu instead of getting involved in a new Earthly marriage, but
later it proved that TuTu was preparing me for my meeting with my
husband to be.
Even later, after having lived with my new husband for more than five years, I was told in a shamanic travel that the individual ManWoman from whom TuTu and I sprang had projected HimHerself into creationmanifestation together with another couple and thus we had become Quadruplets at Soul level as we lived together in one Cosmic Egg especially formed for Quadruplets and out of us four TuTu was one, my new husband was one and I was one.
This morning when I woke up, it
slowly penetrated to me that there was
one title I still had not used, that
appeared in my mind when the Master suggested me to do the
task of writing this book back in 1982.
The title was: "My life with the Master," and at the time,
I had imagined that I would go to India to be with the Master
so as to be able to describe his life and daily living for posterity,
but little by little, this title had slipped into the background.
When I met TuTu, I thought the title would contain a description of my
life with him, but that I already described
in parts one and three, so I had given up using it even
though I had the impression that it was going to be one of the main
titles.
Last night,
I decided that I would take a day of rest today, because I have
worked hard with the book for a long time, but when I woke up
this morning, it slowly became clear to me that time was ripe for me
to start working with: "My life with the Master," and that it was
going to be about TuTu’s and my marriage across the dimensions.
It also coincided with a clue he left for
me in the physical world, when he lived here.
On m toy-keyboard, he had stuck some
hearts made of plasticine.
A red heart with a white heart on top, a green heart with a gray heart
on top and finally a tiny white-gray heart, and when I remembered them
today, I understood that when he made them several years ago and put
them there, he knew already how this work would turn out.
The red
heart with the white on top had a size as compared to the other hearts
that were equivalent to parts one and two. The green heart with the
gray on top had a size that was equivalent to parts three and four,
and then the tiny heart had to be equivalent to the size of part five.
I was relieved about that, because I was
getting somewhat overwhelmed by the fact that, all of the time,
something new cropped up that I had to write about, so that
I did not know when this work
would be finished.
When I happened to ‘look’ at the hearts on the musical toy keyboard, I
knew that I would be finished writing "The TuTu Doctrine - The New
World Order" when I had finished part five, and that it wasn’t
going to be as extensive as the others.
TuTu had actually left quite a few of such clues for me while he still lived here, and whenever I ran into various problems while writing this book, one of these clues seemed to 'fall into' my eyesight.
For example, when I was about to make the
graph of The Cosmic Egg, I suddenly ‘saw’ the photograph that TuTu
had had taken of himself in Sundholm with The Cosmic Stone Egg.
It sat next to my computer and I did not
understand why I hadn’t ‘seen’ it before.
In the stone workshop in Sundholm, they
had a stone, which they called dead man’s stone, because it was so
hard that it did not want to take shape of anything.
Every time one of the stone cutters began creatingmanifesting a form,
it broke, so the form got destroyed, and then they gave it up.
TuTu decided to make a birdbath
out of it and gently began cutting it
with hammer and chisel, while at the same time, he followed the
structure of the stone very carefully to permit it to take a shape
which suited it.
It also broke a couple
of times, but he did not give up and continued his work.
Little by little,
the birdbath got an egg-shape, and he told me that it had taken the
shape of The Cosmic Egg.
When it was about
to be finished, a heart stood out on the outside, because
the stone had a structure in this place which did not permit him to
cut into it.
"Look," TuTu said, "everything has a heart. The stone has shown me its
heart. As you can see in one curve, it is a broken heart."
He repaired the broken heart as much as
possible and then profiled a perfect heart inside the egg, in the
deepest place where the yoke is found in an egg, while at the same
time, he placed it where the two colors of the stone, a red and a
black color, parted the stone into two areas, so the heart got a
light and a dark half.
Then,
he polished it carefully, until it was totally smooth and
felt soft to the touch.
Until I ‘looked’ at the photo, I had put
the merged form of the ManWoman in the middle of an oval with two
sharp edges, but when I ‘looked’ at the photo, this graph got its
final form.
For some time,
a line had passed through my head quite a few times: "Don't you
know,
who we are?" without me thinking deeper about it, but this morning the
title for part five
turned up.
It was going to be called "The Avatar of Syntheses."
I turned the title over and over in my
mind and knew that it was a designation for TuTu and me put
together.
I was a bit uneasy about the thought of writing it openly, but
thought:
"It cannot be helped.
No matter if it appears irritating,
ridiculous or disappointing to some that it is merely us – a foreign
worker, drug addict and alcoholic and a former drug addict and
prostitute – who are the first representatives of the Avatar of
Syntheses, it is my task to write the truth, like I see it here and
now.
Why, I don’t have to take it personally if people have difficulties
believing it."
The last
couple of days something has become clear to me when I woke up, that I
had to write about in this book.
I was sure I would be able to remember it,
but as soon as I was fully awake, I could not get hold of it again.
Now I have become more respectful, and so
I have been faster to react and write down immediately, and this
morning I finally got it: "Number files compress language files, and
language files translate number files."
As soon as I wrote it down, I knew that it
concerned The Tree of Life, which is a graph, illustrating the power
structures in the unfolding of life in the same way as the
library-tree in a computer shows the branching out of Programs, folders,
files and their interrelation.
Because of the power and the force of the
knowledge, it might harm the person, who uses it if it is used
without the required understanding.
The person in question might feel locked in the vice of destiny
because of the fear that can arise, if he/she has a preconceived set
of judgments on emotional energies as being good or evil.
When a he/she looks at the power structures in his/her life by the
help of The Tree of Life with such an attitude, it can lead to
despondency and unfreedom, because he/she can feel overwhelmed by
the thought of some of the streams of energy, which can show up, and
which he/she perceives as evil, because they are painful.
The intention with the knowledge is to liberate him/her in a way,
which makes it possible for him/her to use all types of emotional
energy in the most advantageous way, but this cannot be done if
instead he/she gets paralyzed by those judgments he/she passes on
his/her emotions.
In the hierarchy of the consciousness of
humankind, the knowledge has therefore only been given to chosen
persons who have reached a certain degree of development in the
existential sphere, but now the development of humankind has reached
a stage where time is ripe to pass on the knowledge to the
Fellowship of humankind as a whole.
Now, anybody can use this tree according
to capacity and inclination, and the result of the individual
truth-teller's work with it is exclusively dependent on the talents,
capacity and inclinations of the truth-teller.
This will express itself in how the crown of the tree gets to look, because anybody can expand the explanations according to his/her outlook and temperament.
By the help of the tree,
you can investigate the energy combination of everything by linking
letters and numbers.
Basically, language files consist in the single letters of the
alphabet, and number files consist in the numbers from 0-¥.
They are linked together in a sequence
where a gets number 1, b number 2 and so on, as
illustrated below:
a-1, b-2, c-3, d-4, e-5, f-6, g-7, h-8,
i-9, j-10, k-11, l-12, m-13, n-14, o-15, p-16, q-17, r-18, s-19,
t-20, u-21, v-22, w-23, x-24, y-25, z-26.
Bigger power units are numbers above 9, and here you can read the
energy compound by reading each digit by itself and the combined force
by extracting the sum of the digits.
You can extract the essence of the energy
combination by extracting the sum of the digits and then the sum of
the sum of the digits and so on until you reach a single digit.
If a person extracts these in context with
his/her date of birth, it will indicate where the person focuses
his/her life-energy
to get access to the essence of his/her heart, which is contained
in the sum of the digits in the last but one link and the essence
of the
essence of his/her heart's heart, which is contained in the sum of
the sum of digits in the last link.
Sometimes, it is a multi linked process before you reach the last
two links, and these extra links show
the spreading of the life-energy of the person as compared to the
innermost goal of life, which, in the last but one link is love,
care, compassion and mercy, and in the
last link is unconditional love, care, compassion and mercy.
Every number from 0 to 9 has
a meaning,
which is the root of the tree, a definition, which is the trunk of
the tree, and an explanation, which is the crown of the tree.
An initiating working field could be to look at the power structure in
one’s
personal
name, one’s
family name and one’s
married name and see how the energies are
structured in oneself, in one’s
family and in the family of one’s
spouse, and how these energies play together in
one’s
life circumstances compared to one’s
goal of life.
Another working field could be one’s
date of birth, but only fantasy sets the limits for the possibilities
of using it.
A trained person like TuTu could look at the number of a bus ticket
and say something about the emotions which would be activated during
the bus ride for the holder of the ticket, and then make use of the
energy of these emotions to the maximum advantage.
Meaning of 0: God.
Definition: Every thing and no thing.
Explanation: God is no thing in HimHerself, but changes every thing's
value by being added to the right side, the hierarchy, or left side,
the Fellowship, like 0 is no thing in itself, but changes the value of
all numbers being added to the number.
Meaning of 1: Unity
Definition: Merger
Explanation: At the highest level merger of human self and Spirit
takes place, and at the lowest level merger of human self and the
thinking mind, the ego takes place.
Meaning of 2: Reflection
Definition: Mirroring
Explanation: At the highest level, the beloved is reflected, and at
the lowest level, the thinking mind, the ego is
reflected.
Meaning of 3: Expulsion
Definition: Suffering
Explanation: In three, two forms a couple
and one is cast out, and the outcast is the base of suffering.
Meaning of 4: Balance
Definition: Harmony.
Explanation: Harmony arises as a result of the awareness of God the
Spirit Father, Goddess the Spirit Mother, God the Spirit Son and
Goddess the Spirit Daughter.
Meaning of 5: Life-Elixir
Definition: Fountain of Youth
Explanation: The Fountain of Youth consists in the attainment of the
syntheses of God the Spirit Father, Goddess the Spirit Mother, God the
Spirit Son and Goddess the Spirit Daughter.
Meaning of 6: CreationManifestation
Definition: Love
Explanation: Through love on the physical, ethereal,
emotional, mental, social and spiritual plane, new life is
createdmanifested on each of these planes.
Meaning of 7: Regeneration
Definition: Rest
Explanation: Regeneration of the
life-forces is achieved through rest, where the effects of the
spent energies are absorbed and find their new form on the physical,
ethereal, emotional, mental, social or
spiritual plane.
Meaning of 8: Communication
Definition: Interaction
Explanation: Any interaction between
energies is an expression of communication.
Meaning of
9: Fulfillment
Definition: Limitation
Explanation: When the maximum achievement has been reached,
the limit has been reached and this is fulfillment.
APPENDIX B:
THE FOUR SMALL RINGS OF
PAIN
APPENDIX
E:
THE FOUR NANORINGS OF
PAIN
APPENDIX
F:
THE
FOUR BIG RINGS OF JOY
APPENDIX H:
THE
FOUR MINIRINGS OF JOY
APPENDIX
I:
THE FOUR MICRORINGS OF
JOY
APPENDIX K:
THE SMALL, MINI, MICRO
AND NANORING OF AVARICE
APPENDIX O:
THE SMALL, MINI, MICRO
AND NANORING OF FAITH
APPENDIX
Q
THE
SMALL MINI, MICRO AND NANORING OF LOVE
APPENDIX
R
THE
SMALL, MINI, MICRO AND NANORING OF TRUTH